AN: So this is a new fic i have started, it's malec of course but it might contain some heronstairs who knows... so the summary might not elaborate a lot but well the stories is good it's kind of dark passionate romance (which i love). and the beta is the lovely Sophia(PPL-for-the-win) so thank u love so much. so ya plz review if u like. i love criticism as long as it is said in a polite manner.

chapter 1: Green golden swirls

Sun never shone in here

a place that I build to keep

from showing my fears

was colder than ever

but I never felt so,

but the moment

you entered

I realized

how lonely I've been

without you by my side

So let me say this right

never let go and shine the brightest

as to me you're the most brightest and my only sun

Living is a game, a game one always is playing but the thing is like any other normal games like Sudoku, monopoly, scrabble and etc. One can't just stop playing this game when he/she gets bored, unless the player is no longer breathing to play, you have to play, there's no other way. You have to always be the best to last till the end, to never be badly spoken of or looked down upon, to never be left out alone...

The world is always plotting and planning, no one is to be trusted, always watch your back, be the best cause that's all you can be and if you're not, be prepared for the worst. Alone that's how you're supposed to live, trust yourself because there's no one else, no one to trust, no one to count on. No one. No, I'm not a pessimist, I'm just practical.

Anger...

It boils inside, but I keep hiding it from anyone to see. Anger can be your greatest strength, if you keep it inside, hold on to it and then at one precise moment let it all out, anger is a two edged sword. Either it can give you strength to destroy or it can completely destroy you, keep it safe it's a weapon that no one will see coming, when the time comes you will know how to use it but be careful of holding it, if it bursts out at a wrong time or a wrong place it can be deathly.

Love...

There's no such thing as that, people pretend, they let you think they are on your side protecting you but that's all a lie. They lead you on, waiting for your most vulnerable state and then they strike making you unable to do anything, they paralyze you emotionally. A lie your mind has build to make you feel safe, feel wanted. But that's only a weakness. Emotions are a weakness and love is one of them, it is only a mirage, there's no such thing as love, everyone leaves when you're at your worst. And then you know that love doesn't last, it doesn't exist. It's all a fairytale of a broken child.

"Alexander", the voice of a cold, cold man spoke to me. I recognize that cold voice without even turning around. Somehow the lights in my eyes dim.

"Yes Father." I turn around and find my Father looking with a blank but cold expression on his face. I don't even flinch, I'm used to it after so many times. I used to care but those times are gone now. I'm stronger and more emotionless now. Just like my father wants me to be. A cold robot.

"I presume you know your place in this ball", he asks me with a commanding voice. I nod my head with a blank expression, he smirks, a cold smirk and heads to some guests. I follow him with some distant between us, my father comes to a halt and so do I. I plaster myself with the fakest smile I know and readies myself for another nonsensical chit chat with people who are even more fake than my smile and that actually being a rare occurrence if I add so myself.

"Alexander. How have you been? You look as dashing as ever", a lady, oh no more like a slut in disguise says to me. I turn to her and look at her she was a blond woman with brown eyes and a sultry smile on her face batting her eyelashes like she has a sickness oh yes I remember, her name is Rosaline, a rich, fake, blonde bimbo (and no I'm not being a stereotype here she really is very shallow) who just happens to be the daughter of our targeted company's CEO. She was wearing a blood red evening gown which had a slit to her thighs and had a deep collar showing her chest which she was trying to flaunt her blossoms discreetly to me but failing miserably. I just smiled at her (a fake one of course) and kissed her hand making her blush and giggle a little (god only knows how much I wanted to wipe my lips but I can't do that now, well I can but that would be inappropriate) and speak:

"Very fine my Lady. How are you? However by the looks of it you look very beautiful." I give another bright fake smile that many people find charming which she soon easily returns.

"Well thank you Alexander meet my father." she coos prideful, totally oblivious that I lied, and points at a man besides her, age in the lines of fifties, wrinkles appearing on his face, his blond hair turning platinum due to old age, he also had a fake smile on his face but it was more sinister than anything else. I greeted him with a hand shake after my father, as he being our target. My or my father's goal in all of this is to capture his daughter's heart which will be done by me and gain their trust and infiltrate our way in his company and get (steal) some essential documents and information and at the end use it against them for the benefit of our company and destroy them. Our I mean my father's company is one of the best companies in this whole world and that's exactly how it has been one of the best, by cheating and stealing. My father is a very sly man.

I'm always used as a way for my father to benefit, I hate that man, I hate him so much but I need him. I need him to survive but when that will not be necessary I'll have to find a way to get rid of him. I wonder if I could actually do that, he's still in all honesty my father, a father I hate but still a father. But I guess my hate for him will overpower any sense of authority I have.

"Alexander. Why don't you and Rosaline entertain yourselves by dancing", my father interrupts my train of thoughts and I look at his cold demanding expression give him a cold smile and nod. I take Rosaline's hands in mine and she blushes, I lead her around and we make our way towards the dance floor, she giggles again, her voice making me want to bang my head but I can't do that now, it would be inappropriate. I take my hand and place it on her waist and my other hand in hers, she places her hand on my shoulder and we begin to sway to the music, she clinging to me for dear life shoving her chest on mine.

I feel disgusted.

There's a reason I don't like woman much and that being I am in no way interested in them, I am homosexual, a gay, a queer, a fag whatever you may call it. Of course my father doesn't know and I like to keep it that way, I don't want to give my biggest enemy my biggest weakness now, do I? Dancing with a woman is however so not something I enjoy doing, it reeks and not just her perfume but everything around here reeks making me suffocate. I feel like going away from here from this façade, it's suffocating. I need to get out of here. I just have to charm her fast and try to get out of here and go to that place. Huh. My only haven right now.

I'm walking down the road of darkness

Trying and failing to find the light within

Will it ever stop

Will I ever let go of your heart

I know I shouldn't be this cruel

But what can I do?

You're the brightest thing in my heart

Save me or bring me down

Are your option my love

I'm falling I'm falling

To my own doom

Now it's your choice

Will you fall with me

Or finally let go of my heart?

Just a little more, just a little more. I chant inside my head. I thrust in harder and deeper this time, earning myself moan of the silver haired man underneath me. The bed is creaking madly beneath us, I sped up the speed of my thrusts and the silver haired man tightens his hold on my shoulders and gasps and moans some more.

"Will."

I smile, a genuine sad smile and gently remove the silver hair plastered on the forehead of the man and lean down to kiss his cheek. "No Jem its Alec", I whisper against his cheek.

Jem tightens his hold on my shoulders and opens his beautiful silver eyes and interlocks his gaze with my blue ones.

"A-Alec?", Jem breathes out.

"Yes Jem."

"Go harder faster. Please, Will used to do that."

"Okay", I say and I pick Jem's leg over my shoulder and let them rest there, I pull out and thrust in, this time going deeper than before, Jem gasps again and his eyes flutter close, his hands losing its grip but gaining it fast. I began thrusting harder and faster this time. I burry my face in Jem's shoulder as my pace quickens and becomes erratic. I know I'm nearing the edge as is Jem who is panting and moaning madly beneath me.

"Will. I love you", Jem moans and comes in between our abdomen and chest. I thrust more becoming more and more erratic and slow and I come inside of Jem. I pull out of Jem and lay beside him.

"Alec." I look up to Jem's beautiful silver eyes gazing at me with love but I know better, Jem doesn't love me, he loves Will. I'm just a replica, that's how I always will be, he sees Will in me and I'm okay with that, he is the closest to someone I actually care for. He could be my weakness.

"Hmm", I voice out deep in thought.

"What's wrong with you?", he asks resting his head on my arm and locking his gaze with mine.

"What do you mean?", I say absentmindedly stroking his hair, it's soft I note.

He shifts in bed and the bed creaks more, he gets up from it and starts picking up his clothes lying on the floor and putting it on. "I mean there's something wrong, you're deep in thought. You usually come here to get rid of them", he says putting his t-shirt on and looking at me, I get up from the bed and began putting on my own clothes.

"I'm perfectly fine I think today just got to me just a little too bad", I say putting my last article of clothes, my black silk suit jacket, on.

Jem sits back on his bed, resting his hand behind his back and leaning behind a little he tilts his head studying me. "You do realize whatever you want to you can tell me? You know", he says concern evident in his eyes.

I raise my head and stop fixing my tie, and look up to him and raise an eyebrow. "Of course Dr. Phil whatever you want." I give a mock salute.

Jem laughs, his silver eyes shining "Now is not a good moment for you to be this sarcastic Mr. Lightwood", he shakes his head still chuckling, "but I still love that side about you."

I tilt my head to the side. "You love that side about me or is it Will you see?"

As soon as I let these words out of my mouth any trace of a smile is gone from Jem's face and it fell. He looks torn. Broken even. Jem may come as a guy who seems happy all the time. Who seems as no situation can turn that smile away and usually it doesn't but now one word has destroyed it but the funny thing is the smile was never there to be destroyed, it's all a lie, his smile is a lie, the word, it didn't just destroyed Jem's smile but his whole soul. He is good at pretending, pretending, he is always been good at that. Pretending to be normal, happy but only I see how empty he is inside. How shallow his existence is. Living and living but what for? No goal, no aim, no motivation, it has all been destroyed by just one person so easily, one more reason I don't want to ever fall in love or ever open up to someone, the more you trust the person, the more he has power over you, one move just one move from the person and your reduced to pitiful state of never being fixed. Funny somehow I feel like I am describing myself. That's such irony but that's one more reason I keep him around when I know keeping people close to your heart (not that I'm saying he is close to my heart) will bring you down, they will explore your vulnerability, never show any weakness to them then they will not know. Jem reminds me of myself, reading him, seeing him makes me learn about my own self, my weaknesses, it's comical in a very tragic way.

I may be a monster for hurting him, but he needs to be broken enough to finally realize, how much of a monster that person is, he defends him, he still loves him, cares for him even though, he ruined Jem. And I know, he hates himself for it. It breaks him even more knowing it. Hell I don't hate him for it, I just pity him. He is weak and he shouldn't be.

"I'm leaving", I say after a long instant of silence. I fix my tie one more time and ruin it again, I put on my socks and shoes and make my way towards the door, I take off my coat from the rusty coat hanger and put it on, Jem doesn't say anything during the time and I don't blame him, I give a last glance towards Jem, he is sitting on the bed and he is not facing me, he is looking opposite of me towards the window which is showing the night sky, his expression is of pain and he is reminiscing the past, I leave him be and open the door out of the apartment, stepping outside.

"Goodnight Jem happy new year."

Crying in the darkness

Waiting for it to start

Sitting out alone

Waiting for my heart to beat fast

It's cold here

And I've so many things to fear

I'm on my own

Love is nowhere shown

So what am I gonna do

When it finally start

The beginning of

Beating of my

Cold cold heart?

Should I succumb to the feeling

Or should I fight it off?

I don't know the reason

Why we met

Is it to destroy each other

Or to give each other reason's

Of why we exist.

The night was on its full bloom, the stars were glimmering in the azure sky, the moon was glowing silver, casting shadows down the street of everything it could touch, I was currently walking down the street down of Jem's apartment complex, this place is somewhere someone of my status doesn't visit, more likely no one really visits this place much, only shady people live here hiding from law, Jem lives here by saying it's here he is more comfortable but I know that's all just a lie, Jem lives here because he believes if he stays here one day, one day he will come back to his home. But I know even his belief is betraying him now, Jem already knew from a while back he is not returning but he still waits, he waits because if he doesn't Jem will be lost. Doing something with such determination and obsession for such a long time and finally realizing what he was doing had no meaning to begin with. Now he doesn't know what to do with himself. If he stops waiting he will be nothing. So he waits.

As I was walking down the next street, I only see drunkards barely managing to walk or prostitutes asking those drunkard if they want a good time, some even came to me but of course being the queer I am, I rejected them. People say prostitutes are bad, they are the dirt of the society, I don't hate prostitutes neither do I think they are dirt. They do everything in their power to survive even if it meant selling their bodies, so yes I don't hate prostitutes. At least they don't pretend to be someone they are not and do the same dirty thing behind doors. In a way prostitutes makes me wonder how courageous they are.

I walk down the street light but quickly halt in my step as I see some men approaching, I recognize these men, and they are my father's men. I turn back, so my back is towards these men and start walking slowly; luckily these men have not seen me yet. I keep my head down and quicken my pace a little as for them to not get suspicious but it's highly likely they will get suspicious I'm the only person who here is wearing such expensive clothing. Why are they here? Has my father sent them? Does he know my secret? Will he harm Jem? I quicken my pace again as these thoughts keep coming and last one haunting me in more ways than one.

I look behind discreetly and see that they are indeed following me, I know if they are here for me, I can't endanger Jem, so I take a lane in the opposite direction of Jem's apartment, I quicken my speed so now I'm full blown running, I again look behind and see that they are not that far behind, I quicken my pace again, my legs pumping with adrenaline and my heart is beating faster both from fear and running, though the fear is not for me it's for Jem, I can't let that man harm him. I'll not let that happen. I can at least fool these men and bring them as far from Jem's place as possible and then I'll just trick them and find a way to contact Jem and tell him to run away far from here. As much as I would like to think this is over reacting but it's not I know my father and I know what kind of a monster he is.

"Magnus Bane stop right there", one of the men shouts. Wait Magnus Bane? So they are not after me.

"Bane. You have nowhere to go now. We'll catch you", another shouts. They are really here for some Bane person but I still can't stop if I stop running, they will catch me and know who I am. Shit. Well at least Jem is safe. But if I got caught he won't be for long. Shit.

I quicken my pace again, now my legs are downright screaming for me to stop. The pain is shooting from my feet to my hips but I don't dare to stop more because of Jem than anything else, I turn around the street but then suddenly I'm pulled into a dark alley, I'm pushed towards a wall very hard and my head bangs and it hurts and my vision blurs, I can't tell who my assaulter is but my lucky guess is one of my father's men. I groan out loud and shut my eyes because of the pain in my head but a hand is put above my mouth before I could say anything.

I open my eyes and I see swirls, green golden swirls. Beautiful green golden swirls, I focus my eyes and see that they are actually eyes, Asiatic beautiful almond shaped eyes. The iris has enchanting golden green colored and it's gaze is piercing through my very being, it's like for a while I'm stuck and not just me but everything around me too, the time, the world, the universe it's all stuck, and there is no one else but the man and me. I broke away from my trance as I hear footsteps coming I look to the side and see my father's men they are running forward and no one seems to notice us, I look back again to the man and he smiles at me, he puts a figure on his lips and whisper "shhh."

I don't say anything after that I just look into his eyes while he looks into mine, he's still has his hand above my mouth but I don't do anything to remove it, part of the reason being my hands are trapped behind my back and part being I don't want to lose contact with him, it's surreal how odd I feel right at this moment it's a odd but welcoming feeling being pressed against, now that I think about it we are pressed tightly in this narrow lane, his lower body pressed against mine, his chest touching mine, we're both breathing heavily and our chest is rising and falling at the same rate, I feel a weird sensation ignite in me.

"They're gone now", the man says in a whisper, his voice is low and silky making me shudder. He removes his hand from my mouth and I see that it has my saliva on it because of being pressed too hard on my mouth. I look at his hands feeling a little embarrassed but I don't show it, I look up at him with a blank expression and he looks down at me with a smirk, we're still pressed together but no one is making a move to budge, I don't move partly because I don't want to seem weak and partly because I like this position, I've got to admit this man is very attractive indeed. He has light caramel skin, which is faultless and is lustrous, he is a tall man, taller than me, he must be 6'3 or so, he is a lean man with lean limbs but still is muscular, I've to say he is one of the most attractive man I've seen with those sparkling green gold eyes, his eyes held vast confident, grace, wisdom and amusement, I couldn't quite decipher if that confident of his in eyes is just a mask or not. He is a very secretive person I can tell.

He backs away from me, a smirk still on his feature, I gave a breath of relief as the proximity reduces, he is still in a one arm distant from me so I straighten up and gain my composure and try to look intimidating and I know I do look intimidating, his smirk widens at this and his eyes lighten in pure amusement, we stare at each other eyes and no one seems to break contact, he raises his hand, the one where my saliva is, and I stiffen and raise my eyebrows and ready my body to dodge his attack but he doesn't attack he starts licking my saliva off of it slowly, going up and down his red tongue teasingly slow, his eyes are trained on me with a smirk and mine trained on his hand, I gulp down as I realize if I watch anymore I'll be having some problems in the southern region which is already excited enough, I break away from looking at him and he stops licking his hand and chuckles.

He looks at me with a smirk and amusement and comes close and my breath hitches at the sudden proximity, he leans down, so his lips are right next to my ear, he breathes me in, his nose gently barely touching my neck , he runs his nose up and down my neck breathing me in, warmth spread across my whole body at the contact and I tilt my head giving him more excess, his breath tickles my cheeks and neck making me shudder in excitement, now my breath is coming a little fast and I've to bite my lips to stop blushing which is getting harder to fight off. "Now that was delicious", he purrs out and backs away smirking and breathing a little faster like me.

He winks at me and says: "Happy new year beautiful stranger hope we meet again",

And starts walking away, I look at him as he walks away when he is no where seen, I slump down and breath heavily and try to gain my breath and calm my heart, soon when I've calmed enough I resume walking this time making sure no one is around me or following me, I make my way towards the better side of city than where Jem's apartment is. I haul a cab.

an: so how was it? i hope u liked it. plz tell me how were the poems and if u liked this fic than check out my other malec fic though they are complete different but it's a humor one so balance each other. bye!