Once and Again
Chapter One: What's old is new again
The sound of the timer on the microwave pulled Olivia from her thoughts. She hopped off the barstool on which she sat and stuffed her hand into an oven mitt before pulling out perfectly round and golden brown cinnamon rolls. Her heart swelled with pride as she remembered her grandmother and the tried and true recipe she had imparted only to Olivia. It was a secret to be passed on from mother to daughter in their family. It had skipped one generation for Olivia's mother, but now she hoped to pass it along to her own daughter—if she could pry her away from her cell phone long enough.
"Vanessa, they're ready!"
Olivia yelped when she turned around and almost ran into her daughter, dressed impeccably in black.
"Gosh, mom, you don't have to yell," the teenager said with disgust. "It's not like I'm eating, anyway."
"You need something in your stomach before you go, please. Pick what you want, I don't care."
"I just finished my make up."
Olivia eyed her daughter suspiciously. Seemingly she had returned to her former self, but deep down, Olivia knew that her daughter was hurting.
"Amy wouldn't want you to starve yourself," Olivia said quietly. "I made these because they're your favorite, and you've always been willing to ruin your lipstick for them. Please, honey. Eat."
Vanessa looked at her mother then and her bottom lip began to tremble slightly.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Vanessa asked hopefully.
Olivia sighed. "This is a family day, honey. Sit down." She moved them both to the kitchen table and put the rolls down. She smiled to herself as she noticed her daughter dig into the pie plate and pull out a roll and begin to slather icing on it with glee. She was growing up quickly but she wasn't quite done yet.
"You're family," Vanessa said with a mouthful of pastry.
Olivia just nodded, pretending to agree. She wasn't Fitz's family anymore. At least he didn't seem to think so.
"I have to finish that piece the University commissioned, and I want to run some errands while you are out," Olivia said. "I'll try to come by a few minutes early to say hello."
"She loved you too, mom," Vanessa said. "I think dad would want to see you today."
"I'll think about it. I'm going to go upstairs and finish getting ready. You need to be at the church in 30 minutes, so finish up and text your brothers to make sure they're up and at 'em."
"They are, they went to breakfast with Dad," Vanessa replied. Olivia stopped on the stairs and thought of Fitz at breakfast with his sons. She knew just where he had taken them-the corner booth at Delmonico's.
Olivia continued up the stairs in the 100 year old Victorian home she had once shared with Fitz. For some reason, her mind was drifting back in time a lot lately. Olivia knew why, but she didn't dare dwell on it. It didn't seem fair or appropriate given the day. But in addition to it being the day Fitz was going to bury his second wife Amy, in two more weeks it would have been his and Liv's seventeenth wedding anniversary. But they weren't married anymore.
Back when they first moved into the house, Fitz and Olivia were 20 and 25 years old and about to have a baby. They rented this house in Alameda's Gold Coast by pooling every resource they had and calling in every favor from friends. The goal had been to live on their own and make their relationship work despite the doubts that her father and his parents had loudly expressed. Fitz was studying to be an architect and Olivia was just a few months away from completing her bachelor's degree. She was on her way to becoming a respected artist. Both of them completely disappointed their parents when they announced their relationship, baby, and engagement in one conversation over Easter brunch.
Though it had been a rocky start, their relationship had been happy and passionate for the first three years. Then things changed.
Pushing the thoughts about the end of her marriage to Fitz from her mind, Olivia selected black slacks and a large grey cashmere sweater from her closet and slipped her feet into comfortable loafers. Securing her hair in a ponytail after brushing it quickly, she finished her makeup, grabbed her keys, and went back downstairs to drive her daughter to her stepmother's funeral.
In the car Vanessa changed the radio station five times before Olivia switched the station to NPR. She chuckled slightly at her daughter's eye roll. Vanessa sat back and started to put in her earbuds to listen to her own music, when Olivia suddenly muted the radio and pulled the car over a few blocks from the church.
"What?" Vanessa asked.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"God, yes!" Vanessa exclaimed. She looked like she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth and then sighed. "I just want this day to be over with, you know? She was sick for so long, and Daddy just—it's really been hard. Brandon and Danny don't really know what to do with themselves, you know? They're like, immature and stupid anyway and now their mom's dead. It's gotta suck. Dad's letting them eat whatever they want and they basically quit showering on the weekends and are even grosser than they have any right to be."
Olivia chuckled at her daughter's assessment of her 10 and 8 year old brothers, and the state of affairs at Fitz's house.
"I asked about you, not your brothers," Olivia said gently.
Vanessa looked down into her lap. "I think she was really ready to go, like a year before she died, you know?"
Olivia did know and nodded. Amy, a once vibrant and striking woman, had languished in and out of the hospital for more than 2 years, and spent 3 months in an assisted living facility, and eventually hospice.
"And Dad just wasn't, you know? Like, he kept on saying that the treatment was going to work and stuff. I think she just wanted him to be okay. So she stuck around for them. I'm kind of relieved you know? She was in so much pain. I don't like seeing Dad upset—he really loved her."
"Yes, he did." Olivia sighed and pulled the car back into traffic. She didn't want them to be late. "If you need me, you call me. Be strong for your dad and your brothers today, okay. And when you get home, I'll be strong for you. We can do our nails and eat ice cream and watch trashy reality TV."
"The Kardashians?" Vanessa asked hopefully.
"I have to draw the line somewhere, young lady, but we'll see."
Vanessa smiled. "Thanks mom. I'll text you when we're done."
"Okay, I'll be at the house."
When she arrived at the large house in Piedmont, Olivia experienced an anxiety she hadn't felt in years. It had been a few months since she'd actually seen Fitz, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to see him now. She didn't want to add to what was already a very complicated time for him. Vanessa wasn't responding to her text messages and she needed to get back home for a conference call—plus her daughter wanted to pick something up at the mall. She was going to have to walk up to the door and ring the bell.
Sighing, Olivia unbuckled her seatbelt but remained rooted in the car. She hadn't set foot inside Amy and Fitz's home in a very long time. She could count on one hand the number of times she'd even been on the property. She only ever dropped off her daughter or picked her up at the curb. It was too much for her to walk into the house and witness the life Fitz had made with someone else after their divorce. She gathered her courage and got out of the car.
Olivia opened the door slowly, whispering her daughter's name. The house was eerily quiet, and Olivia remembered seeing a copy of the program for Amy's funeral services. The family was gathered at Amy's sister's home. She relaxed when she realized that there was probably no one home. Fitz's car was in the driveway but undoubtedly someone else was driving him today. Olivia stepped into the neat kitchen and smiled at its orderliness. Amy had been an excellent cook and homemaker, in addition to being a first-rate journalist. She worked from home often and Olivia felt jealous at her ability to write for worthy publications, raise two boys, and keep Fitz happy, too.
She let her fingertips just lightly touch the countertop and she flinched when she heard a glass break somewhere upstairs. Olivia looked above her head and heard quick footsteps. Not wishing to be caught, she headed back for the door when her phone beeped in her hand. Realizing it could have been her daughter upstairs, she stopped short to read the message. Vanessa's text told Olivia that she had taken her younger brothers out to eat after the services but that they were leaving the restaurant now.
"What are you doing here?"
Olivia tore her eyes from the screen of her phone to find Fitz standing on the bottom step about to come into the kitchen. He'd clearly just come from the shower, and was only wearing a towel.
Olivia felt like she was about to get in serious trouble. She was having difficulty gathering her thoughts. He stared at her expectantly. Olivia shifted from one foot to the other, but found her voice when he continued through the kitchen to the bar to grab a bottle of whiskey.
She pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear and said "I, uh—I came to pick up Vanessa, but she-"
"Oh, I'm sorry she took the boys out to grab a bite. She's driving Amy's car. I told her to ask you." Fitz poured himself a drink and Olivia noticed his knuckles looked red and swollen.
"It's okay," Olivia said waving a hand. She moved to the drawers at the island in the center of the kitchen and started opening them. When she found some kitchen towels, she moved to the freezer and took out some ice. She put a few cubes in the towel and handed it to Fitz, before moving back across the room away from him. Fitz after a shower was one of her most favorite kind of Fitz's, and they both knew that. She worked hard not to meet his gaze.
"Thanks," he whispered. He nursed the drink in his hand after a sip or two, just staring down into the amber liquid. "Want one?" he asked.
"Yeah," Olivia said a little too quickly. They were getting into trouble fast, but as per usual with the two of them, there was no place else she would rather be. "I'm sorry, Fitz," she added when he handed her the glass of whiskey.
"Ah, you know these things happen. She lived a good life."
"That sounds really rehearsed. How many times did you have to say that today?"
His reactionary laugh was loud and boisterous. "Only about 1,000, the boys and I decided after a group therapy session that we would just say that any time we couldn't think of anything else."
"Since when do you have a hard time searching for the right words with me?" Olivia asked honestly.
"Since you're standing too close to me and all I can think about is kissing you; and the fact that my wife just died."
"I'll go wait in the car," Olivia said as she tossed back the drink and enjoyed the feel of the good quality liquor burn down her throat.
He grabbed her arm just as she turned for the door. A moan escaped her mouth before his lips closed over hers. The kiss was instantly demanding. Blood rushed to her ears and every other place in her body as his hands moved from her lower back to grip her ass firmly.
"Fitz," Olivia groaned out when she felt one of his hands move up her back to the warm skin there. Pressed as tightly to him as she was, she couldn't deny the significant evidence of his arousal. Her fingertips went to his towel and tugged. Instantly he was naked and she stepped back from him to see. She uttered a little gasp at the sight of him and felt a wave of sadness at the realization that it had been years since she'd seen him like this, but if she were being honest she imagined it all the time.
He reached for her hand, his eyes never leaving hers. Olivia bit her bottom lip and allowed him to guide her hand to his thick member. Fitz closed his eyes and hissed when she grasped him and brought him to her. The kiss was searing and searching, both of them growling and whispering to each other how much they needed and wanted this connection. Her other hand moved up and down his chest, her fingernails running through the light dusting of chest hair before moving around to the nape of his neck.
Olivia pulled Fitz's face down to hers as he kneed her legs apart. His tongue plunged into her mouth for a deep kiss before pulling back suddenly and turning her around. He pulled her slacks and a scrap of black lace panties down her thighs and used his fingers to test the wetness between her legs. He gave an appreciative growl before pushing himself inside her.
"Shit!" Olivia slammed a hand against the countertop and pushed her backside out to get him deeper. They moved together urgently and rhythmically as if they had never stopped making love. One hand was next to hers on the counter, anchoring them, and the other was splayed across her lower abdomen, his fingers lightly stroking her clit expertly. "I'm—I can't—I'm going to-" Olivia's knees began to quake and she felt herself falling apart.
Fitz's hands went to Olivia's hips and moved her at the pace he liked while Olivia held on for dear life. He followed closely behind her, emptying himself into her and constantly kissing her neck and back. Olivia closed her eyes, enjoying the way he smelled, the way he felt, the way his body overwhelmed hers, and how fucking incredible it felt to be with him again, even if it was just his grief talking.
When he stepped away from her, Olivia kicked off her pants, which had fallen into a puddle at her ankles. As she bent to pick them up, she felt his warm hands glide over her backside. Standing up in surprise, she let him gently pull her towards him with one hand while he threw the slacks over the back of a chair at the kitchen table. Her hands went to his face, caressing his cheeks.
"Again," he said, sitting in one of the chairs and tugging her towards his lap.
"Fitz, no, we shouldn't," Olivia whispered. She looked around and remembered they were alone in the house, but for how long? Despite her reservations she went willingly into his lap as he settled her down slowly on top of him. They kissed languidly as he entered her.
"I missed you," he said.
"I'm sorry," she replied.
No more words were exchanged between them. This time the coupling was less urgent, more intense. Her hands went to the back of his neck to play lightly in the curls there, before she anchored herself on his shoulders. The room was filled with their heavy breathing and the sound of their skin slapping together. His head went to her chest as he pushed the sweater up in order to get to her breasts. "Yes," she hissed out when she felt his lips and tongue close around her nipple and suck. She came with him again but this time silently, her whole body quaking around him as she relished the feel of his hands pressing into her hips.
Fitz sat back, his chest heaving, making no move to push her off his lap. Olivia felt insane, invigorated, and ashamed as she looked at him, his face awash in relief. The sound of a car alarm setting itself in the driveway signaled that someone was home. Olivia leaped off of Fitz, causing them both to wince slightly.
"Shit," Fitz said as he grabbed Olivia and started to pull her up the stairs with him.
"No, isn't there a bathroom down here?!"
"Uh, down the hall, just there," Fitz pointed. Olivia nodded and ran for it just as the back kitchen door opened.
"Mom, are you here?!" Vanessa called. She and her brothers came barreling into the kitchen dropping their bags of leftovers, kicking off their shoes and tugging at their neckties. "Hey, guys, take this stuff up to your rooms, come on."
"In the bathroom, honey," Olivia called. "I'll be out in a second."
"Oh, um okay weird," Vanessa said as she moved into the living room and flipped on the television. "Dad, we're home!" she called out to no one in particular.
"Hey sweetheart," Fitz said, jogging back down the stairs now fully dressed. He wore an old NAVY t-shirt and jeans. "Are you leaving with your mom?"
"Yeah it's her night, but I'm sure she'd be cool with it if I stayed." Vanessa looked up at him questioningly. Fitz patted her head gently.
"No, baby you go ahead and keep plans with your mom. We'll be fine."
Olivia took that moment to emerge from the bathroom. She felt warm and knew her face was flushed, but she couldn't help it. Her body still buzzed from her encounters with Fitz and she had cleaned up so hastily that she still felt him touching her. Seconds ago, he had been holding her and now he stood across the room, arms folded as he and their daughter both watched whatever reality show she was obsessed with lately. She also noticed that his knuckles were bright red and slightly scratched. She resisted the urge to tend to him.
"Are you ready, Ness?" Olivia asked as she picked up her purse from the counter top. She didn't walk into the living room with them.
Vanessa stood and looked at both her parents, who were rarely in the same room with each other.
"Yeah, I guess. What's wrong?" she continued to stare back and forth at them while Fitz and Olivia avoided eye contact.
"Nothing, baby, we're just running late, come on."
"That's not Dad's fault, I offered to take them out to eat, to give him some time alone."
"You didn't do anything wrong," Olivia insisted, extending her hand for Vanessa but refusing to step any closer to Fitz. "Do you want to say goodbye to your brothers?"
"No, I'll see them tomorrow. Say goodnight for me, Dad."
"Will do, honey. Olivia, it was good to see you." Fitz moved around the living room and kitchen picking up after his sons and rummaging through the cabinets taking down ingredients to start making dinner. Olivia stared at him for a few seconds, wanting to speak but unable to find the words. There wasn't anything to say. He was back to being the kind yet distant ex-husband that he had been for the last decade.
When they got into the car, Vanessa began fiddling with the radio as Olivia started the drive home.
"I wish Dad would've let me keep her car for the weekend," she mumbled. Olivia remained silent. "Mom?"
"What?"
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"What?!" Olivia asked frantically.
"Um, you said you would let me stop and pick up that headband for Jamie's 80's party tomorrow night. You were going to show me how to do my hair like you guys used to?"
"I'm sorry, I just forgot honey. Do you still want to go to that?"
Vanessa's expression gave Olivia her answer. She made a U-turn at the intersection and headed back into town just before she would have had to commit to going through the Webster tunnel to get back onto the island.
A/N: Guys, I have no idea where this story came from, or where it's going. It just would not get out of my brain, so I had to put it down on paper. I will be posting a chapter of Surrender later on today too-the muse just hasn't been biting me lately for that one, but it's probably because I stopped torturing myself watching Scandal. Thanks for reading, please leave a review!