A/N-
Hello!
Yes, this is my first story. Oh well. Deal with it.
Disclaimer: No, I do not own any of these characters, except Pollentip.
EPISODE 1!
Round 1!
Part 1!
Pollen: *Gray tabby she-cat sitting in a chair by August and holding a microphone in forepaw* Hello, Clans! Welcome to Wipeout: Warriors Edition!
August: *Brown-and-ginger tabby she-cat also holding microphone* I'm August, here with Pollen and Tansy.
Tansy: *Ginger she-cat with leaf-green eyes sitting in front of the course a few fox-lengths away* Today, 24 ordinary cats will try and conquer the biggest, toughest, and most ridiculous obstacle course in the world!
Pollen: The pair of contestants still standing at the end of Wipeout will win 50,000 mice.
August: The first round of obstacles include The Slippery Stairs, The Lollipop Punch, The Big Balls, and The Block Swing. The fastest 6 pairs will advance to the next round!
Pollen: And one step closer to the Wipeout Zone and the 50,000 mice prize!
Tansy: Let's take a look at our first contestants: Barley and Ravenpaw!
Ravenpaw: IdontwanttodothisGetthatcameraawayfromme!
Barley: Get away, you badger! Get away!
August: BADGER?
Pollen: *Ignoring co-host's eccentricities* Ravenpaw looks a bit nervous today. Hopefully, he will overcome that by the end of the show.
August: It looks like Barley isn't exactly thrilled to be here, either. Tansy'd better keep her distance from him.
Tansy: …
Raven: ...
Pollen: Okay, let's get to it!
August: First, Ravenpaw and Barley will have to make their way across the floating platforms to the slippery stairs.
Ravenpaw: ImsoscaredrightnowicanteventhinkNoonetoldmetherewouldbewater.
*Ravenpaw falls into water*
Barley: I must get away from the evil badger!
*Barley races across floating platforms*
Tansy: It's a poor start for Ravenpaw, but maybe Barley's fearfulness will pull them through to the next round!
*Barley reaches the Slippery Stairs*
Barley: Evil badger!
August: STOP SAYING THAT!
*Barley launches himself up the stairs, hindpaws barely skimming the steps, making it to the top while ignoring the gushing torrent of water*
Ravenpaw: SomeonehelpmeoutofthiswaterIcantswimihateobstaclecourses!
August: Barley is doing very well so far, but I can't say the same for his partner.
Pollen: Well, while we wait for those two to finish up, let's see our next contestants.
August: Next pair- Midnight and Purdy!
Pollen: *Hissing* Purdy, you can come out now.
Purdy: When I was a young tom, I-
Tansy: Alright then Purdy. Get on with it.
Purdy: What's an interview again?
Tansy: It's when we ask you questions that will be shown live at your and the four other clans.
August: *Whispering* Umm... Pollen? where's Midnight?
Pollen: I thought she was in the dirtplace.
August: Pollen! We don't have a dirtplace!
Pollen: Well, now would be a good time for a break. *Glances shiftily about*
*Scene changes*
*Tom Announcer*
-Are you tired of having blood on your paws when you walk into camp after killing some-cat?
Tigerstar, Hollyleaf, and Brokenstar: Yes!
-Well, now you don't have too! With the new Squirrelflight's Paw Cleaner! If you call in now, we'll double your offer for only 15 mice! Wow! 15 mice!
*She-cat announcer with a high, fast, squeaky voice*
-Only for buyers over 13 moons. Must show legal papers before buying Squirrelflight's Paw Cleaner.
*Scene Changes*
*Air horn sounds*
Purdy: I'm not sure about this.
*Air horn sounds*
Purdy: Shut it, ya' confounded sound! I'm too old for this.
*Air horn*
Purdy: I ain't going!
Pollen: Go or I'll bring Mousefur back to life!
Purdy: *Runs full-out towards the first obstacle but slams into a concrete support beam and falls into the water*
Tansy: Ooh, that… that was something.
Pollen: Oh, August, did you see that!? I think Purdy and Midnight will be put right out of the game after that hit! …August? Where…?
August: *Faintly, in the distance* MIDNIGHT!
Pollen: Okay, maybe now would be another good time for a break.
*Scene changes*
*Feminine announcer voice*
-Hey, she-cats. Have you and your mate had trouble keeping the den organized?
Squirrelflight: Bramblestar, stop leaving your diary in the entrance! Seedkit read the bad pages after tripping over it!
Bramblestar: Then stop putting your fur dye on my sink!
Bumblestripe: You're not a natural ginger?
Squirrelflight: I'm gonna kill you, Bramblestar!
-Then try the new Easy-Clean Stuff Separator by Ashfoot. Simple to use; just put what belongs to him in one basket and your make-up and vampire novels in the other!
Bramblestar: You read Twilight?
Squirrelflight: THE WARRIORS ONE.
-But wait, there's more! Call 999-999-9992 now and get the all-new Warriors book, Ashfoot's Awesomeness!
Bumblestripe: I don't think that's a real—
-QUIET YOU. So call now!
*Scene changes*
Pollen: And now back tooooo...Warriors Wipeout!
August: Fortunately, Purdy and Midnight won't be joining us, as I hate BADGERS.
Pollen: She means that Purdy had to go to the emergency den. Next up we have… Ferncloud and Ashfur.
Fern: Does my fur look okay, Ashy?
Ash: *Grumbling* It looks fine.
Tansy: So why are you guys on Warriors Wipeout?
Fern: Nevermind that. I want to thank Dustypelt and Spideryboo and Shrewypaw and Holly-bear and Larchykit and...
Ash: *Trying to push Ferncloud off stage* Wouldn't now be a good time for a commercial break?
*Ravenpaw sits by Barely in the barn, watching boredly as mice frolick.*
Raven: ImsoboredNothingeverhappensthoughthat'sgoodbecauseIdon'tlikescarynewthings.
Barley: Yeah, new things are scary. But I miss my mate.
Hattie: *Struts in being adorable* Hello toms. *Leaves*
Raven: Ohmygoshdidyouseethat?
Barley: Maybe she was barn with it.
Mouse: Maybe it was Maybelline!
Barley: Dude, did that mouse just talk? That's terrifying!
*The Maybelline logo floats onto screen, then all is black*
*Scene Changes*
Tansy: Hi again, and welcome back to Warriors Wipeout!
Fern: *In background* And Ashykins and my mommy Brindly….
Tansy: Shut it Ferncloud! Now we'll be interviewing…Flametail and Tawnypelt.
Tawny: So what are you going to ask ask...?
Tansy: I WAS GOING TO SAY, is Flametail happy now?
Flame: Ummm... Idk what you're talking about.
Tawny: Now Flametail, we must use our proper grammer.
Flame: Mom, you spelled grammar wrong!
Tawny: *Tackling cameracat* CUT!
*The screen goes fuzzy, flickers off, then flicks back on*
Pollen: Unfortunately, we had some technical difficulties, and the team of Tawnypelt and Flametail had been disqualified. Now, back to the action!
Tansy: Next up, we have Bumblestripe and Millie.
Millie: Wait, I thought I was going on with my lovely, beautiful, charismatic, clever, charming, intelligent, perfect daughter Briarlight. I'm out; sorry kid.
Bumble: Wait! No! I don't have a partner now!
August: Easily resolved, my dear Bumblestripe! I'll simply pull a name out of Tansy's Diary. *Whips out thick leather-bound book and opens* Who's this Ash guy with the hearts?
Tansy: What?
Pollen: *Taking book with a furious death-glare* What she means is, let's pull a name out of allegiances. Eeiny, meiny…
August: JUST PICK ONE.
Pollen: You, are, it.
Tigerheart: *Falls from sky beside Bumble* Wha? Where am I? *Sees Tansy* Whoa, you look like my brother, only a pretty she-cat.
Bumble: Ugh! I can't run the course with him! He used to like my mate!
Tansy: Technically, she's not your mate. Wait, did he call me pretty?
Bumble: Erin confirmed it! I won't do it.
Pollen: Not even for 50,000 mice?
*Air horn blows and Bumble starts course.*
Bumble: So, how do I do the uh… slippery stairs?
Pollen: Elementary! Simply climb up and then down the stairs without your front paws touching the stairs as you push your way past the six thousand gallons of water rushing upward across the stairs!
August: *Whispering* Um, Pollen, that's for the human's run next Friday. Remember, they decided to let us host that while the normal guys are in police custody?
Pollen: Right. Well then, just… good luck!
Bumble: *Teetering on hind paws* I can't do this! It's not possible!
Pollen: Well, Ivypool was able to do it when she was training in the Dark Forest. Tigerstar helped us plan the course, and the recruits made sure everything would work out.
August: IVYPOOL SHOULD HAVE BEEN WITH YOU, BUMBLE! YOU WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER!
Pollen: *Hissing softly* Stop caps raging, August. We're wasting time; the Erins have made up their minds. We need to finish this before the commercial break. *Much Louder* Hurry up, Bumblestripe!
Bumble: *Steps onto first stair case. A colossal tidal wave of water rushes forth and he falls backwards into the water*
Tiger: Please. You're pathetic. *Runs through the water easily and lands on the other side*
Bumble: *Spiting up water* Hey, didn't you train in the DF? That's not fair!
Tiger: I didn't work with this episode's team. That's why I was allowed on. It's just my raw talent that makes me great. *Turns coldly away from Bumble and makes it easily passed the next obstacle*
August: Pwnage!
Tawny: Incorrect grammar, badger!
Pollen: NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU MOUSE-BRAINED FOOL!? YOU HAVE SET YOUR FATE IN STONE!
August: WHAT DID YA'LL CALL ME!?
Tawny: "Ya'll" is not a word, badger.
August: …*Slashes off Tawny's ear*
Tansy: Owned! She just made a Bible reference!
August: FOR NARNIA! *Leaps on Tawny, screaming and caterwauling with utter rage, fangs ripping and claws shredding*
Tansy: Owned! She just made a—
Bumble: *Climbing drenched onto finish platform* WE KNOW.
*Scene Changes*
Hawfrost: I tried so many fur care products, but my fur just didn't look gorgeous enough. *Shakes fur luxuriously*
Brokenstar: Catene Cat Shampoo promises a solution! All new Catene reinvented to make your fur as handsome as mine!
Hawkfrost: I didn't believe it at first, but look at what Catene has done for me! *Shows of silky-smooth shiny fur*
Brokenstar: With all new Catene, your fur will look good all moon!
Hawkfrost: And all the she-cats think I'm the most good looking tom in the Dark Forest.
Brokenstar and Hawkfrost: Catene Cat Shampoo. For the handsome tom.
*Scene Changes*
Tansy: So our next contestants are Squirrelflight and Hollyleaf… wait, isn't…?
Pollen: Hush, badger! We are a spoiler-free zone here at Warriors Wipeout!
August: *Discontented* Badger? What badger?
Pollen: That's what I call Tansy. It's a whole thing.
August: …I HATE BADGERS! SHUN THE SPOILER-BADGER TANSY-KITTY!
Tansy: ...O_o
Squirrel: So, are you gonna interview us or something?
Holly: No way, fake-mom. I'm so totally on TV! *Throwing herself in front of the camera* Like, hey Fallen Leaves! Love ya baby!
Tansy: Uh, what's her problem?
Squirrel: Well, when we were battling the Dark Forest, she hit her head on a rock. She's been kind of off lately.
Pollen: Wait, what? I thought…
August: SHUN THE SPOILER-BADGER POLLEN-KITTY!
Squirrel: Yeah, Erin sort of… stressed the truth to make it seem more dramatic. Hollyleaf is fine… sort of.
Pollen: Well, this isn't an interview show, so let's get right to the action!
Holly: Oh. My. Gosh. I can NOT get my fur wet.
Tansy: *Pushing Hollyleaf whilst whistling* Oops!
Holly: AUGHHHHHHHHH! *Utterly misses obstacles and falls onto the finishing platform* AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. Wait… I'm done.
*Scene changes*
Firestar: Hey out there, all you radical young elderly cats still in service!
Sandstorm: What!? What did you say!?
Dustpelt: Quit your shoutin'! I'm trying to watch the Wheel on the TV set! Confounded old she-cats…
Blackstar: What the…? Why you youngsters! Get off of my den entrance! I may be old, but I've still got some fire in my belly!
Firestar: Have you been having trouble keeping up with the hustle and bustle of daily life? Well, have I got the solution for you! It's….
THE ALL-NEW PRUNE JUICE!
Ashfoot: I like me some prune juice. But what does that have to do with anything?
Firestar: Simple! The All-New Prune Juice increases balance, agility, strength, hearing, and memory!
Reedwhisker: Hey, mom! ThunderClan moved the border up again! Should I send a raid to their camp tonight, or tomorrow morning?
Mistystar: …..Who are you?
Firestar: So try it today! The All-New New Prune Juice, found in all participating Petsmarts and Mouse-fil-a's!
*Fast announcer*
-WARNING: New prune juice may cause: itchiness, hallucinations, loss of fur, loss of teeth, loss of appetite, loss of thirst, loss of voice, loss of stuffed animals, irritation of skin, headaches, mild internal bleeding, desire to throw objects, depression, wanting to put –y after names, mooing, hatred of badgers and/or communists. Consult your medicine cat before trying.
*Scene changes*
Tansy: Let's welcome our next contestants: Yellowfang and Brokenstar!
August: AH! BADGER-KITTY'S BACK! SHUN BADGER-KITTY!
Pollen: August, calm down. She's just doing an interview.
Tansy: Well...moving on.
Broken: Get on with it already!
Yellowfang: Now, son, mind your manners and let the nice badger interview us.
August: I HATE BADGERS!
Tansy: I know...I know. So Brokenstar, why are you here today?
Brokenstar: Mom thinks if she spends more time with me I'll be a nicer cat.
Yellowfang: Don't slouch, Broken-baby! You're on TV!
Pollen: Yellowfang, didn't you...
August: SHUN THE SPOILER-BADGER POLLEN KITTY!
Pollen: What? I wasn't going to say...okay, I was. Sorry, August.
Yellowfang: If you're asking if I love my Broken-baby, you're so right!
Tansy: Yeah...okay. I don't know what to ask next, so I'm just going to end the interview now.
Broken: Good. You're a terrible interviewer. Not one question on my amazing leadership skills or gorgeous fur!
Yellow: She doesn't care about your fur! And you kicked me out of the Clan! What kind of leadership skills are those?
Tansy: Okay, you two. Break it up so we can get to the rest of the show.
*Airhorn sounds*
Pollen: Now let's catch up with Brokenstar who's approaching the Big Red Balls.
Broken: Hm... How to go about making it across? I guess I could find a kit, tie a rope to its tail, throw it across, have it bite the platform on the otherside, then get Darkstripe to poison it so it won't squirm while I tightrope across.
August: ...
Tansy:...
Pollen: ...
Yellow: He's not that bad when you get to know him! GO MY LITTLE BROKEN-BABY!
(End of Part 1)