I feel so alone sometimes

Sometimes I don't think I know myself.

Who am I kidding?

No one knows me.

Aw, come off it.

When you look at that redheaded guy with the hat who's always showing off and flirting, no way, that isn't me.

You were close though.

He's my mask, my shell, my alter-ego – whatever.

See that teenager who's feeling confused and almost on the verge of tears now?

Yeah, that's the real Irvine Kinneas.

Surprise, surprise.

You know what?

People sure are confusing sometimes.

I mean, look at those around me.

Zell, for example.

Observe the guy.

He's annoyingly temperamental at times, but he's just so brave and enthusiastic.

Not to mention hyper.

And genuine.

No airs, no pretences, nothing.

You gotta admire him.

Shhh, I'm supposed to dislike him, so you didn't hear this from me.

But sometimes you wonder if that puppy-dog behaviour the girls love is his true self, or just a wall he uses.

Maybe he's just a very good actor.

Food for thought.

Anyway, I'm moving on.

Squall's next.

Sure, he might seem to have the personality of a rock, but of course there's one part in his personality that's quite capable of being happy and simply loving, which he doesn't feel comfortable showing to anyone.

Squall's a lucky guy.

He's got Rinoa.

Hey, don't get the wrong idea, I don't fancy her all that much.

True, she's cute, okay, extremely cute, but she isn't my kind of girl I suppose.

It's just that she's someone who's capable of bringing out his hidden self.

I don't have anyone for this purpose.

You're probably thinking now," Irvine, darling, aren't you forgetting someone really special?"

Yeah, yeah, I was just about to go into that.

Selphie, right?

I guess that's who you want me to talk about.

Aha.

You're a romantic junkie, aren't you?

Well, about Sefie…what can I say?

She's the person, besides Squall, who knows the most about me.

You should know we were best friends when we were little and I was pretty messed up because of my past – stuff I don't want to talk about.

I can safely say she pulled me through without knowing it herself.

Heck, maybe she was the one who actually unconsciously encouraged me to put on this mask.

I never thought about it in that way before.

I guess I was so amazed by her sheer optimism and natural joyfulness be it rain or shine, that I tried to be like that.

Thus the happy-go-lucky, frivolous, don't-carish Irvine was born.

Selphie's one person I know so much about, yet can't fully understand.

I wonder who will shatter more, if we ever were to part in any way.

Me, maybe.

She probably thinks I take her as somebody to lavish affection upon when I feel like it and somebody whom I can cast aside when prettier girls come in, yet expect her to hold me in her arms when I'm down.

I wish I could tell her she's so much more than that.

About my, uh, flirtatious ways – they're just something I can't give up.

Hey, don't roll your eyes!

If I weren't known as the ladies' man, who would I be known as, then?

The person who looks suspiciously like a misplaced cowboy?

Come on.

Without my little ways, and my gun, I would be nothing, next to all the other complex characters I know.

It's not a nice thought.

Hmmm, I've been rambling for a pretty long time.

You're probably thinking I'm being dumb, and am just ranting over nothing when my life is seemingly perfect.

Well, I guess this was useless then.

You know what I'd really like?

People actually bothering to look beyond my outer surface, and telling me about who I really am.

Whether I'm just an insecure nerd at heart, or a lion-hearted person, which I seriously doubt.

Oh, well, thanks for listening.

You've been great.