Nothing In This World
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
This is just a short little fic written at 11:20 PM at night when I was tired and experiencing the feels. Hope you enjoy.
Summary: A missing moment between Stiles and Lydia before the sacrifice in 3x11, where Lydia has second thoughts and finds out what it's like to have a panic attack.
Note: I'm sorry if anyone thinks I didn't accurately portray what it is like to have a panic attack, I was drawing from personal experience and everyone is different.
Lydia Martin paced back and forth in the front room of Beacon Hills Animal Clinic, shaking out her hands as she tried to regulate her breathing.
It had seemed like the best possible choice in theory, having Stiles, Scott and Allison act as the surrogate sacrifices for their parents, but as Deaton prepared the ice baths, Lydia had made the decision to step away from the group so she didn't freak out in front of everyone.
She wouldn't have been comfortable with holding her best friend down, but when Deaton had told her to go with Stiles instead, after declaring that it had to be someone with a strong connection, like an emotional tether, the feeling of butterflies knowing she was Stiles's tether had quickly disappeared and morphed into fear.
She couldn't hold Stiles under freezing cold water until he drowned. There was no way. She wouldn't be able to stand there and put him through that. There must have been another way. If they just had some time, they could find another, safer way. But they didn't have time, and any moment now, Deaton or one of her friends would call her back and she would have to drown the honey-eyed boy she had kissed for the first time only hours before. She felt sick.
Biting her lip, she ran a hand through her hair, trying to fight against the nausea that was brewing in her stomach. There was a rising feeling of dread in her body, her entire chest feeling heavy as though it was collapsing in on itself. Tears were brimming in her wide green eyes, and her lungs struggled to get the air it needed.
Suddenly, she had an overwhelming feeling of need. She needed Stiles. She needed him now.
"Lydia? Deaton says it's time, so -"
The tall boy stumbled back with the force of her small body crashing into his, before his strong arms wrapped themselves around her shivering body protectively.
"Lydia, what's wrong?"
"I can't do it, Stiles." She gasped, her hand bunching the fabric of his t-shirt into a ball under her grasp,"I can't."
"Lydia, you can't what?"
"I-I can't... I can't, I just, no, I can't. You can't ask me to do it. I-I can't do it."
She felt Stiles tip her head up so he could look at her, and then his hands were cupping her face so gently as he locked his gaze onto hers,"Lydia, look at me."
Lydia sobbed, hiccuping with each cry, shutting her eyes closed and feeling every part of her body turn so light she felt like she wasn't really there. His voice was distant, but it was there, and her knees buckled. She would have collapsed in a heap on the ground had he not been holding her up.
"Lydia, you need to look at me." Stiles's voice was gentle but firm as he led her over to the chairs in the corner, sat her down and knelt down in front of her,"Lydia, open your eyes. Come on, baby."
Lydia forced her eyes to open, forced her green orbs to focus on his eyes even as her head pounded and her body swayed. Everything was turning out so wrong.
Had it really been hours since that private moment between them in the locker room, where they had been kissing, and in the midst of all the chaos, they had shared that one perfect moment? Hours since Lydia had had some hope that things were looking up? How had things gotten so much worse than they already were?
He was speaking to her again, pushing her hair back from her face and stroking her face with such care that it only made her cry more. She couldn't lose him. Not when she had only just found him.
"Lydia, it's okay."
"I can't br- breathe."
"You can if you just focus. Here, take my hand, we'll do it together, okay?"
Lydia nodded, grasping his hand tightly in her own. Stiles took a deep breath in, motioning for her to do the same.
"Okay, deep breathe in. Hold it. You're okay, just look at me. Now, let it go."
This continued for a few moments before Lydia finally felt like she could breathe again. Her chest still ached, and her stomach was waging war, but the feeling of finally getting air into her lungs was marvelous. Her limbs were tingling, her heartbeat crashing against her chest, but she could breathe again. Lydia slid off the seat, landing practically on Stiles's lap on the cold linoleum floor, burying her head in the space between his neck and his shoulder. Stiles's fingers brushed the length of her spine, his soft lips pressed against the side of her head as she continued taking her deep breaths, the scent of him more relaxing than anything.
They were silent for a while, just sitting there in the dark, tangled in each other before Lydia spoke.
"Stiles," She whimpered,"What if it doesn't work? What if you don't come back?"
"Deaton knows what he's doing."
"But what if he doesn't? How can you be so okay with his? How are you so calm?"
"Because I'm doing it for my father." Stiles answered as she pulled back to look at him. He smiled, reaching up to brush away a stray tear,"Besides, I've got you. You're my tether, and you're way too stubborn to let me die. If anything, you'd bring me back just to kill me yourself for being so reckless."
Lydia giggled, pushing his chest playfully, even though the tears kept coming,"Don't you forget it."
"You wouldn't let me." Stiles smirked,"Plus, you and me, we've got unfinished business."
Lydia blushed,"Yes, we do."
"Uh, guys?" A voice from the doorway drew their attention away from each other, and a very sheepish looking Isaac Lahey grinned shyly back at them,"Deaton says it's time."
"We'll be right there." Stiles nodded, and Isaac disappeared, letting the door shut to allow the couple a few more moments of privacy. Lydia reluctantly climbed off Stiles and extending her hand to help him up. Stiles took her into his arms and hugged her tightly.
"Please..." She whispered brokenly, pulling back from him,"Please just come back to me."
Stiles sucked in his lips, and then cupped her face, bringing her lips to his in a slow kiss. Lydia tried not to burst into tears again as she tenderly placed her hands on his, and held them.
The kiss broke, and she was in his arms again, breathing in his comforting scent as his lips brushed against the outer shell of her ear.
"Lydia, there is nothing in this world that would stop me from coming back to you."