Disclaimer: I don't own Pandora Hearts, any songs, Alice in Wonderland, or any quotes. Helpful criticism is well-invited. This is a mature content, so please do not read if you are not comfortable. This is a take on a mature, much more sensitive Alice and a darker Oz. While reading this, listen to the Chairman's Waltz from Memoirs of a Geisha by John Williams, and yes, I do not own this song. Somethings might not be correct, so please don't hate me, flame me, and etc. This is my second fanfiction after all. I made it so Elliot wasn't dead…yet, but not in here, no, no, no! He's one of my favorite characters….
Darkness
By Coffee Detective
Whisper it in my ear
Tell me the difference
Between light and dark
What the difference is between lust and love
Between making hate and making love
My insecurities
Do you know?
Do you know how I feel?
Tell me more, more
I need- -oh
Show me
Breathe me in, devour me, scream my name
Show me
Your light and your darkness
I want it all
.
.
.
Alice never forgot anything whenever drunk.
No sir, not at all.
She remembered that Seaweed head, up in a corner crying something about 'ore' or 'watashi', and then there was Sharon, who acted like some control freak ruler. Alice also remembered that Break didn't even get drunk and that Oz was only slightly buzzed.
"Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope!
I think I could, if I only knew how to begin. . ."
"Pat her on the head,
And see how pleased she'll be!...
A little kindness—
And putting her hair in papers—
Would do wonders with her—"
Ah. There we go. Oz, her contractor.
He was a weird one. But Alice liked him. Quite a bit, actually.
She liked his smile. He had a nice personality, too. It reminded her of something…someone. Oh well, it was too far from her mind to mean anything at the moment right now. Alice liked a lot of things about him.
His eyes were green. In the afternoon light, it looked like emerald. On overcast days, it looked like peridot, but it still had that sparkle in it. Most of the time, his eyes were bright and shining with mischief. Then there were also times when his eyes were dark, hazy even, saying something she couldn't interpret. At times, it made her shiver.
Alice only saw it two times.
A tale begun in other days,
When summer suns were glowing –
A simple chime, that served to time
The rhythm of our rowing—
It was a day, perhaps one month ago, where they were all together having afternoon tea. All was normal. Break was shoveling down sweet after sweet, Gilbert was trying to avoid the cats Oz had thrown at him, and Sharon was simply sipping her tea, the very image of a lady.
Alice had not wanted to join that tea 'party' and simply sat in a corner, staring out the window. It was one of her scarce thinking days, and many knew to avoid distracting her from such a thing, 'less they wanted her boot prints on their behinds.
Oz was blissfully ignorant of this. "Hey! Come back here! This wasn't fair, you know!" Gilbert cried, beginning to chase Oz around the room. The latter was laughing merrily, his head turned around to face Gil's.
"Never, Gil! I never thought it would be this fun for you to chase after me…"
CRASH
It never had occurred to Oz that he would crash and fall if he did not look in front of him. In the fall, something soft had cushioned him, but it didn't stop him from closing his eyes shut. When he finally did open his eyes, he found himself above Alice, who was slowly opening her eyes as well.
At that moment, Alice saw it. It was so brief, it couldn't have been real, no it couldn't have- - But, it was there. Dark and fleeting, something hidden, forbidden, Alice could not but her finger on it. She was after all fifteen, as was Oz. Shudders assaulted her suddenly.
But, she wanted to know more of it, however, in a flash Oz was off of her, apologizing for falling into her. She kicked him in the shin, albeit not too hardly, but hard enough that nothing would be suspected.
When he went back, rubbing his shin, she stalked off.
And that was all.
"I could tell you my adventures—
Beginning from this morning—"
"At least I knew who I was
When I got up this morning,
But I think I must have changed
Several times since then."
Back to the current dilemma, Alice never forgot anything when drunk. She remembers that night quite clearly.
She knew she almost stripped. It was practically mortifying; the memory so clear and bright, so she pretended that she didn't remember anything. But, she remembered another thing.
Oz had seen.
And that was the second time when she saw it flit through his eyes. But, as anticlimactic as it was, that was all. She remembered him dropping her off to her room, where she fell asleep in the coldness of her bed.
But now, at the tender age of sixteen, she wondered. Had he ever felt anything more than that? Alice pondered this as she walked throughout the corridors in the middle of the night.
She wasn't able to sleep. Her throat was dry. During the time span, she felt as if she had drifted, half a millimeter by a half a millimeter, from Oz. But, it was okay, they were still friends.
Was it?
She didn't know and she reached up to get the water filled container to pour into her gray little tea cup. They'd changed. Everyone had. Gilbert just turned twenty-five, but his looks didn't change. Break hadn't either, but he hadn't had much longer.
Alice had finally felt close enough to Break, but not enough for her to call him 'buddy', but that was okay, really.
Sharon had finally grown again. She was definitely prettier, honey hair longer and face more defined. She wasn't the only one who'd changed. Alice looked and felt different, awkward in her body. Her hair was a tad bit longer, but it had always been long. She lost fat, and gained a bit in other areas, but it was hardly enough to call herself a lady yet. She was certainly taller now, but there was someone always taller than she.
Oz was much taller. His face was defined; his skin tanned after all these months. He looked different, but was definitely still the same person. Alice didn't wish to say it, but it was true, he become more handsome, growing to be a man.
Alice downed all of the water and poured another to bring with her to bed. She tightened the blanket around her body and stalked off from the kitchen. Her bare feet padded softly against the wooden stairs, her hand on the railing. She entered into the hall, where hers and the others' rooms were.
This hall was carpeted with intricate fabric, hiding every sound of her footfall. She passed empty rooms, and then stopped by a window. The moon was only a thin sliver in the darkness, shining brightly at her from among the stars. It was beautiful.
Alice had heard from other English explorers who've been all over the place, that they visited a strange place named China. And from China they learned of a festival named the Moon Cake Festival. It was something about a man and woman, and a rabbit that lived on the moon, trying to make a potion for the woman.
Alice didn't really care about the man and the woman, except for the rabbit. Was it all alone? Alice wondered if maybe someday she would be able to live on the moon, and she wouldn't have to be so lonely these days and she could spend time with the rabbit.
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Well, content loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
They would probably be best friends.
Alice sighed wistfully, extracting herself from her seat in the moonlight- -when suddenly, a single voice called out from the darkness.
"Alice?" It was Oz. "What are you doing awake?" His voice was sleepy.
Alice huffed and turned her head from him, half her body in the moonlight and the other in the dark. "I don't believe I have to tell you. What are you doing awake? Servants should get their sleep."
Oz grinned tiredly. "Just up for some water, Alice." But, then when she turned to look at him, it was there again. Flitting among his eyes. It scared her. It felt as if it wanted to devour her, take her in, never to come back. Like the Abyss.
But, she wanted it all the same. Alice called his name. "Oz?" His eyes fluttered a bit, and then refocused on her.
"Uh, yeah, I-I'll be on my way." And Oz was gone. But, Alice didn't forget his look.
It was only when she reached her bedroom that she noticed her state of dress and remembered his. Her night gown reached the ground, and could be called decent; however the top was not much to cover. In its embedded pearl state, the straps were loose and hung on shoulders, but when smoothed down, it was fitted around her chest. Hopefully her blanket covered much; she could not remember much.
Then there was Oz.
He was in nothing but a pair of pajamas, but he held a pillow. That was enough.
Alice didn't understand why she was breathing so hard. She could feel red creeping up her throat and face, but she shook her head. She blindly reached out to her dresser and touched the cool teacup of water and pressed it her lips. Without another thought, she chugged it all down and blew out the candle.
Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here that I don't understand
XXXXXX
He said, "I look for butterflies
That sleep among the wheat
I make them into mutton pies,
And sell them in the street.
I sell them unto men," he said,
"Who sail on stormy seas;
And that's the way I get my bread—
A trifle, if you please."
Alice had been around the rose garden, looking at all the different roses.
They hadn't been very tasty, you should know.
Alice trotted a bit, suddenly feeling light hearted. When she stopped, she found a cavity in the bushes. If she crouched down or sat cross-legged, then she would be obscured from the sight of others, yet she could see everything from within it.
Alice wanted to test it out.
She had fit perfectly in her little space. It was just right. Despite being hidden, Alice could still see all around her. A perfect vision. Perhaps if that Raven happens to come by, maybe she could get a good laugh out of him- -
Crinkle.
"The question is. . . which is to be master—
That's all."
Speak of the devil. What perfect timing. Alice smiled evilly. Raven made so much sound, it seemed as if two people were around him. Alice tilted her head sideways to see the dark haired man and prepare, but in her earlier thought- -
She seemed to be just right. There were two people.
Oz seemed to be walking around this black haired woman, perhaps a year older, but shorter, by her facial features. By the way she blushing bashfully and the way her eyes shined flirtatiously, Alice could see that Oz had perhaps said something.
What had he said to her? Alice felt something bubble up in her chest and cringed her eyes at the woman; wanting to burn holes into her.
Oz was her servant! How dare she? Alice shook it off and decided she would punish Oz later.
But as Alice sat there, she couldn't help but feel empty, perhaps sad.
That strangle the heart
XXXXXX
They would not remember the simple rules
Their friends had taught them: such as
That a red hot poker will burn you
If you hold it too long
And that, if you cut your finger
Very deeply with a knife,
It usually bleeds.
A week later, Alice had started a steady routine during the nights she couldn't sleep. First, she would drag herself from bed, leaving the blanket behind on warm nights, and then she would make her way down the stairs to the kitchen. Upon reaching it, she would pour herself a glass of water, and if lucky, she would find a pastry and eat it there. Then go all the way back upstairs with her cup of water.
Tonight had just happened to be one of those nights. Alice had stayed about thirty minutes down in the kitchen, savoring her pastry and all. It was one of those warm nights, and she carried her candle and cup of water with her as she went up the stairs, passing the rooms.
Her arms felt a sudden cold draft and she shivered and walked on, when she heard a noise.
Alice blew out her candle in case there was enemy or such, and walked toward the cause of the noise.
It came from Sharon's room.
There was a pillar of light coming from the crack of Sharon's open door. Alice walked closer to the door, as a moth might towards the light. When she was close enough, she peeked inside.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Killed the cat indeed. Stabbed it and gouged its eyes out, too. Alice wasn't prepared at all. She didn't pay heed to the fact that her cup spilled silently on the carpet or the fact that her candle rolled far from her feet and into the folds of the curtains.
Utter of the shudders
"Oz…" Alice and Sharon whispered simultaneously.
Body over body, the sound of moans and the creak of the bed, it was Oz and Sharon. Alice's eyes widened and she tore her gaze away, only picking up the cup to run away.
She would've kept running, were it not for the fact that she bumped into a body. Alice was about to fall, but a firm arm held her steady.
And her eyes immediately met those
Of a large, blue caterpillar
That was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly
Smoking a long hookah. . .
The caterpillar and Alice
Looked at each other in silence.
A voice, quiet and almost serious, spoke. "You saw didn't you, Alice?" She looked and saw Break.
"B-Break? What…" He cut her off.
"Answer my question, Alice. Did you or did you not see?" Break asked again. Alice, in realization, understood what he was asking. She clutched his shirt tightly, almost surprising him, and she suddenly clung to him, crying silent sobs.
"I'll take that as a yes, then. Why don't we go to my room? We can talk there." He said comfortingly, leading her to his room. With a glance, he looked fleetingly at Sharon's room and turned away with a shaking head.
"The horror of that moment," the King went on,
"I shall never, never forget!"
"You will though," the Queen said,
"if you don't make a memorandum of it."
XXXXXX
"We can talk," said the Tiger-lily:
"when there's anybody worth talking to."
She sat silently in his room, in the green arm chair, while he sat at his desk; the hand on his chin indicating a thought process. He broke the silence.
I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable
"You know, I never sleep. I don't find much peace in it." Break spoke, staring up at the ceiling. "I can tell you didn't find much peace in seeing that bit back there."
"She's in that state of mind," said the White Queen,
"That she wants to deny something— only she doesn't
Know what to deny!"
She shifted a bit in the chair and looked at him hard with red eyes. He smiled crookedly. "If I were in your position, I would feel just like you." Break stated, patting Emily's head before setting her on his bed. "Care for a candy, Alice?" He asked, opening a can. "No, I perceive." He smiled once again.
"Would you care to tell all this is?" He asked again.
Alice glared somewhat angrily at him, yet he could sense the sadness in them. "You know what this is." Alice said again, her eyes glancing away.
"Keep your temper," said the Caterpillar. . .
"You'll get used to it in time,"
And it put the hookah into its mouth;
And began smoking again.
"I suppose I do. I can't say I'm happy as to Lady Sharon doing this. But, it is her decision, and boys are all savages." Break spoke easily, but this did nothing for Alice.
She spat angrily in return. "Aren't you one?"
"No, no, dear. I'm not a boy, but a man, there's a difference, Alice dear." He said; his voice reasoning.
"How so, Break? Tell me." Alice asked in return, curiosity in her bitter voice.
"A man knows better. He's mature. Well, more so than a boy. And, he'd know how not to break a heart." Break said; voice serious. "And Oz is nothing more than a boy at the moment."
"How do I know when a person is a boy or not and is a man instead?" Alice asked, bitterness slowly draining from her voice.
"Ah… That's the hard part. You don't know! Not until you finally get to know the person. Just remember that a man will always give good heart to everything, and I do mean everything, Alice." Break said.
"What about girls? When would they know that they are a woman?" Alice asked, shoving her feet down to the floor.
"It's just the same for girls as it is for a boy. You'll know when you're old enough." Break said in a certain voice. He looked back at the clock. "Ah, I think now should be a good time for you to go back Alice. This should be about an hour before it's time for everyone to wake up, no?"
Alice nodded and got up. When she took her teacup along with her out the door, Break called out to her. "And, Alice, should you ever have a problem, you can come to me, you know." She turned around to him.
Despite herself, she spoke, "Thank you." And even more surprisingly, she smiled back to Break and went to her room as the sun slowly made its way out among the darkness.
"Well now that we have seen each other," said the Unicorn,
"if you'll believe in me,
I'll believe in you.
Is that a bargain?"
XXXXXX
Desire is fire
Lust is distrust
Love is just a hex
Babe, it's all about sex
Grab the wine and gin
'Cause we're in the city of sin
.
.
.
Oz was rather popular among the women. Alice would often see them giggle about him whenever on missions or at some event at Pandora Headquarters. There were other places of such things, but the one that stood out the most in her mind was- -
The bed chamber.
He perhaps brought a lady with him, every other few days. And Alice would continue her old routine, getting herself a cup of water, maybe a pastry, and leaving her blanket behind every warm night. And then go to Break's room to talk a bit, passing the darkness of his room, and go back to her room before the morning.
Alice never really said Oz's name these days. She couldn't even tell if they were friends anymore. Well, it didn't matter much. It isn't as if he has time for me anymore, thought Alice.
Tonight was, again, one of the warm nights. Her dress was nothing more than down to her ankles, exposing her bare feet to the carpet she walked on while holding her cup of water. One of the straps of her dress hung loosely on her arm, having slipped down before. Deciding to rest on her journey back, she sat on one of the sills of the large windows of the hall, watching the sky.
It was a full moon tonight. Alice still wondered as to how the moon rabbit was faring. It was so weird- -
"Into the dream you came
And across the soft carpet of my reverie you walked
With hobnail boots…"
"Oz! You can surely be the indecent ones at times!" A female voice cried out. It was coming from the bottom of the stairs.
"Excuse me then, lady…" The rest was blocked out by Alice's thoughts, she couldn't think clearly.
I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. No- - They can't see me- -I can't let- -
"Alice?" She twirled around to the call of her name, her dress ballooning out around her in a flourish. She held the cup in her hand.
They had finally come up the stairs, only to see Alice sliding out of her seat in the moonlight hurriedly. A dark-haired woman clung to Oz's arm, and Alice could see how pretty she was. And Alice could see how the glare in the woman's eye ruined her beauty.
The woman spoke in a high, aristocratic voice. "Oz? Who is this?" She asked; her glaring unbecoming for her looks.
Alice beat Oz to it. "I'm…" She thought of a fake name quickly, but could come up with none, and opted for something else; "I'm Oz's cousin." Alice lied; her face turning into a smile. Oz looked weirdly at her. She ignored it. But, she could feel the darkness in his eyes, flashing.
"If everyone minded their own business,"
Said the Duchess, in a hoarse growl,
"The world would go round
A deal faster than it does."
"Well, I must be going. Have a well night, you two." She turned around with her dress swishing around her, drops of water splashing about.
But most came from her.
Desire is no inspire
Thought is to be bought
Lust is disgust
And is nothing compared to trust
The Codex is about love not sex
XXXXXX
"Where were you last night?" Break asked as they walked through the streets. Alice's eyes slipped back towards him.
"There was…there were some difficulties last night." She said, her eyes sliding back to what was in front of her.
"Walked upon one of his dollies and him, love?" Asked Break knowingly.
"Shut up." But, this gave Break his answer.
"Ah…I see then. He and dolly saw you, you saw dolly and him, and couldn't escape without them two seeing that you go into my room. I see." Break said, saying it all.
"Shut up." Alice said more forcefully. Break stopped and grabbed Alice's arm.
"Alice, he's nothing more than a boy at the moment. He doesn't know what he's doing at the moment, with all those women." Break said, looking down at Alice, whose face was towards ground, concealing what could not be seen. He sighed. "Come on, I'll get you something to eat. I'll pay. If I'm not mistaken, you do have an affinity for meat, yes? If so…"
Break walked alongside Alice in their trip to the butcher shop, returning back to the mansion at around two, bringing back their errands with them.
When they came back, no one really was there to welcome the two. Alice was still apparently eating her treat as Break ate his. The sun was slow to come down, and Break started.
"Alice." He said in between bites of his crepe. She turned to look at him, as they carried their goods down to the kitchen.
"What?"
"You know I won't be here much longer, no?" Break stated, looking down at her.
"In spring, when woods are getting green,
I'll try and tell you what I mean:
In summer, when the days are long,
Perhaps you'll understand the song."
"For this must ever be
A secret
Kept from all the rest
Between yourself and me."
"Yes."
"Yes, yes, that's well then, yes. I won't be here much longer to be with Lady Sharon, Gilbert, or Oz, and most certainly you, of course. I won't be here to hear your problems and I'm sorry that I won't be able to." Break said, opening the door for Alice into the kitchen.
"I know, but that's all right. Because by then…" Alice started when she set the groceries on the counter for the cook to use later; and turned. "I'll be a woman by then! And don't you dare underestimate me, you clowny fool!" Alice said triumphantly.
Break merely smiled at her, pride hiding within. "I see then. I see."
XXXXXX
She swirled around the round, mahogany table her bare, pale feet touching the ground lightly in quick, graceful steps. Black, almost dark copper, hair bounced about her bare shoulders, the plaits long lost. Alice walked in the deep depths of the dark, of her soul, as she circled the table, as though walking through her whole life, as though walking the last steps of life, into death. Again and again she walked around the dark table, obscured in the shadows. Did this mean reincarnation, rebirth by sleep? Alice hoped not. If it meant reincarnation, the repetition of her life, filled with sorrow and regret of the deepest black hole (The Abyss), she did not want that. She would not want to relive the days of his flirtation with other women. Dark was the night, beautiful and starry, the moon iridescent.
"He is unknown to such. Life, that is. Darkness in his eyes, that is, shining fearfully bright, showing his lust…No, not for death, not for liberty of rights, not for blood…no, just for you Alice, darling, just for you. The sun and moon wouldn't let that be, no, why else do they shine? Remember, Alice, remember." Break's voice spoke about the room.
"I told Sharon of you." The chain stayed silent. "She said, basically, 'Sorry. I didn't mean it', Alice." He had a taunting tone, Alice could tell. He was testing her.
Alice spoke back. "You're testing me. You're testing to see if I'll cry. To see if I'll go give my hand to Sharon's face. You're curious if I'll yell or not. I won't. Sharon is at least sincere." Her voice had an almost apathetic lilt to it. Her eyes slid over to Break's direction. "And…" she started, "You'll kill me if I were to raise a finger against Sharon."
Dry laughter broke out from legal contractor. "Very fine, Alice, very fine." It was just the instance of a moment, but in some way, Alice had felt relief rush through herself.
XXXXXX
The Forbidden is hidden
Life is taken by the knife
It was a dark and dreary day; about five months after Oz had become sixteen.
Break was sick. He would cough blood up every now and then, his body weak and tired. He said at the very beginning that he had another year left before he was 'overtaken'.
But, he had also said that he wouldn't give up so easily. And he had lasted five more months.
But, everyone knew he couldn't go on much longer. Most certainly not in this state.
His body was overworked, but he had done all he could do. So he rested in his room (practically his deathbed). Sharon could be heard crying harshly in the living room. It was no happy event for anyone. Even Raven, who had so often used Break's face for fuel in learning how to shoot, could not be content. As for Oz and Alice, they sat wearily by themselves, contemplating.
The maid who had been tending to Break had approached the four, the four who seemed not too long ago very close, but were in their own little worlds at the moment.
"I've come to ask of y-you all, in Break's p-place, that you all go see him one at a time. Lady Sharon, h-he wanted to see you first." The young maid stuttered, patting her hands on her apron.
Sharon nodded solemnly, her eyes glistening and red. She stood and walked over to join the maid in the walk back to Break's room. Soon, when she returned, her eyes were deep red and her head hung, her sniffles echoing along the halls. When Gilbert was called and let go, his face was dark, aura humorless. It was nothing short of sadness.
Then, it was Alice's turn. "Miss Alice, if y-you please." The maid sputtered, turning to let Alice pass in front of her. When reaching the room, vomiting and the wet coughs could be heard from outside the room. When the maid opened the door solemnly, Alice walked through with the sight of Break blanketed heavily underneath pillows and sheets.
As the maid left, Break started as Alice kneeled beside him. "Hello, Alice. I see you're well today." Break coughed, blood splattering onto his hand.
"Break…"
"Yes, yes, it's been getting much worse. In a few hours I'll probably be gone. I called you all so you can hear your favorite hero die in honor." Break joked, wheezing out laughs.
"Break…"
"Yes, yes, that was not funny, I know. Gilbert nearly looked murderous when I told him and Lady Sharon looked as though she were burst into another round of sobs. Oh, I hope her mother can forgive me for leaving Lady Sharon alone. But, I suppose I've done all I've could, yes?" Break ranted quietly, raking a hand through his white hair.
"You've done a lot, Break." Alice said, staring at him.
"I suppose so. So it is. Alice, the annoying brat you are, you've grown quite a lot. You've been a fine girl. And now I suppose you've earned the right, Alice. You're a woman now, held high above those silly wretches who call themselves a woman. Yet, the one you seek is nothing but a boy." Break stated, patting Alice's crown, irking her.
"But, don't worry Alice. He'll be a man soon. Now, hold your head up high. There, that's it. The moon is oh so very full tonight, shining on. You've heard the Chinese legends, yes?" Break asked and Alice nodded. "Only natural then. You're delightful in the moonlight, Alice, don't forget that. Now Alice, don't anything foolish, since I am your silly old mother, and you must certainly obey." Break laughed weakly. He was blind, but from the sound of her movements, he could tell she was holding up her head.
"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid,
Because I'm not myself, you see."
"Oh my fur and whiskers!"
It is this, it is this that oppresses my soul.
Alice glared slightly. "A man who likes you would never want to hurt you and cause you to cry. But, hey that's hard; making a woman like you cry." Break laughed. Alice glared, but humor danced among her violet eyes. "But, I do mean what I say, Alice. You must leave your tragic hero here now, Alice, and return to the maid. "You'll be a fine young woman."
"Break…thank you." Alice whispered. She kissed him on the cheek and left; him smiling as the young woman walked out the door.
It was Oz's turn. Everyone else had gone off somewhere, to do their own business. Alice waited in her own bedroom. Oz had been taking the longest. Over two hours, from what she could tell. And when he finally did come out, he said little. When Gilbert asked him what Break had stated to him, all Oz had said was- -
"He told me to take care of Emily." And that was all. But, Alice knew that there had to be more. However, she never really looked into it.
Soon the funeral came. Break was buried and gone. Sharon had wanted to have him cremated and sprinkle his ashes somewhere peaceful, but was outvoted by others. The ground was muddy and wet from all the rain the past week. Everyone wore black, reminding Alice of the darkness. Since she had no black attire, she was taken by the maid to go shopping for a black dress.
As fate would have it, Alice chose a long black dress, hugging all around, covering her arms, yet leaving her neck and collar bone bare, dipping slightly over her chest. If she had looked Oz during the funeral, she would've seen the darkness within his eyes.
XXXXXX
Show me your jealousy
Your rage
Your anger- -
And I'll take it all in with wondrous bitter joy
There was going to be a ball.
At Pandora Headquarters of course. Formal attire, as well. Most of the Four Noble Houses would be attending.
Even Alice, at the age of seventeen now would attend. But, that didn't mean she had formal clothes. She had her black dress attire from the funeral, her regular clothes (which magically grew and changed slightly to match her size) (weird), and sleeping clothes. What was Alice to do?
Simple. She would go in her regular clothes. But, when Sharon heard of this, she would not even let Alice protest. Their problems and difficulties had mended over the past year, and the two could be called good friends. This was all due to the fact that even Alice was somewhat scared of the Rainsworth ladies' wrath.
"I am not hearing of it, Alice! We must simply get you a dress, and look I'll even buy it for you! And…" Sharon had said slyly, "I'll throw in a free bit of meat in, if you let me!"
Knowing she could not refuse, especially to the meat, Alice accepted.
Hours later, even Alice could not comprehend how she gotten ready. Her attire, long and somewhat trailing on the ground was white with black lace designs. Her sleeves tight and white had flared out in black lace and nets that had tiny bits of beads that echoed the looks of pearls and diamonds. Her hair, similar, was up as well, but loose tendrils curled as a fringe for her small face.
Alice did not like this at all.
First of all, it was tight, especially with the corset and the sleeves. Second, it was unbearably hot. Third, it was much too heavy. And foremost, this was not how chains roll. The ballroom was blindingly bright with many candles, and was stuffy with all the well-dressed people from Pandora and the Four Dukedoms. But, Sharon thought otherwise.
"Oh, you look splendid, Alice! Oh, what of me?" Sharon exclaimed, spinning around in a full circle, her dress ballooning out in a wide circle.
Alice was no master at compliments, but gave it her best. "You look great…Sharon."
"No, no! It is 'big sister'! Now say it!" Sharon insisted, pointing her fan, one identical to her grandmother's and Duke Barma's, at the dark haired girl.
"Alright…big…sister." Alice choked out. How mortifying.
Sharon seemed delighted. "We should visit the powder room for a tiny bit. To freshen up, you know. Come." Sharon giggled, taking Alice's wrist against her will.
Was this even possible? It was curious how Sharon could seem so damn happy, yet sleep with a boy. Alice sighed mentally. Perhaps she was getting too soft. Or more likely, withdrawn. She had never really talked to Raven, Sharon, or him these days. But, if so, it was usually about missions, only the professional things, or when she was being scolded, but that was just Raven. It was like Break had taken all of their connection with him down the grave. Most days, Alice kept to herself, wandering the streets, roaming different places, or just staying in her own room. It was all different for her.
When the two girls had reached the powder room, Alice was reminded of the stuffy, professional event that took place this evening. Oh, how she would give this event up for an all-you-can-eat-meat-buffet. It would've been nice, but Sharon would probably drag her back to this evil place. Alice patted her head a bit to keep her hair from falling apart.
"Alice," Sharon started, "Big sister is just going to use the ladies room, and so be a good girl while I'm gone."
Alice shook her head at Sharon as she left through the door. "I'm not a girl, Sharon," Alice began and the older girl turned to look at her, "I'm a woman." Sharon stayed frozen for a bit, until a small smile slowly brightened her face.
"I'm happy to hear that, Alice." And Sharon walked fully out of the door. The moment it shut and clicked, Alice high tailed out of the place.
She knew reached the middle of the ballroom. It would be a dreadful thing for Sharon to drag her away into goodness-knows-what. Alice sighed when she knew she was safe. She looked around herself, seeing people dancing around and giving her weird stares since she wasn't dancing.
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you,
Will you join the dance?
The further off from England, the nearer is to France.
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledum,
"if it was so, it might be;
And, if it were so, it would be;
But as it isn't, it ain't.
That's logic."
"Hey you!" Alice did not dare to turn around, for she could not lose her dignity as a woman, and this was a man who was calling out her name.
She was suddenly turned around by the shoulder. "You want a piece of…" Alice started, but when she was faced with Elliot, heir of the Nightray family.
"What right- -Oh…You're Oz's chain, aren't you?" The boy began, staring weirdly at Alice.
Alice looked at him with a haughty sniff. "And what of it?"
He seemed almost dumbfounded, but he soon shook it off. "Urg…It's looked down upon to be without a dancing partner. You're going to ruin the event."
Alice narrowed her eyes at him. Then, she kicked him on the shin swiftly. "Holy mother- -What the hell is wrong with you?" Elliot cursed, hopping aimlessly in his place. He staggered back into a stiff posture with a pained look on his often bitter face.
"If you think I'm going to ruin the event, you've no idea." Alice said, glaring at him. "But, if you really, really have to prevent it, dance with me."
"What?"
"I believe you have ears."
"Argh…Darn confusing woman…" Elliot cursed once more under his breath and snatched Alice's hand.
Briskly, they went into a waltz, the current dance. Though Elliot knew nothing of dancing itself, Alice was dominant, so there was really no problem at all. She did have some critical responses though. "You aren't moving your feet right. No, more like this. No! The other way! There. Ouch! You're crunching my toes! Lighter. More. There. Don't look down. Much better. You know you suck at dancing, right?"
"Shut up." Elliot replied, face practically red. "You don't act the way girls are supposed to." He remarked, grimacing at her.
"Who said I was a girl?" Alice started, looking at him from the corner of her eyes. "I'm woman. There's a difference." Elliot looked at her weirdly and shrugged.
They danced through the rest of the other six waltzes, but Alice declined the rest.
Wrong. She was half dead from the dancing and her feet were already beginning to blister, so of course she would screamed bloody no more when the next song came up. Elliot had stepped on her feet several times and her heels were horrid.
As Alice parted from Elliot, he looked at her again. "What?"
"Nothing…" Elliot trailed off, looking out towards the crowd of people. A slight blush was crawling up his throat painfully slow. Alice tilted her head at him. What he said next came jumbled out in a mess of words. "You-weren't-really-bad-as-I-thought-and-I-had-good-time-dancing!" With that, he rushed off awkwardly. Alice, not really comprehending his words, smiled absentmindedly, before stalking off to hide from Sharon once more.
"I wish you wouldn't keep appearing
And vanishing so suddenly.
You make one quite giddy!"
This time it vanished quite slowly,
Beginning with the end of the tail,
And ending with the grin,
Which remained for some time
After the rest of it had gone.
Alice didn't have much of an idea as to where she was, but she knew she wanted a place somewhere quiet and dark. Enough for her to have her thoughts in peace. There. It was dark and gloomy here, shadows crawling over the white walls and moonlight shining through the windows. It was just right, just perfect. She twirled around in the middle, delighted by space in the room. As curiosity was a part of her, Alice explored the room, touching the walls, the windows, and the curtains- -
She found a tiny gold ball that fit perfectly into her palm. It wasn't heavy, but rather hollow feeling. But, it wasn't fragile and thinned enough to be dropped and broken. No, it was just right.
Alice gave an experimental toss. She caught it. Yes, it was just right. She slipped her blistered feet out of her heels, enjoying the coolness of the dusty floor.
Oh, what fun this was, tossing the ball, higher and higher, trying her hardest to catch it, only to prevail. She twirled over and over, like the world would finally be better when she stopped. And suddenly, her came apart, coming curled from its previous state, and a shower of pearl and diamond bead pins showering from her like a cascade of pure water to fall on the ground as raindrops from the storm that was to replenish the earth from its long thirst. Still, bead pins remained in her curled hair, looking as if she was a fairy princess who awoken from her nap in the dewy, evergreen grass.
Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again
Alice laughed giddily at the sensation and twirled around once more. Joyfully she jumped about, twirling round and round, like nothing could stop her, and nothing really could, because she was a woman now. And she tossed the ball once more into the moonlight air and caught it, but dropped it as soon as she saw that familiar face peering at her with full darkness, now more than ever.
. . . Echoes fade and memories die:
Autumn frosts have slain July.
Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never by waking eyes.
Oz.
XXXXXX
Say my name
Say it again
Say it like you mean it
Say it until your voice is hoarse and rough- -husky for more, for me
Cry out my name
SCREAM IT
Alice hadn't had a chance to see Oz before the ball. But now that she did, she could not sway her eyes from him. He was grown, almost the exact image of Jack. He was handsome in his black suit, hair partially slicked back as he leaned against the doorway; a leg crossed behind the other. His eyes never adverted from her, and it scared her, having to see the darkness practically consuming his deep emerald eyes.
Alice was frightened out her mind.
He saw? No, no, no, I have to get out of here, no, no, no- - Alice did not want to deal with Oz, especially not now, not when the atmosphere was so tense, beckoning her, calling her. It made her shiver on the inside, raise the hairs on her neck, and made her want to back away. His eyes scared her, like it wanted to take her in, swallow her, kill and skin her alive- -
It was as if he wanted to eat her.
Being hard-hearted as she was, she finally moved to go out through one of the doors, but made the mistake of passing through the one Oz was leaning.
Drink up baby doll
Are in or are you out?
"Alice." He said; his voice quiet and deep, almost husky. She stopped in mid step, but did not turn around.
"I promised Sharon I would meet her again." Alice said emotionlessly.
(So let go) So let go
Jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
"Liar." Oz said simply and easily tugged her to look at him. "It's been over two hours since Sharon had gotten out of the bathroom." He smelt of alcohol, but he didn't seem drunk.
"Well, I'm intent on keeping my promise. Let me go."
"You don't say my name anymore."
It's all right
"Sure I do- -Oz, Oz, Oz. There. Are you happy now?" Alice asked, refused to look at him. But she should have never opened her mouth.
Oz's grip tightened considerably on her wrist and her breath hitched little. "What makes you think I'm happy now, Alice?" Oz asked; his voice soft and gentle, but the underlying anger in his voice was evident. It unnerved Alice, who had never seen him angry.
But, despite it all, her own indignation, she asked angrily, "Then what the hell would make you happy then, Oz?"
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
Suddenly his eyes flashed and he slammed her against a wall, pinning her down. "This." He whispered hoarsely in her ear, and pulled away- -
We are but older children, dear,
Who fret to find our bedtime near.
He crushed his lips against, his kiss wanting and urgent, as though he had not drunk for days. She could feel pent-up desire, as though he was punishing her for making him wait for so very long. When Alice gasped for breath, Oz assaulted her mouth with his tongue, memorizing every corner of her mouth- -his hand riding up her skirt- -her moaning- -slim fingers curling and gripping onto his hair- -a leg sliding around his waist- -he groans- -grinding- -don't stop- -a hand on her breast- -gasps for breath- -
She had never quite forgotten that
If you drink much from a bottle marked "poison",
It is almost certain to disagree with you,
Soon or later.
Sometimes she scolded herself so severely
As to bring tears into her eyes.
"Lacie…" Oz whispers. Alice stops. When her eyes dart around her, she sees her leg around his waist, his hand on her bare hip, hovering just above the hem of her underwear- -she stops. No, no, no- -God, he's drunk and who is this 'Lacie'? She pushed him away roughly.
"Alice?"
"Don't 'Alice' me! Who is this Lacie? Because I'm sure that last time my name was Alice!" Alice seethed; eyes hard.
Realizing what he had said, Oz inwardly scolded Jack. "Wait, look Alice…" He was cut short by the dark-haired female.
"No, just stop!" Alice said; throwing her hand at her head. "I bet I know; she was probably one of your whores, on her back by the snap of your fingers! Just like that brunette, like Sharon, all them! You know what…" This time she was interrupted.
"You may charge me with murder—
Or want of sense
(We are all of us weak at times):
But the slightest approach to a false pretence
Was never among my crimes!"
"Does that make you any different, then? Huh, Alice? How much higher are you than them, then? You think I haven't noticed you sneaking into Break's room every night?" Oz cut in with his voice dark and solemn, eyes flashing. Indignation was high in him, despising the painful accusation. But his eyes widened- -
It was already too late. And she was dashing through the halls, tears falling fast. "No- -Alice! Wait! I didn't mean- -Please…" She heard Oz's voice echo. But she heard Break's voice as well.
"Oz is nothing more than a boy at the moment."
"He'd know how not to break a heart."
That night, she knew that she had no one to console.
"She runs so fearfully quick
You might as well try to catch a Bandersnatch!"
XXXXXX
Without, the frost – the blinding snow,
The storm-wind's moody madness –
Within, the firelight's ruddy glow,
And childhood's nest of gladness.
She remembered that night two years ago. Alice, now nineteen, knew a lot of things. She was older, much older, but was still the old Alice inside. To begin, let's start at the beginning.
When she was maybe fifteen, who knows, she met Oz.
When she was perhaps sixteen, she found out about Oz and his first time. Over this, she and Break had formed a close friendship.
When she was seventeen, she attended a ball.
Ah. There we go. The ball. It was a painful memory…to say the least. The room, the golden ball, the bead pins, the moonlight, him, the flashes of dark emerald, angry words, and her dress- -
Her dress. The very one Alice wore to that ball. The day afterword, she took the dress, and all the pins that she could salvage; and tied it up tightly in a huge brown box and stuffed it in the attic, never ever to be seen again. Well, perhaps not 'ever'. Alice had grown fond over the elegant dress. So whenever down, she would take the long trip up the winding dusty stairs to the attic to try it on once, only to see it still fits her.
And to see that she hasn't changed one bit since that night. Alice had finally stopped maturing. She was all grown. She was now five foot six, taller if with heels, and she grown majorly in other areas. It wasn't something she was proud of, so she hid.
Life was most different now. Sharon hadn't much long. About Raven, Alice didn't know. She was still assigned on missions, with Raven and Oz.
Ah. There we go. Oz.
Ever since that night, they've never really happened to speak unless it really called for it. In the morning, it was as if nothing happened. She remembered the loud screams and moans emitting from his room that night, with another girl, of course. And still, Alice had been pushed to work with Oz. For two years. And she was sick of the silence. She'd gone to Pandora Headquarters herself some time ago to talk, but it had no effect. None at all.
So, now, today she was going to take that stupid, horrible, son of a bitch box and burn it down, all the way down to the dark bloody deep Abyss, where it all fucking started. And Alice was going to do it now.
I'm ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl
That I used to know well
She dressed in her funeral clothes, to show that she was going to killing off part of herself, of him, that stupid dress, and that she was going to watch it all.
Alice trudged upstairs in pure determination and confidence, holding the packet of matches and scissors. She wasn't just going to burn it screaming, she was going to stab and cut it bloody wailing. She wouldn't dare let it have the satisfaction of a medium death. It just wouldn't do.
Alice could just imagine Break right here, right now, urging her in pride and encouraging her to do this. She smiled despite the fact that what she planned to do was completely morbid. Finally reaching the attic, Alice kicked the door in with her boots, feeling blissful. Directing herself across the dusty old room, she found the box, and tucked it tightly under her arm, as if it were a spoil from war.
It wasn't too far from the truth.
She trudged downstairs, her smile wider and her head higher. She would've never stopped going straight if that glint hadn't shown in his room that day.
Alice stopped in mid step. And that shine- -it looked so very familiar. Perhaps a peek wouldn't hurt- -the boy was out somewhere today.
So then, Alice stepped lithely into Oz's room, taking it all in. The curtains closed, the smell of faint linen, and then that smell, the kind that came after the workings of love made. It made her shudder, that smell; it did.
There it was!
It was the shiny thing that had caught her eye. It was round, gold, and would probably fit perfectly into her hand if she were to hold it.
It was the gold ball from that night so many months ago.
"H-He kept this?" Alice murmured to herself, lifting the ball into her hand; she felt the same hollowness. She looked around a bit more, and in a tiny bowl on a high shelf, she saw pins; several of them.
She remembered them. They had stuck to her hair that evening at the ball. Then, the shoes- -"No way…" Alice muttered.
Alice did not need this right now. No, she wouldn't bare it, she wouldn't even think about it. And at that moment, she dashed out the room to find a sanctuary.
XXXXXX
And so she went on taking first one side
And then another and making quite a conversation of it altogether. . .
She generally gave herself very good advice
(thought she seldom followed it). . .
Sanctuary just happened to be the library. There was no one in there, from what Alice could tell.
Now, she knew just what she was going to do. And when she was done with everything, she would apply to go to a good school and get her education from there, to never return, not even if Pandora begged and tortured her. Her smile brightened as she sat herself down on a fine arm chair and unsheathed her scissors. Merrily taking out the dress out of the box, she swung her legs back and forth, humming a happy off-tune melody. When she undid the dress from its binds, rolled down in a flurry, still beautiful in its crumpled state. A wave of nostalgia and emotion washed over Alice and she cringed, remembering the memories around it. But, she shook her head and raised her scissors high above her head and - -
Cut it.
She felt as though she had torn off a part of herself away, but she knew it had to be done. Alice looked back at the large tear and raised her scissors once more and - -
"Just what are you doing?"
Did he always have to come at the wrong times?
Alice didn't even need to turn her head around.
Oz.
"I daresay you haven't had much practice,"
Said the Queen. . .
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible
Things before breakfast."
XXXXXX
He was here. Alice felt like banging her head against some table and letting herself die. There had to be a way out of this. Maybe if she pulled a hit and run, maybe she would be free.
But, it probably wouldn't last long.
"Dear Lord, Alice, it looks like you've murdered someone!" Oz said, coming around the chair to reveal his whole appearance to Alice. She ignored him and slowly began cutting again at her dress.
This went on for, perhaps, twenty seconds. He snatched the scissors from her hand. "Alice, stop that! What are you doing?" There was only a flicker of darkness within his eyes, but the rest was worry and confusion.
Alice looked him straight in the eye. Then she turned away from him and started to rip apart the dress.
Time: .00001 seconds
"God, Alice, what the hell is wrong with you?" He exclaimed, tugging her from the chair by her thin wrists. The dress fell to the ground, still crinkled and pretty, even though it was ripped.
She refused to look him straight in the eye and stared elsewhere. "Alice. Alice. Alice, look at me."
"No." She was defiant, even with the feeling of dread.
Oz didn't seem to hear her. He turned her face roughly towards him. She still didn't look at him; her eyes cast downward, as if trying to prove something. "You've changed." He said.
"You don't say 'Hi' or 'Hello'. You don't say anything. You haven't insulted me or cursed me. You don't even say my name anymore. You won't touch me. You sometimes don't even listen. Now, you won't even look at me." Oz said; voice quiet and hoarse.
"Say something." He pleaded; his hands tighter on her wrists. Alice said nothing, still taking it in. But, silence occurred for minutes, leaving her in a dreamlike state, like nothing could be happening now, when finally she looked at him, her eyes glazed over slightly; holding something in. She bit her bottom lip and she spoke; her voice cracking and high- -
"Oz."
Do you remember the way that you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored
He kissed her. It wasn't like last time. It was sweet. Gentle and passionate. She fell deeper into the hole, deeper and deeper into its dark depths, something she later found was feeling of desire and longing fixed together at the hip. His mouth worked over hers, and licked her bottom lip for entrance. She complied and her hands were let down. Wanting warmth, her hands swept over his back, quiet and wanting. They pressed against each other, neither wanting to move from their place; kissing at what seemed forever at the moment.
Well is it dark enough
Can you see me
Do you want me
Can you reach me
Alice sighed and his hands crawled along her waist. They slid down, grabbing her hips and digging their fingernails into the fabric, biting down on the soft flesh beneath. He pulled her closer and she slid her fingers into his hair, similar to spun gold.
Alice, he cried softly over and over again.
His mouth left hers and trailed down her chin and neck, soft kisses planting her neck. She sighed once more; her fingers curling tightly on his hair. Soft and gentle, Alice thought once more. She pressed harder against him, every bit of space feeling like millions of miles away. When he pressed back, her back bumped against a bookcase; and he lent over her like that for several minutes, his mouth working over hers.
Vaguely, she remembered walking along the stairs, hidden in the shadows of the darkness, still kissing him. The sky was overcast, and knew his eyes would be peridot that day, that night, that night in his bedroom.
Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss good night
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this
Soft and quiet did the clouds look and describe how her dress tumbled to the ground. Gentle and whispering did the wind sound, echoing her voice in his room.
The candle lights flickered in the dark recesses of his, just like her thoughts did, losing herself to him. She wept that night, silently, as she lost her innocence, his name astray in between strings of hoarse whispers. No, not because of her innocence lost, but because she was not his first, and will never, ever be. Life wasn't fair like that. And it never would be.
Alice remembered that night, as rested in her spot, looking at the light amongst the ceiling, gliding over the corners from the open window. When she closed her eyes, she was met with a dreamless sleep, light and calming.
XXXXXX
"Take care of the sense,
And the sounds will take care of themselves."
Light danced among the white marble hallways, reflecting off of the glass that covered paintings. Birds chirped and their sounds echoed. Dawn was often a time for decisions, as it was once said.
Two a.m., where do I begin?
When Alice had awakened, it was barely five o' clock in the morning. Lying there, she watched the shadow of the clouds move across the ceiling. Oz was still sleeping peacefully beside her, his front facing away from her. For an hour, she sat there in her bare form, watching his breath come in and out of him. In. Out. In. Out. Alice tore her eyes away from him. His face was serene, and she could bear it no longer.
So she got up and walked about—
Rather stiffly just at first
As she was afraid that the crown might come off:
But she comforted herself with the thought
That there was nobody to see,
"and if I really am a Queen," she said,
As she sat down again,
"I shall be able to manage it quite well in time.
Quietly, she dressed, but silently, she left.
Oh, I'm leaving
XXXXXX
Though she managed to pick
Plenty of beautiful rushes as the boat glided by,
There was always a more lovely one
That she couldn't reach.
"The prettiest are always further!"
She said at last,
With a sigh at the obstinacy of the rushes
In growing so far off.
Alice walked for a long time. Around the gardens, the ponds and lakes, around the houses and buildings in the acres, and finally around the dead rose garden, six miles away from the mansion. Her feet were bloody and covered in blisters while her black dress was frayed at certain ends and crusted with dark brown mud. She remembered this place well. This was where her hiding spot was. Alice would often sit in there for a piece of mind, letting the thorns prick her and cause a bit of bleeding. She also remembered that this place was where she had first felt the bubbling feeling in her chest, something she found later to be jealousy. The green envy.
"I should see the garden far better. . .
If I could get to the top of that hill:
And here's at path that leads straight to it—
At least; no, it doesn't do that. . .
But I suppose it will at last.
But how curiously it twisted. . .
Well then, I'll try the other way."
Suddenly, she felt a drop on prickle her cheek. It was sprinkling. Alice always did love the rain. It was beautiful, but she loved snow even more. Soon, it was pouring harshly, and her hair turned darker from its usual color and stuck to her pale face. She placed a finger upon a thorn. It bled red. Subconsciously, or what she thought was 'subconsciously' was, Alice felt herself hiccup slightly. A sob racked her body, and her eyes reddened.
"Consider anything
Only don't cry. . ."
She trailed around longer in the dead rose garden, her bloody feet gathering up dirt. I, Alice thought, am like the earth beneath my feet. Others grow before her, taking what she found was precious, priceless. She envied those women, like the earth had envied the sky. She could not change, but only vary and move; to be taken away and be sucked dry. Another slight sob.
Alice never forgot anything while drunk. And soon, she realized, she never forgot anything the night before. The kisses. The hugs. The touches. Those intimate moments would probably be never shared again. Alice was no better than those one night stands. She was just a piece in a cruel chess game, just about to be thrown out.
But, really, she had loved Oz. She never knew when it had started, but she knew it had to end soon. Alice wished she was the kind who would forever forget their memories the night before or whilst drunk. Life was never fair. Alice walked a little while longer, ignoring the pain in her feet, wondering when the path would end. Will it lead to darkness or to light?
"Then it doesn't matter which way you walk," said the Cat.
"—So long as I get somewhere,"
Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat,
"if you only walk long enough."
XXXXXX
He said, "I go my ways
And when I find a mountain-rill
I set it a blaze…"
"So either way
I'll get into the garden,
And I don't care what happens."
Breathless, Alice sat in the pouring rain beneath the old willow tree. Her feet burned and she rubbed them, only to see that blood had stained her pale, cold hand. She wiped her hands against her soggy dress, trying to find comfort in the roots of the tree. She closed her red eyes for a moment, trying to rest.
"I said it very loud and clear
I went and shouted in his ear
And when I found the door was locked
I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked…."
"But it's no use going back to yesterday
Because I was a different person then."
"A- -lice! A…ice! Whe - - re - - you?" A voice yelled out in the mist of rain. Alice bobbed her head upwards and her eyes snapped open. Oz was here. She sucked in her breath and stood up unwillingly. His voice was getting closer and closer. It was suspenseful, to say the least. If and when he got here, Alice would have no idea…
"Alice! What the bloody hell are you doing out in the rain?" Oz yelled, once he caught sight of her under the willow tree. "What is wrong with you? I- -We've been looking for you for over three- -maybe four hours now! Get down here!" Oz yelled as he climbed up to meet her.
Alice stared back at him steadily. "It's often always about 'we'." She began, looking at him from her position. Oz stared back her weirdly.
"What are you talking about?" Oz asked; confusion on his face. He shook it off and took Alice's wrist in his palm to take her out of the rain, but, aggressively, Alice pulled her hand away.
"Alice- -…"
"It's never 'I', you know? It's always something about 'we'. I'm curious, Oz, who do you stand together with as 'we'?"
"No, no! the adventures first,"
Said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
"Explanations take such a dreadful time."
"Alice- -not now, please, really, let's just take this inside and I've got to tell yo- -…"
"Speak in French when you can't think
Of the English for a thing—
Turn your toes as you walk—and remember
Who you are!"
"No! I'm not going back inside! I don't even want to go back! Not to that life, not this one." Alice exclaimed, backing away from Oz. "I-I…! I don't want to do this anymore, I want to feel 'this' anymore!" Alice emphasized; her hand over her chest. "Ever since we started growing up, everything's changed!"
"Then what the hell do you fucking want, Alice?" Oz asked, taking her by the shoulders and shaking her.
"What I don't want is for me to have to feel 'this way' anymore! I don't want to be the one who always gets hurt in the end, the one who's left behind when the war's done, when I won't be needed anymore! Because that's all I am! Something to be used and thrown away! And I don't want that, especially not by you." Alice cried, her hands upon her head, as if trying to block out some invisible noise.
Time seemed slow. So slow it seemed the length of a night and day put together. Rain seemed to fall inanimately, as though there was none at all. Alice felt cold, inside out, yet but it was almost like she was burning in the rain. It was as if the couple was in a different world, no one but Oz and herself. Just them. The sound of the grandfather could be heard from six miles away, ticking away purposely-, as though waiting for the end of the world, waiting for oblivion and anarchy burst, waiting for the flames of destruction to come put it to peace- -something was going to happen- -
"I would never do that, Alice. Not now, not ever."
"Don't keep him waiting, child! Why,
His time is worth a thousand pounds a minute!
And don't twiddle your fingers all the time. . .
Better say nothing at all.
Language is worth a thousand pounds per a word!"
Time stopped. The words hit her fully and truthfully, spinning around her breathless spirals, reminding her of the mahogany table, giving the meaning of rebirth. Was it almost like it? No, this wasn't it. It wasn't everything; it could practically mean nothing, anything to no one and anyone. No, this was relief, the blessing of good hope.
Alice stared wordlessly at Oz, her indigo eyes wavering and flickering over his face. "I wouldn't throw you away" Oz continued, pressing his wet forehead onto hers, "Break told me something long ago, on his deathbed. I took it for granted, but I didn't know what it meant until a few days ago. I'm sorry Alice." She stayed silent and her eyes were shining at sudden realization. "Do you know what he told me?" And Oz whispered it in her ear, so quiet she had to strain to listen.
"It's by far the most confusing thing I ever heard."
"I should like to have it explained," said the Mock Turtle.
"She can't explain it," said the Gryphon hastily.
"Go on with the next verse."
When he took his head away, Alice eyes seemed to glisten and looked straight into Oz's eyes. No, there was no darkness, but instead, a light, burning brightly, and it was beautiful. Showing sincerity and complete understanding. And she found green to be her favorite color later on in life, because at that moment she knew what his meant at that moment- -
You better shut your mouth
And hold your breath
And kiss me now
And catch your death
Oh, I mean this
Oh, I mean this
"I'm only interested in a lifetime partnership. Are you?"
And she said yes.
XXXXXX
Every now and then that darkness would reappear, but she found no risk in it. But she loved his eyes when they were bright and shining, not showing anything nor nothing, not that at all- -
Because right now and forever- -
It meant everything.
Thus grew the tale of Wonderland:
Thus slowly, one by one,
Its quaint events were hammered out –
And now the tale is done. . .
fin
"Oz."
"Yes, Break?" The younger boy asked, coming towards the dying man.
When Oz came to Break's bedside, the latter suddenly grabbed Oz roughly down to him. "Break, what the hell- -…"
"Listen to me, you idiot, and do it well- -…"
"Alright, alright, what?"
"This isn't a game, you got that?" Break spoke roughly, his face close to Oz's. "You of all people should understand well how pain feels. So, don't pretend not to know anything, okay?" He sputtered a bit, blood splattering the bed sheet. "You'd better heed this well, Oz, if you don't, I'll curse you from my grave, from the Abyss, and everywhere else until I get my satisfaction." Break snarled.
Closely, he pulled Oz down and whispered in his ear- -
"Be a man."
.
.
.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed my story. I hope no one got offended in any way and also that this didn't look cheesy. I really hoped it didn't. I've been working on it for a month, trying to perfect this 'little'one shot of mine. If enough people like this, then I'll make a sequel in Oz's point of view, except it'll be a bit funnier…I sound sadistic. I wanted to incorporate some quotes from Alice in Wonder land into it, to make it more, what's the word, 'authentic'? Oh well. I've always liked stories that were psychological or dark. I tried my hardest to make this seem, hopefully, to make this pretty deep, but I don't think it quite made it. But, I think I did quite well as a newbie. Well, thanks to all those who had given this story the time of a nanosecond, second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, etc…. to read this one shot. It'll probably take a long while for me to get down the sequel, but don't expect anything. I'm super lazy, and my art fanatics hate me for that. Bu, as they say in France, Au Revoir!