Dear Diary.

Prologue

11 August, 2005

Dear Diary,

Today was the best day possible. Edward Cullen talked to me! Can you believe it? I was sitting in the cafeteria with Jess, Lauren and Katie when someone tapped on my shoulder. It was him. I had to remind myself to breathe. He said 'hi' and I may have said it back; I don't know. I was too high. Then he said that he would like me to join him for lunch tomorrow at his table. I stared at him for a whole minute before nodding dumbly. He said he was glad I said yes and would see me tomorrow.

Jess, Lauren and Katie looked at me with wide eyes and squealed happily that he must like me, too. I don't know. I hope what they say is true. Because I so like him. The whole day after that they would giggle behind their hands whenever Edward passed by. I didn't tell them that he secretly smiled at me, too.

This is all so surreal. I can't believe that till yesterday I was the invisible girl for him and now…it's overwhelming. There is also this nagging at the back of my mind that something's wrong, too. I just hope I don't get too hurt.

12 August, 2005

Dear Diary,

I did sit with him at his table today. Tanya Denali kept smirking at me for some reason, Irina McCarthy was very quiet and Laurent Denali kept whispering in her ear and she would only nod at him. Sam Quiltera kept glaring at Edward. I guess he didn't like that I had joined them. It hurt, really. Garret, Laurent Denali's cousin brother, kept glancing at my table as though observing my girlfriends' reactions at this arrangement. James and Victoria – the 'it' couple – kept to themselves the whole time.

Only Edward talked to me. He even inclined his chair towards me a little. I swear I was in Heaven. He asked me about my hobbies, my likes and dislikes and stuff like that. I told him as much as possible without boring him to death. I didn't tell him about you though. You, my dear Diary, are my most possessed secret.

After lunch, Edward asked me to make this a "regular thing". I asked if his friends were okay with it. He assured me that they were. I didn't prod any further; I was desperate myself to sit with him again. Jess, Lauren and Katie wanted full details about it. I told them. I asked why Garret Denali kept looking at them. I guess Katie did blush a little but she dismissed it as cold.

16 August, 2005

Dear Diary,

It's been four days since I wrote. I'm sorry; I guess I was just too busy in my La-la land all the time. Edward Cullen is my friend now. He said so himself. I had blushed and said a quiet 'yes'. I sit with them every day. Even now, it's only Edward who talks to me. Garret threw in a few of his words. But other than that, he was talking with James and Victoria. Sam and Tanya kept hissing at each other. They are not a couple yet, but I am getting the feeling that it's not too away now. Laurent and Irina is a couple and they talked between themselves.

Jacob Black asked me out today. Edward was standing behind me that time. I said no. Jacob is nice and good-looking but I don't think I'll ever say yes to anyone other than Edward. Jacob insisted a little but stopped when Edward growled at him. I like to believe Edward didn't like Jacob asking me out. That made my day.

20 August, 2005

Dear Diary,

Edward and I went out after school today. He took me to the First Beach and we laughed and talked and played in the water. He kept touching me every time: like holding my hand, keeping it around my shoulder, or wrapping it around my waist – stuff like that. I let him. God only knows I've been dreaming about it since ages. And you know I never let anyone that close to me.

I don't think I have anything else to write down. The only thing that's swirling in my head is what I wrote above. I just cannot stop thinking about him.

25 August, 2005

Dear Diary,

We talk. A lot. We spend time alone at times, too. Just for talking, okay?

30 August, 2005

Dear Diary,

He kissed me today.

We were at the beach again, playing in the water. I took a dip in the water and when I came up he wasn't there. Then suddenly, he resurfaced behind me and picked me up. I squealed in surprise and he laughed. I love his laugh. His green eyes laugh along with him, you know? I wrapped my hands around his neck for support. His laughter died away and he kept staring at me. I love looking in his eyes, too.

He steadied me on my feet again and before I know it, he was leaning in. It was the best kiss ever. Water and salt and his softness. When he pulled away, he grazed my cheek with his knuckles and smiled softly. He told me it was his best kiss, too. If sitting beside him on another chair in a room full of people was Heaven; then I don't know what I would call this.

12 September, 2005

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow is my birthday. And for the first time in my sixteen years of existence, I was excited about it. Edward and I aren't official yet. But he said he has some great surprise planned for me. So I am taking a guess and assuming that he'll propose me tomorrow.

Now, here's the main thing. I think I'm in love with him. I love the way he smiles, the way he throws his head back and laughs. I love his eyes. They remind me of my second most possessed thing: do you remember the emerald locket Grandma Marie gave me before she passed away? His eyes are exactly like that – emerald green. I love it when he kisses me. We never kiss in public, though. It's as if it is our own secret. I love that, too. I just love everything that is there to him. I simply love him.

I hope tomorrow he officially asks me out.

13 September, 2005

Dear Diary,

He didn't. He broke my heart, to be precise. He left. He left after humiliating me in front of his friends in the whole cafeteria. I was just asking him what my surprise was when he suddenly stood up and started yelling things I don't even want to think about. Everyone heard him. Jess and Lauren refuse to talk to me now. They said that I lost their friendship because I didn't even look at them when I started sitting with Edward: that bastard. It was true; but I thought they should've understood how much I liked him. It looked as if Katie wanted to talk to me but was too scared. I can understand. I wouldn't want Jess and Lauren to kick her out, too.

Now, it's just you and me, Diary. And I know you won't leave me.

I hate my birthdays. I fucking hate them.

I closed my Diary and kept it beside me on the bed. I sat on the bay window and looked outside. The sky was orange and purple and pink and yellow, all blended together beautifully.

The day wasn't over yet, and my cheeks hadn't dried after all the crying. I was angry at myself. I was angry on him. I was angry on Jess and Lauren. I was just so angry. Why was I such a big fool? I should've known that Edward Cullen would never like me. I wasn't ugly or anything, I was pretty. I knew it. But I just wasn't in his league. Girls like Tanya Denali were.

He had it all planned. It was his mission to fool me. And being the idiot I was, I fell right into his trap.

I didn't sleep the whole night. I didn't even blink. Because every time I closed my eyes, his laugh and accusations from the cafeteria would flash behind my eyelids.