RATING[R

WARNINGS: Shounen-ai/yaoi (in later chapters), angst, death, AU, a little OOC

PAIRINGS: 1x2, past 2+Solo

Author Notes: Hey guys, this is my new story BREAK MY FALL. It's going to have more chapters so don't worry. This is the first chapter, in which Duo reflects on his past relationship, the one that started the whole sha-bang and will play an important role in later chapters. So while this chapter revolves COMPLETELY Around Duo and Solo, the STORY is about Duo and Heero. So don't worry. Anyways, enjoy.

I had always assumed that the people around me paid little to no attention. Growing up in the system does that to a child's ego. Being an orphan, like so many others, I developed bad abandonment issues. I was still a small boy, but I understood the concept of being left alone. And I had been left alone many times since I was born. The Foster Care system could only find me new homes for so long and usually only when I behaved well with them. I remember on my 7th birthday being told by another child at the orphanage that no family wanted a kid as old as I was. I had examples right in front of me, other children much older than I who were stuck in the system until they were 18. No home would take in an older child. They wanted someone they could treat as their own. It's hard to imagine one as your own child if they're already grown and displaying the features of another set of parents. That was my problem. My hair, brown and reaching the small of my back at the time, belonged to someone else. My eyes, almost violet in color, were the DNA of someone else. Time after time I was sent back to the orphanage, to see the same faces of boys and girls older than me facing the same problem, as if they were showing me the future I had in the system.

The first time I had kissed a boy was in the system, at the Church orphanage that I had been shipped back to so many times. I was 15 and taking up a permanent residence there, because no family even tried to adopt someone as old as I was. Many of the kids my age did the same thing; girls in one side of the building, boys in the other. We shared rooms with one or two other kids at a time. As I grew closer to the age of adulthood, I was paired in rooms with kids on the very edge, praying for their 18th birthday. I saw many roommates come and go, as if someone snapped their fingers and they were set free. I wanted to leave like them so badly. I hated being constantly reminded that I was unwanted.

One roommate however, was someone I had known for as long as I could have remembered. His name was Solo and he was only one year older than me. With the age-gap so small, we got along well, so it was a surprise to us that we hadn't been roomed together sooner. It wasn't until our mid-teen years that we were put together. Maybe for good reason.

Solo had told me once that he had always known he was gay and that he never tried to deny it. His honesty was what I liked most about him. He wasn't ashamed to say anything. He always put the truth up front and center, even if it wasn't the most beautiful thing to see.

We were alone late one night, playing cards in the dark on the floor in our room. The game was "War" and he always had a knack for winning. The air was chilly, flowing in through the small window we had opened for air. I was cuddled up in a blanket, leaning against my bed. He grinned widely as I slapped down my last card, a 5 of hearts, not even needing to look down at his deck before he did the same. His card was the Queen of Hearts, trumping me for the 3rd time that night, winning the game yet again. I wasn't surprised in the least, but I still had the decency to look indignant as he shuffled the deck with a triumphant laugh.

"Wanna play again?" he asked, snapping the cards in between his thumb and forefinger. I shook my head. I didn't feel like losing again. There wasn't a point and I was being stubborn.

"Aww, c'mon," he continued, "We don't have to play War. How 'bout Go-fish? You're a little better at that one." I shook my head again, pulling my knees up to my chest as he continued to shuffle the cards aimlessly.

"Poker?" He tried again in vain. "Blackjack?" Every time I said no, his handsome face sunk a bit more. "Duo, man, I don't wanna go to bed yet. I'm wide awake."

"Well," I said sighing, "We could do something other than cards."

Solo sat back, setting the cards on the floor beside him in a pile and putting his hands on his knees. "Like what?"

"We could just…talk or something."

"What are you? A girl?"

"No…I just don't feel like playing anything right now. And what is there to do besides that? The girls get on just fine without having to entertain themselves with games and stuff. Why is it so bad for boys to be the same way?"

He just shrugged. "We can talk if you really wanna. I don't really care. But what is there to talk about?"

We must have sat in silence for a good ten minutes after he asked that question. It seemed boys were really that simple. We didn't have the knack for gossip the way the girls did, and it would seem we didn't mind either. Our silence was comfortable, casual. There was no awkwardness between us, and I loved it that way.

Solo always needed to be occupied. Be it with playing cards or even talking. So his silence at that moment, while comfortable, was a little startling. I lay my head back to rest against my bed, eyes to the ceiling, while his were fixed on the ground. While my silence was empty, his seemed to be filled with thoughts. Solo's mind was always filled with thoughts. His head almost vibrated with the words floating around inside. I didn't bother him. His silences were rare; I could tell it was important, or it wouldn't have rendered him speechless.

The rustle of his clothes as he moved was the only warning I got before he kissed me. I could think of a thousand ways to describe our first kiss, but the best words for it don't exist. I'd settle for simple and soft. He wasn't forceful with me. Solo was never truly forceful when it came to me. His lips ghosted across mine gently, tentatively. I could barely feel them, but the whole while I knew they were there. With my entire being I was aware of what was happening, my skin flushed and my face went incredibly warm despite the cold breeze from the window. Only our lips touched, but I could feel him shaking. We both knew what this act meant; even though it should have been something we could barely comprehend at 15 and 16 years old. Between us there was now an undeniable connection, one neither of us could reject even if we tried

He pulled away when I was unresponsive, but not too far. His lips hovered near mine, so close I could still taste his breath. He looked up at me through his eyelashes, looking somewhat disappointed in both himself and me. It wasn't my intention to make him assume I wasn't feeling the same way. He interpreted my surprise as a rejection. I couldn't say a word even if I had wanted to, so it must have been my face that told him he was allowed to do it again. Whether it was my eyes softening, or my mouth curving into a small smile, even now I still don't know. But he came back to me, as soft as before, with those lips, one of his hands tenderly cupping my cheek. This time, I didn't make the same mistake. I kissed him back, as lightly as he did to me. We didn't need to be down each other's throats. The initial touch was just enough to convey all the emotions in the world. I was overcome by him. His scent, his taste, his touch on my skin was enough to make my heart burst. We had been close friends before, and now the deal was sealed.

That night, we lay in his bed silently and he cradled me like a precious child. Wrapped up in his blankets we watched each other, faces mere inches apart. We were silent as I gazed into his eyes and he brushed the hair from my face with his fingers. Our innocence was intact, which signified a great deal towards our relationship. Neither he nor I wanted to risk "us" becoming a purely physical thing. I needed him as my friend, my companion and that little something more. And as we laid there in his bed, my head resting against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, I knew I had fallen into a deeper love than anything they could have shown in the movies. Solo understood just what I needed because he needed it too. In that moment, I grew up fast. He made my heart ache and my pulse race from just looking at me. There in his bed, our bond was way beyond physical. He's the reason I still need to be held.

From that night on, we were always together. He never left me alone, and my dependency on him grew. Before he had always been a shoulder to cry on, but now it was a shoulder I leaned on. The other kids around the orphanage were shocked as much as could be expected, but they grew to understand and some, even respect our connection. Solo was my lifeline, as I was his. He was the stronger of the two of us. I had always curled away from social interaction outside of the orphanage, it scared me how he could be so friendly to everyone. I had never wanted to get attached to anyone for fear of being abandoned. Anyone but Solo. I would lay with him every night in his bed our fingers entwined; he would kiss my lips softly and remind me how he would never leave me. I would tell him that I knew he wouldn't and that I trusted him.

He would tell me he loved me more than anything else in the world.

I would tell him I loved him more than words could possibly describe.

Pessimists always say that when you climb so high, you have so much further to fall. I should have known better, I should have listened to pessimists everywhere. But I couldn't. Because Solo was right in front of me, giving me all the optimism that I needed. He was sinfully beautiful, innocent as an angel and he cared for me only. I was always put before anyone else, including himself, something I was constantly telling him I felt guilty about. But he would always just kiss my nose and smile that heart-breaking smile he had and tell me not to worry. I thought we'd be together forever. That's the kind of effect he had on me.

At midnight on the eve of my 17th birthday, we lay in the familiar spot, entangled in each other's limbs, silent as usual. My eyes were closed, but I wasn't sleeping. I was just breathing his scent, revelling in the warmth of his body. I could feel him watching me, the heat of his gaze encouraging me to open my own orbs sleepily to look right back.

He looked…peaceful as he smiled at me, running his finger over my bottom lip. He was turning 18 a week after my birthday, a thought looming overhead like an anvil. For once, neither of us wanted to be an adult. He didn't want to leave me here alone. I could tell it was on his mind.

"I love you Duo." He said softly. "Happy Birthday."

With that he swooped in for a kiss. A kiss so tender and sweet that even years later I can still remember the tingle of his lips on mine. I kissed back as naturally as breathing. This time was different, as the kiss lasted longer than any before. When we broke apart, we were both breathless, but stayed in a proximity close enough it was as if our lips were still joined. Our eyes were locked; he was staring into my soul. Solo was just so breathtakingly amazing to me. There were times when I told myself I'd only die happy if it were in his arms.

In that moment, he whispered something into my lips that I knew would prove to be the biggest spiritual connection of all.

"Let me make love to you." Were the words that sent my heart pounding. And all I could do was nod as he kissed me again.

Our joining for the first time was nothing short of overwhelming. He took care in not hurting me, treating me as if I was a fragile doll, not to be handled too roughly. He was absolutely perfect, and I was so glad we'd waited until he thought I could handle it. I must have screamed out his name a million times, letting him know how amazing he was and how good I felt. Afterwards, when we laid there, an action we did every night, everything seemed so much more intimate. Like the world existed for the two of us only and no one else could come inside and see the wonders the way we did. Everything was right and correct with Solo.

"I love you Solo. Don't ever forget it." As I said this, he looked at me with loving eyes. But something more was there. At the time I had no idea what it could have meant. He nodded and replied with the same words, which he said a lot but I never got tired of hearing.

A week passed. 2 days before his birthday I fell ill. The flu had been circling around the kids in the orphanage like wildfire, so it didn't come as much of a shocker to anyone when I began to puke up my dinner. Solo had been telling me all day that I looked pale and was constantly feeling my forehead to see if my temperature was normal. Needless to say, when the chicken and vegetables came up, he panicked. I was shooed off to our room so as not to spread the germs. Solo refused to let me go alone and accompanied me as I leaned heavily into his body feeling dizzy. He laid me in his bed and retrieved a bucket from underneath the bathroom sink. He could have been my mother the way he fawned over my pathetic sick body. He got me a glass of cold water and a wet facecloth to put on my head. He didn't leave my side all night, sitting on the floor next to the bucket, pushing my sweaty bangs out of my face and reassuring me that everything was going to be all right. When my clothes became damp with perspiration, he changed me out of them, laying me under the sheets with only a pair of boxers on. I had a fever and a pretty high one too. The thermometer pinned me at 103 degrees Fahrenheit. I was breaking out into cold sweats and even when I tried to sleep I would wake up shivering.

Solo began to get uneasy. He couldn't stand to see me suffering; it was slowly breaking him up inside. The orphanage was low on medicine because of all the other kids getting sick and there was no more Tylenol to stem my pain.

I remember him grabbing my hand later that night and coming close to my face.

"I'm going to the pharmacy to get you some pain-killers" he said. "I shouldn't be very long." I shook my head and clutched his fingers as tightly as I could with my weakened muscles and told him I didn't want him to leave. He kissed me softly and told me not to worry. "I love you. I'll be back soon, baby."

With that he stood and shrugged on his jacket, pocketing some money and turning towards the door. Solo turned back for only a moment to smile sadly at me and then he was gone.

I must have fallen asleep or gone into a daze because before I knew it I was jumpstarted awake. My eyes scrambled to the digital clock on the bedside table; 12:30. He's been gone for two hours. My heart began to beat fast. It didn't take that long to go to the drug store and back. It was only two blocks away and open 24 hours. My nerves felt like they were burning through my skin. I stumbled out of bed, nearly collapsing from dizziness and dove for the door. I swung it open with vigour I shouldn't have had, as sick as I was. All the lights were on in the hallway as I peeked into the narrow corridor. The other boys were up and chatting loudly, people rushing from room to room and into the church.

"What's going on?" I croaked, by voice sore from my enflamed throat. No one heard me. I staggered down the hall, bracing myself against the wall and into the kitchen where the nuns were gathered looking frantic, chattering away so fast my poor, sick brain couldn't understand what they were saying. When they spotted me, they all went silent.

"What's happening?" I asked again, a little louder this time, cringing as my throat stung.

The head Nun, Sister Helen came up to me and hugged me tightly. I knew this couldn't be good. With that one hug, it was like all of my fears were brought back to the forefront.

"There was an accident." She said softly, her grip tightening on me as if she knew I was about to collapse. "An accident…with Solo."

I felt my blood turn to ice. No.

"No, this can't…it doesn't work this way!" I rasped.

"On the way back from the pharmacy-"

"NO!" I screamed.

"-A driver hit him on his bike. It was dark out. Solo rushed out in front of him."

"He promised me!" I tried to push her away, but she held on tight. The other nuns in the room began to tear up, when I looked at them hysterically. "He promised me he'd be back soon! HE WOULDN'T LIE TO ME!"

"It was an accident!" Sister Helen was ready to cry, I could hear it in her gentle voice.

I shoved her forcefully away from me and darted out of the room as fast as my light-headed body could take me. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, even though I hadn't noticed them before. Solo was hurt. It was something I thought I'd never have to deal with. He was always telling me that things were going to be fine. He lied to me.

I raced wildly into the dimly lit church, among the pews trying to find the one man who could help me.

"Father!" I cried out, sobbing. I buckled to my knees a few feet away from him. "Father you have to help me." My voice was so run with distress I was barely understandable. "We have to help Solo. We have to go." The older man rushed to my side and held me close.

"Duo, you're sick! You should be in bed!"

"It doesn't matter! Solo matters! Where is Solo?!"

"Solo went to the hospital! You shouldn't be running around! You could get more sick!"

"FATHER, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! I need him! I need him! He can't just do this to me!" I pounded his chest with my frail fists, grabbing at his priest's garb.

Father Maxwell grabbed my wrists and pulled them away as my body heaved dangerously with choking sobs. I was frenzied and could barely pull in a full breath.

"I'll take you to the hospital. But I really don't think this is good for you. You're not in a good state."

"I don't care!" I screamed. "I need to be with him! He can't just leave me like this."

The drive to the hospital was one of the longest rides of my life. It seemed to take forever. Every time I would calm down into a soft hiccupping, the thought of Solo, my Solo, lying motionless sent me into fits of tears again. The Hospital was a cold, sterile, impersonal place. I was scared. No, I was terrified of this place. I knew this place couldn't help him.

Father Maxwell went up to the nurse at the desk and asked for Solo. The woman looked solemn and I started to shake.

"He's in emergency surgery right now. It looked pretty bad." She said.

"Will we be able to see him?" Father requested.

She shook her head. "Not right now. Maybe if the surgery goes well. But I doubt it."

Father Maxwell turned to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "See Duo, we should just go back to the Church. We can wait for some news there. We need to get you back in bed."

"NO!" I shouted, startling some of the patrons in the waiting room. "I'm staying here! I won't leave him!"

Hours past in the cold room, my nerves on end the entire time. Could the accident really have been that bad? I didn't really know anything about death. I was neglected as a child, sure. But I'd never been abandoned in this way before. My Solo. It was hard to imagine him in any sort of danger. He was never that kind of kid. He was my protector. I always knew that it was something I should have felt guilty for. He always told me not to worry. In ways, I saw then how much he needed my protection as well. The one time he truly needed it, I wasn't able to. And now this.

A man wearing blue scrubs and a face mask emerged from the swinging doors leading to the operating rooms. He approached Father Maxwell and I, wearing the same solemn face that the nurse at the desk had. I assumed the worst the moment I saw him.

"The young man is out of the operating room, alive. But he's not in a good state. He needs to be kept here under constant surveillance."

The last bit went unheard by me. The word alive seemed like the most wonderful thing in the universe at that moment. I was blind to how close he was to death, just as long as that last thread hadn't been cut yet.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Father Maxwell asked. "What were his injuries?"

"He had 6 broken ribs and a punctured lung from the initial impact. Hitting the ground head-first is what really got him. It was cold outside, so he's running a fever. A pretty bad one."

"Can we see him?" I asked anxiously.

The doctor looked tentative. "Maybe for a little while-"

"What room is he in?"

"Uh, just down that hall and to your right…huh? Wait-!"

I took off running down the hall as fast as I could, hearing both the doctor and Father Maxwell telling me to come back. But I couldn't. It wasn't in me to wait another minute to see him. It probably wasn't a good idea to let a sick person in to see a boy fresh out of emergency, but I needed him. I needed Solo more than I needed air. I needed to know that he was going to be okay.

Solo looked so small and weak laying there in the huge hospital bed. There was a breathing mask over his mouth and nose and tubes sticking out of him, everywhere. There were machines monitoring his temperature, heart-rate and other important things that I couldn't understand. His eyes were closed, unconscious. My heart broke at the sight of him. I almost could find the courage to walk to his bedside. But my conscience was telling me to go, that he needed my protection now, more than ever before. He knelt by my bedside when I was sick, so now it was my turn. I stood over my poor, broken boy and grasped his hand, entwining our fingers like it was any other day. His flesh was cold underneath my touch. I could feel my eyes begin to water again.

"Baby," I said to him softly, "I'm here. Don't worry. Everything is going to be okay." I repeated the words he said to me all too often, back to him. I wanted him to know, even though he was unconscious, that I was now protecting him as best I could.

I stayed through the rest of the night, falling asleep in the chair beside his bed, shivering from my own fever, though never letting go of his hand. I dreamt that he had woken up and we went back to the orphanage together. He had told me once before that when he turned 18 and moved out that he would get a job fast, so he could support me, get me out of the orphanage sooner. We were excited. We were happy. Now it all seemed null. At this moment, the only future that mattered was the one where he got better. The one where he didn't leave me all alone.

The sound of the steady heart-rate monitor beating faster is what woke me up. Groggily I looked at my lover as the red line on the screen became jagged. His temperature had gone dangerously upward and his face was contorted in a face of pain as sweat broke out over his brow.

"What's happening?" I asked loudly. "Nurse!" But she was already bustling her way into the room, whipping out her stethoscope.

"He's crashing!"

"What?"

"Get out of the way!" She ordered me like a mother would a disobedient child as she paged the nearest doctor.

"Solo?"

My eyes grew wide as more nurses rushed into the room. A pair of hands grabbed me around the waist and began to drag me out of the room. I struggled against them, my eyes clouding with tears.

"NO! NO! Let me go! I have to save him! I'm the only one who can help him!" I reached out my arm for his hand, but I was pulled out of reach. "LET ME GO!" I screeched, scratching at the hands clamped on my waist.

"SOLO!" I yelled "Wake up! Wake up PLEASE!" the tears rained down my face more than they ever had before. My world was breaking, shattering into a thousand pieces. "OH GOD! Solo! No! PLEASE!" I thrashed wildly as the door came closer.

My eyes tried to focus on my lover through the ruckus. My skin turned cold and I froze when his heart-rate monitor turned into a small, thin, straight, red line. The room went dead silence and the doctor turned off the machines. My eyes went wide, shock filling my entire being. I stopped moving. I stopped breathing.

"Time of death, 3:13 am."

Those words echoed through my head and smashed me harder than anything physical ever could. I became jelly in the hands that were grasping me, dead weight as I fell straight to the cold, tile floor, screaming his name over and over again. Shouting to God in Heaven how much I loved this boy, begging him not to take Solo away from me.

But it was no use. The one person who I believed would never leave me was gone. He was out of my reach now. My life wasn't worth living at that very moment. Guilt surged through my veins. I knew I would surely burn in hell for causing this.

If I hadn't gotten sick, he wouldn't have had to go to the pharmacy. 'Us' wouldn't have ended so soon.

I loved him more than words could describe.

AN: Wow. Heavy chapter. So yes, like I said above, while this chapter is DuoxSolo, the rest of the story revolves around DuoxHeero. So don't worry, 1x2 fans! I won't let you down.

As kinda an off-topic note, I named this story 'Break my Fall' after a song of the same name by DJ Tiesto feat.BT. If you enjoy techno music, i encourage you to check it out. I listened to it the entire time I was writing this fic and I think the air of the song comes through in the story.

Anyways, Read and review, as per usual.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT ----- Yaoifanbunny