As Kate walked the few blocks to the bar most cops of the Twelfth frequented, she had her coat wrapped tightly around her body as if she were freezing. It wasn't even that cold out, but to her it felt like winter had made an unexpected return.
She knew better though, the cold didn't come from the outside. It had sparked inside of her heart and slowly crept into every single inch of her body. It filled her up relentlessly, but she only felt more empty.
She's fun… and uncomplicated. I think that's what my life needs right now.
Her whole body shook violently as the words replayed inside of her mind, Kate didn't need to know what had caused the drastic change in her partner to be aware that this was directed at her. A shot headed the same way the bullet had all those months ago, but penetrating her deeper than the projectile ever could've.
Her chest contracted painfully as if her imploding heart was sucking in everything around it, sucking her in and for a moment she was afraid of disappearing right there on the sidewalk.
Still afraid, Kate reached out to a lamp post and held onto it as if her life depended on it. How had it even come to this? When exactly had Richard Castle gained the power to tear her apart like this with only words?
She had to hold in bitter laughter as the answer dawned on her, he had always influenced her with his words. First, his books had gotten him through the grief of her mother's death and upon first meeting her, he had seen right through all the carefully built up barriers to tell the story behind her badge.
It only made sense that he could tear her apart to his liking as well, but she didn't like it one bit. In fact, she felt anger boiling at the pit of her stomach and her frozen insides began to melt again.
She didn't understand what had suddenly gotten into him, she knew that he loved her. His words still haunted her in her dreams after all, there was no way she could possibly forget that she remembered everything. Of course, he didn't know that and as time passed by, it seemed more impossible to tell him.
There had been so many chances and it angered her how many of them she had missed, thinking that the timing hadn't been right or that she wasn't ready because now he was slipping away despite of her best efforts.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go, it couldn't end this way now. All these years and now they were just going to act like none of it mattered anymore?
Her fingers were already ghosting over the surface of her cell phone by the time she realized that she had pulled it out in the first place. The message to Castle came less automatically. She frantically deleted a bunch of letters only to retype them.
Kate had no doubt that she looked like a crazy person. Fumbling with her phone, glaring at the screen like it had personally offended her every once in a while and groaning whenever a message approach fell through… all in the middle of the sidewalk.
She was way beyond caring though. Her anger and frustration pushed her to keep trying until she got it right, a stubbornness she had last shown as a four year old surfacing. She blamed Castle for this outburst of childishness, he had started it all the second he had shown up at the crime scene in his Ferrari with some blonde.
Her fingers were done typing and now clutched the cell phone. In the end, only one sentence remained on the screen. It floored her the way one, simple sentence encapsulated everything that lay inside her head and heart… for him.
Because I love you, you idiot.