Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.
Warning: This contains slash and if that disgusts you please go away.
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If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. -Leo C. Rosten
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The signs had all been there, the brief fire in grey eyes that wouldn't look away from me, longer than appropriate touches, the almost desperate longing that entered his every move the moment I was in a room with him. But I was fifteen and the only sexual experiences I had had was that disastrous date with Cho. I was completely unprepared when he dragged me into the back of Grimmauld Palaces library, slammed me against a bookcase, and proceeded to kiss me.
I ran, wrenching myself from his grip, ignoring his cries, my only thought was of getting to the safety of my room.
Paying no heed to the people around me, I bolted into my room barricading the door and window. The shock of what had happened and of what it would mean on our relationship only just started to dawn on me as I collapsed onto my bed, tears silently streaming down my face.
Sirius had kissed me. Sirius had kissed me. My godfather, the one man I thought of as a father had held me against a wall, and kissed me. It was wrong, ohh so wrong, but I couldn't deny that it had been the single most arousing thing that had happened to me. From accidentally getting a face full of the center fold of a porn magazine in 3rd year, to walking in on Percy Weasley and his girlfriend Penelope Clearwater getting it on in 1st.
I was terrified and confused. Not use to my feelings toward a man, especially to a man that I was supposed to care for like a father.
My head hurt, and I didn't want to think about what had happened. My only outlet during those hours in my room was my drawing. No one, not even Hermione and Ron, knew about my skill and love of drawing. When I was younger it had been all that kept me from drowning in the pain and loneliness.
Losing myself in the soft curves and gentle lines, I barely paid any attention to the frantic shouting and persistent banging on my door.
Hours after locking myself into my room and only a little while since my door had lost its visitors, did I sit back, look over my sketch, then realize that it was already dark out, and that I had probably missed dinner.
While Mrs. Weasley would scold me for missing it, I couldn't bring myself to care.
My sketch was far more interesting. The most striking part, as well as the most conflicting for me, was the two eyes surrounded by shaggy hair, with the rest of the face in shadows one could not tell who the mysterious person was, nor determine any features. I, though, knew exactly who it was.
Sirius Black.
Sighing I stood up, getting ready to face the rest of the world. Particularly Mrs. Weasley and Sirius, but her scolding wouldn't be nearly as bad as having to face him. After moving various blockading pieces, I peeked my head out of the door, looked down both hallways, and, after making sure the coast was clear, dashed down the stairs into the kitchen.
I had, though, managed to miscalculate the time, so I stumbled into the kitchen while dinner was in full swing.
"Harry! What did you think you were doing, locking yourself in the room like that? You could have been hurt!" Mrs.Weasley was the first to spot me, as she bustled over, I tuned her out as she scolded me sat me down at the table, and started pilling my plate with food.
"Harry..." the voice was soft and slightly husky as a strong hand brushed against my thigh. I stiffened looking to my left in surprise, cursing myself for not paying more attention to were I was being led. Sirius's stormy grey eyes were focused on me with an intensity that was disturbing, or at least that was what I told myself.
"Yes, Sirius?" I couldn't help but curse as I heard my own voice soft and hesitant. As I attempted to wiggle away from the hand, I gasped softly as the hand tightened around my knee.
"Can I talk to you after dinner in your room?" No, absolutely not! My mind screamed at me, but my traitorous mouth responded.
"Of course," Oh god, no please no, "Is Remus coming to?" Please let him be coming as well, Merlin please don't make me face this right now.
"Naw, just the two of us. I wanted to have some time together, since we haven't been able to talk lately." He flashed me a rougish grin that made my insides melt, and blood rush to my face and a lower place in my body. Looking down to try to hide my blushing face, I knew I had not been successful when he chuckled deeply.
Dinner passed by without incident, much to my relief, but it had also passed far too quickly. Standing up, I excused myself, harboring a brief hope to escape without Sirius. That though was crushed when he stood up as well, following me up to my room.
As the door closed behind them with a small click, I couldn't help, but think that it sounded far too ominous. Stiffly I sat down on my bed, keeping my head down, watching his boots move toward the window. They stopped just as I realized what he was walking toward. Immediately I sprang up, quickly grabbing a sheet I attempted to throw it over the top of the drawing. The sheet though was grabbed out of my hands, and instead wrapped around me trapping my hands as he held me in front of him facing toward the drawing.
"Who is that?" Sirius whispered dangerously in my ear, barely contained jealousy tinting his voice.
Whimpering I whispered, "You."
There was a brief moment of silence before I was whipped around and my mouth captured in a ferocious kiss, his tongue plundering the depth of my mouth, not leaving one corner unexplored. Melting I started to respond to the kiss, but as Sirius let out a growl of triumph, I attempted to pull back.
Sirius didn't allow it, but did stop kissing me.
"Sirius, this is wrong you're old enough to be my father! You're my godfather!" I protested trying to keep my body under control.
"Don't you think I've told myself that, Harry? I love you, nothing will change that. But the question is, will you give me a chance?" the words were soft and well spoken, but the fear was there, buried deep underneath the surface.
Looking up at him, I knew he was telling the truth. The look in his eyes was not one someone could fake.
Gathering up my courage I nodded, "I don't love you yet, Sirius, but I'm sure I could."
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