Author's note: Hey guys! So, I have some good (Hope this is good) news and some bad news, good news is that I have this new story for you all. Bad news is I have writers block and have been un able to write much on my other two glee stories. (Hides behind shield) Now, not to worry, I haven't given up and I will not give up on them, I just needed a break and to focus on something else. Hope you understand and don't dislike me too much… Anyhoo, this is what came out of it.
Summary: It's the beginning of senior year; many changes have taken place over the summer and Santana Lopez figures this out on her very first day of school. It becomes obvious that her former best friend is one of these changes and she ends up becoming confused about the situation and weirder yet, closer to Rachel Berry than she ever wanted.
Pairings: Main~ ;) That's all you get for now. Just know that it is definitely femslash and this will not be Brittana. (Sorry!)
Minor and or mentions (at some point) ~ Artittany, Tike, and Pizes.
Rating: M for language and future sensuality.
Spoilers: Seasons one 'and' two just to be safe…
Disclaimer: I do not own glee or anything to do with it, only this story line, no matter how sucky it may be, the story is mine.
Ok, this is obviously set senior year, everything that has happened in the show, has occurred her as well. Except! The Lucy storyline, let us pretend that didn't happen… Sam won't be here I guess, but everyone else will make an appearance. Not sure what else to say, so I'll shut up and let you read now. Enjoy!
August 22, 2011 Santana's Pov
"Santi! Santi!" I startle, eyes wide at the sudden wake up call, they search for the intruder and when my tired eyes find them, I groan and flop back down, hiding my head under the cover.
"San! Come on, it's our first day back at school! You have to get ready so you can take me." My intruder excitedly yells at me again, and then the next thing I know, the blanket is being ripped off me and is replaced by a small body landing straight on my stomach. I let out a pained grunt and then a squeal when little fingers attack my sides and start tickling under my tank top,
"No! I'm up, I'm up!"
My little sister giggles and doesn't relent until I capture her hands and throw her off me and onto the other side of my bed; I then bolt away, leaving her there to pout at me. I laugh and run for the bathroom, shut and lock the door behind me, then slump to the floor with a heavy sigh. I swear that I just fell asleep, there is no way it's time to leave and go to that…place. Ugh. There isn't anything there for me anymore, no cheerios, no friends, no Quinn and no Brittany.
At least the latter might as well not be there, she is always stuck up Artie's ass. No time left for me, her best friend and once upon a fuckin' time lover, she made me confess all those damn…feelings and then knowing how hard it was for me, ended up rejecting me for wheels anyway. Ever since then, our relationship hasn't been anywhere near the way it was before, though if I'm honest it is partially my fault. She left me heart broken and it was just so hard to look at her without wanting to burst into tears, let alone speak to her.
But, now, I want my best friend back, it isn't the same not having her in my life. And, if I have to suck it up and just be 'friends without benefits' then I'll do it if it will stop those hurt puppy dog faces she gives me whenever I don't pay enough attention to her. I can't handle sad Brittany, I never could, especially when it's my own damn fault for making her sad to begin with. This is our senior year, our last year, we need to make the best of it, I need to make the best of it and I'll be damned if Britt isn't by my side along the way. I am taking back my best friend.
Besides, as of now, she is pretty much the only one that matters, she is the only one I want with me when we get out of this lame ass town. We always said that when we got to New York we would move in together, in fact, I was the one who came up with it. If she is still willing to do that, then I am all for it. We are best friends first and nothing and no one (Artie) will come in between that.
As for Q, our friendship has been non-existent for far too long, the last decent moment we had was in New York in the hotel room and then when Britt and I took her to get her precious hair chopped off. After that, the last time we spoke was on the ride back home. I have not seen or heard from her all summer and I admittedly sorta miss the bitch. We fight more than ever and it is both of our faults that it has ended this way. We are manipulative, stubborn, hard headed, overly competitive and apparently we'll do whatever it takes to stay on top, even if it means bringing the other down to do it. We are both alphas.
High school has done nothing but make us tear each other apart and become somebody we really aren't; it has changed us. We're not who we were when high school started. I haven't known Quinn as long as Brittany, she transferred at the start of 5th grade, and I've known B since 1st, but I have known Quinn long enough to see change and I know myself even better, we both changed. We both became bitchier, harder, ruthless, and bitter. Or, I became bitchier, Quinn was always the nicer of us, only bringing out the bitch when threatened or in protective mode.
She was our protector in middle school, saving both Brittany and me from bullies not unlike ourselves. Then high school happened, cheerios happened and whatever the hell was going on in her family happened as well. Things she wouldn't talk to us about. We were tight, the three of us, but ever so slowly, she grew apart from us and I had to pick up her slack and protect Brittany and myself all on my own. She hurt us. She hurt me. We changed and now I don't know if I can trust her or even myself. We hurt each other with words and actions just as we do to everyone else in this school. It hurts more than I let on.
But, I have to continue protecting 'me' I cannot let her, us, drag me down any further. I don't have the energy or will anymore to put up with it, any of it. Yeah, I'm big enough to admit shit when it hits a certain point, at least to myself, I'm sure as hell not ready to admit anything out loud. No, not unless Quinn is willing to call a truce or whatever. That I could handle, it takes less energy and time to be nice or civil at the least. I am not letting this year with her be about winning and throwing petty barbs at each other.
And, I am not making myself vulnerable to further hate and disdain and not to mention ammo for her to use against me. I will not put myself through that shit on purpose. I have more important things to deal with, and as long as she doesn't start somethin', I have no reason to even put effort into playing top dog this year, at least not with her; I'm not giving up my bitch persona to everyone else. I'm not changing for them, but once we graduate and get out of here, I'll start new with Britt in New York, no one will know me there and I can be whom I want. I can be the real me. I need that, however, I don't want it here. Just one more year and everything will change; it'll get better. It has to.
An hour later we pull up into my sister's school, she unbuckles and beams at me, obviously more excited than ever to start the day and see her friends again. I give a small smile back, trying to seem at least a little happy for her, and when she leans over and kisses my cheek, I end up smiling for real. "Thank you, San. I'll see you at home, love you!" She yells again, in that damn loud voice of hers as she hops out my car and slams the door shut.
I didn't even get a chance to say it back. Ten year olds, Sigh. I watch her run to a group of chattering kids and an amused looking brunette teacher before revving up my car and taking off. When I get to my own school (hell), there is no time to sit and idle, which makes my already irritable self even more irritable and frustrated. I yank my bag off the passenger seat, exit the car and then stalk away with a very Lopez scowl etched on my face. Kids are milling around outside delaying the inevitable, some with expressions of anxiousness, boredom, and sadness and then those with similar looks as mine.
Not one of them looks happy to be here. I don't blame them. Inside it's the same, though most have already resigned themselves to their fate and have started stuffing things they don't need into lockers. The only exception to the ominous crowd is one Rachel Berry. No surprise there. She too is at her locker, but instead of looking like the others, a big smile is taking over her face as she hums to whatever song is playing in her head. My eyes narrow in on what she is wearing, and then blink several times to make sure I'm seeing things right.
Those hideous animal sweaters she was obsessed with are gone and in place is a form fitting wicked tee and replacing the not as fugly skirts, is just as form fitting jeans. Well, shit. The hobbit got hot. We don't get to see this side of her except for glee performances, and I never understood why she doesn't dress normal everyday, she obviously has a bangin bod, so why does she always hide? Wonder who finally knocked some fashion sense into her? Probably Kurt and Mercedes, they have been pretty close lately. The three of them seem to be inseparable now. Whatever the reason for this change, I am pretty damn sure it all boils down to one thing. Finn.
Berry turns the rest of the way around as she tucks the needed books to her chest, and then her eyes widen when they land on me and her smile drops into a nervous grin,
"Good morning, Santana. Do, do you need something? Is your locker over here this year?" She greets me timidly and eyes the row of lockers beside us.
"Why would I ever need anything from you, man-hands? And, no, thank God. I don't think I could handle seeing your face that much without wanting to punch it. Or, better yet, wanting to wash my eyes out with bleach." I retort back with an eye roll and a look of disgust, can't have her thinking that just because she decided to change her wardrobe, that I'm going to treat her any different from usual.
She may be hot and I may admit in my head that I would 'tap that' but she is still Rachel Berry.
The way her face crumbles before hardening into a glare, in no way affects me. My stomach isn't knotting up and guilt is definitely not present. I attempt to ignore the glare in opt to peer at my schedule and locker number, needing to find it to get acquainted so I can get my lazy ass to first period. I glance at the lockers, back at the paper, and then back at the lockers again with a hard glare of my own. I'm freakin' two down from Berry's. Damn it to hell. I growl, stuffing the paper in my pocket as I stomp over to the locker and open it. A loud gasp emits from the little diva still standing in the same spot, making me roll my eyes at her over dramatic tendencies.
"It's not a big deal, hobbit. Just stay outs my way and don't open that big-" I shut myself up when her head starts shaking and her eyes that are not even on me start to bulge out at whatever it is that has caught her attention.
"What are you looking at, did Finn walk in or somethin'? Geez Berry, can we not start with this, dios, we haven't even gotten through our first class and you're already drooling all over the ogre." I ask exasperatedly, seeing the way her expression is changing from shock to…something else. A look that she can only be giving the big doofus, except, I have to say it isn't a look I have ever seen on her before, not even with Finn. Now I'm curious.
"Not Finn." She squeaks out just as a presence stops behind me, I can feel them hovering there and then a locker door opens directly beside mine.
At first I think it's Britt, but then I decide it isn't because she always smells like cotton candy body spray, so, I would know if it were her. This person doesn't smell sweet, they smell crisp and dare I say it, sensual. Berry's still wide eyes flicker to mine and then back to the person who seems to have her speechless for once, she does this a few times and I have a feeling she is using code that's saying 'look behind you.'
Now that I notice something is off, I also notice the way other students are gawking, leering or looking at whoever is there in a disturbed trance. Before I can will myself to turn around, a tall blur is running over and scooping me up in a bone-crushing hug, cotton candy invades my senses and I relax myself into Brittany's arms.
I hug my best friend back without a care in the world and with a genuine smile spreading as she holds me tighter. I missed this; we have hardly talked at all this summer and saw each other even less. Her parents took her to some dance camp for a few weeks and before that, she spent her time with Artie. Not that I'm not happy for her, I am, I just wish she could be happy with me instead. However, despite being lonely without her, I spent more time with Puck and mike than I did with anyone else and we became bros. We took turns going to each others houses to veg out and play video games, even spent a lot of our summer riding puck's four wheelers, and partying it up.
Hell, the last time I really got to spend quality best friend time with her was when we were all in New York, and when we got back, she had told me she loved me more than anyone else in the world, and that anything was possible between us. I remember being happy after she admitted that, but also sad, because I knew it meant we still weren't getting back together. Now we have all this tension around us and it's causing us to grow farther apart. I hate it. I-we already lost Quinn, I can't lose her too. Then what would I have? Nothing and no one.
I give her a squeeze and pull back; she beams at me just as my sister did earlier, "I missed you so much!"
"I missed you too B, we have a lot to catch up on. Walk you to class?" I reply, smiling. Then when the first bell rings, I loop our arms together and lead her away with one last lingering thought of the now vanished mystery person and a just as lingering leer at Rachel Berry. She doesn't notice.
Brittany points me in the right direction while telling me what she did over the summer, starting with Artie. Luckily, the walk to her class is a short one and I don't have to put up with the pain of hearing how much fun she had with someone who wasn't me, longer than necessary. She gives me one of those sweet smiles that I miss so much and a thank you before entering the room, Mike spots me from his seat and nods in greeting; I nod back with a salute and bow out.
I make it to my own class just as the second bell rings and search for somewhere to sit, my eyes scroll over the rows of slumped teens until they land on a familiar smirk, and then I cross the short distance with my head held high and my own smirk in place.
"Lopez." Puck salutes me the same way I saluted Mike and I return the gesture, it has kind of been our thing ever since we started playing all those damn corrupting, yet oh-so addicting PS3 games.
Not sure how it really started, we were wasted, but whatever, I don't care if we look stupid doing it, like I said, it's 'our' thing and anyone who has a problem with it can go fly a kite. Halfway through the boring lecture, two girls start giggling and gossiping behind me, but it isn't until a familiar name comes out one of their blabbering mouths, that my interest is piqued.
I lean back casually and tune my ears in, but their words are low and whispered, and before I can hear anything they are saying, the teacher catches on to them and sends both the girls a warning stare. They shut up instantly and I get nothing. Damn it, I was hoping to get some juicy news.
By the time lunch rolls around, I am dying to know what the hell everyone is talking about, every class consisted of two or more people gossiping in hushed whispers and the teachers getting on to them about it. Still, I have nothing concrete, nobody has said anything loud enough for me to hear other than the words 'changed' 'finally lost it' and 'freak' I even tried asking Mike and Lauren what the hell was going on in one of our shared classes, but they don't know what's up either. It's really starting to piss me off, something is going on and I want to know what. Actually, it feels more like a need and I'm not sure why.
My first thought is to go to the cafeteria and find out what has the whole school in shock straight from the source, however, I have a feeling in my gut that whatever it is, it's big and I'm not gonna want to discover what the gossip is about in a room full of people. I'm not good with surprises that are huge and unexpected; it leaves me open to show emotions that I don't want anyone seeing. No, we need to do this alone so that I will at least be somewhat prepared to handle things in a better and closed off setting. I don't know why, but I'm worried, the last time they were gossiped about this much was when-Shit.
My stomach again ties itself in a knot for the second time today. Why am I so worried about this? I don't know, but something is so off kilter that it is giving me the willies. I stop walking to pull out my cell phone and find myself in the choir room, and I am not alone. The hobbit is at the piano, fingers playing a tune as she hums along with it, I stand here rooted to the spot, not being able to move or look away, but sure as hell not knowing why. It isn't as if I haven't seen and or heard her sing before, dozens of her songs and performances are burned into my retinas, and my eardrums.
But, there is just something about seeing the midget like this without her knowing someone is watching. Her voice is soft, in tune hums barley audible over the song she is playing, and even that is soft too. Every stroke of the keys is smooth and airy, effortless. She is content and I think I like it.
You know, cause it's better than her being loud and obnoxious, that's all. It's not like I all of sudden…like 'her' or whatever, I mean, ew. Yup, she's still Rachel Berry. This doesn't change anything. I finally shake myself out of the Berry haze and do what I came here to do. Send out a text. One that says 'Meet me in the choir room ASAP; I needs to talk to you.' It is quick and to the point, though, I almost wrote 'I need to see you' instead. I figured that would rouse unwanted questions, so I refrained. It's true though, I do need to see-
"Santana!" I snap my head in Rachel's direction at her outburst; she is standing in front of the piano bench with a hand to her chest, over her heart. Oops.
I shrug nonchalantly, heading over to one of the chairs, and sit down. I probably wouldn't admit it, but it feels good to sit in here after not being in glee all summer, even if it is just Berry in here with me and not the whole group. It still feels nice knowing in just a few hours, all of us will be together again, in the one place we all fit in. I missed this too. How could I forget that? Earlier I was complaining about not having anything left at school, but that was a lie, I have glee.
We all do. This year we are going to win nationals, I know it. Just as long as Finn keeps his ogre paws off Berry, that shit cannot happen again, I was so angry when they cost us a win. Stupid Finn and his stupid need to ruin everything, he always has to go after-
"Um, Santana? Are you all right? You are simply sitting there staring at me-"
"I wasn't starin' at you, garden gnome. I'm thinking." I cut her off with a scoff and an eye roll, she sighs and rolls her eyes right back at me.
"Well, in that case, don't hurt yourself." What the-I know she just didn't say that?
"Excuse me?" I retort back, a warning in my voice and an unamused scowl on my face.
"You are excused." Oh hells no, I know she isn't talkin' to me like that? First her clothes, now her attitude, what's next?
"We got a problem, hobbit? You do know who you are talking to, right?" I sit up straighter, cross my arms, and then give her my patent icy glare.
"I don't know; do we have a problem?" She shrugs as if she doesn't care, but her words are laced with a challenge, one daring me to answer and play her little game.
I don't know whether to be pissed or turned-yeah, no, I'm pissed. That feeling of contentment from moments ago, when I first walked in, is gone. It is replaced by irritation and the room is now filling with charged tension,
"Yeah, I would say we do. You got somethin' you want to say to me? Say it to my face."
"I'm standing right in front of you, Santana." She replies with an air of amusement and a matching smirk tugging at the corner of her lips
I clench and unclench my jaw, and then push myself out of the chair and move to where I am standing just inches from her,
"Ok, you know what? You need to back the hell off, right the hell now. Unless you wants to get hit, cause I'm abouts two seconds away from bitch slapping that big ass mouth of yours right off your face!"
For a split second I see the normal, scared, hurt and vulnerable little diva flash through her eyes and past the smirk, but it vanishes just as quick,
"Ok miss gangsta, you're allowed to be rude, hurl insults, scathing remarks and slushies my way, but it isn't ok for me to bite back? Am I not allowed to stand up for myself, I just have lay back and take all the shit you throw at me like I'm some kind of doormat you can trample all over?"
"I don't think so Santana Lopez; I won't let you break me this year, not this time. You are not worth it, you are not worth the tears I cry every single day because of how much you hurt me. I refuse to do that and you want to know why? As soon as I graduate, I am leaving this hell hole behind and I don't have the time to waste on someone who I will never have the unpleasure of ever seeing again." I stand here, jaw on the floor through her whole dialogue, not knowing what to say, or how to react in any other way than 'huh?'
"Well, if you have nothing to add, I'll be on my way. Good afternoon, Santana." With that, she turns on her heel and stalks off with her head held high.
For some unknown, annoying reason, something inside of me is screaming in protest as I watch her walk away, so making a rash decision right as she goes to open the door I yell out one word, "Wait!" And then I curse myself because I don't know why I'm all of as sudden against the hobbit leaving, nor do I understand the way my body seems to relax when she pauses with her hand on the doorknob.
I have no fuckin' clue what to say now, my mind is in a whirlwind of speeding thoughts and not one of them is good enough to voice, and because of that, frustration is settling in and I clench my hands into fists. I think back over what she said, I can't help it, the words had hit me like a ton of bricks and now I feel weighted down by guilt. Two sentences stick out the most, 'I won't let you break me this year, not this time' and 'You aren't worth the tears I cry every single day because of how much 'you' hurt me.' They hit me right in my guarded heart, chipping it enough for me to actually feel something for her other than jealousy, envy and irritation.
I'm just not sure what exactly that feeling is or if I even like it.
"You forgot your shit." I grumble out, deciding that I don't like the foreign feeling and revert back to a lesser version of my famous bitch mode. That wasn't what I was going to say, hell, I don't even know what I do want to say to her, she has me more frustrated and rattled than ever.
She sighs audibly before moving to turn around, at the very same time, the door swings open, and I'm pretty sure the 'whack!' echo's around the room as it connects with the side of Rachel's head. I wince as she gasps in pain and stumbles backwards, and then before I even realize I'm moving, my hands are steadying her from falling to the floor. She groans, hand flying to her noggin as she leans into me for support, I tense at the contact, but somehow manage to keep from pushing her to the dirty floor myself. That should earn some points. Right?
"Oh shit, Rachel I am so sorry, are you ok?" I look up at the voice belonging to the one person I have been needing to see all damn day, the very same person I texted forever ago, and then shock hits me and I step abruptly back, eyes just as bulging as Berry's were earlier today. Rachel stumbles from the loss of support, but I'm too shocked to catch her this time and she falls on her ass. If I thought I was surprised by the hobbit's sudden change of clothes, it isn't anything compared to what I see standing in front of me now. Nothing could have prepared me for this. Jesus, I'm glad I chose to do this in here.
"Q?"
Please review or comment or something, anything to let me know if I should continue this or not. I have two shorter chapters ready to go, if this seems okay. Thanks for reading! ^.^