Ship: Finn/Quinn
Spoilers: All episodes up to 'New York'.
Based off of: Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
A/N: I've done a lot of reading about suicide cases from young teenage girls and boys, and the book 'Thirteen Reasons Why' was so heartbreaking I just had to write something along the lines of it. I truly think depression with Quinn could have been an interesting storyline as many people go through it and have suicidal thoughts. I was thinking of making this one long oneshot, but with seven reasons and moments she considered this awful thing, it would be very long so I'm splitting it up. And don't worry, Finn will come along. He'll be a major part of this. But it does revolve around Quinn mainly.
PROLOUGE:
Quinn Fabray can't pinpoint the exact moment when she first thought of doing it (Just the word alone made her feel sick to her stomach. It was too terrible to say aloud). She's said it many times in her life when things just went awry and didn't go exactly as planned; "I just wanna die". Because everybody says it one time or another—we just don't fully mean it. We say it when we blurt out something dumb in front of our crush and it makes us go red in the face. We say it when our hearts break because a relationship just ended, or someone close to you has died right before your eyes. But all Quinn knows is that this is one of those moments. It started off as just a meaningless thought. No way would she ever have the actual guts to do it. To end her life. But as life progressed she thought about it more and more. Seven times Quinn has said 'I'll do it'. Life was becoming unbearable. Too painful to endure because everything she ever loved, ever cherished, was slipping out of her reach. All good things came to an end.
Just like life.
FIRST TIME;
"What a loser."
Lucy glanced up from her table, her hazel eyes searching the science classroom until it fell upon Jackie and Kara Anders. The redheaded, freckled face twins weren't the most beautiful girls in their grade, but they had enough attitude and confidence to make people act like they were. Star athletes on the schools soccer team, the twins had just about every single person wrapped around their fingers. Not to mention that their daddy was rich so being their friend just about guarunteed you free concert tickets and designer handbags for your birthday. People whispered a lot of cruel things behind their backs, but Jackie and Kara didn't mind. As long as kids were intimidated by them and could never say those rude remarks to their faces, life was perfect. Everyone knew that Jackie had self esteem issues which resulted in purging up all of her food, even if she had a 'I'm-much-better-than-you-are' act going on. But being rich, feared by, and popular wasn't good enough. They needed someone to take out their built up frustration on. Someone to make them feel insecure, hopeless, and just as low as they do on the inside. Emotionally and physically. And who was the person? Lucy.
Lucy was an easy target; Acne scattered all over her chin, nose, and forehead, brown tangly hair, overweight, wore glasses, and was an outcast. This girl was as far down on the social ladder than humanly possible. It wasn't difficult to make Lucy cry or flush when a classmate warned her about how many calories she was taking in. The more they teased and ridiculed her, the more she ate. Food was her source of comfort. It was something she had control over. She had choices when it came to food; does she feel like chocolate or vanilla ice cream? Lucy, was in fact, trying to eat away her pain. One cold, bitter word was just another bite of a juicy hamburger. But as much as she wanted it to be, food was not her friend. Nobody was. 'Hi honey, don't you want to invite over a few of your friends for a few hours?' her mother, Judy, would call from the kitchen as she chopped vegetables. 'No, mom. I don't have any friends, remember?'. That's how easy it was. It was as natural as saying 'good' when somebody asked how you were feeling. Loneliness got so bad once that Lucy had created an imaginary friend when she was fourteen. Someone who was popular with long blonde hair, and was captain of the cheerleading squad. Her name was Scarlett and the tall, handsome quaterback was her boyfriend. Now, it wasn't the type of imaginary friend that you go around talking to, imagining they had a body. No. Lucy made this up so that her parents didn't feel ashamed. Ashamed that she was so socially rejected when in high school and elementary they were the most popular. 'Scarlett goes to our church, momma. You've seen her before. She sits in the way back with her three sisters and father.' The lie continued for about five months, until she broke down and made a tearful confession that Scarlett was only a figment of her imagination.
But now here she was. In science class on the last week of school before the summer holiday began, a dissected frog placed in front of her on the counter, and...alone. For the 220th time (she'd been counting) nobody raised their hand or offered to be her lab partner. They were ashamed to be seen talking to her, let alone being seen near her. It made the teacher, Mr. Brenning, frustrated and confused. Teachers were always out of the know, whether it was to who was cool or who kissed who, or who had been groped at a party the night before. Mr. Brenning had once stood at the front of the class and begged someone to partner up with little Lucy Fabray. But not once had someone spoken up or been confident enough to go against the rest of the school. Nobody wanted to end up in her position.
Once the bell had rung loudly, students packed up their notebooks and textbooks, hugging them to their chests, and ran out the door to their lockers. Lucy was grateful for the bell. She always was. Home was sanctuary. Until the next morning she didn't have to glance over her shoulder to make sure nobody was making sounds of disapproval or fake pity. What had she done to deserve this? Was God punishing her for being so hideous? Awful thing was, she was never once told she was beautiful. Not by her parents. Whenever she asked if she was pretty, they would only offer a smile and focus their attention back on their paperwork or bills they were paying for. Grabbing her bag, she headed out of school and down the concrete steps. Most kids either took the bus, drove, or ride their bikes to school. Lucy liked to walk and get some fresh air and think. Heaving and panting just a little as she walked—her weight did actually make it harder to breathe normally—Lucy slowed her pace as she noticed a silver Mercedes pull up beside her on the road. The black tinted windows rolled down to reveal an all too familiar face; Jackie. In her hand was an empty Pepsi can, a smirk stretched upon her face, and her sister Kara looking at two guys in the backseat. Suddenly, something hit her in the forehead. It wasn't too painful, but she could feel it as laughter echoed down the street as the car zoomed by. Down at her feet was a Pepsi can.
That was the first time she ever thought of suicide. It would take this pain away and hopefully get these people thrown in jail for harrassment. Maybe the world would be better off without the ugly pig that was me, Lucy Fabray. Was. She was already using past tense.
Stepping into her small home, she could hear the delighted tone of her sister Frannie as she talked about the recent proposal made by her longterm boyfriend—a practicing Christian and a man who was already raking in lots of money. The wedding was in six months, and Frannie would move out afterwards. Frannie was the only one who was ever nice to Lucy anymore, but that didn't help her feel anything but envy. Frannie was perfect. Perfect, perfect Frannie. She was God's favourite clearly. She was everyone's favourite. But as Lucy walked through the kitchen, she stopped in midstride as her mother squealed. Russell was grinning, and his face lit up when he saw his youngest daughter.
"Lucy, sweetie, your father has been promoted." Judy said softly, trying to contain her excitement.
"Come here. We need to ask you something." Russell called out, sitting down on the dining room chair, his arms opened wide in expectance for his daughter to crawl into his lap. The television had been switched to an entertainment channel that reported on the latest celebrity news and gossip.
"Yes?" Lucy said, her big brown eyes looking up at her father.
"How would you feel about going to an all new school next year? It may be hard for you, but I'm sure a trooper like you can manage and adjust quickly." Russell flashed a smile.
The television was loud as they showcased a pretty actress who claims that plastic surgery was one of the best decisions she's ever made, and how it has boosted her self esteem by a lot. Lots of celebrities have gone under the knife and most came out looking as stunning as ever. Some of Lucy's dreams involved looking exactly like her hero and inspiration, Marilyn Monroe. Lucy listened, pretending to be in deep thought about her fathers question, and then broke her silence.
"Only under one condition, daddy. Just one."
End of chapter one.