Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters.

I originally wrote this story after I fancied myself as a hopeful daytime soap writer. As you can expect from a soap, there will be tragedy, violence, abrupt changes, lemons, and lots of drama...I hope this fits the bill. (I'm such a drama-llama)

Chapter One: A Stranger in the City

"Hey, sweets, you can't converse with the customers, y'know? Just serve them the drinks, and bring them the food. Simple, yeah?" the restaurant owner bellowed. Kirei quietly told herself to be calm and forced a charming smile his way. Nodding in approval, he pinched her rear and went back to the front desk where a line of customers waited to reserve or receive seats.

Kirei forced herself to check on one of her tables. I hate this job, she vehemently thought as she made her way there. She grimaced at the table she was serving. There were five guys and one pink-haired girl who was making a fuss over everyone else. One of the men ate three courses of Korean BBQ and it looked like he wasn't going to stop eating anytime soon. They were also really bad tippers and this is the third time she was serving them this past week. Kirei forced her facial muscle to stretch into a pleasant smile.

"Hi, guys. Is there anything else I can get for you today?"

"Yes, well, do you have anymore of the Korean BBQ? ..If not, do you have anything that has beef as the main course?" The pony-tailed guy asked. Kirei confirmed that there was more BBQ and that she'll bring some over.

"See, Choji? Asking is better than assuming".

"Thanks, Shikamaru!"

Kirei turned to go and felt disgusted at the scene she just witnessed. Who raised these kids! A fat kid eating with his mouth open for the world to see; a blonde boy annoyingly tapping the table..obviously impatient; a freaky white-eyed dude who just sits there like stone and letting his food go cold; a pissed off looking dog boy with a bad mouth; and a pink-haired girl who just opens her mouth to yell and criticize…

"Before you go, have you seen anyone come by sometime this week in a heavy black silk kimono?" asked the pony-tailed guy.

Kirei felt her insides burn with anticipation. She put her free hand on her waitress hips and genuinely smile at her customer. "Well, there were several of them that came in this week. Always ordering out but never staying to really enjoy the meal, y'know?" She felt all six pairs of eyes looking at her. "Did they do something bad?".

"Nothing that would cause you alarm." was the curt answer from the white-eyed statue.

Kirei's fake insta-smile appeared on her face again. She excused herself and went to get the BBQ.

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The group watched the waitress go away in a huff. Everybody turned their eyes on Choji with impatience and defeat. It seems that nothing can come between him and the food. Shikamaru smiled encouragingly at his friend and began to reconstruct the plan.

"Ok, so far we have lost them in this big-ass city and it doesn't look like they left. Godaime is pretty pissed off at them for stealing the jutsu scrolls from her library.." Shikamaru sighed at the memory of receiving this assignment. At the time, he felt like he was being crushed by her anger. "Anyway, the first three districts have been checked and nobody seems to have seen these guys and they are not hiding anywhere. We have this district and the neighboring district to check out between today and tomorrow."

"Kiba, is Akamaru up for the search?".

"I don't think so. So far, Sakura's been healing him slowly. Those shitheads almost took his whole face!" Kiba slammed the table with his fist, angry. "It was as if they knew what he and I were brought along for!"

Naruto made an impatient noise. "Why are we sitting here still eating? Choji, are you going to be done after this meal? We have to get those scrolls back or Jiraiya's not going to teach me his super-dark secret move!"

The table paused and everyone inwardly felt bad for the blonde Jounin. Who knows what this super-dark secret move was? But all of them silently agreed that it was probably something perverted, stupid, or both.

"Well, I'll be done after this. I used up a lot of chakra trying to protect you guys from missiles you know?" Choji stuffed another piece of BBQ in his mouth. Naruto put his hands on his head and bemoaned the fact that those 'missiles' were actually flimsy kunais.

"Anyway, we'll be starting soon. Everyone make sure that you have all the tools you need. Pair up and if anyone's in a tight pinch, use the wireless and we'll back you up. Agreed?"

All of them nodded in unison. Choji finished up and signaled that he was done. The ninjas left the restaurant in a hurry.

Kirei quickly made her way to the table, anticipating a pittance. To her horror, she found that she was not tipped at all this time. She surveyed the mess on the table and the smelly mess the dog boy's dog left behind underneath. A dangerous looking vein made an appearance on her forehead and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon.

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"I can't believe those people! Don't they have a shred of decency! What if I really was a wage slave looking to earn a living based on tips? What if I had a child to take care of!" Kirei took off her yukata uniform and paced around her room in her underwear, ranting. She unconsciously held her hand to her mouth.

"That's a really bad habit you know…"

Kirei blanched and turned to the direction of the inn's window. Two black-clad men stood there with droopy smiles on their faces. Kirei made a motion for them to step into the room.

"Yeah, well, quitting the tobacco train isn't exactly a fun ride, you know. I'm trying." Kirei poured them a drink and lit a cigarette. "I'll quit tomorrow".

The men smirked. "Well, we've gotten what you've wanted. So, the favor you promised us…" The men sat on their knees waiting for her to respond.

"I've already dispatched my ok when I heard that you were in town. A team of greenies were in the restaurant looking for you." She saw surprise in their eyes. "Yeah, they look annoying and I'm sure you did your best to shake them off. If I were you, I'd change out of those kimonos and leave as soon as possible."

"But we can't leave without the reinforcements…and what about--?"

"Don't worry. I've got some clothes for you to wear and don't worry about the reinforcements. Walk over to the pattiserie and ask for Kurogane. He's expecting you and he owes me a huge favor." Kirei took a long drag and rummaged around her suitcase. "Here are the new studs. Wear them now and I've put some money in the pockets".

"You're pretty prepared. Why the money? The favor you promised us is enough". The two men began to undress to don their new outfits. Kirei watched them and replied.

"That money isn't for you. It's for Kurogane. He's willing to escort you back as a favor to me…but he isn't looking forward to coming back on his own. So, I promised him enough money for a safe return and then some." Kirei straightened their shirts and patted their pockets to make sure the money was there.

"Start going. Those greenies are closing in."

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Neji leaped around the buildings that he was assigned to, double checking rooms and apartments. Naruto was also double-checking the surroundings. Through the wireless, they heard Sakura and Kiba doing the same.

"Hey, Choji! Did you guys find something?" Naruto asked. His blue eyes darted this way and that, almost wishing a mirage of black-clad men would appear.

"Choji's checking out all the restaurants in the area." Shikamaru said. There was a collective groan from the wireless. "Hey, it wasn't for nothing. Choji asked around and so far nobody has seen those men. It seems like the only one who has had contact with them is the waitress we didn't tip this afternoon".

"That was mean," Sakura said, "I mean, it can't be helped that we had to since it is the mission money but still…"

"Well, we'll do all the apologies when we all go see her. Did anyone else find anything?"

"I haven't got anything. Kiba, Akamaru, and I checked out this area three times. Naruto and Neji didn't find anything either."

"H-hey guys!" Choji's too-loud voice was heard over the wireless. "I found something strange…you know the waitress that we jilted this afternoon? She's not a resident in this city. The owner said that she's been staying in that expensive spa inn near the flower district. I think it's on the other side of town…the second district."

"That is pretty suspicious. We're going to have to pay her a visit…she can't afford that place even if it's for a day!" Shikamaru muttered "women" before confirming on the trip to go to the Lotus Inn. He felt his stomach turn a little since he has been running around trying to gather information. The thought of taking a long trip to interrogate a probably pissed off waitress made him feel heavy.

"Hey, what was her name again?" Naruto asked.

"Who knows? We didn't ask remember?" Kiba said.

"I think it was..no, wait…"

The debate on what her name was went on between everybody but Shikamaru and Neji. For the good part of the hour long trip, they also had to listen to Choji's near-sexual descriptions of the food and what he felt when he consumed them.

"Those thighs were succulent as anything! My god, when I dipped my tongue onto that special sauce I spread on that leg, it was like heaven exploding on my taste buds. Have any of you experienced that when we ate there? Oh and…"

When they finally go to the Lotus Inn, Shikamaru told everyone to double check their weapons inventory and to watch out for ambushes. Before they went, Neji spoke.

"Her name is Kirei."

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Ohh…I see, so that's how it's done! That hokage is a pretty sharp woman to implement this kind of jutsu. Kirei's eyes widen in amazement when she finished reading the scrolls. She sipped her barley tea and headed over to the mirror. She frowned at the small bags under her cerulean eyes. Shit, I need to get some sleep. She grimaced and shook her head. Not Tonight.

Kirei went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. She put on her work clothes for the Inn and went to the communal tubs. Ugh, I hate this job too…I'm going to give more thought to employees work environment...Kirei began to scrub the tubs with one hard sweeping action so that all the scum and dirt came off. The idea of scrubbing down this communal tub again never crossed her mind…because she got it cleaned the first time. The owner of the Lotus Inn came in to inspect her handiwork.

"I want you to pay particular attention to the corners. Last time, a customer complained that he felt scumminess in that one area." The Innkeeper frowned at Kirei. Momentarily, she walked over to her scrub maid and touched her hair.

"What are you touching me for?" Kirei slapped the invading hand away and put her hands on her hips. The Innkeeper gave her a loud sniff and took her time surveying Kirei's entire form.

"I always wondered why you wouldn't work for the Inn as one of the girls. At first, I assumed that you were deficient in some physical way. I've observed you for over a month and there is nothing wrong with you—physically, that is. You seemed to have piqued a couple of my regulars' interest." The red-lipsticked Innkeeper gave Kirei a wicked smile. "You know, dear, you'd make three times what you're making now if you work as a Lotus girl from now on. You're wasting your gifts washing the tubs and spa areas."

Kirei rolled her eyes and paid no mind to the old bat. She had no interest working as a Lotus girl. She knew what they did and thought that they led very limited lives. They were nothing but live entertainment for men who will probably grow tired of them every time they met. Time was their enemy and in this business, giving an illusion that one was a young, fresh girl was everything.

"Sorry, Kaede-san, I can't see myself earning a living by depending on the kindness of other men's hearts." Kirei saw that she has cleaned half the communal space. She smiled with satisfaction when she looked at her handiwork. "I don't mind working like a mule to make money."

"H mph, " Kaede sniffed, "You're not exactly an innocent, naive girl...I don't know what all the fuss is about! Well, fine. I'm going to turn away some men that just came in. Honestly, you prefer scrubbing after other people than have people panting after you and your time! Youth these days..."

Kirei chuckled. Old Lady Kaede always tried to fish her into being one of her girls. She knew that the old lady cared for her girls and she ran a fair business. It was a tempting offer to any girl who was strung out and desperate for money. Unfortunately, she was not one of them and Kirei did not like the idea of flipping her hair and giggling to get money from balding men of fifty.

After twenty minutes, the communal bath area was cleaned, scrubbed down, and disinfected. Kirei found herself tired and fatigued from all the stress and work she had to do today. She placed erotically designed soaps in each bath tub and wiped down the two large mirrors in the hallway. By the time she finished, she heard one of the Lotus girls bringing a high-rolling customer into the baths. Kirei made herself scarce and went to her room, hoping for sleep.

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Kirei found herself squeezing her eyes shut tight. Ugh, what is this light? Isn't it still dark outside? She found herself becoming increasingly annoyed as she felt the light grow brighter. She felt like dead weight. Suddenly, she felt herself paralyzed and unable to move.

"Time to wake up, princess".

Kirei felt her eyes open forcibly. She found herself standing in her room staring at six shadowed figures. One of them was holding a flashlight into her face. She wanted to turn her face away but found that she couldn't.

"Well, now that you're up, you have a couple of questions to answer." The flashlight turned off and instead, her bedside lamp turned on. Kirei found herself staring at the source of her stressful, angry afternoon.

"Oh god, " She groaned, "You people. What do you want and why are you in my room?". Kirei felt herself wanting to sleep. She hasn't slept properly in four days and quite frankly, making up lies or alibis didn't seem like it was worth it. She felt herself drool when she stared at her pillow.

"Hey, Shikamaru! I found the scrolls. They're under her bed!" The blonde kid shouted. Kirei started to sleep in her paralyzed standing state. "Hurry up! Just ask her what you need to know and let's get out of here. Jiraiya gave me a time limit or I won't learn his Super-Dark secret move!".

"You know, it's probably something stupid again. Remember the time he wanted you to take that mission into the Cloud Country? He taught you to blend with wallpaper so that you can assist him for---"

"Shut up! That was still a jutsu. Can you blend into the wall?"

"Only people with dirty thoughts blend into walls."

"You son of a---"

"I'm hungry again. Do you think this chick's got food somewhere?"

Neji, Sakura, and Shikamaru quietly groaned. They have become Jounin for a whole year before the rest and learned to pick their fights in the right place and time. Bickering and talking unnecessarily seems like something they'd have to beat out of the three boys.

"I think she's passed out." Sakura said. Kirei continued sleeping to everyone's amazement. "I think she's drained of energy. Most likely sleep deprivation by the look of her eyes and the color of her complexion."

Shikamaru walked up to Kirei and slapped her awake. Kirei woke up immediately, annoyed. "What is it? What do you want!"

"Why do you have the hokage's scrolls and if you have them, where are the cloaked men that stole them? What is your purpose and why did you only steal the current hokage's jutsu scrolls?"

Neji carefully stored the scrolls in his backpack and closed it with a seal. Everyone else was waiting for her to answer. Kirei sighed. "Oh, is that all? Well, unbind me from this jutsu and I'll tell you. You can have someone to hold me...I'm sorta tired and standing is not making me feel better". Shikamaru nodded at Neji and Kiba and they went to Kirei's sides and held her arms.

"Alright, now spill".

Kirei collapsed against Kiba. "First, the men who stole them are gone. They were doing me this favor in order for me to do something for them in return. My purpose was to take a gander at the hokage's scrolls. She has some interesting jutsu that I can instill into my projects. Actually, it's perfect!" She smiled when she thought of all the things she can do now that she has this new knowledge. "I mean, I really don't know why she didn't use that to settle most of her debts. It's marketable, when put in physical form, and it would appeal to both sexes."

An unhealthy gleam entered Kirei's eyes now that she was fully awake. She continued talking about the benefits of the jutsu and the side effects it can possibly have. Everybody uncomfortably wondered if she was right in her mind. Kiba, still angered over what happened to Akamaru, tightened his grip on this loopy woman.

"Ow! That hurts, you brute."

"It doesn't hurt as much as what Akamaru had to go through, you bitch!" He growled. Kirei rolled her eyes and stared up at the mutilated dog's face. She almost felt sorry for it until it attempted to scratch her face as a greeting.

"Charming pet. Of course, I was going to heal his face completely but since I'm a bitch and all, I guess I won't." Kirei felt herself yawn and she longingly looked at the bed. "Can I go to sleep now? You have the scrolls and the reason why they were stolen."

"Uh, no. What is this project that you are talking about?" Shikamaru asked.

"It's called anti-aging cream, you idiot. Now, can you leave now?" Kirei tried to struggle out of Neji and Kiba's grip and made a sound of frustration when she found that it was impossible.

"So, what you are telling me is that you made all this effort to steal the scrolls to make an anti-aging cream project that you have started for a new line of products?" Shikamaru closed his eyes and tilted his head back. The stomachache he was feeling was getting worse. "Please tell me that you have something malicious and evil planned. Something like taking over the world and destroying those who oppose your iron rule".

Kirei groaned. "Please, if I'm taking over the world it will be through my creativity. My work. If anything, the only evil thing I'm doing is knocking off the competition." She leaned on Neji since the dog boy and his dog seemed intent in harming her. Kirei felt herself yawn and her eyelids drooping. "Sleepy.."

"I don't buy your explanation. It's too weird and it sounds like a poorly constructed lie. Why would a jutsu hold anti-aging properties?" Shikamaru shook his head and stared at his loopy captive. She was on the verge of sleeping. "We are not leaving until you answer or you're going to have to face dire consequences."

Kirei knew what the dire consequences were and quite frankly, it didn't scare her one bit. "Whatever. I'm sleeping. You can take me wherever you want but I'm sleeping. If I wake up, it's going to get ugly and I will pay you back for the lousy tips, the long hours of serving you and cleaning up after your disgusting mess, and for not tipping me at all today. " She attempted to shake her fist at her captors but gave up on it half way. "Just you wait...and...see...". With that, Kirei found herself dreaming.

"Let's just bring her with us. I don't think she'll talk when she's tired...I think she made up most of the stuff she said because she didn't get enough sleep." Naruto put his hands behind his head and shrugged.

"I agree with Naruto. Let's just bring her back to Konoha...I think it would be better than bringing back a report that says that the scrolls were stolen for anti-aging creams." Sakura began to pack some of Kirei's things in the saddlebag she saw under the bed.

Shikamaru nodded, liking the idea that he doesn't have to suffer for this mission. Having a scapegoat who clearly admitted that she was the culprit would be a much better offering than a report on cosmetics.

"Let's move."