No rated M stuff in here but this is rated M...I'm warning you!
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Enjoy Chapter 1 of Jaded!
~Chapter 1~~
~*~*~Under the Rain~*~*~
"I've been waiting too long for this moment."
-Wyn Meier, Chapter 1, Jaded
Wyn stepped into the gates of Berlin triumphantly, sword at her hip and her hair wildly blowing in the wind. Her country had grown wild in her absence, and her appearance reflected that. Her coat was cut short and ragged with triangular edges, and ended at the same length as her skirt, which barely covered her rear. Her boots were taller and had higher heels, her shirt burst with more lace. Her hat had a train of feathers that stretched almost to the middle of her back, and her hair reached almost to her knees. An assortment of silver and diamonds bloomed from her necklace, long earrings, and even her hat had it draped fashionably to it with a red silk rose. Poppy had turned into a large black raven that sat intimidatingly on her shoulder.
Long ago, she would have dismissed this kind of appearance as one only suitable for a pirate or a hure (1), but now, she didn't care. If her people wanted her to go into piracy and not politics, why not?
Wyn strode with Lars by her side through the streets, earning stares and whispered rumors. They hurt her, but she kept going, knowing Gilbert was going to be there.
Oh, Gott (2), what am I going to say? Her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Lars nudged her as the guards blocked her way with massive spears.
"Did you expect this?" Lars mumbled. "I told you not to go in dressed like that."
"Hou je hel mond! (3)" Wyn snapped. I've been waiting too long for this moment. She turned to the guards, and spoke in rapid-fire German. "I'm Silesia, and I'm here to meet with Prussia. Open the gate."
The guards looked at her puzzledly, raising their eyebrows. They didn't understand her dialect of German anymore- had everything changed so much when she was gone? She wouldn't recognize so much of her own country or her beloved's country anymore because of this change; she couldn't even speak with these people that she called her own.
"Preußen, (4)" Wyn said exasperatedly, pointing at the building. She felt stupid and mocked by having to stoop this low to speak with common soldiers, whom she knew to be a least educated. At least in Fritz's time, they weren't recruited from the farmer's sons. "Schlesien. (5)" She pointed to herself, hoping they would understand.
Lars chuckled by her side, smoking his pipe casually. "You've been out of the game for a long time, lieveling (6). Don't expect them to-"
Wyn hardened her heart when Lars called her lieveling, which was so heart-wrenchingly close to the German word for darling. She wasn't Lars' darling, she was Gilbert's. Or at least, she hoped she could still be. Everything was unsure, renewed, and it unnerved her. It was like returning home to nothing, a strange feeling that you had been cheated out of your own life, when you had done nothing to change it. Who was there to blame? Only time.
The pair of them in proud Prussian blue looked at each other and bolted inside the gates, which were slammed back in Wyn's and Lars' faces. Wyn looked up at the wrought iron gates, eyeing their sharp points and noting that they were over ten feet tall. "Did I speak in Dutch or something?" she joked.
"Nee (7), I think they were just warned to look out for you or something like that. Maybe they had special orders, or knew something about your disappearance from the battlefield after that day at Mollwitz," Lars said drily. "Though I doubt that, since it was over sixty years ago."
"Fritz," Wyn murmured, remembering the kind ruler with his sparkling eyes and his almost unparalleled (except for Wyn's) love for Gilbert. It was 1800, the beginning of a new century, and hopefully a new life for Wyn, her family, and especially Gilbert. He would be gone by now, but maybe- nein (8), it can't be. I guess I'll just have to…imagine a world without him. Goodbye, Fritz-vater. I would have wanted you as a father as well.
"You lie!" Gilbert's voice was harsh and imposing as he threw a knife with deadly accuracy just over the forehead of one of the boys who was just watching the gate. "She's dead and gone. Don't try this again or I won't miss."
Sobbing in fear of their lives, the two repeated their story and described the woman with fearsome color-changing eyes and wild silver hair that waited at the gate, and how she had spoken in a form of German that they didn't understand. They didn't forget to describe the man with her, though, with sharp ice-green eyes, a long tan coat, a blue and white striped scarf, and spiky blond hair.
No. It can't be, Gilbert denied it. Netherlands couldn't have taken her in; she had disappeared like the morning rain, gone as quick as it went. He remembered Wyn was like quicksilver, always moving, always changing her mind. She was fierce and beautiful in that exotic way. He thought the man could have been his drinking friend and occasional enemy, Mathias Køhler or Denmark, but Mathias had ice blue eyes, not green.
"Are you sure that he had green eyes, not blue?" Gilbert demanded the two young cadets. He hated the world now, hated how he was its slave. And this new rumor, which only two people had seen, was like Gott's joke to him now, laughing at how he could hope at the smallest things only to get his hope crushed easily.
"Green eyes, like the early edelweiss," one of them swore. The other nodded quickly, his head bobbing up and down like a puppet on strings.
"Bring them in. If you're wrong, I will feed your entrails to my bruder's (8) dogs," Gilbert snarled.
The two cadets scurried away quickly in fear, exiting the room with a slam of the door. Gilbert Beilschmidt, or Prussia, drummed his fingers on his desk, trying to draw his mind away and finish the tall stack of paperwork that his boss had given him. He buried his head in his hands, wringing his white hair in frustration.
Damn the world. Damn ghosts, Gilbert thought murderously. They haunted him too much, but were they drawn to his pale skin, white hair, and red eyes? After the deaths of his beloved rulers Luise and Fritz, and his love Wyn, they came to speak with him. It was insane and he feared he was going insane, but it had all seemed so real, saying words of songs and poetry that were haunting and yet satisfying for his hunger for love.
Like the demon they called him, was he a haunted being, cursed for all his days to see his family and love fly away from him in a blur?
Damn it. He tried to forget.
A tall, stately boy with blond bangs and sharp blue eyes entered the room. He possessed an aura of growing power, and had a voice that was deep and resonant, like the waves hugging the seashore. This was Germany, or Ludwig Beilschmidt, Gilbert's younger brother.
"Bruder, we still have to go over the figures for this quarter's-" Ludwig stopped when he noticed his brother fuming. "What's wrong?"
"Rumors, just rumors," Gilbert dismissed, massaging his temples. "What's wrong with the figures?"
"I need you to check them over." Ludwig was ever studious and picked over each column of numbers with a critical and mathematical eye. He hated being wrong, like Gilbert, and all the German states that had taught him a little and given him a little of their personalities. The blond boy was stubborn and brave, loyal and obedient, all qualities that the German states and Gilbert had taught and instilled into his German blood.
"Alright," Gilbert agreed with a sigh. "Just put it on my nightstand and I'll try to get it done before I sleep tonight."
Ludwig looked him over with a critical eye. "Are you sure you're alright? Maybe you should take a break…go to Sanssouci for a month or two…"
"Nein!" Gilbert's adamant refusal was staunchly surprising to his brother. He had loved Sanssouci- while Fritz was alive. Now that so many people were gone, Gilbert refused to take a break or a rest, and buried himself inside the government's affairs so the current king couldn't ruin them. He looked at Ludwig's startled face, a small look of hurt in his eyes. "Sorry, I just- never mind, let me get back to work."
All these deaths had ruined Gilbert's life.
They both turned to the door when Wyn and Lars walked in, as the cadets closed the doors and scurried away in the shadows behind them. Time seemed to stop between them, an unspoken bar that split them apart.
Gilbert's face was a look of fear and grief, ravaged and reaching deep to tear his heart out. He had always been thin, unlike Ludwig, who had bulked up through training, and the losses of Luise, Fritz, and Wyn in short succession had ruined his appearance, birthing dark circles, gaunt stares, and an even paler disposition upon Gilbert's features. They all froze until Ludwig spoke hesitantly.
"Bruder, who are they?"
He went to his brother's side when he saw how white Gilbert had become, shaking and angry. In truth, Gilbert was trying hard not to let tears spill when he saw her fierce expression, her smirk and the delicate curve of her cheekbone. The sparkling eyes were real, they were so heartbreakingly full of life and vivaciousness and honesty that he didn't believe he would survive looking into their depths after her supposed death. They stared accusingly and lovingly at him, and as Ludwig's hands steadied his harsh breathing, he felt undeniably shaken inside.
Ludwig had never seen his bruder this way. Gilbert was always full of cocky but admirable spirit, determination, and a stubborn will to conquer. In comparison, the younger brother was much more mature and calm, but Gilbert provided the reason for living.
Wyn stepped closer as she saw how close Gilbert was to sobbing, in anger, frustration, and confusion. It shook her just as much to see the mighty nation crumble before her eyes, and she turned to Lars. "Leave us alone, please."
He raised an eyebrow over his ice green eyes at her before turning on his heel, slamming the door behind him. Wyn turned to the other male in the room now, staring coldly at his similarly blue eyes. "And you are…?"
Ludwig jutted his chin at Wyn. "I would ask the same."
"I am Wyn Meier, the duchy of Silesia." Wyn stared him down as Ludwig shuddered. "Why do you shudder, boy?"
"You came back from the dead," Ludwig said uneasily. "You died at the battle of Mollwitz over seventy years ago."
"I wasn't aware that Silesia has disappeared off the map. Evidently, your history professors were wrong, boy," Wyn snapped.
"I was taught by my bruder," Ludwig said defiantly. "Mein older bruder, Prussia."
Wyn stepped back. "He doesn't have any other siblings. As far as I'm concerned, Holy Roman Empire died several years ago. I would have known if another German nation was born; I'm one of them too."
"Luddy," Gilbert said tiredly, as if trying to comprehend it himself. "This is your older schwester (9)."
"No!" both Ludwig and Wyn shouted at the same time.
"He's not Holy Roman Empire-"
"I don't have a schwester except-"
"That's impossible, he had to have been born-"
"She doesn't exist! She's a ghost!"
"Germania is dead!" Wyn screamed. "You can't have a younger bruder."
"Ludwig, let us talk in peace," Gilbert ordered. The younger nation stared daggers at Wyn before exiting the room with a huff.
Gilbert sat back uneasily and Wyn chose that chance to cross the room with her long legs, launching herself onto his desk and crossing her legs. She was only a few inches away from him as she stared deep into the crimson depths of his eyes. "Do you remember the last time I came back to you?"
Gilbert nodded. She was so close to him yet so far away, like her mind was twisting and turning from miles away to speak with him. He didn't understand anymore, how this gruesome twist of events had given him his greatest wish and his worst fear.
"I tried to kill you," he whispered, the tears finally falling down his face.
Wyn gave him a soft smile and put her hand on his cheekbone, where he grasped it tightly. "You're so lost now, Gil. I remember I had to knock you out. This time I'll be gentler."
They sat there together as Gilbert lowered his eyes, sobbing, and Wyn stroked his cheek with her black gloved hand. She pulled away from him to remove her gloves, and cupped his face in her hands. It was an intimate setting, and she felt his warmth as they huddled together in their own eternity.
At last he stopped shuddering and looked up. "Why, Wyn? Why Lars?"
"Lars saved me from Roderich," she explained. "I was wounded by shrapnel at Mollwitz. He and Bella nursed me back to health. I can't leave him now, after he's done so much for me."
"So you replaced me," Gilbert grew cold at her touch, stepping away from her. "I've seen how he looks at you, Wyn. What is this? Is it just you trying to break me further? I thought you died, Wyn. I mourned for you! And now you come back with a new man, one who's half-mad with his addiction to opium. Is that good enough for you?"
"Gilbert," Wyn said soothingly. "It's nothing- he just came to-"
"So he came to fuck with me? Or with you? Where the hell did that come from?"
"I promise you, there's nothing going on-"
"I remember you promised never to leave me. Or did you lie?"
"I promise I'll never leave you," the girl swore, holding Gilbert's large hand in her smaller ones. He was already slipping as he always did after a long night of drinking his sorrows away.
"Promise…" Gilbert murmured.
"I promise to you. Now go to sleep, Gilbert."
Wyn was stone-cold. "I'm here now. If you don't want me then I'm leaving. I thought I'd check on you, maybe renew that other promise you made to me, but it doesn't seem likely."
"Gott verdammnt (10)," Gilbert swore. "I still have feelings for you, Wyn, but if there's something holding you back then there's nothing there for me, eh? If you already have someone warm in your bed then why break the heat?"
"I told you that he only cared!"
"What shit is that?!"
"Well, you've got your land, but I'm leaving. You're insane, Gilbert. You're seeing things that aren't even there," Wyn snapped. She stepped forward to see if he would react in any other way, and when he didn't attempt to do anything, Wyn raised her hand to slap him with a loud crack across the face.
Gilbert looked at her in horror. I don't recognize you anymore…what happened between the two of us that we can't even listen anymore?
Wyn strode away quickly, unable to face Gilbert's look of accusation and loss. She didn't understand either, but this had drove her to raise her hand as well. I'm not there to be pushed around and toyed with! She pushed the doors open and Lars joined her side, his long strides matching hers perfectly. They were silent as they exited the gates of Charlottenburg Palace, Wyn in a fury and Lars with a bemused expression.
Wyn stopped when she got out into the road, realizing that she was sobbing.
What drove us away from each other?
She looked up to the skies, when the rain began to fall, and Lars draped his tan coat over her shoulders. It was an unfamiliar gesture, when she had always been used to the lighter, flamboyant jacket of Gilbert. It had become like a shadow and companion to her, something she could hide under.
She could smell the sea and tulips on the fabric when she was faced with the agony of not knowing the scent. Wyn could always remember Gilbert's scent of cypress and sandalwood, of horse and dog, but the sea and tulips were something new to her, but she hadn't decided whether it was friendly or needed yet, like her lifeblood.
Gilbert looked out the window to see the large tan jacket on Wyn, engulfing her frame. He'll never understand you like I do, but why did you choose him? He pounded his fist against the window in frustration as Ludwig studied him silently.
I've lost you again.
This time, he couldn't blame it on her death, or on her disappearance, but only on himself.
They both looked out into the rain, wondering how Gott could have brought them so close together, only to fall apart.
The wind tells me that the world is rough
But if things stay like this, I think it will be alright.
There are questions overflowing in my head
Who can answer me? I wait endlessly
But the one who found the answer is me.
I want to hide my slightly nervous heart
And I want to firmly hold your hand and run
We become renewed in the pouring green rain
I used to be like a child, used to be immature
But the reason I grew up is because of your eyes that believed in me, your one smile
That was enough for me.
When the path we take is wrong or maybe blocked
And we stop in place, what should we do?
And when we pass that path, what kind of face will we have at that moment? (11)
(1) whore
(2) God
(3) Shut up! (in Dutch)
(4) Prussia
(5) Silesia
(6) darling (in Dutch)
(7) no (in Dutch)
(8) no
(9) sister
(10) God dammit (damn it)
(11) Green Rain by SHINee (The Queen's Classroom OST)
Welcome back everyone to the sequel to Undoubtedly! Thanks for following this series so far and I'm really thrilled to present you with the first chapter of Jaded. Please follow, favorite, share, and most of all, REVIEW! I never cease to fangirl at (yes, I know it's sad) REVIEWS!
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Remember that this is a rated M story and you need to exercise caution when reading...
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