Sakura's Revenge!

CC2: Here's a change of pace! A friend of mine, who'd like to be called Revengematron3, couldn't make a Fanfiction account (e-mail problem, I haven't a clue).

Alastor: The reason he can't is 'cause he sucks!

CC2: Quite slave! You have no say in this!

Alastor: I'm not your slave, you midget!

CC2: (throws a bone)

Alastor: Mine! (Chases the flying bone)

CC2… well, it'll keep him away… now let's get this story started!

Disclaimer: This story belongs to Revengematron3, and I am posting this story for him due to problems with registration. Neither of us own Naruto, or anything copyrighted in this story. If we did, chances are we'd be in a hot tub with other characters, enjoying the luxuries of life.

Chapter 1

"NARUTO!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHH! I SAID I WAS SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME SAKURA-CHAN!"

Well, as always, Naruto got on Sakura's nerves. This time due to his lack of reasoning on the aspect of what was edible and what was not. Naruto had picked out some berries on a mission and had given them to Sakura. Since she was in an extremely good mood (and the fact that she thought Sasuke was the one who had picked the berries out) she ate them. Later, Kakashi informed Sakura on the fact that the berries were, in fact, poisonous. After a quick trip to Tsunade's office, she was ready to kill. Specifically, Naruto.

Poor Naruto ran as fast as he could to an alley, hoping to escape Sakura's wrath. He ran into the nearest trashcan and went in. It was surprisingly clean but that was not the point! Naruto put a hand to his ear as he tried to hear if Sakura was close.

"NARUTO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR SPIKY LITTLE HAIR AND STUFF IT HALFWAY DOWN YOUR THROAT! THEN I'LL SQUISH YOUR LEGS SO TIGHT AND PULL YOUR NOSE SO MUCH YOU'LL LOOK LIKE AN UGLY BIRD!"

… Such a nice thought.

Although Naruto still had to contemplate on whether or not she was close, everyone in the village knew her voice could be heard for miles sometimes. Naruto, being the object of Sakura's wrath many times, cowered at the thought of Sakura finding him. So he did what he always did when he was in a jam.

Get Ichiraku ramen!

And since Naruto was the best at conniving anything cunning (or so he believed) the over zealous ninja would be able to easily get there. But how? Sakura was pretty good at spotting things, especially things she was intent on killing. Unless he could go POOF before she hit him and vanish like an illusion he didn't have any hope. And Sakura would've known if he used an illusion. But that's when the idea came to him. Then don't use an illusion…

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Sakura had been searching for an hour after Naruto but was now getting tired. She had no idea where he could be. For all she knew he could be out of the village. She sighed. Maybe she should give up?

"GYAHAHAHAHA!"

Sakura knew that laugh anywhere. She turned and saw Naruto grinning ear to ear even though he was standing in front of the one who was going to make him meet his doom. She smiled… then started to shriek and wave her fists at him, intent on death.

"GYAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Naruto kept laughing, not even scared. This enraged Sakura more making her throw random things such as bicycles and innocent puppies at Naruto.

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Five hours… five long hours. That was how long Sakura had been chasing Naruto down. After Sakura had run out of people to throw at Naruto things started to just get tedious. And Naruto's laughing wasn't helping much. But Naruto was getting tired, and a lot faster than her. That didn't make sense though since he had more stamina than her.

Naruto suddenly stopped, looking beat. Sakura was right behind him and ready to kill. Naruto turned to her and grinned. Something was definitely off…

"Oh, Naruto," Sakura said innocently, hiding her desire to send him into the seven circles of hell, "I have a surprise for you."

Sakura had managed to get her hands on an iron pole (don't ask how) and somehow managed to hide it behind her back (even though it was like, 6 feet long). She was inching slowly and dangerously to Naruto who was still grinning.

"Oh, Naruto…" Sakura had more malice in her voice now, "… DIE!" She thrust her pole at Naruto's head, intending on at least taking out an eye…

…only to hit a puff of smoke!

Then it dawned on her. He was using a shadow clone to distract her. This was not good…

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Naruto (the real one) was happily eating ramen at Ichiraku ramen, thinking he avoided Sakura's demonic wrath. He gulped down another mouthful of ramen before hearing the owner talk to him.

"Hey, where's that Sakura girl?"

Naruto nearly choked his ramen at the question. "She's… trying to kill me somewhere else," Naruto said, some ramen falling from his mouth. The owner cocked an eyebrow.

"Uhhh… she's trying to kill you? And somewhere else?" Naruto nodded.

"I created a shadow clone and sent it out there to distract Sakura while I eat here! Clever, huh? I gave it a lot of chakra to stay solid for a long time. But I still don't know when it's going to disappear from lack of chakra," Naruto explained. He took one more mouthful of ramen before drinking the rest of the broth. Naruto smiled and added the bowl to the large pile next to him. "Well, see yah!" He was on his way to leave.

"Wait! You have to pay first!" yelled the owner.

"Oh, right." Naruto dug into his pockets and took out his frog wallet then opened it…

… Only to find it empty.

"Uhhhh…"

"NA… RU… TO!"

Uh-oh, he knew that demonic, sadistic, and furious voice. Suddenly a wild Sakura who seemed to have lost the little bit of humanity left in her jumped out of nowhere and bit Naruto's ear.

"OOOOOOUUUUCH!" Naruto then proceeded to panic and run around in circles like a little girl. "I'M SORRY SAKURA-CHAN! REALLY, I AM! OUCH! MY EAR IS NOT EDIBLE!" The owner and his daughter began to beat on Sakura with random utensils, mistaking her for some monster/demon/wild animal/thing. And then, by some insane miracle (which was probably caused by a well placed chopstick to Sakura's eye and nose) Sakura let go. By the end of it Naruto was in the middle of the road, Sakura on one end, the Ichiraku family on the other.

Naruto had to think fast. On one hand, he could run to the Ichirukas and try to pay off a very long dept, or run to Sakura—the one who he loved but the one who would also kill him… and in an extremely horrible and painful way to boot. So which one?

Hmm… demon Sakura or the nice Ichirukas?

…

What was he, nuts!

Naruto made a dramatic leap to salvation, or in this case, the Ichirukas. Hey, at least he'd live! He was almost there, until a hand grabbed his neck and before he knew it, was being dragged somewhere in the woods where no one would hear him scream.

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Tsunade was tired. And annoyed. Being Hokage wasn't a walk in the park. Unless that park had paper all over the place. There was paper in the door, on the window, on the walls, on the cat, Shizune was covered in sticky notes, and pieces of a piece treaty were sticking to Tsunade's feet. It wasn't exactly an organized place.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Oh no…

"HELP MEEEEEEE!'

That was…

"SHE'S RIPPING MY EYES RIGHT OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS!"

Again?

"MY LEGS! THEY'RE NOT THERE ANYMORE!

Yep. Again.

Tsunade sighed. She opened a secret drawer in her desk and pressed a big red button that said, "Do not press unless it is an emergency." Several moments later Shino, Kiba, Lee, Kakashi, Jaraiya, Neji, and Shikamaru were all lined up in front of her desk.

"Well, you know the drill," Tsunade said, standing up since she had to go with them too, after all, this was a dangerous mission. Everyone gave an annoyed sigh and went off to save Naruto from his painful death. Later, newspaper reports would say that there were no survivors…

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CC2: It's over! Wait, Alastor hasn't arrived yet! Freedom! (Throws a party) Quick folks, review before he gets back!

Alastor: (in Africa, torturing a civilian over a bone) All right you, hand it over!

Civilian: American slime! (Whaps Alastor on head with a bread roll)

Alastor: OW!