Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS Los Angeles or it's characters.
Author's Note: Ever since I watched Season 3 Episode 10, 'The Debt', Kensi's reaction to Deeks being fired stayed in my head. I have been working on this story for almost six months now. I have wrote the complete story, revisited it several times and every time I revisited it, I changed some part of it. I have about 30% of the story that I am happy with and posting now. I will strive to complete the story before New Year's Eve but no promises.
Monday Morning: NCIS LA OSP Bull Pen.
Callen, ever the insomniac arrived first followed by Sam and Kensi. None of them has seen or heard from Deeks in the past one month. Everyone assumed that he has been called back by the LAPD for some undercover mission.
"Kensi, have you heard from Deeks?" Callen asked.
"No Callen. I haven't. It's been a very peaceful month since I've heard from him." Kensi answered nonchalantly. Peaceful! Seriously Kens! I know, you've been worrying yourself and contemplating to approach LAPD demanding answers. Kensi's heart reprimanded her.
"I hear you, Kensi." Sam chimed in even though his heart wasn't into it. He strangely missed Deeks' easy going nature that kept everyone relaxed while on the job. The younger man has time and again proved his trustworthiness by watching everyone's back while in the field and by being there for anyone who needed a friend.
Callen narrowed his eyes at the indifference that sounded in both voices. Agreed that Deeks is sometimes a klutz of sorts but he is one of the most reliable persons to watch your back in the field. He definitely had Hetty's vote of confidence which is very hard to earn. He knows that from his personal experience with the diminutive looking lady.
"Well, your peace has become permanent." Hetty rounded the corner with a bunch of files in her hand.
"What does that mean, Hetty?" Sam asked as he tried to decipher the meaning of Hetty's words. Kensi stood up as concern coloured her features.
"Mr Callen. Here are the files of some agents I think would be a good fit for your team. But from my last experience, I could be wrong. Please choose one to fill the empty desk and remember that I am not going to force anyone on your team. If you think no one in that bunch fits the role, look for someone outside and let me know. I will have to file the required paper work." Hetty placed the files on Callen's desk and sighed.
Hetty glanced at everyone and left for her office. She knew that she had delivered a very strong punch in the gut to the team. She herself had taken it just over six weeks ago, when Deeks turned in his two weeks' notice as the LAPD Liaison Officer at one of her residences. How he knew that she would spend the night at that residence was a mystery. Her futile attempt to convince him otherwise was met with a very simple yet strong answer.
"They don't trust me, Hetty. I don't want them to get hurt while they are contemplating if I am making the right move in the field." Deeks said with a heavy heart.
"Mr Deeks, trust is a two way street…" Hetty's question died down as she saw Deeks shake his head.
"I trust them, Hetty, I really do but they don't. I've been by myself for over 20 years now. When I go undercover for LAPD, I usually don't have anyone watching my back. I am used to it and being the screw up that I am, I never mattered. If any one of them doesn't move quickly enough because they are thinking if I am capable of watching their back, I don't even want to think about it." Deeks answered with a shake of head.
"Marty, you will always matter to me. If I even thought for a second that you were a screw up or if I didn't trust you and your abilities, you wouldn't even have known about OSP. I wanted you as an Agent in OSP. I have never treated you any different from anyone else in the team. If I have to guess, you've gotten away with more things I don't approve of when compared to others." Hetty made her argument but in her heart she knew it was too feeble to keep him here.
"I know, Hetty. I know" Deeks hung his head in shame as he felt he failed Hetty.
"Marty." Hetty infused as much emotion as she was feeling into her voice. Deeks was stunned by the rare display of emotion from Hetty.
"There is nothing to be ashamed of. I am the one who should be ashamed to have let things come this far." Hetty said as she cupped Marty's cheek. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes.
"So, are you going back to LAPD?" Hetty asked hoping he wouldn't be too far away.
"To be honest, I don't know Hetty. I mean, I am not sure if I can function as a normal detective in LA. I am thinking of resigning from LAPD also." Deeks sighed. He knew nothing could be this good that he couldn't return to the identity he loved the most through his life – being a cop.
"In case you leave LA, remember you can always visit my house whenever you are in LA." Hetty said, sadness colouring her voice.
"Which one, Hetty?" Deeks laughed.
"I know that you know all of them. You can stay at any one of your choice. I presume you know where the keys are as well." Hetty continued." You must know that whenever you decide to join, you'll have a job at NCIS."
Deeks laughed mirthlessly. "Shouldn't it be if I want to join, Hetty?" Deeks countered.
"No Marty, it will always be when." Hetty said as she met his eyes. Deeks shivered slightly at the trust and confidence her eyes held for him.
"When are you going to tell them?" Hetty asked.
"I don't know, Hetty. I don't want to. Perhaps, its better you break the news to them after I leave LA." Deeks responded with a yawn.
"Don't you think it will be hard on your partner? I think she likes you more than she lets on." Hetty asked. Deeks laughed humourlessly again making Hetty think if she really wants to know what's on his mind.
"I am not sure if she even trusts me, let alone like me, Hetty. Every day, I am told I cannot measure up to her standards. I want to leave before I begin second guessing my decisions and the day I begin doing that in the field, she'll get hurt and I am not about to let that happen. I want her to be safe." Deeks answered in a voice that cracked a little, an indication of the uncontrollable emotion Deeks felt.
"I understand." Hetty said, squeezing his shoulder. "Get some rest, my boy." Hetty said guiding him to one of the bedrooms.
Hetty spent most of the night watching Deeks sleep. She felt a bit like a voyeur to do that but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the man he had become in spite of his childhood. As she remembered the emotion that sounded in his voice, she knew that the situation was almost beyond repair when a person with his talent couldn't hide the emotion with humor.