p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="2538d14fd0982f6536660bf3458ffbc5"strong'Just try to relax.' /strongHe pauses, running his long fingers through my hair. strong'All we can do is wait.'/strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="844dbd6a55d73502c894eacea74283e2"br /strong'You expect me to sit here and do nothing?'/strong I mutter bitterly leaning my head against his /Receiving no reply I 'It's not like they lock the doors. We leave now If we want.'/strong br /br /He sighs tiredly, growing slightly more irritated, he's never had the best temper. br /strong'Locks don't matter Alex. We don't have anything to go back to.'/strong br /br /John glances out the window. His dark sclera eyes surveying the school grounds. br /br /strong'Beyond these walls life is rather unforgiving and I for one don't want to be apart of it.'/strongbr /br /I think about this for a moment. I guess in a sense he's right. I have no real home to return to, nowhere to belong. The academy is perfect but something in the back of my mind is telling me to run like an itch I can't scratch. Everything around me seems slightly flawed, growing less real by the minute. Why can't he see that ? Perhaps he is too caught up with the promise of safety. I sigh as my head becomes crowded, thoughts and worries buzzing around inside my skull. John shifts slightly beside me./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="ea0a9b58b0102938b5c907926178296a"strong'You should sleep.'/strong He whispers in my ear. His smoky voice sends shivers down my spine./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="ea0a9b58b0102938b5c907926178296a"I almost stay but like usual my thoughts get the best of me, squirming out of his grasp despite the dejected look on his freckled face. br /strong'I'll be back in awhile.'/strong br /His smile fades but he remains silent. As I leave I can feel his eyes on me. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"br /It's freezing out here, the bare sky covered by a thick veil of fog. I move across campus, leaving Thorn House in the dust. Students brush past me, few notice the difference in uniform. I breathe a sigh of relief as I move past the gates, crossing over into daylight. I have escaped the eternal night surrounding their side of the school. br /br /Ignoring the judgmental looks from my fellow classmates I make my way to the Rose Lounge. I haven't been here since news got out about John and his...problem./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"If I'm being honest, I always knew what he was. All the signs were there; strongPure alluring voice/strongstrong, A deep sense of otherness, veins clearly visible beneath his skin, intoxicating scent./strong He was one of /br /As the doors open I spot my roommate lounging on a nearby couch. Herc shifts as I settled into the couch opposite him , looking as though he'd love to run. He smiles wearly and returns to restitching a pair of jeans. Around us the whispering starts. I ignore them until I catch sight of /The Schuyler sister has crammed herself into a small corner of the lounge, opposite her, a smaller girl who's name I never bothered to learn. I try to listen in while Herc rolls his eyes at me. br /br /strong'Is he even allowed in here.'/strong Her friend questions, glaring in my /br /strong'Of course he is!'/strong She whispers harshly. A soft smile crosses my features as Eliza continues. I've always had a soft spot for the excitable brunette. br /br /strong'He's still a Rose student.'/strong br /br /strong'Yea but...he's with emhim/em.'/strong Her friend's voice is laced with hate, typical bigot. br /br /I tune them out not wanting to hear anymore. Herc forces a smile, still seeming rather uncomfortable. br /strong'Where have you been all day ?'/strong He questions quietly. br /strong'Just hanging out with John, you know emour/em emfriend/em.'/strong I bite back, struggling to keep my voice quiet. br /br /At the mention of John's name Herc shivers and shrinks back into his seat. His mind works behind his eyes to keep the tension low. br /strong'We're not supposed to be over there Alex.'/strong His voice is cautious, hands shakily lowering the needle he has been holding. br /br /I resist the urge to roll my eyes. br /strong'There's no rule against it.'/strong A cheeky smirk forms on my lips before I can stop it. br /br /strong'You could get seriously hurt.'/strong He warns as I turn away from him. br /br /strong'He wouldn't hurt me.'/strong I respond confidently. br /I hear him /br /strong'Did I miss much?'/strong I ask quickly before we fall into an awkward silence. br /br /strong'We learned defense techniques in gym.'/strong Eliza's chirpy voice sings,coming up behind us. br /She sits beside me, resting her arm against the couch and flashes an award winning smile. br /br /strong'Maybe that's why John asked you over.'/strong Herc mutters under his breath. br /My glare causes him to look away. br /br /strong'Maybe he just wanted to see me.'/strong I spit harshly. br /br /All eyes are on my now, I said that louder than I intended but I stand tall as Herc's face is slowly resembling a tomato. He sinks into his chair but luckily Eliza jumps in before anymore can be said. br /br /strong'We should get back to the House. wants to see us about the stupid cleaning rota.'/strong br /br /I nod lightly, knowing she's lying but get up to follow her outside anyway. We walk in silence for a few minutes, occasionally glancing towards the darker side of our campus. The tranquil atmosphere is quickly destroyed by Eliza's questioning. br /br /strong'So, How's John doing ? Is Thorn House much different than Rose? Is it true they get silk sheets? '/strong She's relentless, barely taking a breath. If I weren't so dead on my feet I'd be impressed. It's moments like theses where our friendship makes sense...neither of us know when to shut up. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"strong'Betsey..' /strongI groan, a sigh following my words. br /br /For a moment she looks offended but when she sees my tired expression she giggles lightly. br /br /strong'Sorry...I know you must be exhausted from all this.'/strong She trails off near the end. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"I simply nod my reply. Rose house is in sight and all I can think about is sleep. My body feels stiff and sore but I keep my pace. Eliza rubs my back slightly as we walk, allowing silence to overtake us. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"br /We step into the House, vaguely wondering what time it is. The hallway falls silent at the sound of my footsteps. By the time I've cross the room most of my fellow classmates are staring at me, whispering to their friends. I hiss lightly under my breath, causing Eliza to laugh. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"strong'You know...'/strong She starts, barely holding back her laughter. strong'They probably wouldn't stare so much if you'd gotten dressed properly.' /strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"Before I can respond she grabs the tie I'm wearing and holds it up to my face. A blush spreads across my cheeks as my eyes register the colour. I'm wearing John's tie, the black silk clearly visible against my crisp white uniform. I turn sharply, rushing up the stairs as Eliza's laughter plays behind me. I can't help but smile slightly at my own stupidity...this is what sleep deprivation can do to you. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"br /Thankfully Eliza doesn't follow me as I climbed the stairs to my room. I sigh, pushing my hair back and silently wishing John were here. br /br /A couple of weeks ago everything had been fine. I had an amazing group of friends, a beautiful boyfriend; everything was perfect. I guess a little too perfect, It is my life after all, when have I ever gotten things so easily. br /I should have seen it coming. It's in his blood after all. br /I just wish things could be different. I wish I could walk across campus without having 'traitor' yelled at me. br /br /em'It's not his fault. It's not his fault. It's not his fault.'/em I mumble quietly, trying to keep the bubble of resentment in my stomach from forming. br /br /br /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="714e797025a55e6b0e4a0fb86b5af67a" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="ee6b0ec0a62df510211ceebbeedf059c"I opened the door to my room, thankful Herc is still in the lounge. My stomach drops as I take in the room, It's never felt the same since John /br /John had a lot of knick-knacks; scraps of paper with scrawled handwriting, flowers from parks we'd sit in, piles of games scattered around the room. I used to wish he would just leave so I could clean up a little and now that he's gone, I regret wishing him away. My thoughts wander to him as I lay in bed, covers pulled across my body. We used to spend all day together. We would lie on the wooden floor for hours watching the sun set and rise in the same night. I'd sneak glances at him, sitting there in his chunky boots and too tight jeans. An oversized jumper hanging loosely against his thin frame. He'd smirk, staring at me with those sky eyes, breath light and lips plump. br /br /I stare blankly at the ceiling, gripping the covers. Even this damn bed is different. I find no comfort in the lilac, silk sheets. A breath in, glaring as the scent of fresh mint and sea salt fills my /br /I close my eyes, trying to ignore the click of the door opening. br /br /Herc's bed springs groan as he sits down. It's quiet for a moment but quickly broken/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"strong'It's raining again.'/strong He whispers quietly. br /br /Opening my eyes slightly I watch the raindrops slide down the window. br /br /I glance at Herc, like I expect he's staring at me. His hair neat as usual, eyes darting from mine to the window. He opens his mouth to speak but quickly closes it again. Apparently my glare is enough to shut him up. br /br /It's silent for awhile until he gets up the nerve to talk again. br /br /strong'You really didn't know?'/strong He asks bracing himself for my response. br /br /I'm silent, letting my face show my anger before my voice can. br /br /strong'No, did you ?'/strong I ask sarcastically. br /br /He panics, his eyes /br /strong'Of course not, I thought he was like us. I had not idea he was...'/strong He trails off. br /br /We don't talk after that. He gets up, quickly making his way to the door and exit. It takes a few moments but I follow him out. There's no way I can sleep this early on a Sunday. I check my phone, 4:55pm. Dinner should be started by now, though I really don't feel hungry. I could use a coffee though. br /br /I catch sight of two first year boys running down the hall in their socks, hands interlocked. One's hair is a bushy brown, the other's a slick black. A flash of pity passed through me as I remember how John and I were like that. br /br /em'His soul is corrupt.'/em An irritating voice whispers in my mind. br /br /I sigh loudly causing the young boys to jump and run down the stairs. They giggle as the go, swaying their hands. It's cute but too innocent for a place like /br /I follow down the stairs but make a B-line for the front door. I hear Eliza's voice emitting from the dining hall to my left, calling out to me but I ignore her. Social interaction is the last thing I need right now. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"The crisp Autumn air pierces my skin as I step outside, the first hints of a storm on open air. The world appears bleak despite the colourful tones around me. It occurs to me that perhaps John took the light when he left, ironic considering his kind are everything but that. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /br /The moment I close the door, cheering and laughter fills the air. The left side of the campus, emtheir/em side is lit up, looking similar to a nightclub. It must be a celebration of something. br /br /I scoff out of habit before I spot John leaning against the wall outside of a dorm house. He's laughing, his head tilted back with an adorable grin on his face. A kid we grew up with, Laf, is flailing his arms clearly half-way through a story. It's only then I notice they're all in fancy dress. Thorn House's Halloween party must be tonight. I wonder why John never mentioned it earlier. br /br /em'He doesn't want you there, that's why.'/em br /br /I grit my teeth trying to ignore the ignorant voice in my head. Resentment fills my body as I watch him joke around with his new friends./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"Here I am, all alone, isolated from my house while he's over there having fun, completely forgetting about me. Instead of furthering my anger , I choose to inspect the house. It's smaller than John's dorm but equally as dark in colour. The costumes are spotless, the music blaring and the decorations are a little too realistic. br /br /em'They're probably real bodies, that's why."/em The voice speaks up again. br /br /em'I know John, he wouldn't be there if that rumor were true.'/em I think back, feeling slightly idiotic for talking to myself. br /br /em'He usually wouldn't go to party without you yet look where we are.'/em The voice answer /br /I shake my head to rid myself of the voice. Students brush past me, giving me odd looks of concern. I must look weird standing in silence like this, crazy even. br /br /I force myself to continue walking, passing along the gates, glancing every now and then at the Thorn students qued up outside. They're all wearing silver as a sort of 'tip of the hat' , I suppose. The house colours, Black and silver have always been an odd contrast to Rose's white and gold. I stray from the gates, moving towards the lounge. The scent of caramelized apples fills the air as the door opens and of course, of all people Aaron Burr is standing there, a calm smile on his lips. His eyes widen as he spot me, posture straightening. br /br /strong'Alex! It's good to see you. How've you been?'/strongHe somewhat yells happily as though I hadn't been practically a hermit the last few months. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"I hold back a laugh, the usually subdued gentleman smells strongly of liquor and is staggering against the door frame. br /br /strong'I'm alright.'/strong I lie, glancing behind /br /Maria is sat on one of the leather couches while her boyfriend and that weird Lee kid are engaged in a dance battle on the Wii mini. br /br /I jump as Aaron grabs my arm, dragging me towards everyone. This time I'm met with happy grins and welcome back's, clearly due to the copious amounts of alcohol in their systems. I nod awkwardly, I wouldn't consider anyone here a friend except maybe Burr. br /br /strong'Where'd you disappear off too.'/strong James asks, trying and failing to dance. br /br /Maria offers me a candy apple as I sit down which I happily take. The salted caramel does wonders for my tired brain. br /br /strong'Could you really not stand to be around us ? I mean Aaron I get but the rest of us?'/strong Lee jokes as though we've ever spoken before. br /br /strong'Hey!'/strong Burr complains, putting on a fake pout. br /br /The others laugh and I find myself laughing along, just for a moment. This still feels far too awkward. It strikes me as weird that Burr would befriend such an odd group but I suppose everyone needs to make friends somehow. Perhaps it's just a survival tactic, school can be hell if you're doing it alone, something I've only learned recently. Burr pushes a glass into my hand, the unknown liquid clear and slightly bubbled. I take a sip, immediately regretting my life choices as Maria giggles into her hand. James and Lee have returned to their awful dancing, Burr watches on half-heartedly. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"The night passes like that until the sun sets and rises. It's only now that I notice just how dull things are without John. We're halfway through another one of Jame's dull stories about England when I decide I've finally had enough. I get up to leave, lightly moving past a bored looking Maria to the door. br /strong'You better come next week A!'/strong Lee yells from behind me. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"The pointless shortening of my name makes me cringe. I don't have to look back to know Lee's smiling like an 're going camping next week, I won't be joining. br /strong'I'll think about it.'/strong I answer. br /It's an empty promise but It's something. Lee accepts it, walking further into the lounge with a keg under his arm. My smile drops as Burr follows me out, waving a faint goodbye to his group. I glance over to him, he's thankfully sobered up quite a bit since the beginning of our interaction. He doesn't say anything but nods. We walk together, trudging through the wet grass. I walk him to his dorm, about five minutes short of mine. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"strong'Take care Alexander.' /strongHe mutters, showing me a light but oddly genuine smile. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"He's disappeared inside the building a moment later yet I hear his footsteps echo up the marble staircase. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /br /br /The music is still blaring from Thorn House when I finally arrive home. I recognize the beat, not the song. The air bites at my skin, leaving me to shiver. I'm almost at the front door when I spot John. He's walking away from me, surrounded by his new found friends. A sight I can't help but to find oddly metaphorical. He's having fun. Bushy hair erratic, thick woolen scarf covering his neck, venturing off to where I cannot follow. I quickly make note of his entourage. Girls in long flowing skirts and messy ponytails. Boys in finger-less gloves and leather jackets. They look like something straight out of a movie, enchanting and untouchable. The girls are carrying candles illuminating the path in front of them. John's head turns my way and I catch his eye. His cheeks are flushed, his delicate fingers are spread across his mouth hiding a laugh. We stare for a moment before he walks on, leaving me behind. His parting gesture a dimpled smile and a wave. br /br /br /He's gone before I can blink and I feel empty. My mind is drowning in memories. Kisses in photo booths, lunches on the lake. It's all too much. I can feel the light draining away, following John into the abyss of night. I remember upon first meeting him I craved his acceptance, his companionship. He was different back then, his laughs quiet, his eyes of /I remember how every Saturday he'd stay up all night to cram for an exam. He'd spread out on the love seat, armed with an iced coffee and a pen. A jar with freshly sharpened pencils would be thrown against the wall as he vented his anger. The leather bound books scattered across the floor in a brief moment of rage. I'd hold him until the tears of aggression turned to tears of guilt. He'd apologize and we'd share a drink. The kind of hot drinks you feel all the way down your throat. The essay forgotten, we'd slowly drift off. br /I remember breathing in his scent as we lay in bed on a Sunday morning. The soft fog covering the campus grounds. Rays of sunlight streaming in through the open blinds. His scent was intoxicating, an odd mixture of the sea and burning wood. It was home. br /br /He's become such a mystery to me since /br /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"When I enter Rose House the majority of students had left. No Herc there to question me, no students glaring eyes and although I wished for this the place feels lonely. My footsteps echo has I walk the halls. Classes have started, It's Monday morning now. I run my hand through my permanently knotted hair and sigh. The birds cheep in the background, A few lone students are milling about, their eyes bright and clear. Two young girls sit at the bottom of the stairway braiding each other's hair. It's a picture perfect scene but I don't belong in it. I feel like I'm living in the inside of a wave, like any minute everything could break. br /br /This school doesn't feel real anymore. As though it were a mirage. It's always been this way. I'm just noticing it now because I'm no longer part of the /em'Maybe John feels like this too.'/em I think, walking towards the kitchen. br /em'He doesn't' /emThe voice answers back to me. br /em'Oh and why not.'/em I glare, feeling slightly silly. br /em'He's part of a different illusion now.'/em The voice goes quiet after that. br /br /br /Remembering what we had hurts. It hurts because I know I'm going to lose him. I can't save him and frankly I don't believe he wants to be saved. He's with his own kind, people who understand him. People he doesn't have to change for. I've tried to stop worrying, tried to tell myself that it's fine but it isn't. Every time my hand accidentally rubs against the gills that line his neck, I feel sick. Every time I look into his eyes and don't see the dark hues I long for, I'm torn apart. Every time I run my fingers through his hair and see strands of black, I want to scream. I love him, I've always loved him, I just despise what he is. It isn't natural, a sickening mutation that makes up almost one quarter of the worlds population. I knew what he was the moment I met his parents. Their black scales stood out against pale skin. I had hope that maybe he was different, maybe he was special. He isn't, He's just likeem them/em. br /br /br /As much as what he is sickens me, I pray he chooses to stay with me after we graduate. Very few of their kind decide to stay on land after schools end. Many choose to spend their lives exploring the wonders of the ocean. I can only hope that he'll stay. I don't care how difficult it is, I need him. I've always needed him, far more than he ever needed me. br /br /br /The door to the kitchen slams as I brush past it. The sound harsh and poignant. My body is slowing down, desperate for rest but rest can wait. I decide quickly that I need to see John. He'll be at his dorm by now, probably curling up playing a new game. I pour myself a coffee and chuckle. br /br /em'Must have been quite a night.'/em I think, looking around at the brightly colored cocktails littering the /The first gulp of coffee burns but I continue, trying to wake up. I really should have slept./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"I leave as soon as I can, making my way out the door. I walk behind other Rose Students. A sea of crisp white uniforms and happy faces. Girls walk beside boys, giggling beneath their fingers. Sleepy voices greet one another in an overly cheerful manner. Everywhere I look all I see is wrinkled shirts and ink stained fingers. Looking around I can tell I'm not the only one who hasn't slept. I see a few familiar faces but mostly I avoid them. Burr isn't among them, no doubt already in a peaceful slumber. br /br /br /It takes about 15 minutes but the crowd eventually disperses. I cross the gate, plunging myself into darkness. It takes a moment but my eyes adjust. I move towards Thorn Dorm's slowly , glancing down every few moments. It's like walking on reflective ice. I can see water beneath me yet I can't feel it, occasionally I see creatures moving under me but I try to ignore that. It's colder here, my breath catches in the air. The door to the dorm house is open so I enter without /br /Thankfully John's room is on the first floor. No climbing winding staircases, with how tired I am I'd probably fall. I walk quickly down the hall avoiding the strange leaks on the ceiling. The walls are painted in warm colors, pinks and reds, like a sunset. br /br /My eyes narrow as I get closer and closer to John's door. Low mumbles can be heard from inside, music is playing softly. I push open the door without knocking. He's with a friend. They're both focused intensely on a laptop screen, whispering to each other. I feel a hint of anger and jealousy bubble inside me. br /br /em'I don't like the look of this guy.' /emThe voice in my head chimes in. I agree. br /He's fairly obnoxious looking, dark brown hair, matching eyes, hipster style glasses. He wears a deep purple v-neck accessorized with a flirty smile. He makes John giggle, emstrongIt boils my blood. /strong/embr /I clear my throat they jump apart. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /emstrong'Alex.'/strong /emJack's voice is like silk. I try to bite back a sigh of content. br /The guy stands up, bids Jack goodbye and leaves without a word to me...impolite prick. br /strong'Who was he?'/strong I question harshly, my suspicion rising. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /John doesn't look too surprised by this just bored. He rests his head against the cushy armchair. Honestly, he looks like a model. br /strong'Thomas, he's a friend of Laf's.' /strongHe shrugs nonchalantly. br /I breath in deep, trying to control my anger. John's dark eyes pierce into me. br /br /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"John is lounging lazily on the armchair. Old books on old subjects are littered in piles around the room, weird considering he rarely reads. His unmade bed is piled high with notebooks, a small metal wastebasket near, overflowing with crumpled note paper. Posters cover every inch of wall old record player that I don't recognize is playing a soft melody. The room is a mess like usual but now I notice an extra bed pushed into the corner. I eye it carefully. br /He must have a roommate. br /strong'Why was he here ?'/strong I question further. br /strong'He lives here.'/strong Jack snaps back./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /Jack tilts his neck back, eyes closed, gills exposed. The gills move slowly, he's taking deeper breaths. The scales that pepper his skin are turning a darker grey. I notice his hair is black at the end, a clear sign that his body is reacting to this house. br /br /br /strong'Quit staring.' /strongHe mumbles quietly, he sounds tired. The heavy old curtains draped across the window keep out most daylight but I can still see the bags under his eyes. emEyes that never rest. /embr /br /strong'How was the party.'/strong I shift awkwardly, my feet growing tired. I've had far too many sleepless nights. He glances at me for a moment. br /strong'It was fun, we're gonna go to Laf's cabin for Halloween break.'/strong He's smirking at me, daring me to question him further. br /strong'What? I don't get an invite.'/strong I joke, trying to lighten the mood. br /Apparently I shouldn't have said that. The smirk is quickly replaced by a glare. He doesn't speak just stares. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /strong'Shouldn't you be in class?'/strong I question despite how hypocritical I must sound. The air is tense. br /His blank expression doesn't change. br /strong'Do you ever stop talking?'/strong He asks. The words taste like acid. His voice is too calm, too peaceful. br /Bile rises in my throat. It seems every time I visit he's becoming more and more like emthem/em. When Laf started to change it had been obvious, he gradually stopped talking to us, phasing us out of his life. emTheir/em kind is known to speak mostly through glances, something I could never understand. I turn my head away in frustration. br /br /John moves yet his footsteps make no sound. The room is eerily quiet yet perhaps to him it's peaceful. The sound of pouring water makes me glance towards him. His bones are tense, eyes focused solely on the rusted old kettle in front of him. It must be a nice distraction from the uncomfortable conversation. I shiver, the air around us is icy. John's breath is visible yet he doesn't react to the cold. br /br /strong'You should get some rest.'/strong I sigh knowing this isn't an invitation but a request to leave. br /strong'John, we need to talk about this...'/strong I start before angrily being cut off. br /strong'What's there to talk about!? We're different now, that's it.'/strong John's biting his lip, a habit picked up from me. br /strong'That's i-t?' /strongMy voice cracks despite my efforts to keep a leveled tone. br /The question hangs in the air for a few moments. He doesn't look at me, doesn't supply any words of comfort. I feel the world caving in, my heart is beating too fast. I barely breath as though that will hold off the inevitable. It could all end here. br /br /strong'I don't know.'/strong He whispers sounding just as broken. He smiles a shattered smile that taste likes salt /The kettle falls to the ground but I don't hear the crash. John's shaking, his pupils dilated. He's afraid, of what I don't know. Losing me? Being alone? I can't be sure. br /Without a second thought I wrap my arms around him. He clings to me as though he's drowning and maybe he is. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"span style="text-decoration: underline;"emMaybe we both are. /em/span/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="844dbd6a55d73502c894eacea74283e2"br /strong'You expect me to sit here and do nothing?'/strong I mutter bitterly leaning my head against his /Receiving no reply I 'It's not like they lock the doors. We leave now If we want.'/strong br /br /He sighs tiredly, growing slightly more irritated, he's never had the best temper. br /strong'Locks don't matter Alex. We don't have anything to go back to.'/strong br /br /John glances out the window. His dark sclera eyes surveying the school grounds. br /br /strong'Beyond these walls life is rather unforgiving and I for one don't want to be apart of it.'/strongbr /br /I think about this for a moment. I guess in a sense he's right. I have no real home to return to, nowhere to belong. The academy is perfect but something in the back of my mind is telling me to run like an itch I can't scratch. Everything around me seems slightly flawed, growing less real by the minute. Why can't he see that ? Perhaps he is too caught up with the promise of safety. I sigh as my head becomes crowded, thoughts and worries buzzing around inside my skull. John shifts slightly beside me./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="ea0a9b58b0102938b5c907926178296a"strong'You should sleep.'/strong He whispers in my ear. His smoky voice sends shivers down my spine./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="ea0a9b58b0102938b5c907926178296a"I almost stay but like usual my thoughts get the best of me, squirming out of his grasp despite the dejected look on his freckled face. br /strong'I'll be back in awhile.'/strong br /His smile fades but he remains silent. As I leave I can feel his eyes on me. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"br /It's freezing out here, the bare sky covered by a thick veil of fog. I move across campus, leaving Thorn House in the dust. Students brush past me, few notice the difference in uniform. I breathe a sigh of relief as I move past the gates, crossing over into daylight. I have escaped the eternal night surrounding their side of the school. br /br /Ignoring the judgmental looks from my fellow classmates I make my way to the Rose Lounge. I haven't been here since news got out about John and his...problem./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"If I'm being honest, I always knew what he was. All the signs were there; strongPure alluring voice/strongstrong, A deep sense of otherness, veins clearly visible beneath his skin, intoxicating scent./strong He was one of /br /As the doors open I spot my roommate lounging on a nearby couch. Herc shifts as I settled into the couch opposite him , looking as though he'd love to run. He smiles wearly and returns to restitching a pair of jeans. Around us the whispering starts. I ignore them until I catch sight of /The Schuyler sister has crammed herself into a small corner of the lounge, opposite her, a smaller girl who's name I never bothered to learn. I try to listen in while Herc rolls his eyes at me. br /br /strong'Is he even allowed in here.'/strong Her friend questions, glaring in my /br /strong'Of course he is!'/strong She whispers harshly. A soft smile crosses my features as Eliza continues. I've always had a soft spot for the excitable brunette. br /br /strong'He's still a Rose student.'/strong br /br /strong'Yea but...he's with emhim/em.'/strong Her friend's voice is laced with hate, typical bigot. br /br /I tune them out not wanting to hear anymore. Herc forces a smile, still seeming rather uncomfortable. br /strong'Where have you been all day ?'/strong He questions quietly. br /strong'Just hanging out with John, you know emour/em emfriend/em.'/strong I bite back, struggling to keep my voice quiet. br /br /At the mention of John's name Herc shivers and shrinks back into his seat. His mind works behind his eyes to keep the tension low. br /strong'We're not supposed to be over there Alex.'/strong His voice is cautious, hands shakily lowering the needle he has been holding. br /br /I resist the urge to roll my eyes. br /strong'There's no rule against it.'/strong A cheeky smirk forms on my lips before I can stop it. br /br /strong'You could get seriously hurt.'/strong He warns as I turn away from him. br /br /strong'He wouldn't hurt me.'/strong I respond confidently. br /I hear him /br /strong'Did I miss much?'/strong I ask quickly before we fall into an awkward silence. br /br /strong'We learned defense techniques in gym.'/strong Eliza's chirpy voice sings,coming up behind us. br /She sits beside me, resting her arm against the couch and flashes an award winning smile. br /br /strong'Maybe that's why John asked you over.'/strong Herc mutters under his breath. br /My glare causes him to look away. br /br /strong'Maybe he just wanted to see me.'/strong I spit harshly. br /br /All eyes are on my now, I said that louder than I intended but I stand tall as Herc's face is slowly resembling a tomato. He sinks into his chair but luckily Eliza jumps in before anymore can be said. br /br /strong'We should get back to the House. wants to see us about the stupid cleaning rota.'/strong br /br /I nod lightly, knowing she's lying but get up to follow her outside anyway. We walk in silence for a few minutes, occasionally glancing towards the darker side of our campus. The tranquil atmosphere is quickly destroyed by Eliza's questioning. br /br /strong'So, How's John doing ? Is Thorn House much different than Rose? Is it true they get silk sheets? '/strong She's relentless, barely taking a breath. If I weren't so dead on my feet I'd be impressed. It's moments like theses where our friendship makes sense...neither of us know when to shut up. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"strong'Betsey..' /strongI groan, a sigh following my words. br /br /For a moment she looks offended but when she sees my tired expression she giggles lightly. br /br /strong'Sorry...I know you must be exhausted from all this.'/strong She trails off near the end. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"I simply nod my reply. Rose house is in sight and all I can think about is sleep. My body feels stiff and sore but I keep my pace. Eliza rubs my back slightly as we walk, allowing silence to overtake us. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"br /We step into the House, vaguely wondering what time it is. The hallway falls silent at the sound of my footsteps. By the time I've cross the room most of my fellow classmates are staring at me, whispering to their friends. I hiss lightly under my breath, causing Eliza to laugh. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"strong'You know...'/strong She starts, barely holding back her laughter. strong'They probably wouldn't stare so much if you'd gotten dressed properly.' /strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"Before I can respond she grabs the tie I'm wearing and holds it up to my face. A blush spreads across my cheeks as my eyes register the colour. I'm wearing John's tie, the black silk clearly visible against my crisp white uniform. I turn sharply, rushing up the stairs as Eliza's laughter plays behind me. I can't help but smile slightly at my own stupidity...this is what sleep deprivation can do to you. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d"br /Thankfully Eliza doesn't follow me as I climbed the stairs to my room. I sigh, pushing my hair back and silently wishing John were here. br /br /A couple of weeks ago everything had been fine. I had an amazing group of friends, a beautiful boyfriend; everything was perfect. I guess a little too perfect, It is my life after all, when have I ever gotten things so easily. br /I should have seen it coming. It's in his blood after all. br /I just wish things could be different. I wish I could walk across campus without having 'traitor' yelled at me. br /br /em'It's not his fault. It's not his fault. It's not his fault.'/em I mumble quietly, trying to keep the bubble of resentment in my stomach from forming. br /br /br /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="70482cc35c2b0e079064e0fda41fe77d" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="714e797025a55e6b0e4a0fb86b5af67a" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="ee6b0ec0a62df510211ceebbeedf059c"I opened the door to my room, thankful Herc is still in the lounge. My stomach drops as I take in the room, It's never felt the same since John /br /John had a lot of knick-knacks; scraps of paper with scrawled handwriting, flowers from parks we'd sit in, piles of games scattered around the room. I used to wish he would just leave so I could clean up a little and now that he's gone, I regret wishing him away. My thoughts wander to him as I lay in bed, covers pulled across my body. We used to spend all day together. We would lie on the wooden floor for hours watching the sun set and rise in the same night. I'd sneak glances at him, sitting there in his chunky boots and too tight jeans. An oversized jumper hanging loosely against his thin frame. He'd smirk, staring at me with those sky eyes, breath light and lips plump. br /br /I stare blankly at the ceiling, gripping the covers. Even this damn bed is different. I find no comfort in the lilac, silk sheets. A breath in, glaring as the scent of fresh mint and sea salt fills my /br /I close my eyes, trying to ignore the click of the door opening. br /br /Herc's bed springs groan as he sits down. It's quiet for a moment but quickly broken/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"strong'It's raining again.'/strong He whispers quietly. br /br /Opening my eyes slightly I watch the raindrops slide down the window. br /br /I glance at Herc, like I expect he's staring at me. His hair neat as usual, eyes darting from mine to the window. He opens his mouth to speak but quickly closes it again. Apparently my glare is enough to shut him up. br /br /It's silent for awhile until he gets up the nerve to talk again. br /br /strong'You really didn't know?'/strong He asks bracing himself for my response. br /br /I'm silent, letting my face show my anger before my voice can. br /br /strong'No, did you ?'/strong I ask sarcastically. br /br /He panics, his eyes /br /strong'Of course not, I thought he was like us. I had not idea he was...'/strong He trails off. br /br /We don't talk after that. He gets up, quickly making his way to the door and exit. It takes a few moments but I follow him out. There's no way I can sleep this early on a Sunday. I check my phone, 4:55pm. Dinner should be started by now, though I really don't feel hungry. I could use a coffee though. br /br /I catch sight of two first year boys running down the hall in their socks, hands interlocked. One's hair is a bushy brown, the other's a slick black. A flash of pity passed through me as I remember how John and I were like that. br /br /em'His soul is corrupt.'/em An irritating voice whispers in my mind. br /br /I sigh loudly causing the young boys to jump and run down the stairs. They giggle as the go, swaying their hands. It's cute but too innocent for a place like /br /I follow down the stairs but make a B-line for the front door. I hear Eliza's voice emitting from the dining hall to my left, calling out to me but I ignore her. Social interaction is the last thing I need right now. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"The crisp Autumn air pierces my skin as I step outside, the first hints of a storm on open air. The world appears bleak despite the colourful tones around me. It occurs to me that perhaps John took the light when he left, ironic considering his kind are everything but that. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /br /The moment I close the door, cheering and laughter fills the air. The left side of the campus, emtheir/em side is lit up, looking similar to a nightclub. It must be a celebration of something. br /br /I scoff out of habit before I spot John leaning against the wall outside of a dorm house. He's laughing, his head tilted back with an adorable grin on his face. A kid we grew up with, Laf, is flailing his arms clearly half-way through a story. It's only then I notice they're all in fancy dress. Thorn House's Halloween party must be tonight. I wonder why John never mentioned it earlier. br /br /em'He doesn't want you there, that's why.'/em br /br /I grit my teeth trying to ignore the ignorant voice in my head. Resentment fills my body as I watch him joke around with his new friends./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"Here I am, all alone, isolated from my house while he's over there having fun, completely forgetting about me. Instead of furthering my anger , I choose to inspect the house. It's smaller than John's dorm but equally as dark in colour. The costumes are spotless, the music blaring and the decorations are a little too realistic. br /br /em'They're probably real bodies, that's why."/em The voice speaks up again. br /br /em'I know John, he wouldn't be there if that rumor were true.'/em I think back, feeling slightly idiotic for talking to myself. br /br /em'He usually wouldn't go to party without you yet look where we are.'/em The voice answer /br /I shake my head to rid myself of the voice. Students brush past me, giving me odd looks of concern. I must look weird standing in silence like this, crazy even. br /br /I force myself to continue walking, passing along the gates, glancing every now and then at the Thorn students qued up outside. They're all wearing silver as a sort of 'tip of the hat' , I suppose. The house colours, Black and silver have always been an odd contrast to Rose's white and gold. I stray from the gates, moving towards the lounge. The scent of caramelized apples fills the air as the door opens and of course, of all people Aaron Burr is standing there, a calm smile on his lips. His eyes widen as he spot me, posture straightening. br /br /strong'Alex! It's good to see you. How've you been?'/strongHe somewhat yells happily as though I hadn't been practically a hermit the last few months. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"I hold back a laugh, the usually subdued gentleman smells strongly of liquor and is staggering against the door frame. br /br /strong'I'm alright.'/strong I lie, glancing behind /br /Maria is sat on one of the leather couches while her boyfriend and that weird Lee kid are engaged in a dance battle on the Wii mini. br /br /I jump as Aaron grabs my arm, dragging me towards everyone. This time I'm met with happy grins and welcome back's, clearly due to the copious amounts of alcohol in their systems. I nod awkwardly, I wouldn't consider anyone here a friend except maybe Burr. br /br /strong'Where'd you disappear off too.'/strong James asks, trying and failing to dance. br /br /Maria offers me a candy apple as I sit down which I happily take. The salted caramel does wonders for my tired brain. br /br /strong'Could you really not stand to be around us ? I mean Aaron I get but the rest of us?'/strong Lee jokes as though we've ever spoken before. br /br /strong'Hey!'/strong Burr complains, putting on a fake pout. br /br /The others laugh and I find myself laughing along, just for a moment. This still feels far too awkward. It strikes me as weird that Burr would befriend such an odd group but I suppose everyone needs to make friends somehow. Perhaps it's just a survival tactic, school can be hell if you're doing it alone, something I've only learned recently. Burr pushes a glass into my hand, the unknown liquid clear and slightly bubbled. I take a sip, immediately regretting my life choices as Maria giggles into her hand. James and Lee have returned to their awful dancing, Burr watches on half-heartedly. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"The night passes like that until the sun sets and rises. It's only now that I notice just how dull things are without John. We're halfway through another one of Jame's dull stories about England when I decide I've finally had enough. I get up to leave, lightly moving past a bored looking Maria to the door. br /strong'You better come next week A!'/strong Lee yells from behind me. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"The pointless shortening of my name makes me cringe. I don't have to look back to know Lee's smiling like an 're going camping next week, I won't be joining. br /strong'I'll think about it.'/strong I answer. br /It's an empty promise but It's something. Lee accepts it, walking further into the lounge with a keg under his arm. My smile drops as Burr follows me out, waving a faint goodbye to his group. I glance over to him, he's thankfully sobered up quite a bit since the beginning of our interaction. He doesn't say anything but nods. We walk together, trudging through the wet grass. I walk him to his dorm, about five minutes short of mine. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"strong'Take care Alexander.' /strongHe mutters, showing me a light but oddly genuine smile. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"He's disappeared inside the building a moment later yet I hear his footsteps echo up the marble staircase. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /br /br /The music is still blaring from Thorn House when I finally arrive home. I recognize the beat, not the song. The air bites at my skin, leaving me to shiver. I'm almost at the front door when I spot John. He's walking away from me, surrounded by his new found friends. A sight I can't help but to find oddly metaphorical. He's having fun. Bushy hair erratic, thick woolen scarf covering his neck, venturing off to where I cannot follow. I quickly make note of his entourage. Girls in long flowing skirts and messy ponytails. Boys in finger-less gloves and leather jackets. They look like something straight out of a movie, enchanting and untouchable. The girls are carrying candles illuminating the path in front of them. John's head turns my way and I catch his eye. His cheeks are flushed, his delicate fingers are spread across his mouth hiding a laugh. We stare for a moment before he walks on, leaving me behind. His parting gesture a dimpled smile and a wave. br /br /br /He's gone before I can blink and I feel empty. My mind is drowning in memories. Kisses in photo booths, lunches on the lake. It's all too much. I can feel the light draining away, following John into the abyss of night. I remember upon first meeting him I craved his acceptance, his companionship. He was different back then, his laughs quiet, his eyes of /I remember how every Saturday he'd stay up all night to cram for an exam. He'd spread out on the love seat, armed with an iced coffee and a pen. A jar with freshly sharpened pencils would be thrown against the wall as he vented his anger. The leather bound books scattered across the floor in a brief moment of rage. I'd hold him until the tears of aggression turned to tears of guilt. He'd apologize and we'd share a drink. The kind of hot drinks you feel all the way down your throat. The essay forgotten, we'd slowly drift off. br /I remember breathing in his scent as we lay in bed on a Sunday morning. The soft fog covering the campus grounds. Rays of sunlight streaming in through the open blinds. His scent was intoxicating, an odd mixture of the sea and burning wood. It was home. br /br /He's become such a mystery to me since /br /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e" /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"When I enter Rose House the majority of students had left. No Herc there to question me, no students glaring eyes and although I wished for this the place feels lonely. My footsteps echo has I walk the halls. Classes have started, It's Monday morning now. I run my hand through my permanently knotted hair and sigh. The birds cheep in the background, A few lone students are milling about, their eyes bright and clear. Two young girls sit at the bottom of the stairway braiding each other's hair. It's a picture perfect scene but I don't belong in it. I feel like I'm living in the inside of a wave, like any minute everything could break. br /br /This school doesn't feel real anymore. As though it were a mirage. It's always been this way. I'm just noticing it now because I'm no longer part of the /em'Maybe John feels like this too.'/em I think, walking towards the kitchen. br /em'He doesn't' /emThe voice answers back to me. br /em'Oh and why not.'/em I glare, feeling slightly silly. br /em'He's part of a different illusion now.'/em The voice goes quiet after that. br /br /br /Remembering what we had hurts. It hurts because I know I'm going to lose him. I can't save him and frankly I don't believe he wants to be saved. He's with his own kind, people who understand him. People he doesn't have to change for. I've tried to stop worrying, tried to tell myself that it's fine but it isn't. Every time my hand accidentally rubs against the gills that line his neck, I feel sick. Every time I look into his eyes and don't see the dark hues I long for, I'm torn apart. Every time I run my fingers through his hair and see strands of black, I want to scream. I love him, I've always loved him, I just despise what he is. It isn't natural, a sickening mutation that makes up almost one quarter of the worlds population. I knew what he was the moment I met his parents. Their black scales stood out against pale skin. I had hope that maybe he was different, maybe he was special. He isn't, He's just likeem them/em. br /br /br /As much as what he is sickens me, I pray he chooses to stay with me after we graduate. Very few of their kind decide to stay on land after schools end. Many choose to spend their lives exploring the wonders of the ocean. I can only hope that he'll stay. I don't care how difficult it is, I need him. I've always needed him, far more than he ever needed me. br /br /br /The door to the kitchen slams as I brush past it. The sound harsh and poignant. My body is slowing down, desperate for rest but rest can wait. I decide quickly that I need to see John. He'll be at his dorm by now, probably curling up playing a new game. I pour myself a coffee and chuckle. br /br /em'Must have been quite a night.'/em I think, looking around at the brightly colored cocktails littering the /The first gulp of coffee burns but I continue, trying to wake up. I really should have slept./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"I leave as soon as I can, making my way out the door. I walk behind other Rose Students. A sea of crisp white uniforms and happy faces. Girls walk beside boys, giggling beneath their fingers. Sleepy voices greet one another in an overly cheerful manner. Everywhere I look all I see is wrinkled shirts and ink stained fingers. Looking around I can tell I'm not the only one who hasn't slept. I see a few familiar faces but mostly I avoid them. Burr isn't among them, no doubt already in a peaceful slumber. br /br /br /It takes about 15 minutes but the crowd eventually disperses. I cross the gate, plunging myself into darkness. It takes a moment but my eyes adjust. I move towards Thorn Dorm's slowly , glancing down every few moments. It's like walking on reflective ice. I can see water beneath me yet I can't feel it, occasionally I see creatures moving under me but I try to ignore that. It's colder here, my breath catches in the air. The door to the dorm house is open so I enter without /br /Thankfully John's room is on the first floor. No climbing winding staircases, with how tired I am I'd probably fall. I walk quickly down the hall avoiding the strange leaks on the ceiling. The walls are painted in warm colors, pinks and reds, like a sunset. br /br /My eyes narrow as I get closer and closer to John's door. Low mumbles can be heard from inside, music is playing softly. I push open the door without knocking. He's with a friend. They're both focused intensely on a laptop screen, whispering to each other. I feel a hint of anger and jealousy bubble inside me. br /br /em'I don't like the look of this guy.' /emThe voice in my head chimes in. I agree. br /He's fairly obnoxious looking, dark brown hair, matching eyes, hipster style glasses. He wears a deep purple v-neck accessorized with a flirty smile. He makes John giggle, emstrongIt boils my blood. /strong/embr /I clear my throat they jump apart. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /emstrong'Alex.'/strong /emJack's voice is like silk. I try to bite back a sigh of content. br /The guy stands up, bids Jack goodbye and leaves without a word to me...impolite prick. br /strong'Who was he?'/strong I question harshly, my suspicion rising. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /John doesn't look too surprised by this just bored. He rests his head against the cushy armchair. Honestly, he looks like a model. br /strong'Thomas, he's a friend of Laf's.' /strongHe shrugs nonchalantly. br /I breath in deep, trying to control my anger. John's dark eyes pierce into me. br /br /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"John is lounging lazily on the armchair. Old books on old subjects are littered in piles around the room, weird considering he rarely reads. His unmade bed is piled high with notebooks, a small metal wastebasket near, overflowing with crumpled note paper. Posters cover every inch of wall old record player that I don't recognize is playing a soft melody. The room is a mess like usual but now I notice an extra bed pushed into the corner. I eye it carefully. br /He must have a roommate. br /strong'Why was he here ?'/strong I question further. br /strong'He lives here.'/strong Jack snaps back./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /Jack tilts his neck back, eyes closed, gills exposed. The gills move slowly, he's taking deeper breaths. The scales that pepper his skin are turning a darker grey. I notice his hair is black at the end, a clear sign that his body is reacting to this house. br /br /br /strong'Quit staring.' /strongHe mumbles quietly, he sounds tired. The heavy old curtains draped across the window keep out most daylight but I can still see the bags under his eyes. emEyes that never rest. /embr /br /strong'How was the party.'/strong I shift awkwardly, my feet growing tired. I've had far too many sleepless nights. He glances at me for a moment. br /strong'It was fun, we're gonna go to Laf's cabin for Halloween break.'/strong He's smirking at me, daring me to question him further. br /strong'What? I don't get an invite.'/strong I joke, trying to lighten the mood. br /Apparently I shouldn't have said that. The smirk is quickly replaced by a glare. He doesn't speak just stares. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"br /strong'Shouldn't you be in class?'/strong I question despite how hypocritical I must sound. The air is tense. br /His blank expression doesn't change. br /strong'Do you ever stop talking?'/strong He asks. The words taste like acid. His voice is too calm, too peaceful. br /Bile rises in my throat. It seems every time I visit he's becoming more and more like emthem/em. When Laf started to change it had been obvious, he gradually stopped talking to us, phasing us out of his life. emTheir/em kind is known to speak mostly through glances, something I could never understand. I turn my head away in frustration. br /br /John moves yet his footsteps make no sound. The room is eerily quiet yet perhaps to him it's peaceful. The sound of pouring water makes me glance towards him. His bones are tense, eyes focused solely on the rusted old kettle in front of him. It must be a nice distraction from the uncomfortable conversation. I shiver, the air around us is icy. John's breath is visible yet he doesn't react to the cold. br /br /strong'You should get some rest.'/strong I sigh knowing this isn't an invitation but a request to leave. br /strong'John, we need to talk about this...'/strong I start before angrily being cut off. br /strong'What's there to talk about!? We're different now, that's it.'/strong John's biting his lip, a habit picked up from me. br /strong'That's i-t?' /strongMy voice cracks despite my efforts to keep a leveled tone. br /The question hangs in the air for a few moments. He doesn't look at me, doesn't supply any words of comfort. I feel the world caving in, my heart is beating too fast. I barely breath as though that will hold off the inevitable. It could all end here. br /br /strong'I don't know.'/strong He whispers sounding just as broken. He smiles a shattered smile that taste likes salt /The kettle falls to the ground but I don't hear the crash. John's shaking, his pupils dilated. He's afraid, of what I don't know. Losing me? Being alone? I can't be sure. br /Without a second thought I wrap my arms around him. He clings to me as though he's drowning and maybe he is. /p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" data-p-id="9fae2799576614d1e75bb1871725b89e"span style="text-decoration: underline;"emMaybe we both are. /em/span/p