The sleeping sound of snow
Cerulean eyes were hidden behind closed eyelids, pale skin adorned with little drops of water, lips slightly parted asa calm breath ghosted over them.
When Jack opened his eyes, all he saw was white in grey, a sky that was covered with small white dots. Snowflakes were dancing in the air, making their way down to earth.
Slowly, silently, almost secretly, creating no sound when they hit the ground, as if they didn't exist at all.
It made him smile when another snowflake fell on his face, melting slowly on his cheek which was slightly reddened and benumbed with cold. He tilted his head further back and exhaled heavily, a cloud of steam escaping his mouth, the action relaxing him a little. It was like he breathed out all the negativity and for a second he laughed silently to himself.
Smiling, he looked back down to the little bundle and the small present in his hands, his thumb stroking gently over the soft and woollen fabric, before he finally continued his way down the street. He had lost track of time, standing there just to feel the cold, the snow, the winter, so he speeded up a little, noticing how it already dawned. This was probably the only bad part of winter, that the sun set so early.
Jack turned right, finally seeing the house where the man lived he wanted to see today. He wasn't even sure if he was at home, considering that it was New Years Eve. But it was still early, so he hoped that it wouldn't be too much of a bother. Another smile, a soft one, adorned his lips at the not so far-off memory when he last visited Kozmotis Pitchiner. He looked down to the bundle – or well, better said to the sweater and the roundish present in his hands, not even noticing that he came to a halt once more, his mind travelling back to the events of Christmas Eve.
Jack had been nervous when he had knocked on the door. Not just because he wanted to see Kozmotis but because he thought their relationship was a little...odd. Jack loved the man, while he wasn't even sure what Kozmotis really thought about him. Most of the time he was rude, telling Jack that he should leave him alone. But the last few times he had been...nice. Really nice. And even though Jack knew that he had been a little drunk back then he couldn't help it but think that the married man really cared about him and that it wasn't just the imagination of his seventeen year old self.
Yes, sure, that he was married was...painful. Whenever Jack thought about it his heart ached terribly. And he would never interfere with their married life, for the love of god, but...wasn't it normal or at least understandable that he wanted to see him? To be able to talk to him? It was, he concluded.
So the boy had finally pulled himself together and had knocked on the door. He held his breath until, just a few seconds later, someone opened the door. Jack held back a smile when he saw the tall man standing in the doorframe, his eyebrows raised in surprise and only when Kozmotis smiled a little he finally dared it to breathe properly again, offering a smile in return.
"Jack" he said with his deep voice that always caused a tickle in the white-haired teen's gut. "What brings you here?"
Jack's mind needed a few seconds before he finally snapped back to the here and now, his mouth opening and closing quickly as if trying to find the right words.
"Uh..."
Oh, yeah, talking about intelligent answers. The boy cleared his throat and his usual cocky, confident grin was back on his lips.
"I just thought I should pass by and give you a present for Christmas" he explained and raised his hands in which he held a little box with a ribbon tied around it. He held it towards Kozmotis, waiting for him to take it. But the man seemed to be confused and a small „Oh." was all he could muster.
Jack could already see it coming: Awkward silence.
But when he opened his mouth to say something that could ease the tension, something happened that he would have never expected. The tall man took the box and fumbled with it, appearing a little taken aback. "But I don't have anything for you."
The young man blinked in surprise, his mouth opening slightly. Kozmotis sounded like he really regretted it. That he was sorry about he felt guilty.
It made Jack frown at first before he smiled, shrugging it off.
"Don't worry about it, I didn't expect anything in return anyways."
He already had prepared himself for that case indeed but not even in his dreams he would have imagined that Kozmotis would feel bad about it.
He turned slightly and pointed towards the garden gate.
"Well...I think I'll head back home now...you should put that in the fridge. And don't open it before tomorrow! So...have a nice Christmas Eve."
Jack said it with a smile on his lips while he felt a sudden tightness in his chest. Damn. Why couldn't things be easy just once? What would he give to spend Christmas Eve or even Christmas itself with the other male. But well, life wasn't easy.
He raised his hand to wave goodbye before he turned around and walked towards the gate, the snow under his feet creating a silent but scrunching sound that Jack always loved to hear. Sometimes, when no one was around, he walked as slow as possible, just to hear how every step proofed the snow's existence in the silence.
"...want to come in?"
Jack froze in his movements, his reddened fingers remaining on the cold, metallic garden gate that he just was about to pass through. The boy turned his head, big blue eyes staring at the tall figure that rested against the door frame.
"...really?" he asked, knitting his brows.
"Yes, really. I made eggnog and it's too much for only one person anyways, so..."
Jack slowly closed the garden gate, pinching himself slightly without the other male noticing. Okay, he was awake. Maybe an attempt to murder him?
He reached the steps in front of the door, placing a foot on the first of three steps.
"You sure...?" he started, shrugging uncomfortably. "I bet your wife wouldn't like it if someone bothered the two of you on Christmas Eve..." he muttered, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
Jack wasn't entirely sure if Koztmotis' wife knew about his love interest for her husband but one thing was for sure: She didn't like Jack. Maybe it was because he was just causing trouble to her husband.
Kozmotis rolled his hazel coloured eyes.
"I won't ask twice, pup. And now get in, it's getting cold."
The man couldn't even blink, so fast Jack had entered the house and with another roll of his eyes he closed the door.
When Jack was inside the warmth of the place surrounded him, bringing a tingling feeling to his cheeks and fingers when he slowly took off his coat. The house was solemnly decorated for the upcoming event and the air smelled like cinnamon and – indeed – eggnog and it made him smile.
Sure, in the house where he lived together with North there were a lot of lights, Christmas stars and other decorations but...there was no one waiting for him. His foster father was always incredibly busy around this time of year and was barely at home. He snapped out of his thoughts when a big hand with long delicate fingers grabbed his coat and hung it on a hook next to Kozmotis' own one.
"Oh, thanks!" Jack said quickly with a big grin, which faltered a little in an insecure manner when Kozmotis returned it. Woah. What was wrong today?
Kozmotis laid a hand on Jack's shoulder, guiding him into the kitchen where the smell of the liquor was most intense. Jack wondered if Kozmotis was aware of the fact that he was still underage and officially not allowed to drink these kind of things.
Of course he had it almost every year, though. North wasn't the kind of parent who would forbid Jack something like a festive drink.
He looked around and noticed that the kitchen was one of the rooms in the house he had never entered before. On the table in the middle of the big room stood a single, steaming cup.
"Take a seat, pup."
Kozmotis patted his shoulder and placed the present Jack had given him next to the cup before walking over to the kitchen counter.
"You really think it's okay for me to be here?" he asked, checking if the tall man was still turning his back to him before he pulled the cup towards him. He thought, now that he wasn't looking he could take the chance for taking...well, an indirect kiss.
But when he peeked inside he found an almost empty cup, which caused him to raise a single brow.
The white-haired teen bit down on his lips to keep in a sigh. Now he knew why Kozmotis was so nice to him. He was tipsy. It had been like this the last time they met, too.
Great.
"Sure it is."
Jack quickly put the cup back, getting rid of the thought of an indirect kiss. It was probably creepy anyways. Why did he fall for someone like him of all people, a man with the sensibility of a stone, a name like a great-grandpa and a wife that looked like a small version of a Victoria Secret's model?
Kozmotis turned around, a steaming cup in his hand that he placed in front of Jack just a second later. The teen took it between both his hands, warming up the still cold digits on it. He didn't know what to think, now that he knew why the other was so kind but his heart seemed to take control over him anyways. Why shouldn't he enjoy it as long as it lasted?
"Won't your wife be angry to see me here when she gets home?" he asked before he brought the cup up to his lips and nipped on his eggnog. He grimaced slightly. Damn, it was strong! But tasty and he didn't want to complain.
The black haired male sighed heavily and shook his head.
"She's still on that business trip and won't come back before New Year" he explained and Jack's heart jumped a little in his chest, eyes big.
Quickly he looked down into his cup, trying not to show that he was excited and relieved. That meant that he could stay here a little longer. That he had the man just for himself. At the same time he felt sorry for Kozmotis. The last time he had met him, about one and a half weeks ago, she had left for her trip. She must have a really busy job.
"Oh, so you're all by yourself tonight?"
Kozmotis chuckled and emptied his cup completely.
"Not anymore."
Jack felt his heartbeat speed up even more and how his cheeks turned slightly red so he quickly took a few more gulps. The liquor warmed his entire body and he relaxed slightly, smiling stupidly.
Kozmotis got himself another cup and soon they were talking animatedly. They talked about sleighing and why Kozmotis didn't really like it. (It made Jack laugh to hear the reason being that Kozmotis' legs were too long to fit properly on a sleigh.) They talked about Christmas and what Jack hoped to find under the tree the next day, since North always managed it to smuggle them in during the night. And they talked about Kozmotis' work and how he was especially busy before the holidays.
They were laughing a lot and Jack noticed how much he loved the other's laugh, how he said his name and the usual 'pup' Kozmotis liked to call him. The teen's cheeks were glowing from the alcohol and he hadn't felt so comfortable in quite a while.
In about two hours they had finished the entire eggnog and Jack felt like it had been a little too much for him. He was a giggling and laughing mess by now and had a hard time to not babble without taking a breath much to Kozmotis' amusement.
The man was half-drunk himself. He was more open and talkative than usual and Jack enjoyed it a lot, even though Kozmotis could pull himself together while Jack couldn't. At some point Kozmotis got to his feet and laid a hand on the white-haired teen's shoulder.
"We need you to sober up a little, pup" he said but Jack shook his head, the wide grin on his lips not even vanishing for a second.
"Nah! I'm perfectly fine!"
Kozmotis rolled his eyes, laughing silently.
"Okay Jack, get up. How about you go to the living room and I'll make us some hot cocoa?"
The seventeen year old's face lit up.
"With extra Marshmallows?!"
The man nodded.
"With extra Marshmallows. Just for you."
Jack's eyes glistened with joy. Just for him! He got to his feet and immediately felt the alcohol rushing through his body. Woah! Good that he could support himself a little on the edge of the table.
"Okay, that better be a damn good hot chocolate!"
With another roll of the other male's eyes and a „It's down the hallway" Jack left the kitchen and headed down the hallway and entered the living room. His mouth fell agape and his eyes widened in surprise. This room was gorgeous! It was big, warm, solemnly decorated, it had a fire place and there were expensive looking pictures on the wall and an even more expensive looking piano.
Slowly he stepped closer to it and opened the cover for the keys before he let his fingers slide over the ivories without making a sound. He smiled while doing so. It had been quite a while since he last played on a piano since he preferred to play the guitar but still...
Before Jack thought properly about it he sat down on the taboret in front of it and took the music book with the golden letters down, skimming through it. He wondered if he could still play and since Kozmotis was busy in the kitchen he had some time to find out.
There were a few songs he knew, like 'Mad World' by Gary Jules or even 'When September ends' by Green Day. But that wasn't what he was looking for. It was Christmas Eve so it should be something more...christmas-y!
He stopped and grinned when he found one of his favourite Christmas songs if one could call it one. It wasn't a typical one, though, none like 'Jingle Bells' or 'Santa Claus is coming to town'.
He placed the book in front of him, leaning it against the piano before his fingers slowly started to move over the keys. Whenever he hit the wrong one Jack winced slightly, chewing on his lower lip. Probably it was due to the fact that Jack was a little drunk that he was especially clumsy with the notes but after a few minutes he could at least manage the beginning and so he silently started to mutter the song text at the same time.
"You can play the piano?" he heard a familiar but surprised voice.
Jack jumped to his feet, almost tossing the stool to the ground. He had totally forgotten about Kozmotis being there for a bit.
"Well...uh...a little but it's kinda hard" he muttered, not able to hide that he was a little flustered.
"It wasn't that bad" Kozmotis chuckled as he approached Jack and placed both cups on top of the piano. (A rich person would probably get a heart attack by the cruel act of violating the expensive piece of furniture. But to Kozmotis it was an instrument and an instrument was made to be used, right?)
The older male adjusted the stool and sat down on it, patting on the space left of him to indicate that Jack should sit down next to him.
Slowly the teen sat down next to Kozmotis, a little nervous because of the sudden closeness, but it wasn't bad at all. Jack was about to take his cup but Kozmotis grabbed his hand and shook his head.
"I made it too hot, you should wait a little longer or you'll burn your tongue."
Jack didn't really listen, instead he focused on the hand with the beautiful long fingers. He blinked quickly when he lost the warmth around his hand, as if he was waking up from a day dream.
"How about we try to play the song together?"
The boy's eyes lit up and he looked into the other's smiling face, nodding eagerly. He really must be incredibly drunk to offer something like this and Jack was probably too drunk to care that the sudden kindness was because the other man was drunk as well.
"Okay...you seem to be better with your right hand, so I'll undertake the part of the left hand, okay?"
Jack nodded, not realizing that it would be more practical to switch places for that. He also didn't care when Kozmotis sneaked an arm around him to be able to reach the keys on Jack's left side.
"So Jack...just start and I'll join you" he tried to encourage him while studying the sheet of music in front of him. The younger male bit down on his lip with a nod, trying to concentrate on the notes he was supposed to play.
Slowly his fingers started to move and it was weird to see how Kozmotis' fingers did the same out of the corners of his eyes. It irritated him so much that he promptly made a mistake.
„Sorry!" he apologized immediately, feeling ashamed. He knew that he couldn't play perfectly but he wanted to show that he was good at something. He wanted to impress him so badly...!
„It's okay, let's just try again..." the other answered, offering Jack another encouraging smile.
It was weird how such a small smile could make him feel so much better.
And from that point on it didn't really bother him anymore when he made a mistake, instead he just tried again and again and again. Every now and then they made a short break, sipping on their hot cocoas. (Jack cheered when he saw that there were indeed a lot of Marshmallows in there.)
After about an hour Jack could play it almost smoothly with his right hand and he grinned proudly while Kozmotis just rolled his eyes every now and then.
In between the tall man got up again just to get them both another cup of hot chocolate (and extra Marshmallows for Jack) while Jack cracked his knuckles, repeating what he had just practised.
„Hey, let's try again!", he said excitedly when Kozmotis sat down next to Jack, placing his own cup on top of the piano again while he gave Jack his cup so that the boy could sip on it immediately. Kozmotis only laughed silently while Jack grinned from ear to ear, shifting a little. He only noticed then that Kozmotis had placed his hand on his Jack's hip but he only smiled about it, thinking that the tall man was doing this without realizing what he was doing himself.
When Jack placed his pale fingers on the keys Kozmotis did the same, removing his hand from Jack's side what made him almost sigh.
This time when they pressed the keys Jack shut his eyes, feeling the music that filled the room.
"I'm Mister White Christmas, I'm Mister Snow, I'm Mister Icicle, I'm Mister Ten Below. Friends call me Snow Miser, whatever I touch turns to snow in my clutch, I'm too much~"
Jack didn't notice that Kozmotis stopped playing. He sang from the bottom of his heart while his fingers fulfilled their duty blindly, playing their part of the song. In between Jack opened his eyes, smiling at Kozmotis while he continued to sing, swinging a little to the tune of the music. His cheeks burned and by now Jack didn't know anymore if it was due to the alcohol, the joy or the embarrassment but one thing was for sure: He didn't care anymore.
With a gentle nudge with his elbow he tried to convince Kozmotis to join him but the man only stared at him. Jack shrugged and continued to sing, even more passionate by now.
"...turns to snow in my clutch, I'm too much~!"He giggled a little when he ended, shaking his head in disbelief about himself.
"Wow, I must have been really awful. You look like I just-"
He stopped mid-sentence, the words sticking in his throat when Kozmotis lifted his chin up and leant down to him, just to kiss the teenager's lips.
Jack's eyes widened at the contact, staring at the man who had his eyes closed, not able to return the kiss while his fingers around the cup that he had held the entire time tightened to keep himself from trembling, his cheeks turning deeply red.
Kozmotis broke the kiss and looked down to Jack with a warm smile, a hand cupping the young boy's cheek to caress it gently with his thumb. An insecure but confused smile tugged on the corner of Jack's lips, hope showing on his features. Was this really happening?
"You sounded wonderful. And...thank you, Jack" Kozmotis whispered, looking directly into those ocean blues.
"F-for what...?" Jack asked silently, confused and flustered, his drunken mind trying to catch up with the events.
"For everything...and your present" he added with a short laugher. „How did you know that I like chocolate covered fruits?"
Jack's mind was racing, not knowing what to do. His first instinct was to scold him for opening the present on Christmas Even instead of the day after. But instead his mouth opened and closed without a sound escaping them at first, eyes taking in the features which were so close to his own.
"I...I've seen you on the Christmas market w-when I was there with my friends, and..."
He took a deep breath, trying to get rid of his shaky voice and to be able to think straight.
"...and you stood in front of the market stall with the snow globes and you...you seemed to enjoy them and...and you ate chocolate covered strawberries, so I thought..."
Before Jack could continue his awkward stutter Kozmotis closed the distance between them once more, pressing his lips onto Jack's, his right hand back on the youth's hips by now.
Jack was taken by surprise again, his grip around his cup tightening again before his eyes slowly fluttered shut. The teen started to move his lips insecurely against the ones of the older male, overwhelmed by the warmth and the softness of his lips.
His empty hand reached up to the other's neck, brining him closer. Jack felt something wet sliding over his lips, gasping at the unfamiliar feeling and broke the kiss to look at Kozmotis. He had never seen a look like this on his face, appearing almost hungry to him. Kozmotis buried his hand in Jack's white dyed hair and caught his lips once more, licking over his lips.
Hesitantly Jack opened his mouth and within the blink of an eye the older male's tongue had invaded his mouth, prodding against Jack's to invite him to play.
Shyly Jack started to move his tongue against Kozmotis', enjoying the strange and foreign taste. He whimpered silently when the other started to nibble on his lower lip and the hand on his hip moved down to his thigh.
Jack trembled slightly at the touch but Kozmotis didn't seem to be irritated at all. On the contrary, it was the effect he wanted to achieve. Blue eyes opened slightly when the man let go of his lips but squeezed them shut again when Kozmotis started to kiss his jaw. A silent moan emitted from the back of his throat and his fingers buried themselves in the other's sweater, trying to hold on to something else than his cup which wasn't any support at all.
He was shocked that these kind of sounds were his. He had never heard himself like this before. Jack's breath was heavy and unsteady when Kozmotis kissed along his jawline, up to his ear.
He blushed furiously when Kozmotis reached his ear and nibbled on it slightly, a deep moan escaping his lips as his grip in the soft fabric tightened immediately. A wave of pleasure overwhelmed him, his breath speeding up. He had never...no, never felt so much pleasure at once nor had he been aware of the fact that he could be so sensitive to a simple touch.
Kozmotis started to massage his thigh slightly. Jack didn't notice it at first, too occupied with opening and closing his mouth desperately, panting heavily just to be able to deal with the excitement the other male's lips brought him by teasing his ear. But that changed when he suddenly felt the hand spreading his legs slightly just to stroke up his inner thigh.
Jack was so taken off guard that he let out a gasp and let go of the cup he was still holding on to. He let out a cry as he poured the hot liquid over his hoodie and jumped to his feet, quickly tugging on the fabric so that it didn't stick to his body.
It was like a wake up call for Jack. Both stared at each other until Jack couldn't bear it anymore and looked away out of embarrassment. Why did he have to ruin everything?
At the same time he could think a little more clearly again. Kozmotis was married. And here he was, making out with a teenager. Jack was kissing a married man! How low could he get?
"Are you alright?" he heard the worried voice, that seemed to be far away.
No, nothing was okay. Guilt overwhelmed the young boy and it took him a few seconds to realize what the other was actually talking about.
"I-It's just burning a little, it's okay..." he muttered, eyes focusing on everything but Kozmotis.
"I...I should go home now, it's...it's already late" he said and chuckled awkwardly.
He winced when Kozmotis got to his feet and laid a hand on his shoulder.
"You don't have to go, you know pup?"
Jack shook his head.
"I...I know but I really should...I...I still have to prepare milk and cookies and...milk for Santa, you see and..."
"Alright", he heard the other's sigh.
It was obvious that he didn't believe the lie but who would believe something ridiculous like this?
"But we should get you out of the wet clothes, though." Kozmotis ruffled his hair. "Wait here for a second."
Jack nodded hesitantly and watched how Kozmotis left the room. Jack covered his face with his palms, sighing heavily.
What did he get himself into?
With another heavy sigh his hands flopped to his side and he bent down to pick up the cup. Luckily it didn't break when it hit the ground. He placed it on top of the piano next to Kozmotis' half emtpy cup, tugging slightly on his hoodie. The wet fabric on his skin was an unpleasant feeling that made him grimace slightly.
He looked back up when the tall man entered the room, holding up a warm looking turtleneck sweater with a christmas-y design.
"Here, it's probably a little too big but better than something wet when you have to go out in the cold."
Jack nodded and smiled weakly.
"Thank you."
Jack took the sweater and placed it on the taboret just to pull his hoodie off his body. He noticed the reddened and sensitive skin, but it wasn't anything serious. Quickly he slipped into the other piece of clothing without noticing that Kozmotis watched him while doing so. He folded his hoodie before he rolled up the sleeves, finding it a little annoying that they were so long.
"Looks good on you" Kozmotis chuckled and it made Jack roll his blue eyes but he was smiling at the other anyways.
"Thank you...but I really should go now..."
'...before something bad happens tonight', he added in his thoughts.
It wasn't like he hadn't enjoyed it, not at all. He was absolutely sure that he would regret it later, that he would miss the other's touch and his lips on his. But he had to do the right thing as long as he could think clearly.
He heard the other sigh again and a hand placed itself on Jack's slim shoulder.
"Alright", he said and guided Jack out to the hallway where he helped him to take on his coat and opened the door for him.
All of this seemed to be so awkward considering what they did just a few minutes ago. Jack pressed his hoodie against his chest as if to remind himself that he had to move his legs to walk.
Slowly he stepped out of the door and turned around to Kozmotis.
"Thank you for the eggnog and ...the nice evening" he trailed off with a small smile on his face. „I'll bring you your pullover after I washed it and...yeah, I really should go now" he breathed awkwardly and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
"See you" he muttered, about to turn around when Kozmotis grabbed his shoulder and held him back.
"Jack...I won't regret what just happened."
With that he leant down to peck the boy's lips one last time.
"Enjoy Christmas, Jack" and with a small smile on his lips the man stepped back and shut the door.
Jack stared at the closed door, a little startled before a small, blissful smile adorned his beautiful face.
And now Jack was finally able to bring back the sweater that he had washed just this morning.
Even though Jack hated the design and the far too long sleeves...Jack loved this piece of clothing. It was a pity that he had to bring it back. He had slept in it the last few nights and whenever he saw or wore it he thought about Christmas Eve. Even though he felt guilty for doing something like this he was happy. He had said that he wouldn't regret it so...maybe he had developed feelings for him as well?
Jack finally reached the garden gate and entered the front yard. But when he approached the house, he froze in his movements, eyes widening at what he could see through the kitchen window.
There he was, holding someone in his arms that obviously wasn't him, how he kissed the beautiful woman with long black locks just as passionately as he had kissed Jack back on that evening.
All the lies Jack had build up around himself that had helped him to be happy, crashed down on him without any mercy.
Of course the man would regret it. Of course he wouldn't leave his wife for Jack. Of course he didn't like Jack at all. He had been drunk. Nothing of what they had done meant anything to him.
Jack continued to stare until the grown man let slip his hand under his wife's pullover and vanished out of sight.
The boy stood there, thunderstruck, feeling how tears welled up in his eyes. He bit down harshly on his lower lip, trying to keep himself from crying as he stepped closer to the door. He stood there for a few minutes, not knowing what to do while the snow fell down on him, covering his head and shoulders like a powdery blanket.
He sniffed silently, blinking away the tears as he carefully placed the sweater in front of the door, on top of it the small snow globe the man had admired on the Christmas market. Jack had bought it for himself back then but he wanted to give it to Kozmotis to thank him for the lent sweater.
Slowly the snow started to fall down on the fabric and the glassy globe as well and Jack watched how it got covered by a thin layer of snow. He didn't care anymore if the snow would cover it or not. Nothing of what he did mattered anymore. Slowly he turned around and walked out of the gate.
And just like a snowflake he didn't leave a remaining sign of his existence.