This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.

I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.

Summary: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are italics.

The Tape

Day 1

Wednesday

Emma sat in her empty basement bedroom. She was sitting in the middle of her bed, staring at the video camera she had just set up. She held the remote in her hand and hit the small red, record button. She shifted on her bed awkwardly. Emma looked down at her bed spread, then sighed, looking back up. She looked right in to the lens, and spoke.

"I'm Emma Christine Nelson. I'm seventeen years old. My therapist thought this," she gestured to the camera, "would help. I'm suppose to talk about my feelings or whatever." She rolled her eyes, "I'm tired of doing that. I wanted the feeling of control, back in my life. So, I decided to control what I ate and what I didn't. I controlled if I actually kept any food in my system. It was comforting." She took a deep breath, "The old Emma would have never became a statistic. The old Emma would have never lost control in the first place." She picked at her finger nails, "Truth is, the old Emma, died along with Rick Murray, in that hallway. Things haven't been the same since then. Since the day Sean Cameron saved my life. Since the day a boy was killed because of me."

She closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She slowly opened them, "So, this is my story, on tape. Live and uncut. This is the story of a girl, trying to find her way back. The story of a girl, trying to escape the screaming inside her head." She smiled softly and hit stop. She sighed and fell backwards on to her bed, looking up at the ceiling.

Day 2

Thursday

Emma got home from a long day at school. She taped a piece of paper to the basement door that read: Recording. Don't bother me. She dropped her bag by the stairs and sat on her bed. She hit the on button and then record, "Well, another long boring day at school. Ok, I'm lying. It wasn't boring, it was torture. It's still hard to be around all that food. It's disgusting at times." She looked around her room, wondering why she actually just admitted that out loud. She looked back to the camera, "I lied to myself for so long. I would tell myself, over and over that I didn't have a problem. I thought I could stop. It just started spiraling out of control. It became a game. Food vs. Me. I wanted to be the winner." She rolled her eyes, "Surprisingly, that isn't the stupidest thing I've done. After the shooting, I started going down to the Ravine. The Ravine is where the stoners, druggies and any low life scum would go to party...And to hook up."She sighed, "Let's just say, I wasn't there to party. I was probably the only one there who was sober while hooking up. Does that make me worse than them? I was already so numb from life, I didn't need the drugs or alcohol to numb me any farther."

Emma played with the bracelets on her wrist. The ones she had received from Jay. She looked down at them, "It was a game there too. With prizes. One bracelet for each time you hook up. And if you're lucky, you get a lovely bonus." Each word dripped with sarcasm. She looked back at the camera, "Along with the bracelet, you get a social disease. Which disease did I get? Gonorrhea." She sighed, "I could sit here, blaming Jay Hogart for it. But, I was there too. He wasn't the only one in the van. He didn't know he had it. Yeah, he shouldn't have been cheating on his girlfriend and I shouldn't have been helping him." She ran her fingers through her hair, "Why am I defending him?"