Title: Innumerable thoughts
Spoilers: Everything up to now.
Summary: "Grissom, I knew before I even entered the room, what this was going to be about and I'm sorry," I shake my head, "but you're too late."
Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me.
A/N: Reviews always welcomed.
000
Sara ambles towards the room where I'm sitting with a smile curving her lips. The same smile I sensed through the phone when I called her up in San Francisco asking her to come to Las Vegas.
She's naturally pretty with her dark hair hugging her fair skin and her round face is never hid with cosmetics because she's not the typical cover- girl woman.
She's wearing a skimpy shirt, though, at this point, and I think Catherine somehow has something to do with it.
000
Grissom is sitting in the break room when I enter. Fumbling with my earring – I think there's a strand of my blond hair wrapped around it - I nod and say hi as I pass by him, making my way to the coffee pot, but he doesn't show the slightest reaction.
Taking a sip from my coffee, I notice that all his attention is centred on Sara. She's talking to Warrick - her mind seems to be elsewhere because she keeps glancing at Gil. I can tell there's something going on between those two, watching him nibble the tip of his glasses' ear cushion like he's consumed with affection for her. I hope the advice I gave him will suffice.
000
As I'm walking down the hall towards the break room, I come across Warrick and Sara talking.
This guy, man, he has done many odd jobs before landing this one. I admire the laid-back quality Warrick has. He's good to the ladies. Sometimes, I wish I were as much as him. Although he's mentioned to me once that he was badly burned by his first love and now he keeps a cautious eye out, but he's pretty much got it goin' on.
He knows a lot of people around the city - from clubs, hotels, you name it.
He's also been in a casino long enough to know how it works and knows that the house always wins. I also know that he's never met his father and since his mother died when he was seven, he was raised by his grandma. Too bad he thinks that the only one watching out for him is himself because even off the job, I consider him a friend.
I hear that he DJs at his friends clubs to get his mind off the job. Rhythm and blues, that's all he's about. You can tell by the way he walks and acts that he has some special affinity with music. I even came across him scribbling down lyrics for a song he'd started composing, once.
As I get closer, I hear Sara say: "Might-"
She smiles and Warrick walks off saying, "Alright, catch ya later."
Sara greets me with a "Hey Nick" and enters the break room so I straggle inside. Catherine strains her neck while giving me the look to step out with her and before I have a chance to make up my own mind, she pushes me out the door, practically dragging me out with her.
000
"What's that all about?" Nick asks and I can't believe he still doesn't get it. Purposely tipping my head towards Grissom and Sara, now alone in the break room, I hope he understands.
"Oh." His eyes go wide. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. And, finally, I might add." I gently tug at Nick's sleeve telling him, "Grissom's office. We can talk there."
"Right," he nods motioning me to lead the way.
000
"You look nice." I can never tell when Grissom's kidding or not, but I thank him anyway.
"Sara, have a seat," he pulls the chair out for me. I must have given him a look because he sighs and harshly tries to use his authority over me, ordering me to sit down. I cross my arms over my chest and he smiles resenting the way he's asked me and adds, "please."
I know he's trying to slow me down and I hate it so I tell him, "I prefer to stand."
I know he prizes my love for the job, so why does he suddenly feel the need to do this? I bet this has something to do with Catherine. Somehow she gets under our skin. She loves a challenge and getting Grissom to talk about his feelings might be the toughest one of all.
I can tell his throat is drying up and I just can't believe she got through to him. After all our talks about me telling her I'm gonna move on with someone else - someone that isn't afraid to love me - she actually made him change his mind about staying distant with me. I know he's dying to be able to accept love; to take it in, but he won't because that's who Grissom is… His work is his life and he's not willing to take that kind of chance.
"Sara, I've... ah... changed my mind."
"Really?" My eyebrows go up. "You have?" I nod. I think he can tell I'm being sarcastic.
"I care about you and... I know the feelings you have for me."
"Correction. You knew."
I downcast my eyes, there's no need to be vicious about this.
"What?" he questions softly in disbelief.
"Grissom, I knew before I even entered the room, what this was going to be about and I'm sorry," I shake my head, "but you're too late." He looks at me, mouth open, trying to figure out what to say, with those dark eyes I dreamed about not so long ago. "What? Did you think I was just going to wait around for you?" I ask, frustrated.
"No. I guess it's clear that I've missed my chance." He says looking out the break room's glass wall. I turn to see what draws his attention and catch sight of Warrick standing in the hallway.
I veer back to Grissom. He's supposed to be feeling bad, but he's turned the tables and has made me feel awful. He knows what's going on with Warrick and I, but he looks more disappointed than mad, so I don't think he's going to make a big deal out of this and I respect him for that.
"You're free to go," he tells me, then adds, matter-of-factly, "your shift is over."
Just like that, he lets me go. Damn it, Grissom, why do you have to be so... so... I take a deep breath.
"Gil? Are we-?" I wonder if we're okay.
"Yeah."
"Thank you." Although I'm not quite sure why I'm thanking him. Shouldn't I be apologizing? "I mean-"
"I know."
Stuck in an awkward moment, I stick my thumbs up, arms moving to my right side, motioning that I'm gonna hit the road. He nods, so I walk away feeling like shit.
I'm not sure if he sees Warrick take my hand, but I hope not. It's bad enough that he knows. There's really no need to rub it in. From feeling like shit to feeling like fifty grand beside my dark, tall, sexy boyfriend... Life is weird.
000
As I retreat back to my obscure office, my second in command exits with Nick, both having smiles plastered to their respective countenances.
"So, how'd it go, Griss?" Nick shoots at me and attempts to congratulate me like a football player so I duck forward and march towards my desk, hoping to hide behind it.
I hear Catherine say, "Nick, give us a minute." She closes the door and Nick shrugs then walks off.
As she enters the office, her smile has not only faded, but there's also a concerned look adorning her features.
"Gil, what the hell?" I hear her walking towards the desk.
I shake my head sending her the 'don't ask' message while removing the small box I had in my pocket to place it in my desk drawer. It was a gift for Sara; a butterfly barrette.
Catherine stops abruptly and almost jumps out of her skin in surprise.
"Aren't you going to tell me what happened?" She asks gesturing arms open.
"Nothing happened." I lean on the armrest of my chair, my fingers resting against my face, pretending to be thinking about something else, a case or whatever, deliberately avoiding Catherine's questions.
"Oh c'mon," she's got that kidding smile. She must think I'm shy about this or that I just want to act smug.
"I'm serious, Catherine." I shake my head briefly. "Nothing happened."
"Oh," her eyes leave mine and she says she's sorry under her breath, folding her arms over her chest.
Suddenly, she sparks up and is all business, one arm stays folded; the other she uses to talk like she's holding up a cigarette. "I don't understand... I thought she had feelings for you-"
"The key words here is had."
"Ouch."
She ambles towards me and, leans forward, hands resting on the desk. "You busy tonight?" she flashes me a smile.
I frown. Is she doing what I think she's doing?
"Catherine, are you –"
She cuts me off. "Asking you out? Yeah." She tips her head to the side and looks at me with those devastatingly gorgeous eyes. "So, what do you say?"
"My treat."
She sits lightly on the side of the cluttered piece of furniture. "Fine by me." She laughs.
I stand and offer my arm. She places her hand in the crook of my elbow and we walk toward the door.
"After you, dear." I say.
"Thanks." She beams another smile. I think she likes the new me. I'm glad I have a friend like her.
000
"You coming to my place, baby?" Sara's voice echoes in the parking lot.
I waver, holding her hands. "Ahh, I was thinking more my place tonight. I wrote something for you that I want you to hear so you can tell me what you think. Is that alright with you?"
"Yeah. It's fine." She looks at our entwined fingers; half dark, half alabaster, then up at my face. "Kiss me."
"What, here?" Just outside CSI?
"Yeah. I need to feel loved." I lower my head and press my lips against hers, thinking I'll ask her later if something happened today to make her need that.
She ends the kiss and rests her head on my chest.
"You okay, babe?" I stroke her silky hair.
"Yeah." Her hold on me gets tighter.
"You sure?"
"Mmhmm. I'll tell you about it, later."
"Okay. C'mon, let's go home."
000
As I walk out into the parking lot, I see Warrick and Sara drive off in Warrick's truck. He has one hand on the steering wheel; the other holding her hand to his lips. I had no idea they were going out... must be recent.
I lift my baseball cap a little to scratch my itchy head.
They look happy together and I'm glad Rick has found someone and, by God, Sara does need a life of her own. I think she finally found the right person to share it with.
I stroll over to my car and pull out my keys when I see my boss and Cath walking towards Grissom's SUV.
Guess Grissom won't be moping at home alone tonight… Catherine's such a sweetheart. They walk by me and Catherine nods, "G'night, Nick."
"Yeah, thanks. You too." I reply, smiling and get in my car. I lift my fingers off the steering wheel as I drive by them. I'm off to find someone special myself. I don't know who she is or where she is, but I know I'll find her one day. Who knows, maybe tonight will be the night. Either way, I'm going out to have a good time.
000
"You know what, Catherine?" Gil asks me as we get in the car.
"No. What?" I humor him, looking at him from the passenger seat.
"I think I'm supposed to stay single." He tells me turning the key to start the engine.
"Why's that?" I ask, interested.
"I don't believe in marriage."
I'm not surprised. His parents divorced when he was five.
"True, but that doesn't mean you can't date." I pat his knee and he glances at me after securing his seatbelt while I fasten my own.
"Are you coming on to me, Catherine?"
"You wish," I retort and he chuckles turning his head to back up.
He thanks me and I stop him from backing up asking him to look at me. "It would never work. You wouldn't be able to handle me."
Not to mention, I wouldn't be able to deal with him, I add in my head, only to myself.
"I know," he says with absolutely no indication of what he means by it.
As we exit the parking lot, I think silently: Gil Grissom, sometimes impossible to read.
The end.