I Won't Forget You
Paul watched as Kim giggled from Jared's lap, her russet skin flushing just a hair darker. He could have easily listened in and known what it was that Jared had said to make her blush, but Paul had learned a long time ago not to bite off more than he could chew. He was happy for his best friend – truly, he was. Jared deserved to be happy, and Kim obviously adored him. It shouldn't be a surprise that they worked so well together, after all, she was his imprint. Paul's anger was his own, and he wouldn't push that burden off on anyone else.
He was good at keeping his mind silent during phases – and just to be sure, he had Sam alpha order him to not think about anything before becoming a wolf while phased. The older man had been confused, but respected Paul's privacy. Nearly rolling his eyes, Paul wordlessly stood and made his way out back of Sam's house. They pack gathered here more often than not, but Paul tried to stay away. At first, phasing had been amazing, until day three hit and Jared imprinted.
The two men hadn't talked about what had happened before they phased, or about how Jared had stopped talking to Paul all together before he joined the pack two weeks later. It shouldn't have bothered Paul – he knew he had no ground to stand on. Jared had been his best friend, and they had been close… too close. Paul squeezed his eyes shut as images of heated kisses and sweat-slicked skin flashed through his mind. The first time, they had blamed it on being drunk. The second time was because they were simply horny and were wondering if it was as good as they remembered. The third time… they didn't speak the third time. If they had spoken, they would have to acknowledge that they were willingly fucking each other. But it was more than that – more than fucking. In the weeks before Jared phased for the first time, things had been… different. There were lingered touches and chaste kisses. There were movie nights were they would pretend not to notice as their legs intertwined where they met in the middle of the couch. There was something… tender.
"Yo, man!" Jared's voice pulled him from his memories as he entered the familiar woods in the same spot Paul had. "You alright? You seem off."
"I'm fine." Paul barked back. It was easier this way. If he was angry, he wouldn't have the time to be hurt. Had he imagined it all? Not the passionate nights, but the feelings that he swore they had both shared. "Just go back to your perfect-fucking-imprint." His sneer nearly fell at the confusion and hurt in Jared's eyes… but it was better this way.
"Dude, what do you have against Kim? She's like the sweetest girl ever. She knows you don't like her and it upsets her. That's not cool, man." He shoved his hands deep in his pockets, a frown pulling at his lips. "Did-I… did I do something to piss you off?"
Paul gave a short, humorless laugh. "No. Of course not. I probably just made the whole fucking thing up." He was a masochist – it was the only explanation. Why else would he be bringing this up now?
Jared's brows furrowed as he tried to understand, and then slowly, his face softened as the realization dawned on him. With a heavy sigh, he ran a hand through his hair. "Paul… you know I… I didn't have any control over the imprint. If I hadn't… I don't know, man… maybe things would have been like they were before, but we never really talked about it, you know? We avoided talking about it."
"What was I supposed to say, Jare?" Paul's voice cracked a bit as the old nickname stumbled past his lips. "We live on a reservation where everyone knows who we are! Do you think they would still see us as heroes if they knew we-" He winced, unable to force the words past his lips. "Just go back to your perfect Kim."
"That's your problem, Paul!" Jared nearly cried as he took a step forward. Jared was probably the only one that didn't truly fear Paul when he was angry. "You can't even say it!" His eyes searched Paul's face as his gaze dropped away. "Say it, Paul! Gay! We-" he gestured between them "- were gay – are gay! Shit, I don't know anymore!" Jared shook his head and looked upward to the dark canopy as he tried to gather his emotions. "My imprint isn't perfect. I love Kim, it's true. I love her because of the imprint. I love her in a way that indescribable, but I'm in love with you, Paul." His voice was pained as their eyes met. "I was then, and I am now. I don't know what to do about it…"
Paul had wanted to hear that – to hear that his feelings weren't just his own… that he hadn't imagined the love they had shared. "Shit." He hissed as Jared's eyes grew watery. He knew Jared hated looking weak. His dad had been a real piece of shit, just like Paul's old man, and always berated Jared for crying. Catching Jared around the back of the neck, he pulled the shorter boy into him until they were wrapping each other in a familiar embrace. Although Jared didn't speak, Paul could feel the way his jaw quivered against his shoulder. What now?
"I still love you…" Paul's whisper was nearly inaudible. How long had he been keeping that bottled up? They hadn't spoken those words before the shift, and Paul was sure that he would die without Jared ever knowing the truth. "But you imprinted… She's the best option for you." The words were like acid in his mouth, but they were true. No one would whisper if Jared and Kim got married. No one would slur hateful words at them or tell them their love was wrong. She would give him a normal home… a family. She would love him in an open and honest way the way Paul never could.
"I would have chosen you…" The whisper was enough to make Paul tense. Jared's words… they were unthinkable. No one had ever spoken against their imprint, not even Quil who imprinted on a fucking two-year-old. "If I could undo it, I would. I love Kim, but I'll never really love her the way I love you." Jared pulled back to look at Paul, his face tear-free despite the fact that Paul could hear the want to cry in his voice.
"Me too…" Paul admitted, slowly running his thumb over Jared's cheek and smiling sadly when the younger man leaned into his touch. "I would have put up with it all. I would have told the council to go fuck themselves. Shit, I would have moved off the rez if that's what it took…" They took a long moment to imagine what that alternate reality might look like… what it might feel like. "But you imprinted on Kim." He sighed, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead against Jared's. "And maybe one day I'll imprint too and we can forget-"
"I don't want to forget, Paul." To Paul's surprise, Jared's lips caught his in a slow, tender kiss. Much like the one they had shared all those months ago. "I couldn't ever forget you…"
AN: Okay, I officially hate myself. I promise, I didn't intend for this one shot to be sad. It was just an idea I had, and thought, hey, that could be sweet. But damn if I didn't almost make myself cry! So, that being said, how would you guys feel about this being turned into a full on fic? Like, I'd start it before the phase and go past this point and see how everything works out? It's something I'm interested in doing, I'm just not sure if anyone would want to read that. You don't really see a lot of full on M/M stories in this fandom that aren't just Edward and Jacob. So, if you want this to be a full on story, leave a review saying so!