** And Then...: Long Live the Queen**
by Lilian.
lilian413@yahoo.com (if that doesn't work, wait a few hours, and then try again. If *that* doesn't work, try this one: cjcortes@puc.cl)
AN: see? I haven't forgotten about you guys! Now, before you start mauling me for more CoH, a word please? I *am* writing it, and *will* have a new chapter soon, because, I'm on winter vacation!!! Yay!!! So, expect the long awaited chapter 14 of CoH in your PC screen soon!
AN2: About this story, READ THIS BEFORE YOU START READING: as I was watching Long Live the Queen, I cried my eyes out. The last scene with the three sisters in bed--- priceless. I swear, my fan status was renewed after that episode. So, you'd think the writers (and actors) would retain that priceless quality of their jobs that for a split second reminded me of Buffy on the earlier seasons, right?
You'd think.
Womb Raider was a major disappointment for me. Gone was the grieving wife, the suffering widow that Phoebe was supposed to be, and it ticked me off, it just rubbed me the wrong way, that 'yeah, Cole is dead, pass me the butter please?' seemed to be the motto of the show. And Phoebe was way, way too cool headed to have just lost a husband and a soul mate in one day. So, I'm blaming it all on the demon-baby. Read on and find out!
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Underneath her, Piper could feel Phoebe's trembling body. Could feel as she was torn apart by a grief she could only begin to imagine--- and there was nothing she could do to help her younger sister, except, perhaps, be there for her.
She was been torn into two herself.
One side of her, the childish inner voice, the kid who only wanted her family together, was jumping up and down with joy, relieved that her baby sister was back, back and safe where she belonged.
The other side, the adult, knew better.
Sure, Phoebe had come back. But at what cost? Her soul had been saved when she had returned to her Charmed duties, returned to the side of good... but her heart had been broken in the process.
She closed her eyes, shut them tight, trying to block the sting of unshed tears as they welled up behind her closed eyelids.
Piper had once felt like this.
Once, only once, when Leo had been taken away from her, back in the rutabaga days.
But did it really compare to what Phoebe was going through?
She wasn't sure. Back then, Piper had known Leo was in the hands of the Elders. As angry as they could be with their rogue Whitelighter and Witch, they would never hurt him. At least, she had had the consolation of knowing that wherever he was, he was safe.
But Cole--- she bit back the bile that rose in her throat when she thought of him. Even if Cole had not taken part of this mess, she was having a hard time keeping Cole and the Source apart. It had been Cole's voice who had threatened to kill them, Cole's hand the one holding the fireball aloft...
She shook her head. She had been possessed by evil before. She remembered the uncanny calm of the Furies, the absolute lack of feeling behind the Evil Punishers; and she also remembered quite well the incredible passion behind the furry snout of the Wendigo, all anger and hatred and pitch black bitterness--- she could only imagine what Cole had gone through.
Possessed by the Source of all evil... Piper shuddered.
A particularly big sob hit Phoebe right then, and Piper softly caressed her sister's hair, trying to somehow let her know that they were still there for her. But, was it enough? Would anything short of a miracle be enough?
Her chin resting against Phoebe's shoulder, and she bit her lower lip, as the events of the past few days came tumbling down on her like a tidal wave.
So, so blind... she had been so damned blind! All the signals, all the signs were telling her that there was something wrong. Too many coincidences to be only that... she had been so bent on having a normal life, of having a *break* after they had 'killed' the Source, that she had refused to see what was painfully obvious.
In her desperate need for a moment of peace, she had overlooked the silent scream behind Cole's eyes, the searing migraines that he seemed to suffer and his sudden change of attitude when he and Phoebe had moved out of the house.
Arrogant, conceited... as if he had somehow achieved his greatest triumph.
And in a way, he had.
She shook her head again.
The Source had. Cole had been battling for them inside a body that was rightfully his, she could tell now...
But, she still blamed herself for everything.
Gods, how could she have even thought about killing her baby sister? But she had considered the idea just a few hours back... but what else could she do? She preferred her Phoebe dead than evil, and something told her that Phoebe herself thought the same way.
She cursed herself silently.
How could she even begin to imagine the hell her sister was going through? Pregnant, husband-less and lonely, betrayed by the one person she trusted the most, her life torn apart by the very thing they were meant to fight...
Sometimes, Piper thought that all the effort the Elders and Fate itself had put in keeping Phoebe and Cole apart was just to keep them from hurting each other, rather than considering their romance a heresy.
She felt an icy hand running down her spine as she remembered her behavior. She trembled in fear as she realized just how close had they been of falling apart, of letting evil win--- she hadn't cared about anything but getting Phoebe back.
Maybe it was the mother in her, but what got to her the most, was that her family was been destroyed, slowly eaten from the inside out, one sister at a time.
Even after Leo's encouraging words (which in her drunken haze she hadn't heard half of, but still), and Paige's determination, she knew, in her heart of hearts, that if it hadn't been for their undying support, she would've let things go down their course, and she would've ended up drunk, probably dead, and Phoebe would still be in the clutches of evil.
She had expected a ghostly visit from above, after she woke up (was it just this morning?) with the worst hangover of her life. In fact, she hoped the scolding would come, from someone, *anyone*, to tell her what a real failure she was, what a lousy job she had been doing at keeping what was left of her family together.
But really, what could anyone tell her, that she hadn't told herself?
What would've become of them, had Paige not been there? Maybe this was the reason Paige came into their family in the first place--- new blood, fresh air...confidence the older Halliwells had begun loosing....
She had lost her ability to marvel at the opportunity they had been given. She had begun thinking about their destiny as a burden, not a gift. That, truth to be told, was a witch's worst enemy. Not the Source, not demons, not death--- but stagnation. Habit.
After a while, all the demonic faces blur into one, and you can't really remember if it was the slime demon or the bolt-throwing assassin the one that had killed their first lost innocent.
Paige brought back that faith.
A ghost of a smile danced through Piper's lips, as she remembered the first time Paige had orbed into a room. The look of accomplishment in her eyes, the spark of joy at having finally mastered her power, was something Piper hadn't seen (or felt), in quite a long time.
She couldn't even start to thank her enough.
But still, no matter what they did, evil got to them.
From the inside, this time, making it's way in between the sisters, creating an abyss between them, a breach they were too tired (or too oblivious) to see. Maybe, if she had trusted her instincts, things would've gone the other way.
But weren't those the same instincts that told her to accept Cole, to take the haunted, feverish man into her family, and welcome him with (almost) open arms? She believed in second chances, and in some cases, in thirds---
She hugged Phoebe tighter, as if somehow by doing that, she could turn back time, go back to when all this mess had started, and keep her out of harm's way.
But it was already too late, wasn't it? Harm had gotten in her way, had destroyed her heart and spat her back out, lost, broken and missing such an important part of her.
"It hurts, Piper. Make it stop".
Phoebe's voice was low and haunted, dripping with pain so thick it took a conscious effort on Piper's part to stop the tremor running down her spine. Silently, she simply clutched Phoebe's hand in her own, and squeezed it tight, whispering silly nonsense in her ear.
"It'll be all right, Phoebe. Just keep breathing".
She got no answer, but truth to be told, she didn't expect one. Phoebe simply burrowed deeper into the pillows, and Piper just held her tight.
*************************
Atop of her, Paige could feel the weight of both of her sisters as Phoebe adjusted positions... and somehow, she couldn't help but wonder why it felt so light.
In an ironic metaphor, she was, once again, holding the burden of the entire Halliwell family on her slim shoulders. What a wry laugh--- she, the last of them to become part of this legacy of witchcraft, was the one holding them all together.
Near her ear, she heard Phoebe's silent tears, and hoped that the worst was past. At least she wasn't being shaken by uncontrollable sobs anymore...
She had never expected life to turn out like this. Who would've thought the rebellious teenager would end up being a powerful witch, the last in a legacy of power, born and destined to vanquish the Source of all evil?
Come as it may, there were many details left in the dark. Sure, they had defeated the Source. And almost lost a sister in the process. Paige could only begin to grasp what Phoebe was going through, the pain of the loss of her parents almost healed now after Leo's timely intervention. Phoebe's arms were around her, as if somehow trying to hold onto the younger woman.
Paige didn't mind. She had tried to keep this family (her family) together for quite some time now, and even if as the younger sister it wasn't really her place to do so, she did it with a smile in her heart.
She, of all the three other Halliwells, knew what it was like to be an orphan.
And she wasn't going to let anything destroy the family she had just come to know.
Anything.
Maybe that's why she had sided with Phoebe when she was gone.
Scratch that. That *was* the reason.
She knew perfectly well why she had stuck with Phoebe, instead of bending head over heels to destroy her like Piper had. Although she understood perfectly Piper's need to vanquish Phoebe, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Not then, not now.
Piper preferred her sister dead than evil. Paige--- well, she didn't want Phoebe evil either, but she knew that as long as her sister was alive, there was hope.
That was pretty much all she knew these days, when everything else she had ever believed in had been turned inside out and shaken up and down just for the sake of it.
Now, lying in Phoebe's bed, she felt more a part of this dysfunctional family than ever. A sad smile crept on her lips, as she realized what a sad thing that was... it took a death, a possession and a final vanquish to bring her into the real core of the Halliwell family.
Pushed against her back was Phoebe's belly. And even amidst the desperate need to protect her sister, Paige thought... she knew the baby was still in there. If she closed her eyes hard enough, and listened carefully, she could hear the multiplying of cells, the cluster of inanimate organelles coming to life, weaving together in a dance that even with all of their power, they could not comprehend.
Piper had called it the 'spawn of the Source'.
Paige couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't entirely wrong, that it hadn't just been a burst of anger making it through the mask. But the truth eluded her, dancing just on the edge of her consciousness, mocking her from the distance.
Her whitelighter senses were quiet, showing no evil in Phoebe's baby. Then why was it that every time she thought about said baby, something inside of her cried out in fear?
She had been meaning to talk to Piper about it, seeing as Phoebe was in no condition to hear that there was something wrong with *anything* else. But she was hesitant--- what if it was just a phantom fear?
An instinctive reaction, born out of the many trials Cole--- she put her foot down on that. The Source. Born out of the many trial the *Source* had put her through. Although she didn't remember actual events, there had been nights in which she had woken up drenched in sweat, her hands clutching the sheets, her fingers curled in an impossibly tight fist.
She only got glimpses, flashes of feeling--- and she didn't like it.
She suspected that whatever the Source had done to her, had messed her up real good. She thanked whoever was listening that she couldn't remember, knowing that if had been for a reason that she had forgotten in the first place.
"It hurts, Piper. Make it stop".
Phoebe's whisper was uttered right by her ear, and Paige's heart reached out to her sister, even if it hadn't been her name the one uttered.
It was over now.
Maybe, now, they could have peace.
*************************
She lay there in bed, unmoving, staring blankly at the ceiling above her. Her eyes hurt every time she blinked... but she couldn't sleep either. Every time she closed her eyes, every time she let herself be taken away from reality, his face came back to haunt her, pleading with her to save him...
'Phoebe, what are you doing?'
He had said those very same words to her back then, when she had killed the Wizard, preventing him from taking the Source out of his body. Asking her what was she doing... people seemed to be doing that a lot.
It didn't matter. No matter what she did, everywhere she looked, he looked back at her. The picture on her nightstand was facing down. Phoebe could not stand to look at it. It seemed fake, produced--- had he been possessed by the Source when that picture had been taken?
She couldn't really remember.
No, she could. She could remember perfectly... that picture had been taken a long time ago, an entire lifetime ago, back when Cole was only Belthazor. They had been happy then. Had she been a fool for trying to change that? She had wanted him to be human, really wanted him to give up his demonic heritage for her.
Look what wishful thinking got her.
Cole did loose his demonic half--- only to gain a worse one. At least, with Belthazor, she had known where she stood. He loved her, he *loved* her... not that pathetic, gruesome excuse of a relationship they had had in the few weeks before she killed him.
Killed him...
She had never thought she would be the one ending his life. Maybe she was cursed to destroy everything she loved. Maybe the Queen of the Underworld had lived in her for quite some time--- her turning to evil altogether had only been a consequence of her appearance, not the cause.
She did have propensity for evil, didn't she?
A harsh laughter left her lips, as she remembered her trip to her past life. Way back then, she had been so naive... after returning to her present, she had laid awake that night, very much like she was now, looking at the ceiling, wondering just how in heaven had she turned on her family, and given up her soul for evil...
It had been love. It had been love back then, and it was love right now.
Maybe she just wasn't made for love, after all. Anton seduced her, and she practically killed her sisters. And she got the firepower she always wanted.
Cole seduced her, and practically killed her sisters too. And she got firepower yet again.
Maybe there was a reason why the Elders had chosen not to give her any active powers. They knew she was inclined towards the other side, that unlike her sisters (all three of them), she wasn't in control of the balance of her heart.
Sure, Piper had broken the rules. But she fell for a good guy. She, on the other hand, fell for the worst kind of man...the tall, dark and handsome one, that sweeps you off your feet, messes with your head, and leaves you breathless every time he kisses you.
And yet, she couldn't find it in her heart to hate him.
She remembered with crystal clear accuracy the way his eyes had sparkled when she told him she was pregnant--- had that been the Source rejoicing in the coming of a heir, or Cole, the man she loved, the man she thought she had married?
She would've preferred him to turn ruthless and evil, rather than have him retain the human qualities that continued to fool her over and over again, allowing her to remain inside the safe cocoon of denial.
But had she really not known?
Could she honestly tell herself, in her heart of hearts, that she hadn't known anything? She wasn't stupid... all those times Julie seemed to pop in announced, all those times he seemed surprised to see her there...
{Cole}
Her heart still called out for him, even after being broken so irreparably, that she wasn't sure she was ever leaving this room again. She had handled one betrayal, when she found out he was Belthazor. Back then, she had known she couldn't handle another one.
And yet here she was, suffering from a broken heart, broken by the same man... it was always a man, wasn't it?
Outside her room, the house was silent, and yet she knew that life went on. At least Piper and Paige were not fawning over her... after accompanying her for most of the afternoon, they had left her alone, knowing she needed some time alone.
Good.
She didn't want their pity, she deserved this. She deserved the pain and the sadness. She had chosen a man over her own blood, a man over her own sisters. Something she vowed never to do again after Anton.
Talk about repetitive mistakes.
Maybe this was her curse. With every lifetime, instead of learning from her mistakes, and growing from them, she kept repeating them in an endless cycle, over and over again... until someone got tired of her, and disposed of her all together.
She sighed loudly, and rolled on the bed. Her bed... the same in which she had cried herself to sleep nights to no end, when Cole lost his sanity in the grips of the Brotherhood. The same bed where he had made love to her countless times before, with only the moonlight as their companion.
She snapped her eyes shut, forcing the memories away.
{No. I won't let him do this to me anymore!}
But could she really control it? Could she ever control herself when Cole was concerned? Sadly, she knew what the answer would be... had known it all along, from the first time she had laid eyes on his handsome features, and lost all conscious train of thought. What a fool she had made of herself back then, on that fateful spring night...
'I was wondering if either of you saw what happened here'
'I did!'
Gods. She groaned to herself, a good-natured half smile twitching her lips. Was it really just two years ago? Back then, her concerns were limited to when her next date would be, and if Cole was really going to ask her out any time soon.
Now, just a breath later, she was one sister short, husband-less and pregnant, and the burden of guilt so heavy in her tiny shoulders that she sometimes thought she would slump forward just from the weight of it.
A car honked outside, and she flinched when it hurt her ears.
Yes, she was broken, but life still carried on outside her bedroom. As much as she wanted to deny it, she still had a life, waiting for her on the other side of the thick wooden door she had barricaded herself behind of... and that scared her.
Her child was growing inside of her, and she didn't know if he was evil.
How many glasses of that God-awful tonic had she drunk? A dozen? Two dozen? She couldn't really remember... but she knew that for each drop of the nauseating liquid that touched her child, he became a little more evil and a little less good.
"You're half witch, you know that?".
{and you're all that's left of him...}.
Of Cole, there were no proofs of his existence more than the few and scarce pictures Phoebe had of him, and the memories she carried within herself. No dental records, no ID whatsoever, no parking tickets no bills to be paid... as far as society was concerned, Cole had never existed.
But he had lived! and only herself and the small child growing in her womb could testify to that.
That's why she wouldn't even consider the idea of this child being evil. This was Cole's last gift to her, his last attempt at trying to make things right. And she was damn well going to honor his wishes...
At that thought, something inside of her lurched, something she didn't even know was there.
She gasped once, and a cloud passed through her eyes.
She got up, a sick smile on her face, a dazed look in her eyes, her prior sadness almost forgotten. Almost.
Because as much as the evil inside of her was trying to take over her body, it could never overpower her love for him. As it had sadly found out the first three times, there was no greater force than that of love--- and even if it could hide it, conceal it behind its own influence in the otherwise powerful witch, it could never kill it.
As Phoebe rose from the bed (her stance relaxed quite different from the grieving woman she had been until then), inside of her, a silent tear was shed, as she was, once again, driven away from a normal life; unable to mourn properly the death of her husband and soul mate, by the same evil that had ended up killing him and maiming her in the process.
She walked out of her room, whistling a song only she could hear, and she never saw the Seer's shadow projecting on her wall, or the wicked smirk that graced her ebony lips, as she realized that as much as the Charmed Ones wanted to delude themselves, the Source was still alive.
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The End.
So, got it? I guess this is my take on what happened after Long Live the Queen and before Womb Raider, and the first signs that the little Spawn-of-all-Evil was already making his moves inside of Phoebe. So there, I'm denial... but I'm a happy fan!
by Lilian.
lilian413@yahoo.com (if that doesn't work, wait a few hours, and then try again. If *that* doesn't work, try this one: cjcortes@puc.cl)
AN: see? I haven't forgotten about you guys! Now, before you start mauling me for more CoH, a word please? I *am* writing it, and *will* have a new chapter soon, because, I'm on winter vacation!!! Yay!!! So, expect the long awaited chapter 14 of CoH in your PC screen soon!
AN2: About this story, READ THIS BEFORE YOU START READING: as I was watching Long Live the Queen, I cried my eyes out. The last scene with the three sisters in bed--- priceless. I swear, my fan status was renewed after that episode. So, you'd think the writers (and actors) would retain that priceless quality of their jobs that for a split second reminded me of Buffy on the earlier seasons, right?
You'd think.
Womb Raider was a major disappointment for me. Gone was the grieving wife, the suffering widow that Phoebe was supposed to be, and it ticked me off, it just rubbed me the wrong way, that 'yeah, Cole is dead, pass me the butter please?' seemed to be the motto of the show. And Phoebe was way, way too cool headed to have just lost a husband and a soul mate in one day. So, I'm blaming it all on the demon-baby. Read on and find out!
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Underneath her, Piper could feel Phoebe's trembling body. Could feel as she was torn apart by a grief she could only begin to imagine--- and there was nothing she could do to help her younger sister, except, perhaps, be there for her.
She was been torn into two herself.
One side of her, the childish inner voice, the kid who only wanted her family together, was jumping up and down with joy, relieved that her baby sister was back, back and safe where she belonged.
The other side, the adult, knew better.
Sure, Phoebe had come back. But at what cost? Her soul had been saved when she had returned to her Charmed duties, returned to the side of good... but her heart had been broken in the process.
She closed her eyes, shut them tight, trying to block the sting of unshed tears as they welled up behind her closed eyelids.
Piper had once felt like this.
Once, only once, when Leo had been taken away from her, back in the rutabaga days.
But did it really compare to what Phoebe was going through?
She wasn't sure. Back then, Piper had known Leo was in the hands of the Elders. As angry as they could be with their rogue Whitelighter and Witch, they would never hurt him. At least, she had had the consolation of knowing that wherever he was, he was safe.
But Cole--- she bit back the bile that rose in her throat when she thought of him. Even if Cole had not taken part of this mess, she was having a hard time keeping Cole and the Source apart. It had been Cole's voice who had threatened to kill them, Cole's hand the one holding the fireball aloft...
She shook her head. She had been possessed by evil before. She remembered the uncanny calm of the Furies, the absolute lack of feeling behind the Evil Punishers; and she also remembered quite well the incredible passion behind the furry snout of the Wendigo, all anger and hatred and pitch black bitterness--- she could only imagine what Cole had gone through.
Possessed by the Source of all evil... Piper shuddered.
A particularly big sob hit Phoebe right then, and Piper softly caressed her sister's hair, trying to somehow let her know that they were still there for her. But, was it enough? Would anything short of a miracle be enough?
Her chin resting against Phoebe's shoulder, and she bit her lower lip, as the events of the past few days came tumbling down on her like a tidal wave.
So, so blind... she had been so damned blind! All the signals, all the signs were telling her that there was something wrong. Too many coincidences to be only that... she had been so bent on having a normal life, of having a *break* after they had 'killed' the Source, that she had refused to see what was painfully obvious.
In her desperate need for a moment of peace, she had overlooked the silent scream behind Cole's eyes, the searing migraines that he seemed to suffer and his sudden change of attitude when he and Phoebe had moved out of the house.
Arrogant, conceited... as if he had somehow achieved his greatest triumph.
And in a way, he had.
She shook her head again.
The Source had. Cole had been battling for them inside a body that was rightfully his, she could tell now...
But, she still blamed herself for everything.
Gods, how could she have even thought about killing her baby sister? But she had considered the idea just a few hours back... but what else could she do? She preferred her Phoebe dead than evil, and something told her that Phoebe herself thought the same way.
She cursed herself silently.
How could she even begin to imagine the hell her sister was going through? Pregnant, husband-less and lonely, betrayed by the one person she trusted the most, her life torn apart by the very thing they were meant to fight...
Sometimes, Piper thought that all the effort the Elders and Fate itself had put in keeping Phoebe and Cole apart was just to keep them from hurting each other, rather than considering their romance a heresy.
She felt an icy hand running down her spine as she remembered her behavior. She trembled in fear as she realized just how close had they been of falling apart, of letting evil win--- she hadn't cared about anything but getting Phoebe back.
Maybe it was the mother in her, but what got to her the most, was that her family was been destroyed, slowly eaten from the inside out, one sister at a time.
Even after Leo's encouraging words (which in her drunken haze she hadn't heard half of, but still), and Paige's determination, she knew, in her heart of hearts, that if it hadn't been for their undying support, she would've let things go down their course, and she would've ended up drunk, probably dead, and Phoebe would still be in the clutches of evil.
She had expected a ghostly visit from above, after she woke up (was it just this morning?) with the worst hangover of her life. In fact, she hoped the scolding would come, from someone, *anyone*, to tell her what a real failure she was, what a lousy job she had been doing at keeping what was left of her family together.
But really, what could anyone tell her, that she hadn't told herself?
What would've become of them, had Paige not been there? Maybe this was the reason Paige came into their family in the first place--- new blood, fresh air...confidence the older Halliwells had begun loosing....
She had lost her ability to marvel at the opportunity they had been given. She had begun thinking about their destiny as a burden, not a gift. That, truth to be told, was a witch's worst enemy. Not the Source, not demons, not death--- but stagnation. Habit.
After a while, all the demonic faces blur into one, and you can't really remember if it was the slime demon or the bolt-throwing assassin the one that had killed their first lost innocent.
Paige brought back that faith.
A ghost of a smile danced through Piper's lips, as she remembered the first time Paige had orbed into a room. The look of accomplishment in her eyes, the spark of joy at having finally mastered her power, was something Piper hadn't seen (or felt), in quite a long time.
She couldn't even start to thank her enough.
But still, no matter what they did, evil got to them.
From the inside, this time, making it's way in between the sisters, creating an abyss between them, a breach they were too tired (or too oblivious) to see. Maybe, if she had trusted her instincts, things would've gone the other way.
But weren't those the same instincts that told her to accept Cole, to take the haunted, feverish man into her family, and welcome him with (almost) open arms? She believed in second chances, and in some cases, in thirds---
She hugged Phoebe tighter, as if somehow by doing that, she could turn back time, go back to when all this mess had started, and keep her out of harm's way.
But it was already too late, wasn't it? Harm had gotten in her way, had destroyed her heart and spat her back out, lost, broken and missing such an important part of her.
"It hurts, Piper. Make it stop".
Phoebe's voice was low and haunted, dripping with pain so thick it took a conscious effort on Piper's part to stop the tremor running down her spine. Silently, she simply clutched Phoebe's hand in her own, and squeezed it tight, whispering silly nonsense in her ear.
"It'll be all right, Phoebe. Just keep breathing".
She got no answer, but truth to be told, she didn't expect one. Phoebe simply burrowed deeper into the pillows, and Piper just held her tight.
*************************
Atop of her, Paige could feel the weight of both of her sisters as Phoebe adjusted positions... and somehow, she couldn't help but wonder why it felt so light.
In an ironic metaphor, she was, once again, holding the burden of the entire Halliwell family on her slim shoulders. What a wry laugh--- she, the last of them to become part of this legacy of witchcraft, was the one holding them all together.
Near her ear, she heard Phoebe's silent tears, and hoped that the worst was past. At least she wasn't being shaken by uncontrollable sobs anymore...
She had never expected life to turn out like this. Who would've thought the rebellious teenager would end up being a powerful witch, the last in a legacy of power, born and destined to vanquish the Source of all evil?
Come as it may, there were many details left in the dark. Sure, they had defeated the Source. And almost lost a sister in the process. Paige could only begin to grasp what Phoebe was going through, the pain of the loss of her parents almost healed now after Leo's timely intervention. Phoebe's arms were around her, as if somehow trying to hold onto the younger woman.
Paige didn't mind. She had tried to keep this family (her family) together for quite some time now, and even if as the younger sister it wasn't really her place to do so, she did it with a smile in her heart.
She, of all the three other Halliwells, knew what it was like to be an orphan.
And she wasn't going to let anything destroy the family she had just come to know.
Anything.
Maybe that's why she had sided with Phoebe when she was gone.
Scratch that. That *was* the reason.
She knew perfectly well why she had stuck with Phoebe, instead of bending head over heels to destroy her like Piper had. Although she understood perfectly Piper's need to vanquish Phoebe, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Not then, not now.
Piper preferred her sister dead than evil. Paige--- well, she didn't want Phoebe evil either, but she knew that as long as her sister was alive, there was hope.
That was pretty much all she knew these days, when everything else she had ever believed in had been turned inside out and shaken up and down just for the sake of it.
Now, lying in Phoebe's bed, she felt more a part of this dysfunctional family than ever. A sad smile crept on her lips, as she realized what a sad thing that was... it took a death, a possession and a final vanquish to bring her into the real core of the Halliwell family.
Pushed against her back was Phoebe's belly. And even amidst the desperate need to protect her sister, Paige thought... she knew the baby was still in there. If she closed her eyes hard enough, and listened carefully, she could hear the multiplying of cells, the cluster of inanimate organelles coming to life, weaving together in a dance that even with all of their power, they could not comprehend.
Piper had called it the 'spawn of the Source'.
Paige couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't entirely wrong, that it hadn't just been a burst of anger making it through the mask. But the truth eluded her, dancing just on the edge of her consciousness, mocking her from the distance.
Her whitelighter senses were quiet, showing no evil in Phoebe's baby. Then why was it that every time she thought about said baby, something inside of her cried out in fear?
She had been meaning to talk to Piper about it, seeing as Phoebe was in no condition to hear that there was something wrong with *anything* else. But she was hesitant--- what if it was just a phantom fear?
An instinctive reaction, born out of the many trials Cole--- she put her foot down on that. The Source. Born out of the many trial the *Source* had put her through. Although she didn't remember actual events, there had been nights in which she had woken up drenched in sweat, her hands clutching the sheets, her fingers curled in an impossibly tight fist.
She only got glimpses, flashes of feeling--- and she didn't like it.
She suspected that whatever the Source had done to her, had messed her up real good. She thanked whoever was listening that she couldn't remember, knowing that if had been for a reason that she had forgotten in the first place.
"It hurts, Piper. Make it stop".
Phoebe's whisper was uttered right by her ear, and Paige's heart reached out to her sister, even if it hadn't been her name the one uttered.
It was over now.
Maybe, now, they could have peace.
*************************
She lay there in bed, unmoving, staring blankly at the ceiling above her. Her eyes hurt every time she blinked... but she couldn't sleep either. Every time she closed her eyes, every time she let herself be taken away from reality, his face came back to haunt her, pleading with her to save him...
'Phoebe, what are you doing?'
He had said those very same words to her back then, when she had killed the Wizard, preventing him from taking the Source out of his body. Asking her what was she doing... people seemed to be doing that a lot.
It didn't matter. No matter what she did, everywhere she looked, he looked back at her. The picture on her nightstand was facing down. Phoebe could not stand to look at it. It seemed fake, produced--- had he been possessed by the Source when that picture had been taken?
She couldn't really remember.
No, she could. She could remember perfectly... that picture had been taken a long time ago, an entire lifetime ago, back when Cole was only Belthazor. They had been happy then. Had she been a fool for trying to change that? She had wanted him to be human, really wanted him to give up his demonic heritage for her.
Look what wishful thinking got her.
Cole did loose his demonic half--- only to gain a worse one. At least, with Belthazor, she had known where she stood. He loved her, he *loved* her... not that pathetic, gruesome excuse of a relationship they had had in the few weeks before she killed him.
Killed him...
She had never thought she would be the one ending his life. Maybe she was cursed to destroy everything she loved. Maybe the Queen of the Underworld had lived in her for quite some time--- her turning to evil altogether had only been a consequence of her appearance, not the cause.
She did have propensity for evil, didn't she?
A harsh laughter left her lips, as she remembered her trip to her past life. Way back then, she had been so naive... after returning to her present, she had laid awake that night, very much like she was now, looking at the ceiling, wondering just how in heaven had she turned on her family, and given up her soul for evil...
It had been love. It had been love back then, and it was love right now.
Maybe she just wasn't made for love, after all. Anton seduced her, and she practically killed her sisters. And she got the firepower she always wanted.
Cole seduced her, and practically killed her sisters too. And she got firepower yet again.
Maybe there was a reason why the Elders had chosen not to give her any active powers. They knew she was inclined towards the other side, that unlike her sisters (all three of them), she wasn't in control of the balance of her heart.
Sure, Piper had broken the rules. But she fell for a good guy. She, on the other hand, fell for the worst kind of man...the tall, dark and handsome one, that sweeps you off your feet, messes with your head, and leaves you breathless every time he kisses you.
And yet, she couldn't find it in her heart to hate him.
She remembered with crystal clear accuracy the way his eyes had sparkled when she told him she was pregnant--- had that been the Source rejoicing in the coming of a heir, or Cole, the man she loved, the man she thought she had married?
She would've preferred him to turn ruthless and evil, rather than have him retain the human qualities that continued to fool her over and over again, allowing her to remain inside the safe cocoon of denial.
But had she really not known?
Could she honestly tell herself, in her heart of hearts, that she hadn't known anything? She wasn't stupid... all those times Julie seemed to pop in announced, all those times he seemed surprised to see her there...
{Cole}
Her heart still called out for him, even after being broken so irreparably, that she wasn't sure she was ever leaving this room again. She had handled one betrayal, when she found out he was Belthazor. Back then, she had known she couldn't handle another one.
And yet here she was, suffering from a broken heart, broken by the same man... it was always a man, wasn't it?
Outside her room, the house was silent, and yet she knew that life went on. At least Piper and Paige were not fawning over her... after accompanying her for most of the afternoon, they had left her alone, knowing she needed some time alone.
Good.
She didn't want their pity, she deserved this. She deserved the pain and the sadness. She had chosen a man over her own blood, a man over her own sisters. Something she vowed never to do again after Anton.
Talk about repetitive mistakes.
Maybe this was her curse. With every lifetime, instead of learning from her mistakes, and growing from them, she kept repeating them in an endless cycle, over and over again... until someone got tired of her, and disposed of her all together.
She sighed loudly, and rolled on the bed. Her bed... the same in which she had cried herself to sleep nights to no end, when Cole lost his sanity in the grips of the Brotherhood. The same bed where he had made love to her countless times before, with only the moonlight as their companion.
She snapped her eyes shut, forcing the memories away.
{No. I won't let him do this to me anymore!}
But could she really control it? Could she ever control herself when Cole was concerned? Sadly, she knew what the answer would be... had known it all along, from the first time she had laid eyes on his handsome features, and lost all conscious train of thought. What a fool she had made of herself back then, on that fateful spring night...
'I was wondering if either of you saw what happened here'
'I did!'
Gods. She groaned to herself, a good-natured half smile twitching her lips. Was it really just two years ago? Back then, her concerns were limited to when her next date would be, and if Cole was really going to ask her out any time soon.
Now, just a breath later, she was one sister short, husband-less and pregnant, and the burden of guilt so heavy in her tiny shoulders that she sometimes thought she would slump forward just from the weight of it.
A car honked outside, and she flinched when it hurt her ears.
Yes, she was broken, but life still carried on outside her bedroom. As much as she wanted to deny it, she still had a life, waiting for her on the other side of the thick wooden door she had barricaded herself behind of... and that scared her.
Her child was growing inside of her, and she didn't know if he was evil.
How many glasses of that God-awful tonic had she drunk? A dozen? Two dozen? She couldn't really remember... but she knew that for each drop of the nauseating liquid that touched her child, he became a little more evil and a little less good.
"You're half witch, you know that?".
{and you're all that's left of him...}.
Of Cole, there were no proofs of his existence more than the few and scarce pictures Phoebe had of him, and the memories she carried within herself. No dental records, no ID whatsoever, no parking tickets no bills to be paid... as far as society was concerned, Cole had never existed.
But he had lived! and only herself and the small child growing in her womb could testify to that.
That's why she wouldn't even consider the idea of this child being evil. This was Cole's last gift to her, his last attempt at trying to make things right. And she was damn well going to honor his wishes...
At that thought, something inside of her lurched, something she didn't even know was there.
She gasped once, and a cloud passed through her eyes.
She got up, a sick smile on her face, a dazed look in her eyes, her prior sadness almost forgotten. Almost.
Because as much as the evil inside of her was trying to take over her body, it could never overpower her love for him. As it had sadly found out the first three times, there was no greater force than that of love--- and even if it could hide it, conceal it behind its own influence in the otherwise powerful witch, it could never kill it.
As Phoebe rose from the bed (her stance relaxed quite different from the grieving woman she had been until then), inside of her, a silent tear was shed, as she was, once again, driven away from a normal life; unable to mourn properly the death of her husband and soul mate, by the same evil that had ended up killing him and maiming her in the process.
She walked out of her room, whistling a song only she could hear, and she never saw the Seer's shadow projecting on her wall, or the wicked smirk that graced her ebony lips, as she realized that as much as the Charmed Ones wanted to delude themselves, the Source was still alive.
***************
The End.
So, got it? I guess this is my take on what happened after Long Live the Queen and before Womb Raider, and the first signs that the little Spawn-of-all-Evil was already making his moves inside of Phoebe. So there, I'm denial... but I'm a happy fan!