A/N: Howdy! I decided to write this for the holidays though I'm pretty sure I'm a little late on the whole twelve days of Christmas thing, you'll all forgive me... right? For anyone reading my other stories... abandon all hope. Just kidding. I'll get back to them eventually. Please don't ask for a time frame or anything because my muse is mean and won't let me know when I'll be inspired on those fics again.

Anyway, this story is compiled of characters (who are probably not in it) from several different fandoms. I wanted to use a different one for each chapter but that was a bit too difficult and thus you'll see Lord of the Rings characters in four chapters. I promise you'll never see the same character twice though.

Disclaimer: Do I look like I have any claim on Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Peter Pan, American Outlaws, Blade, Underworld, Boondock Saints, AND Pirates of the Caribbean? I didn't think so.

Christmas Wishes

A Pirate on the Black Pearl

Dear Santa,

I've been a very good girl this year but as you know, my boyfriend Jake has been naughty. Can you believe he cheated on me with a 10th grader?! I mean, we're only in 8th grade! How does he get a sophomore in high school? Gawd!

Anyway. This year for Christmas, all I want is another man to help me get over my heart break. I've put a lot of thought into it and I've decided on the perfect guy. He's funny, and he'll make me laugh and he's super hot and he's funny.

Santa, could I please have Captain Jack Sparrow for Christmas?

Thank you!

Much Love,

Macy Orsen.

As he read the letter again, Santa tugged on his long white beard. Was this girl serious? She wanted a fictional character for Christmas! The big man sighed. It wouldn't be impossible to pull the pirate out of the fictional world and lend him to the girl for a few days.

Again he read the letter. He remembered perfectly well what exactly Jake had done with that slut, Gertrude. How could he forget? He still had nightmares about! Was it even legal for kids that age to literally suck face in public. Santa shuddered.

Poor Macy. She was pretty down about. Maybe he could give her Jack Sparrow for just a day as an early Christmas present. The jolly man nodded to himself. That's exactly what he would do.

Yawning, Macy stretched her arms over her head. It was another cold winter morning and the gray clouds seemed to match the fifteen-year-old girl's mood. As she rubbed her clear blue eyes, she looked around at the posters that covered her bubble gum pink wallpaper.

There were many faces looking back at her. All the way from Legolas to Peter Pan. Macy's eyes fell on Jack Sparrow who was grinning roguishly from the poster above her bed. She wondered briefly if Santa had gotten her letter. She quickly dressed and headed down to the kitchen where her mother was sure to be making pancakes.

However, when she reached the kitchen, Macy found that her parents and three brothers were gone. There was a note on the counter.

Macy, we all went to see Grandma Lee in Florida. Sorry you have to stay in Maine but we couldn't fit you in the car and all the luggage was on the roof so we couldn't tie you down like we did last year. We'll be back in twelve days. Don't mess up the house or you'll be sleeping the shed with the woodchuck.

Sincerely, Mom

Macy sighed. All alone again. At least she could watch all her favorite movies without her older brothers taking over the television. Grabbing a bag of chips for breakfast, Macy made her way to the living room.

"Hullo, love!" The familiar voice made her drop the bag. "Mind tellin' me where I am?"

Turning, Macy saw Captain Jack Sparrow sitting comfortably on the floor in front of her Christmas tree with a large red bow on his head. For a moment they just stared at each other.

Macy squealed at the top of her lungs like only a fan girl can. "OMIGOD!!!! JACK SPARROW!!!!"

Jack had immediately clamped his hands over his ears and winced. "That's Captain Jack Sparrow," he corrected through his grimace.

Still screaming her blonde head off, Macy dived at him. She landed on top of him and enveloped him in a bone crushing hug. "I LURVE you!!"

"Can't... breathe..." Jack wheezed. He tried to wiggle free but it was no use. He was trapped in the vice-like grip of the deadly fan girl hug.

"Santa sent you to be my boyfriend!!!" Jack's eyes widened and he whimpered. The Kraken was less pants-wettingly horrifying than the prospect of being attached to this crazed young girl.

He gasped, filling in his lungs desperately when she let go. "We're going to have SO much fun together! We can watch movies, and snuggle on the couch, and bake cookies, and you can buy me flowers, and we can go for romantic walks on the beach, and you can take me sailing into the sunset on the Pearl, and we'll have SO many fun adventures together, and we'll go shopping at the mall." Macy's eyes widened as she gasped, inhaling for the first time since she let go of poor Jack. "And I can show you off to all those stupid fan girls at the mall and make them jealous!"

She began to giggle insanely while Jack blanched. There were more of her? How many hyper-active, over imaginative, lusting, squeaky, rabidly insane girls could there possibly be in this strange world? For a moment Jack began to smirk at the thought that all these young girls were madly in love with him. After all, he was the Captain Jack Sparrow.

His smirk quickly fell when Macy tugged forcefully on his arm. "Come on, Jack!" He opened his mouth to correct her but didn't get the chance. "Let's watch Love! Sweet, Mushy, Full-of-Little-Red-Hearts, Love. It's my favorite movie everrrr!!"

If possible, Jack paled further. He had to get out of this and quick! "Luv," he said, grabbing Macy by the shoulders and holding her firmly. "Why don' you go freshen up a bit and I'll um... wait here." He threw in his trademark smirk for good measure.

A wide smile split Macy's face. "Sure! I'll be right down." With that, she bounced off and ran up the stairs to the second floor.

The second she was out of sight, Jack ran through the house, looking for an exit. He came to a door that looked promising and yanked it open. As he rushed through, he realized his mistake. He had just ran into a closet.

For a moment he got tangled in the coats and jackets that hung in the dim closet. He flailed his arms frantically in an attempt to disentangle himself from the assuredly evil clothes.

Stumbling backwards, he found himself out of the closet. He ripped a red and white stripped scarf from his head and slapped the door shut. "Wrong one," he muttered as he turned and continued to search for his escape route.

Jack ran to a window where snowflakes were lazily landing on the outside before melting. Looking out at the white wonderland, Jack cocked his head. He most certainly wasn't in the Caribbean anymore, that was for sure. Placing his hands on the cold glass, Jack began pushed to throw it open. It didn't budge. He growled in frustration as he threw all his weight against.

To his dismay, Jack didn't even crack the glass. He backed away, beginning to think he was holed up in some impenetrable fortress. If only he had known that Macy's windows opened up instead of out.

Looking around, Jack spotted curtained glass doors behind the oddly decorated pine tree. Then his eyes slid to the staircase where he knew his tormentor was preparing to unleash unimaginable horrors upon him. To get to the glass doors, he would have to sneak by the stairs.

Gulping, Jack began to tiptoe. He peeked up to the second floor as he went by the base of the stairs as was only slightly relieved to see that Macy was nowhere in sight. Cautiously, he continued to the creep across the plush white carpet, leaving dirty footprints in his wake.

As reached the Christmas tree, he parted his lips in a relieved sigh. Alas! Before the breath could make it past his dry lips, he heard her voice from upstairs.

"Jack!" She called.

For a moment his mouth hung open and his kohl-rimmed eyes darted around in panic. "Yes... luv?" He could barely choke the words out.

"Which kind of perfume would you rather I wear?" He listened carefully for her footsteps, in fear that at any moment she would spring over the railing and tackle him again. "Curious or Coconut-Lime-Midnight Lavender body mist?"

"Eh... Coconut?" He only hoped his appeased The Vile One.

"Are you sure?" He heard a creak from the floorboards above him and his heart sank. "Do you want to smell them first? I'll bring them down."

"NO!" He winced at his outburst and continued more calmly. "No, Luv. It's quite alright. Coconut will do just fine. It will... remind me of the Caribbean. Yes! You know how much I love the Caribbean."

"Okay," she yelled brightly.

Another sigh of relief and Jack began to inch his way behind the Christmas tree, ready to run to his freedom. Just as his long fingers curled around the handle, one of the glass balls slipped off the tree.

The tinkling shatter of red glass was enough to make Jack's heart stop. The sudden pounding of footsteps above him, nearly paralyzed him in fear. Nearly.

"What was that sound," asked Macy as she came down the stairs into the living room. "You're not getting into trouble are you, Jackipoo?"

Her crystal blue eyes scanned the whitewash room. It was empty. "Jack? Spotting the footprints that crisscrossed the living room. Macy followed them. They led to the open sliding glass doors which were wide open!

Running out into the three feet of snow, Macy followed Jack's trail through the backyard and to the sidewalk out front. There she saw Jack running as fast as he could down the street, his dreadlocks flying behind him as he disappeared from view in the swirling snow.

Macy dropped to her knees and tilted her head back so her face was directed to the dark gray clouds above. Her fingers curled into fists as she filled her lungs and screamed. "JAAAAACK!!!!!!!"

So... did you love it? Hate it? Want to hug it to peices and marry it? Please, feel free to let me know.