Caboose knows that he isn't all that smart. He knows it, but he doesn't care about it. He's stupid, but he still can understand things in his own way. He can also understand that people don't think he understands anything. So when they tell him he can't understand being in love he doesn't try to correct them.
Love is something he does understand. There's the love he has for cookies and orange juice, the love he has for friends and family, and the love he has for Church. There are all different types of love and he knows very well which is which. He understands being in love because he is.
He tells Church all the time. He tells him to 'Shut up' or 'Fuck off' most of the time, but sometimes he gets an 'I love you too, buddy' in response. His best friend doesn't mean it in the way he does. It's okay, he loves him enough for the both of them.
He doesn't talk to anyone else about his feeling because they won't believe him. They will either think he friend loves him or that he doesn't actually know what it means to be in love. But he really does. He didn't always love love Church, it came later. He even remembers the exact day he realized it. He doesn't like that day.
Caboose thinks that Tucker might know. He sometimes gives the blue soldier these weird looks. They aren't mean or fun. They're sad. It makes him sad whenever he sees those looks. Tucker always looks away when he looks at him in those moments. He doesn't understand why he gets those looks. Maybe it's because Church won't play with him either.
Sometimes Caboose likes to sit in his room and imagine himself with Church. They would be best friends (even better best friends than they are now). They would go on picnics in the sun, hold hands, and be happy. They would eat cookies and he would even share his orange juice because he loves him. Church will smile at him because he is very happy and he will love Caboose back.
Those thoughts make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Kind of like when the horrible doctor feed him to Tucker's dog-kid. But this feeling is better. It goes away when he remembers why Church doesn't love him the same.
The blue clad soldier pulls out a notebook and pencil from the drawer in his bed stand. He opens it halfway through. Every day he writes down that he loves Church Sometimes he even writes it down more than once. His handwriting is big so it takes up more space. He fills up the bottom of the page with his love for today. One day he will give Church his love book. That would be nice.
There's a knock on his door. It is his friend, Tucker.
"Hey, Caboose."
He was right, he wins!
"Breakfast is ready, you coming down?"
Caboose smiles and shakes his head, blonde hair falling into his eyes with the motion.
"No… I will later. My tummy is not empty yet."
Tucker is giving him that look again. He doesn't know why. Caboose smiles at Tucker to try to make him happier. He gets a small smile in return. This is good.
"Okay, buddy. Just get down here before it gets cold. It's fuckin' disgusting when it's cold."
Tucker tries to smile more, but it doesn't look like a happy smile. He's gone soon after that. He always leaves quickly. Tucker is also the only one who will ever wake him up. He doesn't understand that.
Church always slept in too much so he never would wake him up. Caboose imagines that if he did, he'd do it with a big smile and kisses to his face. That would be really nice. That would be better than chocolate chip cookies.
Oh, oh, oh! When Church love loves him back they will get a puppy! He will name it freckles because their puppy will have spots. They will get a kitty too, their puppy can't be lonely. Being lonely is sad. They will have a lot of pets. Pets are cute and nice and they love you a lot.
Suddenly his room is much too small. Outside is bigger and better. He will go outside now. Caboose quickly puts on his standard blue armor and walks out of their base. Nobody says anything as he leaves. It was weird before, but he's used to it now.
It's bigger outside, but he still feels squished.
He will go exploring because exploring is fun. He can go on adventures in his mind and those are the best adventures of all! He sets off from the base with a smile. This adventure will be a special adventure, he can just tell!
It doesn't take long to find a cave. It's black and looks like a big ship. It will be the perfect exploring cave. When he goes into the cave he knows that he is right. He has found the perfect treasure.
It is dark, but he does not mind. There is enough light to see his prize. He loves it instantly. He does not love it like Church, but he does love it like Tucker. It will love him too. It will also go on adventures with him, play with him, have fun with him, love Church with him… He knows it will love Church because his name will be Freckles.
Caboose loves his new puppy and his new puppy will love him. Church will be so happy to meet the puppy when he love loves Caboose. It will be the best thing ever.
He feels squished again, but the cave is big. He needs his notebook again to tell Church that he and Freckles love him.
He keeps the notebook to make up for all the times he can't tell Church that he loves him. He can't tell him because Church is gone.
But it's okay, Caboose still love loves him.
It just doesn't always feel okay.