Ummmm, okay
now to get this all right, first we all know that these characters do NOT
belong to me and I am not making a red cent off this fic. Second this is my
first story (first one posted anyway) so please be gentle on me, I break
easily. Constructive criticism and reviews are always welcome if you are going
to flame me please at least be nice. Um, I know the characters are slightly
ooc; ok really ooc but I like them that way. Is that everything? Oh geez, this
story contains a relationship between two male characters so if that bothers
you then go no further. How could I forget that? Well I think that's it, so now
on to the fic!!
* Dives under computer desk*
I will not.
I will not.
I WILL NOT!!!
I will not lose to you again. I WILL NOT LOSE!! But I can't
help my self. How can I win against you? How can I fight you? How can I even
concentrate when I love you so much? When this love I feel for you is burning a
hole in me so deep all of the love in the world couldn't fill it. What am I going
to do with you? So sweet? So gentle and kind. So innocent. How can I ask you to
sully your hands with me? To taint what is so pure with something that is
coated thick with blackness. Dark, deep, covered in smelly blackness. How can
this part of me even expect you to care about me after all of the things I've
said to you, all of the things that I've done to you? I can't believe that
this…this…this longing in me has stretched it self out to cover my whole
being. Saturating every cell in my body and making me weak with desire. I want
to cling to you and hold you against me forever and never let you go. I want to
crush our lips together and kiss you until your dizzy with pleasure moaning
your delight to the world.
I want to make you moan in other ways as well…..
I want to hear you scream my
name until your voice is gone and still you try….
I want to taste you until I
have licked every crevice, explore every inch that is your body.
Your beautiful body…beautiful….
You stand before me that look in your eyes, that questioning
innocent look that makes me want to hold you more. You're so beautiful. God,
your so beautiful. How could you not know? How? I need you. Need you.
What am I going to do?
Need you so much it hurts.
"You okay Vegeta?"
Am I o.k.? Do you want to come over here and make me okay? Can
I hold you like I want to? Whisper in you ear all of those things that run
through my head when I'm alone at night. Things that would make you blush that
adorable shade of red. Alone. Wishing for you. Wishing that I could go to you.
But I'm afraid. I'm afraid of you. I don't want you to turn me away. How could
I expect some one like you to feel anything for me? It's a shock that you still
want to spar with me. Much less for you to love me, to make love to me.
Make love to me until you can only say my name your mantra, over and over
again. Begging for your release and but I hold out stretching the pleasure
until there is nothing but it. I am slow and gentle. Oh yes, gentle. I am
always gentle, my darling. I am always gentle when I dream of us making love.
Your moans and soft heavy lidded glances make me more gentle than I already am.
Handling you like the precious treasure you are. I don't want you to drop and
break. God, if something like that happened I'd have to go kill myself
in the most painful way possible.
Your hand on my shoulder now, shaking me gently.
Throw myself off the highest cliff.
Commit seppoku.
Starve my self to death. I
could think of hundred ways and still that would not compare if I hurt you
while we were…. making love….
"Vegeta? Are you all right? Is
there something bothering you?"
I cannot have you. That is what's bothering me. Why? Why have the
fates been so cruel to me? Is it because I'm evil? I suppose so. Only doing the
horrid things that I have done warrant this kind of torture. This kind of pain.
This dark heavy blanket that smothers me when ever I am not around you. When
ever I cannot see that smile, that beautiful smile that lights up you face and
my whole meaningless life, my pitiful existence. That smile that makes me want
to live not just exist like I have these past few years. Live. And
I want to live with you, my love.
"Vegeta? Vegeta?"
"I am all right dar….Kakarrot."
I almost slipped and the excited look that flashed in your face
for a second almost made me want to slip more. But I knew you just thought that
I had given you a nickname because we were friends. Oh Kakarrot, I want
to be so much more than your friend. So much more. I want to be that one who
kisses you goodnight and then kisses you good morning. I want to see that first
smile on your face when you wake up. Sometimes I'm so tempted when we fall
asleep after a full day of sparring I lay awake and watch you. I just want to
kiss you, hold you. I want to make sure your real. You're here and this
is not some horrible dream, a trick that my deluded mind is playing on me. That
you actually want to spend some time with me. That you trust me so much you
fall asleep with me next to you. Oh and how perfect you are, laying there your
lips slightly parted, your breath feather light on my face. Your body relaxed
and so trusting. I would never harm you, I can barely bring myself to
fight you but to harm you while you are sleeping is an unspeakable act that not
even I could commit.
"Vegeta? Do you want to talk
about it?"
Tell him!! My mind shrieks instantly as that question falls
from your lips. But another part of me speaks up, what if he rejects you? What
if he turns you away?? What if he TURNS YOU AWAY!! My mind shouting those
words at me almost unbearable thoughts. But I must. I must. I have to let you
know. I need to tell you. I would rather you cut me down then to silently pine
after you. At least then I can go kill myself in peace knowing at least I
tried. At least you knew.
"Vegeta, doushita no?"
What's wrong? Kami, everything. The tears threaten my eyes and
I resolve to hold them back at least after you leave me in disgust after I tell
you. Until after you can feel pity for me.
"Kakarrot."
"Vegeta? Doushita no? Tell me."
So trusting those eyes, so pure and trusting. You want to do
any thing to help me and for a moment I allow myself to think that you will
actually care about how I feel. About how I feel about you.
"Kakarrot."
"Yes?"
"I……"
"Trust me Vegeta, what ever
it is we will get through it together. I'm your friend, ne?"
"Kakarrot…I…"
Your eyes filled with panic as you watched me. I could read
your thoughts as if they were plastered across your forehead "Gee I wonder what
had made Vegeta this way? Must be really bad." And it was, it was so bad I
couldn't stand to be in the same room with you sometimes, ah and then the
paradox of my life, do I burn with wanting next to you or do I burn alone. I burned, my shin hot to the touch either
way. A permanent flush when we were in the same ten-mile radius. I
couldn't stand it here so close to you yet… you were the farthest we have ever
been. I couldn't touch you, couldn't tell you how much I cared.
How deeply I felt for you. I was just going to blurt it out and hope you didn't
kill me afterwards in your disgust.
"Kakarrot I think I'm in
love."
"Nani!!! With who?"
"It's…never mind…forget
it..gomen…"
I turn to fly off. Why am I so stupid? As I got a foot or so
off the ground I felt a hand close around my forearm. Damn you Kakarrot, why
wont you let me leave?
You're smiling at me, that
heartbreakingly beautiful smile.
"Where are you going Vegeta?
Don't be ashamed being in love is beautiful."
My heart, the heart that everyone has thought to be cold is
finally breaking, tearing, ripping itself into two. By the only person that
refused to give up on me. Even after they all left me you stood by my side
showing me tenderness when all I ever had for you was anger. Compliments when all
I could do was insult you. Love when I showed you hate.
?
And somewhere then I fell in love with you. With your beauty
your tenderness the quiet intelligence I always had mistaken for stupidity.
Your innocence and willingness to always help me. Me. I tried to
kill you once, I wanted to crush you under my boots but you would not let me.
Gently but forcefully you defeated me soundly and then….. and then…. you would
not kill me….you let me live when you would have had the perfect chance to kill
me. You could have ended this horrible mess that is me. Sometimes I wish that
you would have. I wish you had been the one to end me. At least I would have
been happy, blissfully at peace in my death. At least I wouldn't have to know
what I'm missing.
I look at you and your face is concerned as you pull me closer
to you. It's now or never as I steel myself for what I must do.
"It's you."
"What?"
"It's you my love, I'm in
love with you."
Your eyes blink rapidly as you try to process what I have just
told you. And the panic that has been lurking on the fringes of my mind
suddenly leaps forward and grips me in an icy embrace as I realize that you
will never love me. Never. And now I have ruined every chance that I had
of us remaining friends. The tears are overpowering me as they surface and
course down my cheeks. Your arm is still around my shoulder as you continue to
stare at me in shock and finally I can take no more. I push your arm away from
me and back away a few paces.
"It's all right Kakarrot.
It's all right, I know you don't love me….I know."
I laugh a hard short bark that frightens me. You blink your
eyes seemingly rousing from your daze. I must hurry to speak even though the
tears and my throat try to prevent me.
"I love you…. I love you so much
and I'm so sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I don't…. I don't expect
you to…love me."
My voice becomes bitter with hate as I continue to speak. Hate
for this evil that has corrupted me and kept me from you. Now I am sobbing, my
chest tight as I try to hold some of it in.
"Ka..ka..rrot..y..you have
be..been the best friend…the best friend..I..I ever had and I…I thank you.
Arigato Kakarrot…"
Now I cant even contain my tears as you still remain silent and
I turn quickly to leave, I can stand this rejection no longer.
"Gomen….gomen Kakarrot."
I try to pull myself together to make the flight to my home
when your voice rings out behind me.
"Yamete!"
Your hands are on my shoulder's turning me to face you. I don't
want to… I don't want to! I don't want to see the rejection in your eyes
as you still try and remain kind to me.
When you've turned me fully, my shoulders shaking as I continue to
quietly cry and I continue to try not to meet your gaze you take my chin in
your hand and lift. Forcing me to look at you.
You're crying. Crying.
No, no, no, not this, this is not what I wanted. Please don't
do this. I try to reach and hold you but your hands on my shoulders do not
release me.
"Vegeta…aishiteru."
Are you..are you joking? Your eyes tell me no but your mouth
has said something I didn't think was possible. I stare up at you my eyes wide
and disbelieving searching yours. Waiting for you to trick me, laugh at me,
repaying me for all that I have done to you. But you don't. And slowly, ever so
slowly, inch-by-inch you come closer to me. Closer until I can feel the heat of
your body next to mine. Still staring into my eyes and I realize that you are
giving me a chance to run. Why would I run from you Kakarrot? Why would I run
when I want you in my arms so much? Finally we are pressed together, tightly as
if you are trying to come into me as if we could become one. Then even
slower than you moved towards me you are bringing you lips down to mine and a
second before they meet your eyes slip close breaking out gaze and then….and
then….you are kissing me.
Your lips are light butterfly kisses against mine, softly and
gently you press us together and I am lost. How can I feel so much pleasure
from one kiss? How can the touch of your lips against mine make me feel like my
world could end now? I have never felt this happy, this free, this loved in my
entire life. I think of all I had to do, all we had to struggle through to be
here. To have come to this place together, to be with each other and all
of it I would suffer gladly to be here. In your arms again.
Gently I feel your tongue licking my lips and greedily I open
my mouth to you. I want to taste you
and I try to rush and do so but you calm me, your tongue slowly swirling over
mine tasting me thoroughly. Once again I am thrown to the winds, the taste of
you alone is enough to make me moan and arch into you. You answer with your own
low moan and rub against my body as I pull back. Tasting, licking, sucking, you
devour me fully and I am open like a flower to you so lost now all I know is
you. This place here with you, in the circle of your arms. And I am happy.
Blissfully happy.
Then you pull away from me and a moan of protest starts in me
but you quiet me with your fingers pressed against my lips softly. You look
into my eyes again and speak,
"Vegeta, I love you."
"Kakarrot…I love you too."
Aishiteru, my darling, aishiteru.
*Peeks from under desk*
So what did you think? I know it sucked.
*Hides back under desk*
