Author's Note: Why hello there! If you're here reading this, I want to thank you for taking time out to read it! It was an idea that came to me while I was thinking of writing another story, so I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if Lucius had to babysit the Black brats one time? Purebloods obviously wanted their children around each other. Of course, if you add Sirius to the mix, you'll get insanity.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Harry Potter universe.
Eight year old Sirius Black swung his legs back and forth in anticipation. His parents stupidly allowed him to be alone with thirteen year old Lucius Malfoy, a bigoted jerk who never shut his trap regarding Muggle-borns and blood traitors. Sirius wasn't stupid in regarding the concern between the Muggle and magical world. He enjoyed learning about those who don't know how to use magic. At times he'd even steal his parents wands to teach them a lesson about "being in another's shoes." Naturally, for young Sirius Black, that lesson often backfired. For his actions, his parents decided for perfect Pureblood Lucius to babysit the children while the adults went out.
"Why is your hair so blond?"
Lucius looked up from his Potions book to give the boy a quizzical look. That was the first time the little bugger had finally spoken, and he dared to ask such a stupid question? Didn't his parents raise him better than that? Lucius scoffed in his head, remembering Mrs. Black's careful warning,
"Don't be bothered with what Sirius does; it'll just be a trap. He'll do anything to make you want to kill him. Merlin knows how many a times I've wanted to strangle him."
"It's because my parents have blond hair."
"Oh," Sirius replied, "why is it so shiny?"
The thirteen year old stared at the oldest Black with pure curiosity. Sirius was busy glancing around the room, occasionally meeting Lucius' eyes. He was an odd boy, Lucius admitted. He didn't seem quite like a little terror his parents made him out to be.
"I take good care of it," was the only reply. Sirius shrugged and began to hum a little tune. His head began to bob along with the song; his hands began to tap against the wooden chair. Overall he seemed happy, so Lucius let it slide.
It wasn't until ten minutes later and a volume change until Lucius snapped his book shut and glared daggers at Sirius. "Can you stop that?"
"Stop what?" Sirius asked innocently. Regulus stifled a giggle from his spot on the ground. One look from Lucius and the six year old began to play with his miniature dragons once more. "That wasn't nice to do to my brother. He might be annoying, but he's my annoyance."
"I-" Lucius was stumped. Was this want Mrs. Black meant by Sirius trapping innocent bystanders: to look innocent and sweet one minute before being defiant the next?
"You shouldn't be so mean to the kids you're watching," Sirius said mischievously, "especially if they like to cause trouble."
"Trouble? I don't want any trouble."
Sirius was up from his seat and began to slowly walk towards Lucius. The Malfoy heir was scared – Black children were known to be dangerously cunning, even at a young age. It was in their blood. Bellatrix was a fine example of insanity at a young age, and from how Sirius was acting, he seemed to have inherited the gene. The eight year boy seemed crazed, slightly hunched over with a menacing grin on his face. Regulus, Lucius noted, seemed not to care one bit. It was final: Lucius was alone in this mess.
"Come here, Lucy!"
Lucius shot up from his chair and maneuvered himself to cower behind it. Sirius cackled in glee as he quickened his pace, reaching out in front of him to grab any part of Lucius. He looked mad, and the youngest brother didn't care. He simply played with his Hungarian Horntail dragon on the rug.
"Ah! Watch out, Muggles! He's coming to get you!" Regulus shouted, making the dragon swoop down towards the floor. Lucius couldn't help but feel like he was in a similar situation.
"I told you I didn't want to cause trouble!" Lucius stated, dodging a swat from the eight year old. Sirius screeched like an owl and jumped onto the chair. In surprise, Lucius lost his footing and fell to the ground. Regulus frowned as his miniatures fell over from the shake, but Sirius used his lithe body to steady himself.
"You can never escape me!" Sirius yelled with his arms in the air. He jumped down from the chair and used his weight to propel himself on top of Lucius. The older boy shrieked and tried to push Sirius off his body, but the younger boy began to flail violently. "You shall never escape the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black! We'll mount your head on a plaque just to make sure you never leave! You'll look lovely next to Kreacher!"
"Get off me! Get off me!" Lucius repeated, trying to grab an arm or a leg to pull Sirius off of him. "Kreacher! Help me! Please!"
With a small pop! the house-elf entered the room. He gave one look to Regulus, who only shook his head. "How can Kreacher help today?"
"Go away, Kreacher!" Sirius said, purposely pulling a bit of Lucius' hair out. When the house-elf didn't budge, he spat, "go back to your duties! This doesn't concern you, nor are you allowed to tell anyone about this!"
"You can leave," Regulus whispered to his friend. With another pop! the aging house-elf left, leaving Sirius to openly attack Lucius. Regulus, however, was getting tired of his brother's antics. "Can you stop, Sirius? Mother isn't going to like this."
"Mother this, Mother that! She obviously didn't care as she left Lucy with us!" Sirius cackled mirthlessly. "Did Mother even bother to warn you about me? I'm a babysitter's worst nightmare!"
At that opportune moment, Lucius pushed Sirius off his chest and ran as fast as he could. The two Black brothers heard the older boy run all the way up to the topmost floor and slammed the door shut. More footsteps followed, and Sirius realized that Lucius locked himself in the closet in one of the guest bedrooms. Once it was quiet, he began to laugh hysterically.
"Merlin, did you see the look on his face? He's older, and he couldn't hand me? No defensive magic to stop me! Those Malfoy's are pathetic!"
"He didn't even do anything," Regulus pointed out. "I liked him."
"You like everyone."
"You hate everyone."
"Yes, but that's because everyone our parents know are complete tossers," Sirius said sourly. "They don't know anyone fun."
Regulus placed his dragon back in his cage, a thought looming in his tiny mind. "What didn't you like about him, Sirius?"
"His hair was too perfect for my liking."