A/N 09/09/08: I utterly hate this story. It's long enough and has enough reviews that I don't want to out and out delete it, but it needs revamping so badly I'm not even sure where to start. For the time being I'll leave it as is and hope that I can face getting to it to make the changes necessary. The last chapter is the worst as I forced it out after losing interest in the idea. Writing it in first person was probably a mistake.

-- I believe that Toad lives. After all the X-men have that 'dont' kill' policy right? soooo they coudlnt' have killed him. NO! He's my toady love, I won't allow it. So, instead the cops found him, cuz you know, it happens. I don't really know where to go with this one, but it was a muse that bit me one day and so yeah...reviews would be appriciated. Again, I don't own any of this stuff. I sure as hell wouldn't have to be writing fan fiction if I did.--

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Prologue

I'm someplace cold and hard...and I hurt. I can't open my eyes. My whole body's shaking. Oh God. It hurts so bad. My chest...MY CHEST...I want to scream...I can't. Everything itches...everything hurts...oh god it feels like my heart's gonna explode. I can't fucking breathe. I think my eyes are open...why can't I see? Oh God...why can't I see? Darkness...swirling...tilting...killing me...I WON'T DIE! Colors...still dark...I'm in a dark place...heart still hurts...can't move..but I can see. Green eyes...red hair...I know you...where am I? I hear something...a low moan...a wail...oh god ..it's me. Fingers are touching me...my face...my neck...I can't breathe...I have to tell them...my heart's going to explode. I can't speak...my tongue hurts...my jaw...my throat...it all hurts so much...I make a sound...I know I did. Green eyes are closer.

Toad?

Green eyes are in my head...everything's sharper...hurt backs off a little...can think.

Toad, it's...Jean, Dr. Grey, do you know where you are?

No...I'm on something hard...and cold...I'm on fire...but it's so cold...

You're on the floor...in jail...do you remember what happened?

WHITE HOT DEATH...oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god...Fire...I'm on fire...I can't stop shaking...I have to throw up...oh god..please...I have to throw up.

TOAD! STOP! Calm down...Toad calm down...you'r safe now...we're going to help you

...I have to throw up... I feel strong arms, picking me up, leaning me over...I'm vomiting. Oh god...I think I'm going to die...throat's on fire...and again...oh god. I can hear them...I know them...Who? I don't know...too hard to think.

"THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!" There's screaming...green-eyes is yelling at someone.

"None of the doctor's would get near him ma'am, they were afraid." Stupid man...stupid man..I'll step on you...god it hurts.

"What could he possibly do in his condition?" Green-eyes again...so pretty...oh no..I'm shaking again..I can't stop...oh no...she's touching me...holding me...secure.

Toad...it's okay...it's okay..it's a muscle spasm..it'll pass

But the blackness is coming back...and I can't see...and ...

Chapter 1

I open my eyes. It wasn't a nightmare. I'm in fucking prison. The hurts all but healed. My chest is sore though. I bring a hand to my forehead and massage my temples. This is insane. Shadows consume the cell, masking a toilet and a pathetic excuse for a cot that I obviously haven't slept on.

At least I'm alone. I'm cold. My jacket's gone, all I've got is my torn t-shirt and dirty old cargo pants. I don't even have any shoes on. Maybe they're afraid that I'll strangle myself with the laces. I smirk. I vaguely recall almost dying, but push the thought out of my mind.

I can't think about that shit right now. I have to piss, but I've never been one for public restrooms, and anyone who wanders by can peer into mine. I ignore the discomfort in my bladder and try to focus on my memories. What happened?

The plan must have failed. Where was Magneto? If he was alive he would have come for me...wouldn't he? Mystique? She was fighting Wolverine...if we failed...I shake my head...she'd be dead. Sabretooth would be around, but he didn't matter...he wouldn't help me.

Oh God, Erik..you can't leave me here. I hold my head in my hands. I wonder when the last time I ate was...my stomach hurts. The discomfort in my bladder isn't lessoning. I eye the toilet and can't bring myself to do it. I push myself to my feet and realize with a start that I'm not as well as I thought. My body is stiff and sore, I'm dizzy and there's a cold feeling in the pit of my belly.

I reach out and try to steady myself on the bars of my cage. I don't know if I can deal with this. I look up as a man in a uniform walks near, eyeing me warily.

"Okay, freak, stand away from the door," he orders, and I back up curiously.

Three more men...huge men, appear at the door as it opens. They step inside as I weigh my options. No way I could take them...not how I'm feeling right now...I don't even think I could manage so much as a hop. Two stand on either side of me, holding my arms. The third kneels before and begins to shackle restraints on my legs, heavy ones.

This is not cool. I try pulling out of their grasp, but get a blunt object to the back of the head instead. Someone's fist? I go down, disoriented, and they chain me up, the biggest one shoves something in my mouth. A bit. A God Damned bit. I'm freaking now. No one's done this kind of shit to me since the orphanage, and I just can't deal. The terror is overwhelming and I've gotten to the point where I just can't move anymore. The put me on a fucking dolly and roll me down the hall. My arms are literally chained, with these huge heavy things behind my back, secured to the back of the dolly, my legs secured to either side. All I can do is moan and roll my head, which I refuse to give them the satisfaction by doing.