Frank stood back, a finger resting on his lip in thought. He tilted his head at the gadget, squinted. It looked ready. It looked a competent piece of equipment. He moved the hand to rest over the other, akimbo on his raised left hip. Symbols flashed before his eyes, formulae; as far as he could tell, everything was at it should be. The piece would most certainly work.
He glanced behind him; Riff Raff and Magenta were canoodling by a statue, pretending to be cleaning it. Well, as long as they didn't bother him while he tested it. Theoretically… this was a new technology… assuming it worked. Which it would. And then he would be free to move onto his larger project, into which this would fit, and which would make him the most famous Transylvanian scientist yet!
He raised the remote control unit, pointed it at the small metal box with intersecting tubing and the little gold satellite dish.
"Fraaaank…"
The whine made him screw his eyes up tightly and bite his lip. Columbia bounded in, wearing a pink and crimson corset with black hot pants, and carrying a matching feather duster. "I thought you said you were coming to my room! What're you doing here?"
He injected as much patience into his voice as was possible. "Just testing out my new toy, my dear… I shan't be much longer."
Columbia looked curiously at the invention. "What does it do?"
"Don't worry about it."
"No, tell me! What does it do?"
Frank sighed. "It records the bio-rhythmic patterns of the user and stores them in its database as a simple binary code-map, where they may be manipulated via a sensory input device to be altered much like one may now alter the genome. Once the optimum pattern oscillation is achieved, I will be able to project this new bio-pattern onto an essentially life-less yet stable organism in a random though pre-assorted scheme, which should settle into this proxy as though its native organism, creating the semblance of birth."
Columbia nodded solemnly throughout his explanation. "Cool! That'll be fun!"
"You have absolutely no idea what I just said, do you, Columbia?"
"Don't insult my intelligence! I did my A-levels, you know…"
"In what, exactly?" Columbia murmured the answer that turned into a cough. "That's what I thought. Nevermind, I shall allow you to watch."
"Okay. Then we'll go?"
"Yes. After I prove my theory."
"Yay!"
Frank smiled, his eyes closed, taking a breath. Again he lifted and pointed the remote. He tried to phase out Magenta's alto giggling that came from far behind him. "Alright darling," he said, meaning the machine. "Make daddy proud."
He pressed a red button, and the machine started to buzz. He turned a dial to 2 o'clock and it whirred. He pressed a series of small white buttons and the satellite dish woke up and slowly revolved towards him. He turned the dial to 5 o'clock and touched the red button once more. A thin red beam shot out from the golden satellite dish, pin-pointing on Frank's chest. He changed the setting of a switch and the beam expanded to encompass an area the size of a basketball, flowing over his body and over his face. He closed his eyes in the red glare, but he was grinning.
Unbeknownst to Frank, however, the satellite had begun to expand its beam. The red oozed off his shoulders, lit the wall behind him. It grew wider, stretching towards Columbia, who gaped, much impressed, at its attractive cherry red. The machine's database was hungry for all the patterns it could find. One was not enough. Then, after a brief series of flashes, the beam intensified so that it became almost opaque, and then abruptly died.
The only person still standing was the statue.