Innocence. How I wish I still had it. But now I'm 18-years-old and have everything but innocence.
I lie out on my back, on the cool sloping hill covered with dew and lush green grass. The black sky's tears above me stand out surrounding the moon with a brilliance I have only scene on one other occasion. My hands lay limply on my round stomach and my legs lay outstretched before me. I am alone.
I twitch lightly as I feel my insides being lightly kicked by the heavy burden I carry. I should have lost the burden by now. It should have been two weeks ago that I gave my ultimate gift to the world, the brightest gift I can ever give. It should have been two weeks ago that I begun my ultimate task of raising what was given to me by mistake.
But I cannot complain. I brought this upon myself it wasn't just him. I wanted him but I didn't want the burden of the aftermath.
My father cannot look upon my face anymore. We were so close before, like a father and daughter should be. Now he resents what I hold inside of me, what I am prepared to give to the world.
My father gave me the option of an abortion well it's more like he pushed it upon me. He even booked me a time for an abortion. But I didn't show, I couldn't. This is my child.
But I might as well start from the beginning. It would have started on the morning of June 6th.
9 months earlier…
I felt the hair on my neck slowly rise as I gazed about me; there were so many people.
I'm usually not so nervous when I am before so many people. I have been before ten times this amount if no more than that in battle. But today is different. That was something that was in my instincts battle. The love of battle runs through my veins thicker than blood, so I do not even notice the people. But here, at a tiny little graduation of a few hundred people, I am a nervous wreck.
My family sits in the audience proudly, along with my friends. My father is video taping the whole thing, while my mother tries her hardest to get her act together and keep from crying. I can see that look on her face as if to say "my little girl's all grown up". I grin a fake grin at her to keep her from crying.
"Son Pan," I here a loud booming voice up on the stage call out through the microphone. I gulp and begin to slowly make my way towards the stage. I look up the stairs, my eyes widened with terror. They looked like they were 7 feet high and I could only scramble up them, one at a time. I slowly pulled my foot down upon the first one.
'Okay Pan, that's one step. Now come on get up the rest.' I hear myself say in my mind as I trudge my feet up the other stairs. I smile through my fear and walk solemnly towards the principle, taking my certificate and shaking his hand. I hear the applaud of my family and friends about me along with the light weeping of my mother and grandmother. They can be way over emotional at times like this.
Funny, if my grandmother was like this at my graduation, what was she like at my father's and uncle's?
I walk limply off to the stands on the side of the stage where my pears sit, each one gripping tightly to their diplomas as a crab would its meal. I can't help but smile at the look upon my pears faces; they look as frightened as I.
I take my spot as other's slowly pile in behind me, each accepting their diploma and sitting in their assigned seats. As the last person was called up the fellow Victorian took to the stand, giving her speech. She was the type of person people would call a nerd, big glasses, freckles, a big nose, and always with her nose in a book or staring at a computer screen. I used to think of her as a nerd that is too ugly and retched to become anything in life but as I stare at her now, I realize she has more of a chance with a future than I. She is smart and decent, though unpopular and very unsocial. Maybe its only because we never gave her a chance, I don't know.
I slowly begin to applaud along with the others as she takes her seat amongst us again. I hear my principle say more words and a few congratulations and I through my hat in the air amongst my pears as they did. We laughed lightly about it all and pilled off the stage to great our friends and family.
"Oh Panny, I can't believe my little girl is all grown up!" Mother cries as she flings her arms about me in a tight bear hug. "In a few months you'll be at college and be an even smarter girl than you are now…" and she begins to babble on more about my future. She does this when she gets emotional. I wonder what she was like when she was pregnant being as emotional as she was.
My father was the next to come towards me. He had passed off the camera to my grandmother who was taping the whole seen. He just smiled and hugged me.
"Congratulations Pan-chan…my little girl…I'm so proud of you."
"Thank-you Daddy." I broke out softly as I returned the hug.
My friend Bra congratulates me next, along with Marron and her family. Next came Bulma and even Vegeta snarled out a little congrats, thanks to Bulma's elbow in his side. I couldn't help but smile at that.
As the evening drew to a close I stood with a fake smile pasted on my lips. I was gazing lazily about me, trying to search for a certain someone in the crowd. He had to be there, he had promised. I was finally beginning to believe that his promise had not been kept, until I felt a strong pair of arms fasten themselves around my waste. I turned to face my assaulter to find a man, about 6 foot 2 inches, dark endless pools of blue for eyes, and short lavender hair falling playfully around his face. I smiled and relaxed.
"Did you just get here?" I asked my friend. He smiles at me slyly and I begin to slowly melt. I have had a crush on this man as long as I can remember at that moment it was the strongest it has ever been.
"No. I've been here the whole time."
I smile at him and frown as he lets go and heads towards the door with the others as the evening in the gym ends. Oh well, there is always later at the party at Capsule Corp. to celebrate my graduation. It was all Bra's idea, and much to my dismay, it was planned perfectly, there have been no flaws so far. I HATE PARTIES IN MY HONOUR!
I slowly exit the building behind my friends and gasp as I spot what lies in the driveway of the school. There is Trunks, holding the door to a limousine open wide for me. I gasp lightly as I see Bra, Uub, Marron, and Uncle Goten wave for me to come into the long stretch limo. I nod my head slowly and cautiously walk towards the vehicle incase it is some kind of trick like they usually play. Trunks extends his hand to me and slowly helps me into my seat. He takes the seat across from me, looking backwards out the tinted windows. I smile and whisper a quiet thank-you to Bra. She just shakes her head and whispers back that it was Trunks's idea. I turn my head in surprise towards the smiling hunk and I blush lightly.
The evening went quite quickly. It was a small dance in my honor; the parents were not in the room, but upstairs instead.
The evening was slow and painful for me and I wont get into many details until about half way in. One of my favorite songs slowly began to play and I slowly slumped down in a chair across the room. I had changed into a short red dress, my hair pulled up with red clasps with two chop sticks holding it in a bun shape.
How come this party is in my honor and I am the only one depressed?
I sigh lightly as I watch couples across the dance floor come together and hold each other tightly. I feel my insides turn over as I spot the hunk f my dreams say something towards Marron. I feel my eyes fight back tears as I see them walk together near the dance floor.
But they part. Much to my surprise and pleasure I see Marron walk to my Uncle Goten and Trunks slowly stalk towards me. He holds a hand out towards me. It takes me a moment to register what it means and I take my eyes from the hand, as if tarring my gaze away from the most fascinating thing I'd ever seen in my life.
"May I have this dance?" he asked lightly into my ears as he leaned forwards to look closely into my face. I try my hardest to control my excitement and hold my hand out to him. He takes it and pulls me towards him tightly as we take the center of the floor.
Deep in my soul
A love so strong
It takes control
Now we both know
The secrets bare
The feeling shows
I feel my head slowly rest against his chest and he holds me tightly against him. I can feel my heart race as the song becomes louder.
Driven far apart
I'll make a wish
On a shooting star
There will come a day
Somewhere far away
In your arms I'll stay
My only love
Even though you're gone
Love will still live on
The feeling is so strong
My only love
My only love
My only love…I wished at that moment that I could be saying that to someone right then (preferably Trunks). But I would have to satisfy with my gentle thoughts at that moment, not wishing to risk ruining the moment by saying something that was not mutual.
'My only love,' I thought to myself, 'you are my only love Trunks. Forever.'
There will come a day
Somewhere far away
In your arms I'll stay
My only love
You've reached the deepest part
Of the secret in my heart
I've known it from the start
My only love
There will come a day
Somewhere far away
In your arms I'll stay
My only love
You've reached the deepest part
Of the secret in my heart
I've known it from the start
My only love
I look up slowly into his eyes as the song begins to end. I can see tears form on his cheeks and I stare quizzically up at them not quite understanding why they were there. Was it because Marron was dancing with Uncle Goten? Was it because he *had* to dance with me instead of someone else? A million questions roamed through my head at that moment.
My Only Love
Trunks slowly pulled away from me, still holding my right hand within his.
"Pan I have to tell you something." He says lightly and pulls me out towards the balcony. Once out there Trunks solemnly closes the door behind us, locking the door so no one could come out. I gaze at him quizzically.
"Pan I need to say something about the way we feel about each other… I don't think we feel the same way about each other…"
My head slowly lowered as tears formed. I knew what he was going to say, that he didn't love me.
"Trunks please…don't say anything. I already know you don't feel for me the way I feel for you…please don't hurt me more…"
"What?" he asked lightly putting a hand beneath my chin and pulling it up to meet his gaze.
"Trunks I love you. Fine! I got it out!" I breathed deeply to keep from sobbing, scrunching my eyes tightly together. 'Please do not say another word. I know you love Marron!"
Trunks's lips pressing patiently against mine took me aback. My eyes snapped open suddenly to notice his were closed. I closed them and wound my arms around his neck as he placed his around my waste.
After a few moments we broke apart much to my surprise.
"Please don't toy with me…"
"Pan did you not feel what I felt in that kiss! Pan you never let me say what I wanted to say! I thought you loved someone else, and I was going to say I love you! I know it might sound weird but I do!"
I fell victim to his dark, truthful, loving eyes at that moment and got caught up in the moment. I rapped my arms around him again bringing my arms about him. He rapped his around me and pulled me up against his body powerfully. I felt so loved at that moment.
"Pan…" he whispered after a moment, trying to pull away against, as I could tell, what he wanted to do.
"Hmm."
"Come with me." He lifted me into the air and we floated away into the air.
It was about an hour later before we landed again. We landed on a soft, sandy beach. Pearly white sand surrounded us and the soft sent of the ocean surrounded and caressed my insides. I gazed lazily about me and pulled away from Trunks's grasp. We were on a small island, surrounded by palm trees and a few other various forms of vegetation. Up near the north west of the beach lay a small cave. Trunks lifted me up in his arms and brought his lips to mine.
We went far that night, too far. Both of us didn't really pay much attention to what we were supposed to be doing.
All I can say was it was wonderful, but now I realize what I did was wrong.
Not many girls did what I did, went to the next level 1 hr. after kissing the man for the first time. I still can't believe we did what we did.
I will go into no details what the rest of our night was like. All I can say is we got back by 3 am to find Bra, Marron, Uncle Goten, and Uub still up and in the living room. They had cleaned up the mess from the party and were sitting on the couch watching a movie. At that moment it hit me what time it must have been because the party was over.
"Oh god…I said I would be home at midnight…"
"Don't worry. I told your parents you were staying over here for the night." Bra answered, being the only one really awake enough to notice the two of us enter. She stood, leaving the three others on the couch, pulling me away from Trunks for a moment. She pulled me out of the room and out into the hall.
"Pan," she began.
"I know what you're going to say Bra. What we did was wrong…"
"Pan my brother is a player. You should know that by now! What you did wasn't just wrong it was stupid!"
"Bra listen we love each other!" I pleaded.
"You two announced that to each other 7 hrs ago. How do you know you love each other? You may have had crushes on each other but that's not exactly love…"
"Listen Bra! We're together and there's nothing you can say about it!" and with that I turned and left the hall back into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to Trunks who rapped his arm around me. I just glared at Bra and leaned into him.
Next came the biggest mistake of the lot.
The next few weeks Bra had pleaded for me to start using birth control. I just said I didn't need it and that was it. I ignored her please and dated Trunks, much to her dismay behind my parents' backs. I didn't want them to complain at me about dating Trunks like Bra was.
Everything was fine until after a month after my graduation evening. I awoke one morning to hear a beautiful cheerful song from the birds, and a sick feeling in my stomach. I shot up quickly and was in the washroom throwing up a few moments later.
It only took me a few moments to realize what it was. I was pregnant.
"Oh god." I whispered as I fell to my knees. "Oh my god."
I kept telling myself I might just have the flew. That I was fine and I wasn't pregnant. I would just take the test and it would prove I wasn't pregnant.
Wrong again. How many times have I made mistakes or been wrong the whole time? 200? I thought about that much.
I took the test. Two plus signs. That was the moment I began to weep.
I was furious with myself. My whole future, ruined because of one night, no it wasn't just *one* night. It was a lifetime of loving someone.
A million things swept through my head at that moment, how was I to take care of a baby? What about college? What about my job? What about Trunks? What about my parents?
My parents. The thought cringed in my mind. I couldn't believe that I had to tell my parents. My father would kill Trunks and then probably kill me.
I came to one conclusion: I couldn't handle a child. I considered an abortion, I considered having the baby adopted, I considered running away and doing either of those things so my parents wouldn't know, I even considered at my most desperate moment killing myself. But I came to another conclusion, that wouldn't do a damn thing. Death was the easy way out.
I thought about my family. My grandmother, she would be so disappointed in me. My Uncle, he is already disappointed in me, my mother, she would weep for days, my father, he would probably kill me, my grandfather Satan, I didn't really know what he'd do, my grandfather Goku, if he were still here I know he would be disappointed in me. That's what upset me the most.
What about Trunks? Would he take responsibility for a child? Most of me answered the question as no, but a small sliver answered yes. But I knew, no matter what the answer was, he wouldn't be pleased. Would he deny the baby was his? Would he leave me? Would he stay with me? Would he marry me? I just didn't know.
I told Trunks first later that day. I had insisted on taking him out for lunch to a charming little café on thirty-first-street. We ordered our meals and all the while my mind raced over what I had been preparing to say. But unfortunately once again things didn't go my way. I blanked out about what I was going to say.
"Is something wrong Pan-chan?" Trunks asked during our meal. He noticed that I was just swirling around my soup with my spoon, not taking a bite though my stomach and the baby urged me to eat it.
"I'm pregnant." I fumbled out. I looked up deeply into his eyes, full of shock. I then closed my eyes and leaned over, pushing my soup away, leaning my head against the table and crying. It took trunks but a moment to lay his arms around me to comfort me.
"Shh Panny. Are you sure?" he asked. "This isn't some joke is it?"
"No Trunks! I'm pregnant!" I sobbed out.
Trunks pulled my head onto his chest. This was not the way I expected him to take it. At that moment I wasn't sure if he was happy, upset, angry, or understanding. All I knew was that he was still with me.
"Pan, I'm right here with you." He said slowly. "I promise."
I nodded my head shakily as I felt one of Trunks's arms let go for a moment and lay some money down and then he carefully led me back to the car.
My parents took it quite hard. When I told my mother she wept my father just stared blankly at me with one of those looks that you just can't tell what they mean.
"Daddy?" I asked lightly.
He nodded his head limply.
"Are you okay Daddy?"
My father blinked a few times and his expression changed. He glared angrily at Trunks.
"Get out of my house!" he screamed. "Before I have to personally take you out! Piece by piece if I have to!" I saw a look of fear cross Trunks's face and I stepped in between them, holding a hand forwards to keep my father from coming any closer. But I held tightly to Trunks's wrist so he could leave.
"Daddy don't threaten him!"
"Pan get up to your room now! You will not see this man again, you hear me?"
"Daddy I'm 17-years-old!"
"And still living in my house! Under my roof! So you will abide by my rules!"
I felt my eyes well up with tears. I let go of Trunks and ran out of the room, my mother's strong sobbing in my ears. I headed as quickly as I could for the door and left the house, my father's angry cries ringing in my ears.
It only took a few moments for two strong arms to be resting around my waste again. I turned to look back at Trunks.
"Oh Trunks…" I got out, my eyes full to the rim with tears. He just hushed me and pulled me close, allowing me to sob into his chest.
Later that day we went back to my parents. We discussed it over, more like my mother, Trunks and I discussed things, my father just glared at Trunks the whole time. The only thing my father suggested was that I get an abortion, which I figured was a last resort. I pretty much refused to get an abortion after discussing things with Trunks. AN abortion, in my mind, was murder of my own child. Adoption also came up. No one was really up to that, remembering all the stories we have been told about people not knowing their true parents and being depressed about it their whole lives. So that eliminated adoption. Finally the most reasonable option came up, keeping the baby. We decided upon this for we figured the Trunks could works at home three days a week and go into the office two days a week. After Trunks discussed this over with his mother who said she would take the office for the other three days this was settled.
You can imagine that Bulma was about as pleased as my mother. She wept but was not at all ready to kill either of us. Vegeta just blew off some steam beating the crap out of Trunks in the gravity room. Vegeta yelled at him then but kept him alive since he knew I would need him around to help out with the baby.
Bra just gave me looks as if to say, "I told you so" but never said it. She knew it was hard for me as it was. She and Marron were two of the most supportive people through this whole thing, helping me out after school etc.
Trunks and I were engaged by the next week. He had insisted, much to anyone else's, even my, surprise that we were to be married. I was most pleased with this, knowing that it had always been my dream to marry him.
It turned out Trunks had had a ring for me since that first night we spent together. He had been planning to propose in a few months but the sooner the better now, knowing that if we would want to be married pretty much as soon as the baby was born. By this time I was two months pregnant and we figured it was best to plan way in advance.
Trunks and I got an apartment and I moved out a few weeks after I turned 18. I was 6 months pregnant when I moved out so you can imagine that I did very little packing and moving, I mostly ordered people around. That really didn't bother me that much except for the fact that I was pretty much useless in the way of moving heavy stuff and doing strenuous activities that I usually did.
My father resented the fact that I was going to move out. He had protested to my mother for a while but finally gave in when I turned 18 knowing that was the legal age for me to leave home.
College was put off until a few years after the baby was born. Trunks lightly protested about this saying that it had been my dream, as it had, and I should prosue my dreams. I just laughed and said I would after the baby was a few years older and I could handle leaving home for while, and study etc. After a few arguments over this I won (as I usually do). We are planning me to go back to school, if I still want to, at the age of 5 or 6 once we become more experienced parents, having my parents and Bulma and Vegeta around to help out (I still don't know how realistic this plan about me going back to school in five or six years is…).
But now I lay here, my back against the grass and staring up at the sky.
I feel a sudden pain in my stomach and a light layer of water run down my leg. Tears reach my eyes and I stand, gripping my stomach.
'Trunks,' I whisper in my mind, 'the baby it coming, NOW!'
I feel my fiancée's ki come towards me. He stands before me, gasping lightly.
"Are you sure?"
"No…my water breaks and I'm not having the baby…" I say as sarcastically as I can.
***
It has been 48 hours of contractions and screams and finally its time. Trunks has left my side to watch the birth of his child and instead my couches are beside me, gripping my hands. I sit upright pushing and screaming. The baby is finally coming.
I gasp out in pain and fall backwards as I hear crying come from around me. My baby is here!
"Congratulations! You have a beautiful baby girl!" the doctor cries and hands the baby to Trunks. He cradles he in his arms tightly yet lovingly. "So what are you going to call her?" the doctor asks.
"Pan." Trunks answers looking into my eyes.
I smile.
"Pan it is." The doctor says leaving us for a moment.
But all I see is my beautiful baby girl in my fiancée's arms, her tail entangled around his fingers.
I lie out on my back, on the cool sloping hill covered with dew and lush green grass. The black sky's tears above me stand out surrounding the moon with a brilliance I have only scene on one other occasion. My hands lay limply on my round stomach and my legs lay outstretched before me. I am alone.
I twitch lightly as I feel my insides being lightly kicked by the heavy burden I carry. I should have lost the burden by now. It should have been two weeks ago that I gave my ultimate gift to the world, the brightest gift I can ever give. It should have been two weeks ago that I begun my ultimate task of raising what was given to me by mistake.
But I cannot complain. I brought this upon myself it wasn't just him. I wanted him but I didn't want the burden of the aftermath.
My father cannot look upon my face anymore. We were so close before, like a father and daughter should be. Now he resents what I hold inside of me, what I am prepared to give to the world.
My father gave me the option of an abortion well it's more like he pushed it upon me. He even booked me a time for an abortion. But I didn't show, I couldn't. This is my child.
But I might as well start from the beginning. It would have started on the morning of June 6th.
9 months earlier…
I felt the hair on my neck slowly rise as I gazed about me; there were so many people.
I'm usually not so nervous when I am before so many people. I have been before ten times this amount if no more than that in battle. But today is different. That was something that was in my instincts battle. The love of battle runs through my veins thicker than blood, so I do not even notice the people. But here, at a tiny little graduation of a few hundred people, I am a nervous wreck.
My family sits in the audience proudly, along with my friends. My father is video taping the whole thing, while my mother tries her hardest to get her act together and keep from crying. I can see that look on her face as if to say "my little girl's all grown up". I grin a fake grin at her to keep her from crying.
"Son Pan," I here a loud booming voice up on the stage call out through the microphone. I gulp and begin to slowly make my way towards the stage. I look up the stairs, my eyes widened with terror. They looked like they were 7 feet high and I could only scramble up them, one at a time. I slowly pulled my foot down upon the first one.
'Okay Pan, that's one step. Now come on get up the rest.' I hear myself say in my mind as I trudge my feet up the other stairs. I smile through my fear and walk solemnly towards the principle, taking my certificate and shaking his hand. I hear the applaud of my family and friends about me along with the light weeping of my mother and grandmother. They can be way over emotional at times like this.
Funny, if my grandmother was like this at my graduation, what was she like at my father's and uncle's?
I walk limply off to the stands on the side of the stage where my pears sit, each one gripping tightly to their diplomas as a crab would its meal. I can't help but smile at the look upon my pears faces; they look as frightened as I.
I take my spot as other's slowly pile in behind me, each accepting their diploma and sitting in their assigned seats. As the last person was called up the fellow Victorian took to the stand, giving her speech. She was the type of person people would call a nerd, big glasses, freckles, a big nose, and always with her nose in a book or staring at a computer screen. I used to think of her as a nerd that is too ugly and retched to become anything in life but as I stare at her now, I realize she has more of a chance with a future than I. She is smart and decent, though unpopular and very unsocial. Maybe its only because we never gave her a chance, I don't know.
I slowly begin to applaud along with the others as she takes her seat amongst us again. I hear my principle say more words and a few congratulations and I through my hat in the air amongst my pears as they did. We laughed lightly about it all and pilled off the stage to great our friends and family.
"Oh Panny, I can't believe my little girl is all grown up!" Mother cries as she flings her arms about me in a tight bear hug. "In a few months you'll be at college and be an even smarter girl than you are now…" and she begins to babble on more about my future. She does this when she gets emotional. I wonder what she was like when she was pregnant being as emotional as she was.
My father was the next to come towards me. He had passed off the camera to my grandmother who was taping the whole seen. He just smiled and hugged me.
"Congratulations Pan-chan…my little girl…I'm so proud of you."
"Thank-you Daddy." I broke out softly as I returned the hug.
My friend Bra congratulates me next, along with Marron and her family. Next came Bulma and even Vegeta snarled out a little congrats, thanks to Bulma's elbow in his side. I couldn't help but smile at that.
As the evening drew to a close I stood with a fake smile pasted on my lips. I was gazing lazily about me, trying to search for a certain someone in the crowd. He had to be there, he had promised. I was finally beginning to believe that his promise had not been kept, until I felt a strong pair of arms fasten themselves around my waste. I turned to face my assaulter to find a man, about 6 foot 2 inches, dark endless pools of blue for eyes, and short lavender hair falling playfully around his face. I smiled and relaxed.
"Did you just get here?" I asked my friend. He smiles at me slyly and I begin to slowly melt. I have had a crush on this man as long as I can remember at that moment it was the strongest it has ever been.
"No. I've been here the whole time."
I smile at him and frown as he lets go and heads towards the door with the others as the evening in the gym ends. Oh well, there is always later at the party at Capsule Corp. to celebrate my graduation. It was all Bra's idea, and much to my dismay, it was planned perfectly, there have been no flaws so far. I HATE PARTIES IN MY HONOUR!
I slowly exit the building behind my friends and gasp as I spot what lies in the driveway of the school. There is Trunks, holding the door to a limousine open wide for me. I gasp lightly as I see Bra, Uub, Marron, and Uncle Goten wave for me to come into the long stretch limo. I nod my head slowly and cautiously walk towards the vehicle incase it is some kind of trick like they usually play. Trunks extends his hand to me and slowly helps me into my seat. He takes the seat across from me, looking backwards out the tinted windows. I smile and whisper a quiet thank-you to Bra. She just shakes her head and whispers back that it was Trunks's idea. I turn my head in surprise towards the smiling hunk and I blush lightly.
The evening went quite quickly. It was a small dance in my honor; the parents were not in the room, but upstairs instead.
The evening was slow and painful for me and I wont get into many details until about half way in. One of my favorite songs slowly began to play and I slowly slumped down in a chair across the room. I had changed into a short red dress, my hair pulled up with red clasps with two chop sticks holding it in a bun shape.
How come this party is in my honor and I am the only one depressed?
I sigh lightly as I watch couples across the dance floor come together and hold each other tightly. I feel my insides turn over as I spot the hunk f my dreams say something towards Marron. I feel my eyes fight back tears as I see them walk together near the dance floor.
But they part. Much to my surprise and pleasure I see Marron walk to my Uncle Goten and Trunks slowly stalk towards me. He holds a hand out towards me. It takes me a moment to register what it means and I take my eyes from the hand, as if tarring my gaze away from the most fascinating thing I'd ever seen in my life.
"May I have this dance?" he asked lightly into my ears as he leaned forwards to look closely into my face. I try my hardest to control my excitement and hold my hand out to him. He takes it and pulls me towards him tightly as we take the center of the floor.
Deep in my soul
A love so strong
It takes control
Now we both know
The secrets bare
The feeling shows
I feel my head slowly rest against his chest and he holds me tightly against him. I can feel my heart race as the song becomes louder.
Driven far apart
I'll make a wish
On a shooting star
There will come a day
Somewhere far away
In your arms I'll stay
My only love
Even though you're gone
Love will still live on
The feeling is so strong
My only love
My only love
My only love…I wished at that moment that I could be saying that to someone right then (preferably Trunks). But I would have to satisfy with my gentle thoughts at that moment, not wishing to risk ruining the moment by saying something that was not mutual.
'My only love,' I thought to myself, 'you are my only love Trunks. Forever.'
There will come a day
Somewhere far away
In your arms I'll stay
My only love
You've reached the deepest part
Of the secret in my heart
I've known it from the start
My only love
There will come a day
Somewhere far away
In your arms I'll stay
My only love
You've reached the deepest part
Of the secret in my heart
I've known it from the start
My only love
I look up slowly into his eyes as the song begins to end. I can see tears form on his cheeks and I stare quizzically up at them not quite understanding why they were there. Was it because Marron was dancing with Uncle Goten? Was it because he *had* to dance with me instead of someone else? A million questions roamed through my head at that moment.
My Only Love
Trunks slowly pulled away from me, still holding my right hand within his.
"Pan I have to tell you something." He says lightly and pulls me out towards the balcony. Once out there Trunks solemnly closes the door behind us, locking the door so no one could come out. I gaze at him quizzically.
"Pan I need to say something about the way we feel about each other… I don't think we feel the same way about each other…"
My head slowly lowered as tears formed. I knew what he was going to say, that he didn't love me.
"Trunks please…don't say anything. I already know you don't feel for me the way I feel for you…please don't hurt me more…"
"What?" he asked lightly putting a hand beneath my chin and pulling it up to meet his gaze.
"Trunks I love you. Fine! I got it out!" I breathed deeply to keep from sobbing, scrunching my eyes tightly together. 'Please do not say another word. I know you love Marron!"
Trunks's lips pressing patiently against mine took me aback. My eyes snapped open suddenly to notice his were closed. I closed them and wound my arms around his neck as he placed his around my waste.
After a few moments we broke apart much to my surprise.
"Please don't toy with me…"
"Pan did you not feel what I felt in that kiss! Pan you never let me say what I wanted to say! I thought you loved someone else, and I was going to say I love you! I know it might sound weird but I do!"
I fell victim to his dark, truthful, loving eyes at that moment and got caught up in the moment. I rapped my arms around him again bringing my arms about him. He rapped his around me and pulled me up against his body powerfully. I felt so loved at that moment.
"Pan…" he whispered after a moment, trying to pull away against, as I could tell, what he wanted to do.
"Hmm."
"Come with me." He lifted me into the air and we floated away into the air.
It was about an hour later before we landed again. We landed on a soft, sandy beach. Pearly white sand surrounded us and the soft sent of the ocean surrounded and caressed my insides. I gazed lazily about me and pulled away from Trunks's grasp. We were on a small island, surrounded by palm trees and a few other various forms of vegetation. Up near the north west of the beach lay a small cave. Trunks lifted me up in his arms and brought his lips to mine.
We went far that night, too far. Both of us didn't really pay much attention to what we were supposed to be doing.
All I can say was it was wonderful, but now I realize what I did was wrong.
Not many girls did what I did, went to the next level 1 hr. after kissing the man for the first time. I still can't believe we did what we did.
I will go into no details what the rest of our night was like. All I can say is we got back by 3 am to find Bra, Marron, Uncle Goten, and Uub still up and in the living room. They had cleaned up the mess from the party and were sitting on the couch watching a movie. At that moment it hit me what time it must have been because the party was over.
"Oh god…I said I would be home at midnight…"
"Don't worry. I told your parents you were staying over here for the night." Bra answered, being the only one really awake enough to notice the two of us enter. She stood, leaving the three others on the couch, pulling me away from Trunks for a moment. She pulled me out of the room and out into the hall.
"Pan," she began.
"I know what you're going to say Bra. What we did was wrong…"
"Pan my brother is a player. You should know that by now! What you did wasn't just wrong it was stupid!"
"Bra listen we love each other!" I pleaded.
"You two announced that to each other 7 hrs ago. How do you know you love each other? You may have had crushes on each other but that's not exactly love…"
"Listen Bra! We're together and there's nothing you can say about it!" and with that I turned and left the hall back into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to Trunks who rapped his arm around me. I just glared at Bra and leaned into him.
Next came the biggest mistake of the lot.
The next few weeks Bra had pleaded for me to start using birth control. I just said I didn't need it and that was it. I ignored her please and dated Trunks, much to her dismay behind my parents' backs. I didn't want them to complain at me about dating Trunks like Bra was.
Everything was fine until after a month after my graduation evening. I awoke one morning to hear a beautiful cheerful song from the birds, and a sick feeling in my stomach. I shot up quickly and was in the washroom throwing up a few moments later.
It only took me a few moments to realize what it was. I was pregnant.
"Oh god." I whispered as I fell to my knees. "Oh my god."
I kept telling myself I might just have the flew. That I was fine and I wasn't pregnant. I would just take the test and it would prove I wasn't pregnant.
Wrong again. How many times have I made mistakes or been wrong the whole time? 200? I thought about that much.
I took the test. Two plus signs. That was the moment I began to weep.
I was furious with myself. My whole future, ruined because of one night, no it wasn't just *one* night. It was a lifetime of loving someone.
A million things swept through my head at that moment, how was I to take care of a baby? What about college? What about my job? What about Trunks? What about my parents?
My parents. The thought cringed in my mind. I couldn't believe that I had to tell my parents. My father would kill Trunks and then probably kill me.
I came to one conclusion: I couldn't handle a child. I considered an abortion, I considered having the baby adopted, I considered running away and doing either of those things so my parents wouldn't know, I even considered at my most desperate moment killing myself. But I came to another conclusion, that wouldn't do a damn thing. Death was the easy way out.
I thought about my family. My grandmother, she would be so disappointed in me. My Uncle, he is already disappointed in me, my mother, she would weep for days, my father, he would probably kill me, my grandfather Satan, I didn't really know what he'd do, my grandfather Goku, if he were still here I know he would be disappointed in me. That's what upset me the most.
What about Trunks? Would he take responsibility for a child? Most of me answered the question as no, but a small sliver answered yes. But I knew, no matter what the answer was, he wouldn't be pleased. Would he deny the baby was his? Would he leave me? Would he stay with me? Would he marry me? I just didn't know.
I told Trunks first later that day. I had insisted on taking him out for lunch to a charming little café on thirty-first-street. We ordered our meals and all the while my mind raced over what I had been preparing to say. But unfortunately once again things didn't go my way. I blanked out about what I was going to say.
"Is something wrong Pan-chan?" Trunks asked during our meal. He noticed that I was just swirling around my soup with my spoon, not taking a bite though my stomach and the baby urged me to eat it.
"I'm pregnant." I fumbled out. I looked up deeply into his eyes, full of shock. I then closed my eyes and leaned over, pushing my soup away, leaning my head against the table and crying. It took trunks but a moment to lay his arms around me to comfort me.
"Shh Panny. Are you sure?" he asked. "This isn't some joke is it?"
"No Trunks! I'm pregnant!" I sobbed out.
Trunks pulled my head onto his chest. This was not the way I expected him to take it. At that moment I wasn't sure if he was happy, upset, angry, or understanding. All I knew was that he was still with me.
"Pan, I'm right here with you." He said slowly. "I promise."
I nodded my head shakily as I felt one of Trunks's arms let go for a moment and lay some money down and then he carefully led me back to the car.
My parents took it quite hard. When I told my mother she wept my father just stared blankly at me with one of those looks that you just can't tell what they mean.
"Daddy?" I asked lightly.
He nodded his head limply.
"Are you okay Daddy?"
My father blinked a few times and his expression changed. He glared angrily at Trunks.
"Get out of my house!" he screamed. "Before I have to personally take you out! Piece by piece if I have to!" I saw a look of fear cross Trunks's face and I stepped in between them, holding a hand forwards to keep my father from coming any closer. But I held tightly to Trunks's wrist so he could leave.
"Daddy don't threaten him!"
"Pan get up to your room now! You will not see this man again, you hear me?"
"Daddy I'm 17-years-old!"
"And still living in my house! Under my roof! So you will abide by my rules!"
I felt my eyes well up with tears. I let go of Trunks and ran out of the room, my mother's strong sobbing in my ears. I headed as quickly as I could for the door and left the house, my father's angry cries ringing in my ears.
It only took a few moments for two strong arms to be resting around my waste again. I turned to look back at Trunks.
"Oh Trunks…" I got out, my eyes full to the rim with tears. He just hushed me and pulled me close, allowing me to sob into his chest.
Later that day we went back to my parents. We discussed it over, more like my mother, Trunks and I discussed things, my father just glared at Trunks the whole time. The only thing my father suggested was that I get an abortion, which I figured was a last resort. I pretty much refused to get an abortion after discussing things with Trunks. AN abortion, in my mind, was murder of my own child. Adoption also came up. No one was really up to that, remembering all the stories we have been told about people not knowing their true parents and being depressed about it their whole lives. So that eliminated adoption. Finally the most reasonable option came up, keeping the baby. We decided upon this for we figured the Trunks could works at home three days a week and go into the office two days a week. After Trunks discussed this over with his mother who said she would take the office for the other three days this was settled.
You can imagine that Bulma was about as pleased as my mother. She wept but was not at all ready to kill either of us. Vegeta just blew off some steam beating the crap out of Trunks in the gravity room. Vegeta yelled at him then but kept him alive since he knew I would need him around to help out with the baby.
Bra just gave me looks as if to say, "I told you so" but never said it. She knew it was hard for me as it was. She and Marron were two of the most supportive people through this whole thing, helping me out after school etc.
Trunks and I were engaged by the next week. He had insisted, much to anyone else's, even my, surprise that we were to be married. I was most pleased with this, knowing that it had always been my dream to marry him.
It turned out Trunks had had a ring for me since that first night we spent together. He had been planning to propose in a few months but the sooner the better now, knowing that if we would want to be married pretty much as soon as the baby was born. By this time I was two months pregnant and we figured it was best to plan way in advance.
Trunks and I got an apartment and I moved out a few weeks after I turned 18. I was 6 months pregnant when I moved out so you can imagine that I did very little packing and moving, I mostly ordered people around. That really didn't bother me that much except for the fact that I was pretty much useless in the way of moving heavy stuff and doing strenuous activities that I usually did.
My father resented the fact that I was going to move out. He had protested to my mother for a while but finally gave in when I turned 18 knowing that was the legal age for me to leave home.
College was put off until a few years after the baby was born. Trunks lightly protested about this saying that it had been my dream, as it had, and I should prosue my dreams. I just laughed and said I would after the baby was a few years older and I could handle leaving home for while, and study etc. After a few arguments over this I won (as I usually do). We are planning me to go back to school, if I still want to, at the age of 5 or 6 once we become more experienced parents, having my parents and Bulma and Vegeta around to help out (I still don't know how realistic this plan about me going back to school in five or six years is…).
But now I lay here, my back against the grass and staring up at the sky.
I feel a sudden pain in my stomach and a light layer of water run down my leg. Tears reach my eyes and I stand, gripping my stomach.
'Trunks,' I whisper in my mind, 'the baby it coming, NOW!'
I feel my fiancée's ki come towards me. He stands before me, gasping lightly.
"Are you sure?"
"No…my water breaks and I'm not having the baby…" I say as sarcastically as I can.
***
It has been 48 hours of contractions and screams and finally its time. Trunks has left my side to watch the birth of his child and instead my couches are beside me, gripping my hands. I sit upright pushing and screaming. The baby is finally coming.
I gasp out in pain and fall backwards as I hear crying come from around me. My baby is here!
"Congratulations! You have a beautiful baby girl!" the doctor cries and hands the baby to Trunks. He cradles he in his arms tightly yet lovingly. "So what are you going to call her?" the doctor asks.
"Pan." Trunks answers looking into my eyes.
I smile.
"Pan it is." The doctor says leaving us for a moment.
But all I see is my beautiful baby girl in my fiancée's arms, her tail entangled around his fingers.