To Die
By: Keiko Nakamoto
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon. Did you think I did? Wow, really? Oh. No? Well, I don't so...
Notes: I haven't slept all night. Now it's 7:07 AM. I'm depressed, I've been crying since 3:12 AM. Comedies are my thing, but I'm just not in the mood, so sorry. It's sort of shoujo ai, but see, I'm not in the mood to make this a real sweet love story so...yeah. But it's there and you've been warned.
~ # ~
Death...a word heavy laden with fear, spite, and sadness. To die. An action involving loss of life. Nothing more. Just something painfully simple. To pass away. A 'gentler' way of saying 'to die'. How can one try to soften death? That's as foolish as challenging God Himself. So why, why do we continue living if it all leads to death in the end? Ya know, I have no clue how some people can go on, knowing that everything they do is useless, meaningless, pointless. Barely a scratch in some infinite time.
"Now, what are you moping about?" Seiya said, sitting down next to me. I glared at her.
"Nothing." I hissed. She blinked.
"Ri-ight..." she said. She rolled her eyes. "Stop lying, what's wrong?"
"NOTHING!" I stood up and started to walk away.
"Yaten, wait." Seiya said. I turned and glared at her, again. She sighed. "Please. What's wrong?"
"Why the hell do you think there's always something wrong!?" I spat. She looked surprised.
"Look Yaten, I just wanted to know if I could help..." she said, raising her hands in front of her and backing away.
"Just...leave me alone." I said with a sigh. She left and I retreated to my room, and to my thoughts.
Suicide...the act of taking one's own life. 'Taking' one's own life? I don't see how you can 'take' a life. It's illogical. You can eliminate a life, not take it. Taking is the act of acquiring something by removing it from someone or something else's possession. If you take something it must be something that you can keep. You can't keep a 'taken' life. Once life is eliminated it cannot be retrieved. Some people believe in 'reincarnation'. That's a load of bull. Once you die, you're gone. Forever. No ifs, buts, or maybes. Gone. I sighed.
And once a person is gone, they are eventually forgotten. It is for this reason that no one can truly make a 'difference'. There are a few who are still remembered, but they were history makers, and nowadays there isn't that same kind of history to be made. There isn't a place on this planet that hasn't been inhabited, and that only really leaves arts or inventions. Inventors are forgotten. For example, do you remember the name of the man or woman that invented the fork? Or how about the person who invented books with covers and paper pages with ink letters on them? Sure, some people might know, but only a select few.
The Arts. Music, literature, art itself. These are near impossible to become truly famous in. A few are remembered and celebrated for a long time, but most fade away. Leonardo DaVinci, Beethoven, Shakespeare. Men from Earth. You know who they are as well as I do, but think of the millions of painters, musicians, and authors you've never heard of and never will hear of. There are a lot. So you have to be truly fortunate to make a real difference. I was not one of those people who would ever make any difference.
One of the only other reasons that people continue living is for others, for love. What a joke. No one truly loved me. Not Seiya, not Taiki, not Kakyuu, not Minako, not even Usagi with her big heart could love me. I would make no difference, I was not loved, I would be forgotten. So I pulled it out from under my mattress.
Cold silver, shining. I drew a quick breath as I firmly slid the blade across my wrist. I watched in sick fascination as my red blood seeped out of the wound. I quickly repeated the procedure on my other wrist. The blood fell, instantly staining my white carpet. I watched my own blood leave me for a few minutes when I began to feel faint. Alone, I crumpled to the floor. Blood splattering all over me and the room as my arms hit the ground. I collided so hard with the floor that I coughed up a bit of blood and I lay there. I could feel the blood pouring out of me. Out of my wrists, out of my mouth and nose. I shuddered as everything became hazy and the outside rim of my vision blurred to black. I felt as if a dark veil had been placed over my eyes.
"Yaten?" Seiya knocked on my door.
'Shit.' I thought. 'She must have heard me fall.'
"You okay? It sounded like something fell."
I tried to answer, but I found that I had lost too much strength to form an answer loud enough for her to hear through my door.
"Yaten?" she tried the doorknob and found it locked. I coughed again and I know Seiya heard me. "Yaten! Are you alright? Yaten!"
She was pounding on the door now.
"...go...way..." I murmured, even though I knew she couldn't hear me. She rammed the door open and I saw her hands fly to her mouth in shock. I knew I was covered in blood, and it was still flowing. I could feel it. I could hardly see, but everywhere I looked, the carpet, my bed spread, myself, everything was splattered with the blood from when I fell.
"...Yaten..." Seiya gasped. She turned around and yelled. "TAIKI! TAIKI GET THE HELL OVER HERE!"
"...go...'way..." I mumbled again. Seiya stumbled forward, still in partial shock and kneeled down. She picked me up and cradled me in her arms. I felt so small, like a fragile porcelain doll the way she held me.
"I'm not going away..." she said firmly. She gingerly lifted one of my wrists and tried vainly to make it stop bleeding. Tears flooded her eyes. "Why?"
I turned my head away from her. I could barely see, but I didn't want the feeling of her looking at my bloodied face. I heard Taiki run into the room and gasp.
"Yaten!" she wailed, I felt her fast footsteps race over and I heard her kneel down. I felt Seiya show her my wrist.
"She slit her wrists." Seiya said mournfully. No shit I slit my wrists, genius. Taiki wrapped something around both cuts and I felt the bleeding slow.
"...stop..." I managed, through labored breaths. "Lea'me 'lone...lemme...die..."
At this remark, I heard Seiya choke back a sob. I closed my eyes. Wasn't like I could see out of them anymore, anyway. I shivered as my body became very, very cold. I felt my body begin to go numb. Why couldn't they just leave me. Leave me to die alone. I didn't want them here! Why did they stay...then I heard it. Seiya had laid her head on mine, and was burying her face in my hair.
"...love you..." she whispered, her tears wetting my hair. "I love you so much!"
I strained to open my eyes, and I tried to force my blurry vision to clear. I looked up at Seiya and I realized something. I loved her too.
"...love you..." I choked out. Seiya's eyes widened and she clutched me tighter, as if to stop my life from leaving me. "...sor...ry..."
Was this what it's like? Is this how it feels...to die? I heard Seiya's strangled cry as I slipped away. Then everything went black.
~ Owari
By: Keiko Nakamoto
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon. Did you think I did? Wow, really? Oh. No? Well, I don't so...
Notes: I haven't slept all night. Now it's 7:07 AM. I'm depressed, I've been crying since 3:12 AM. Comedies are my thing, but I'm just not in the mood, so sorry. It's sort of shoujo ai, but see, I'm not in the mood to make this a real sweet love story so...yeah. But it's there and you've been warned.
~ # ~
Death...a word heavy laden with fear, spite, and sadness. To die. An action involving loss of life. Nothing more. Just something painfully simple. To pass away. A 'gentler' way of saying 'to die'. How can one try to soften death? That's as foolish as challenging God Himself. So why, why do we continue living if it all leads to death in the end? Ya know, I have no clue how some people can go on, knowing that everything they do is useless, meaningless, pointless. Barely a scratch in some infinite time.
"Now, what are you moping about?" Seiya said, sitting down next to me. I glared at her.
"Nothing." I hissed. She blinked.
"Ri-ight..." she said. She rolled her eyes. "Stop lying, what's wrong?"
"NOTHING!" I stood up and started to walk away.
"Yaten, wait." Seiya said. I turned and glared at her, again. She sighed. "Please. What's wrong?"
"Why the hell do you think there's always something wrong!?" I spat. She looked surprised.
"Look Yaten, I just wanted to know if I could help..." she said, raising her hands in front of her and backing away.
"Just...leave me alone." I said with a sigh. She left and I retreated to my room, and to my thoughts.
Suicide...the act of taking one's own life. 'Taking' one's own life? I don't see how you can 'take' a life. It's illogical. You can eliminate a life, not take it. Taking is the act of acquiring something by removing it from someone or something else's possession. If you take something it must be something that you can keep. You can't keep a 'taken' life. Once life is eliminated it cannot be retrieved. Some people believe in 'reincarnation'. That's a load of bull. Once you die, you're gone. Forever. No ifs, buts, or maybes. Gone. I sighed.
And once a person is gone, they are eventually forgotten. It is for this reason that no one can truly make a 'difference'. There are a few who are still remembered, but they were history makers, and nowadays there isn't that same kind of history to be made. There isn't a place on this planet that hasn't been inhabited, and that only really leaves arts or inventions. Inventors are forgotten. For example, do you remember the name of the man or woman that invented the fork? Or how about the person who invented books with covers and paper pages with ink letters on them? Sure, some people might know, but only a select few.
The Arts. Music, literature, art itself. These are near impossible to become truly famous in. A few are remembered and celebrated for a long time, but most fade away. Leonardo DaVinci, Beethoven, Shakespeare. Men from Earth. You know who they are as well as I do, but think of the millions of painters, musicians, and authors you've never heard of and never will hear of. There are a lot. So you have to be truly fortunate to make a real difference. I was not one of those people who would ever make any difference.
One of the only other reasons that people continue living is for others, for love. What a joke. No one truly loved me. Not Seiya, not Taiki, not Kakyuu, not Minako, not even Usagi with her big heart could love me. I would make no difference, I was not loved, I would be forgotten. So I pulled it out from under my mattress.
Cold silver, shining. I drew a quick breath as I firmly slid the blade across my wrist. I watched in sick fascination as my red blood seeped out of the wound. I quickly repeated the procedure on my other wrist. The blood fell, instantly staining my white carpet. I watched my own blood leave me for a few minutes when I began to feel faint. Alone, I crumpled to the floor. Blood splattering all over me and the room as my arms hit the ground. I collided so hard with the floor that I coughed up a bit of blood and I lay there. I could feel the blood pouring out of me. Out of my wrists, out of my mouth and nose. I shuddered as everything became hazy and the outside rim of my vision blurred to black. I felt as if a dark veil had been placed over my eyes.
"Yaten?" Seiya knocked on my door.
'Shit.' I thought. 'She must have heard me fall.'
"You okay? It sounded like something fell."
I tried to answer, but I found that I had lost too much strength to form an answer loud enough for her to hear through my door.
"Yaten?" she tried the doorknob and found it locked. I coughed again and I know Seiya heard me. "Yaten! Are you alright? Yaten!"
She was pounding on the door now.
"...go...way..." I murmured, even though I knew she couldn't hear me. She rammed the door open and I saw her hands fly to her mouth in shock. I knew I was covered in blood, and it was still flowing. I could feel it. I could hardly see, but everywhere I looked, the carpet, my bed spread, myself, everything was splattered with the blood from when I fell.
"...Yaten..." Seiya gasped. She turned around and yelled. "TAIKI! TAIKI GET THE HELL OVER HERE!"
"...go...'way..." I mumbled again. Seiya stumbled forward, still in partial shock and kneeled down. She picked me up and cradled me in her arms. I felt so small, like a fragile porcelain doll the way she held me.
"I'm not going away..." she said firmly. She gingerly lifted one of my wrists and tried vainly to make it stop bleeding. Tears flooded her eyes. "Why?"
I turned my head away from her. I could barely see, but I didn't want the feeling of her looking at my bloodied face. I heard Taiki run into the room and gasp.
"Yaten!" she wailed, I felt her fast footsteps race over and I heard her kneel down. I felt Seiya show her my wrist.
"She slit her wrists." Seiya said mournfully. No shit I slit my wrists, genius. Taiki wrapped something around both cuts and I felt the bleeding slow.
"...stop..." I managed, through labored breaths. "Lea'me 'lone...lemme...die..."
At this remark, I heard Seiya choke back a sob. I closed my eyes. Wasn't like I could see out of them anymore, anyway. I shivered as my body became very, very cold. I felt my body begin to go numb. Why couldn't they just leave me. Leave me to die alone. I didn't want them here! Why did they stay...then I heard it. Seiya had laid her head on mine, and was burying her face in my hair.
"...love you..." she whispered, her tears wetting my hair. "I love you so much!"
I strained to open my eyes, and I tried to force my blurry vision to clear. I looked up at Seiya and I realized something. I loved her too.
"...love you..." I choked out. Seiya's eyes widened and she clutched me tighter, as if to stop my life from leaving me. "...sor...ry..."
Was this what it's like? Is this how it feels...to die? I heard Seiya's strangled cry as I slipped away. Then everything went black.
~ Owari