Matthew was watching the products whizz past his vision in a blur as he was hastily dragged down isle after isle by none other than his brother, one Alfred F. Jones. He can't quite remember how it happened, but his brother had managed to get him out of his home in Ottawa and across the border State-side. Unfortunately, this wasn't an uncommon occurrence for the representation of Canada. When your brother and neighbor is literally the United States of America, there isn't much that surprises you; and getting caught in the flow isn't unusual either.
"Al, what are we doing in a supermarket?" Matthew asks as the two came to a sudden stop. He notices his brother grabbing two large packages of pre-rolled pizza dough hanging from a stand in front of the deli section.
"Well, it's your birthday tomorrow… so I thought that we could like, spend it together. You know, make our own pizzas or something and have a Star Trek movie marathon or, whatever." Alfred throws the pizza dough into the shopping cart and rides briefly down a nearby isle to find some cheese.
"You remembered my birthday?" Matthew replied, relatively shocked that his brother, who sometimes fails to notice him, could actually remember a birthday other than his own. "And don't ride the shopping cart like that, you could hurt yourself… or more likely, someone else."
"Pfft… There's no one to run into. And why is it so surprising I remembered your birthday?" Alfred reached down to grab a few bags of various shredded cheeses. "I mean, I've got a calendar on my phone." He pulls out his phone, presses a few buttons, and nearly shoves it into his brother's face.
"See, July 1st, Canada Day."
"Figures. Your phone had to remind you." Matthew says as swats the phone out of his face. He was going to comment more on his brother's forgetfulness when a particular product catches his eye. He reaches for it, and studies the packaging; all thought processes flooded with one nagging question.
"Hey, Al?" Matthew asks as he shows the package to his brother. "Why do you call this Canadian Bacon?"
"Oh, you know, I actually was wondering that the other day. So I tried to look it up on the internet." He said as he snatched the so called 'Canadian' bacon from his brother and tossed it into the cart. "It really didn't help me much. There was practically nothing about how it got its name… but I did manage to find three possible reasons."
"Ok, what are they?" Matthew asked as his brother began to snatch the remaining pizza toppings to be found in this particular aisle and throw them haphazardly into the cart.
"Well, the first reason I found, was that the 'bacon' originally didn't sell well here in America. Apparently my people were all like, 'I'm not eating that!'" Alfred stated as he decided to head for a new aisle to grab olives. "The companies really wanted to sell it, so they tried all these ways to get people to buy it. So one day, they decided to call it Canadian bacon, and then my people were all over it."
"I don't know if I should be touched or disturbed," Matthew exclaimed as he followed Alfred through the store.
"Yeah, all they had to do was slap your flag on it and BAM! Sells like hotcakes." Alfred flashed his brother a huge grin, as if proud of his Canadian Bacon/pancakes pun. "Although, I think you had that old flag of yours then… the Dead Engine or something."
"Red Ensign, Alfred." Matthew corrected while practically face palming.
"Whatever… OH! Oh, do remember that time when your government redesigned your paper money, and they put the Red Ensign flag on your parliament building in the money, and then you and a bunch of people thought it was my flag!" Alfred excitedly said. "And then you were all paranoid that I was influencing you and your government somehow and sounded like some conspiracy theorist."
"Shut up!" Matthew shouted as his face flushed red in embarrassment.
"Hahahaha… and people call me paranoid. I don't know how you got them confused… you can see the dinky little shield thingy on the flag. My flag is too awesome to be on your money anyway." Alfred stated as he poked his brother's arm repeatedly to annoy him.
"Stop that, and it's not funny." Matthew scolded as he pushed his brother away from him. Trying to change the subject, he quickly asked what the other two reasons for calling a particular meat product Canadian bacon were.
"Uhhh… The second explanation has to do with one of your more sinister sides." The American stated dramatically as he finally found the aisle he was looking for. Matthew merely raised an eyebrow at his brother calling him sinister.
"Apparently around the time Canadian bacon came around, most of the pork products sold here came from pigs slaughtered at your place. Never thought you could do something so mean Mattie… If they were those pigs from Animal Farm though, I can forgive you. Creepy commie pigs."
"Ok, so we have that it was called Canadian because apparently your people love me so much they'll buy anything with my name on it; and that the pork for the product came from Canada. What's the last one?" Matthew asked as he grabbed a few cans of olives and placed them in the cart.
"The last one is that the type of bacon, peameal or back, or whatever they're called, weren't really common here. However, they were common in Canada so my people just called it Canadian cause it was the style/type found there. Really, though, I think it's a combination of the three." Alfred stated as he grabbed various assortments of canned and pickled vegetables.
"Well, that was an interesting… history lesson. It's amazing that you can't locate Egypt on a map but you know the name origin of a type of bacon." Matthew stated as he let out a small sigh.
"Hey! I know where Egypt is. It's in..." Alfred pauses for a moment before continuing, "Africa!"
"Good job Al," Matthew replied in a patronizing tone. "Since we're making pizzas, let's go grab a bunch of brownie and cake mixes as well."
"Good idea Mattie! We're going to need all this stuff for my birthday in four days. I want a chocolate cake, and we could totally buy a giant cake mold shaped like my flag!" Alfred excitedly shouted. He hadn't really forgotten that they were shopping for his brother; this was just revenge for implying that he sucked at geography.
"Al! We were shopping for my birthday!" Matthew shot his brother a glare that could kill.
"What! When's you're birthday? I thought it was in February or something." Alfred pushed the cart towards the baking aisle.
"It's July 1st, check your phone."
"Why? Anyway why would you have a birthday, I thought you were still under British control?" Alfred nonchalantly stated as he was suddenly smacked upside the head.
"Geez… I was only joking, Mattie! You didn't have to hit me. Paranoid and violent, I guess we really are brothers!" Alfred stuck his tongue out before running off down the baked goods aisle laughing like a maniac, an annoyed Canadian chasing after him; all the while thinking about how awesome tomorrow was going to be.
A/N: Woo… this is my second piece ever. I don't think it's all that great… I'm more of a technical report writer so I'm afraid my creative writing is a bit boring.
I really did research why it's called Canadian bacon one day, it really bugged me to not know why. It was actually rather difficult to find reasons since no one seems to really know.
Also, that bit about Canada thinking America's flag was on his money actually happened. I thought it was funny.