A/N: This is based on real life. My life. I haven't told anyone any of this so thought I might get it out here based on HP. Hope you like it.
Draco's accomplishments
Everyday we spent together. It's harder than you can imagine spending time with the guy you think you're falling in love with and knowing he doesn't feel the same way about you. He would strut around, laughing with his friends, boasting about his sex life. Yet at the same time be so incredibly kind it's impossible to simply call him a wanker and convince yourself that he does not deserve you. The moments that he chooses to sit and talk with you are rare, but when they happen you're positive you feel something, some kind of connection between the two of you and maybe, just maybe, there's a chance.
You get the news that he's broken up with his girlfriend and you feel like you could touch the clouds. You walk around with a smile on your face; some people ask what you're so happy about, others know you better and already know what you're so happy about.
I am, of course, talking about Draco Malfoy.
He got me into smoking. For years I promised myself I'd never do it. But for him, I would do anything. I know it makes me sound weak, pathetic, but it's true. I can't stop now; I'm smoking all the time in-between lessons, out on the grounds in the evenings or on Hogsmeade visits.
The summer comes and I miss him. I know he doesn't miss me; I don't know where he is but wherever it is I can bet there are lots of girls. I wish I could be one of his girls, there've been so many of them and I doubt they know how lucky they are. I've never wanted to go back to school so much, seeing him again is all I think about.
The worst part about all of this is that I have a boyfriend.
He doesn't know. We spend time together throughout the summer. He doesn't know that every time we make love I feel nothing. I don't feel aroused; I don't feel in love, I don't feel anything. What I want more than anything is to feel again. To feel needed, wanted, excitement and pleasure all combined and there is only one person who can give that to me.
The summer ends. Back to school. My friends and siblings all complain on the train back to school but I cannot be rid of the butterflies in my stomach. We reach our destination and exiting the train I catch site of him. He smiles charmingly at me and leaves the train. I melt at the smile and persuade myself that that smile is just for me. Even though I know he uses it on every girl he meets.
By mid-afternoon that day no one feels like they've had a summer break. I reach the Slytherin common room and hear talk of a back to school party. I fleetingly ponder on why anyone would want to celebrate being back at school as the blonde appears beside me. I look at him slightly awestruck, but change my expression to neutral as he looks at me.
"Sounds like fun." He says smiling.
I nod, "Yeah…" I say quietly, going shy has always been one of my major weaknesses.
He smiles again and walks back to his friends. I let out a deep breath and hurriedly get to my dorm room to prepare for the party.
Music blares, people wander around drinking alcohol and dancing. It doesn't last long though; seemingly most people who turned up were too tired from the day's lessons to stay long. I can't believe the position I am in. There are 4 of us in the common room and it must be about 2am. I am sitting on the end of a couch with Draco lying along the sofa, his head in my lap. A friend of mine is curled up in another chair asleep and a boy is sat on the floor, also asleep. I don't know what is going on, if he's been drinking or not. My heart is pounding in my chest. An hour goes by and nothing happens, except he holds my hand, stroking my palm with his thumb. He looks at me and I look down at him. For a brief moment I worry about how I look, it's been a long night and my make-up has surely worn off. But still he looks at me.
Suddenly he sits up, looking straight at me. Our eyes meet and I know exactly what's going to happen. He moves in and we're kissing. His kisses are nothing like I'd expected, they're better. I feel frozen, like I don't want to do anything for fear of ruining what I had been dreaming of for so long. He leans around me and whispers into my ear.
"Shall we go somewhere more private?"
I nod, seemingly unable to say a word and he holds my hand. I stand and follow him to the boy's dormitories.
Four beds greet us as we enter his dorm. Only one is occupied by a boy breathing heavily and muttering in his sleep. I can only assume the other two beds belong to boys who had been at the party and are now otherwise occupied.
He sits on his bed and pulls me towards him. I sit facing him with my legs either side of his and we kiss again, more passionately this time. We lay down and he pulls his shirt off. I can't believe this is happening; I begin to doubt in myself but wipe the thoughts out of my head. I only have this one night to prove myself.
"Have you been drinking?" he asks me.
"No," I reply, "Have you?"
"No." He says, he rolls on top of me and props himself up with his hands either side of my head. He kisses my neck and I lean my head back.
"Why are you doing this?" I mumble.
He looks at me, "Because I like you…" he say's smiling.
I feel like I'm about to burst from happiness. I smile.
He leans back and I sit up. He pulls my top over my head leaving me in my bra, sparing no time he reaches round and unclasps it, pulling it off and disposing of it on the floor. I lay back down and he begins kissing my breasts. I run my hands through his silvery blonde hair and moan as he runs his lips over my nipple. He begins sucking on it and my breathing increases rapidly. His hand works its way down my body reaching my thigh, I make note to myself that wearing a skirt tonight was a very good idea. He pulls down my knickers from under my skirt and slowly runs his hand up.
His finger comes in contact with me and I writhe beneath him as he slowly rubs me back and forth. He lifts his head from my chest to watch me as I moan and groan.
He stops and I roll on top of him, I undo his flies and pull his trousers down slightly, before running my hand down his chest and slowly slipping it into his boxers. He breaths in sharply as I begin to pump my hand up and down his dick. I lean forward to kiss his neck and it makes him even more wild. I can't believe that it's me pleasuring him so, me of all people! I didn't know it was possible after knowing how many girls he'd had before.
Before long he is taking control again. I remove my hand and he sits up, he pushes down his trousers and boxers entirely until he is totally naked before me. He beckons me towards him and I sit with my legs either side of him again. But this time I lower myself onto his erection until he is in me entirely. I moan gently as we stay like this for a while, getting used to the sensation.
Not once did my boyfriend appear in my mind.
I push myself up and down on him creating a steady motion. We both moan as he hits a particular point in my body.
We get hotter as our pace increases. Our bodies so close and the heat of a summer's night also the cause. This is the most intimate I have ever felt with a person.
He pulls me closer to him and wraps his arms around my body, he rests his head on my chest and I can feel him shaking, he's close to his orgasm and so am I. I make the pace more rapid and our breathing comes in short, sharp gasps. Until finally we come, together, we moan and he calls out my name before we collapse to a shuddering halt.
We stayed there for a while…regaining our breath and holding each other. Until I climbed off him. I pulled my clothes back on and smiled at him, he smiled back.
"I'll be down in a minute." He says to me.
I nodded and made my way to the door, looking back only once, before going back to the common room.
Nothing had changed in our absence. The two people there previously were still fast asleep. I curled up on an armchair and indulged myself in thoughts. I'd just done something I'd been dreaming about for a year now. He told me he liked me! My mind was running through hundreds of possibilities for the future. I no longer felt desperate or alone. I had Draco now. He wanted me, he liked me.
He came down the stairs and sat in an armchair opposite me. He smiled at me and I smiled back. Before eventually drifting into a heavy sleep.
The next morning I awoke. I looked at Draco lovingly but he ignored it. I was slightly taken aback. The day went on; we all went to our lessons…but…nothing. The days came and went and everyday I attempted to make conversation, to get close to him again. But he didn't want anything to do with me.
4 months have gone by now. He talks to me now, but it's like nothing ever happened. We haven't talked of it, I haven't told anyone. But I would make a large wager that he has.
I realise that I've become one of the girls that previously I thought were pathetic. Holding onto Draco's every word, trying desperately to get closer to him. But I also realised that no matter how people tried, they couldn't get close to Draco. He was one of these unreachable guys…no matter how gorgeous the girl or how amazing she was in bed, he would never be satisfied. I realised how gullible I had become, how totally smitten I had become over him that I would believe anything he told me. Including telling me that he liked me. But most of all I realised who Draco Malfoy really was.
And me? I'm nobody. Not anymore anyway. I'm wallpaper. Background. Invisible. I'm simply another of Draco's accomplishments.