Under The Light Of The Moon
Chapter 1
"I am a human, from the kingdom of men." I said to myself as I sat with my back against the silver bark of a tall tree. "I posses no measure of exceptional talent except for fighting, and my very weakness is womanhood. An inescapable torture…" I looked upwards, to where the cold pale moon towered before me, a large milky jewel set into the deep velvety expanse of the night sky. No clouds could be seen hiding the details above me, the tiny gem like stars glittered for miles and miles. I began to feel smaller than I ever had. The company of Dwarves I travelled from Mirkwood with did not want me, they pitied my femininity, my feeble identity. I rued the day they found me in that wretched forest, I wished they had left me entombed in the horrid spiders nest in which they discovered me.
It seemed a while passed as I sat there, away from where the group slept, the breeze becoming colder and turning my cheeks pink. I had faded into a world with one urge at its centre, vaster than all Middle Earth. Without thinking I unsheathed the dagger on my belt, pressing the cold steal blade to my forearm. It was a natural reflex. "I deserve this, I belong nowhere, not even with my own kin, I am a woman, I was made to suffer." I thought, the words soothing me, the sick excitement building. I made the first shallow slice into the warm, soft, pale skin. My eyes closed and I felt so tranquil. "What are you doing?" A deep male voice asked roughly behind me. My blood ran cold. I had heard no-one approach me. I pulled my sleeve down quickly, throwing the dagger on the ground then scrabbling up and turning to face the origin of the voice. I stopped breathing for a second. The leader of the company stepped forth and asked me insistently "I said, what are you doing girl?" His cold blue eyes were narrowed in warning. "I – Don't address me like a child! I was doing nothing!" I replied defensively. For a moment he looked shocked that I had answered him back. "You lie." He said, as if this affected him in some way. "Do you not think I have seen the blade, and your foolish actions!" he went on. Foolish… Foolish… I repeated it in my own mind. "Thorin I…" I tried to speak. "Show me your arm, show me." His voice softened, quieter now. I looked him in the eyes, the blue was no longer cold, but seemed to make me feel warm inside, it was an uncomfortable sensation. Holding out my arm hesitantly I realised I was trembling. He had to have seen it too as he took my petite wrist in his hand. It was big and his skin was warm enough to make me feel safe in his gentle grip. With the other hand he pulled up my sleeve, exposing the small yet tender wound. He ran his thumb across it, making me gasp in pain. I looked away, trying to stop my tears from welling up and spilling onto my face. I had to remain strong, the way I always presented myself, no matter what I felt inside. I failed, again. The tears grazed my cheeks as I began to confess. "All I am good for is fighting, look at me, how pathetic I am, you pity me, I'm sure of it, I'm afflicted by a vile disease, by this plague of womanhood…" I could no longer bare to be near him. Power surrounded and encapsulated him in a way I had never seen before, he would never understand. He wasn't like me. "It is your turn to look at me." He said, in a tone I'd never heard him use. I did so, his expression no longer a hardened mask of disapproval, he looked at me very seriously but his lips twitched at the corners as if to smile, this action looked odd on him and it calmed me. "Come to me." He said. "Why?" I asked, eying him with suspicion. I walked forth, and he gathered me up into his arms, holding me firmly. "Because when a friend is in need, its dishonourable to let then feel alone." Thorin's voice rumbled near my ear, it made me feel safe. I'd never felt safe near a male before. My height of only 5"1 ensured that we were similarly matched, only I was slender where he was strong and firm, besides, he was tall for a Dwarf. One side of my face nestled on the thick fur collar of his outer coat, the other side was against his neck. He smelled so earthy and masculine, unexpectedly the soft wavy tendrils of his dark hair smelled of burnt firewood and musk. This made me tingle somewhere I never expected. Which worried me. "A friend?" I asked, unsure. "Of course a friend, you have already helped to save several lives among us. We have all seen your pure heart and unfortunately self deprecating nature." He replied, holding me tighter then letting me go. "I – I don't know what to say…" I whispered in response. A deep melancholy laugh rumbled quietly in his chest. "Say nothing, for even the bravest fighters can carry the deepest pain within." There was a loaded beat of silence in which I wondered what he was thinking. Thorin became serious again, a true leader. "No more tonight, now off to rest, go back to camp." He commanded. I did as I was bid. Although I thought it strange that he did not return until dawn threatened to break along the skyline.