Fandom-4-Autism One Shot Donation
(Written in May)
Title: Through Every Heartbeat and Breath...
Penname: astridt244
Rating: M
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Jacob/Bella
Warnings/Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Banner link: None
Summary: Bella made a mistake... Can she fix it before it's too late?
"Love is friendship set on fire."
-Jeremy Taylor
Through Every Heartbeat and Breath...
She slowly zipped the back of her crimson dress. For a brief moment, she considered wearing black; however, it would draw too much attention.
It seemed fitting for her to be invisible to all the guests.
Every brush of her makeup was perfect. Nothing out of place. She would be supportive. That's what people do on days like these, isn't it?
As she glanced at the digital clock, her heart thrummed in her chest. It was time to leave.
Her eyes glistened with sadness. If someone told her a year ago where she would be going today, she would never have believed them...
The battle with the newborns was over. As Jacob lay broken on his bed, she realized she could not leave him. She needed him just as much, if not more than he needed her.
And so their relationship began...
The Cullen's left a couple of weeks later; once their services were no longer needed with the injured pack members.
Rosalie and Esme promised her they would take care of the Volturi problem. Of all them, Jasper surprised her the most when he said goodbye.
"Take care of yourself Bella. Life is short, enjoy it for as long as you can. Family and love are the most important things, to every being in this world. Cherish yours. Don't worry about the Volturi. We will deal with them and you will no longer be in any danger."
He gave her a light squeeze. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
Alice couldn't bring herself to say goodbye to Bella. Silent sobs, cold hands, flowery scent. That is how Bella will remember Alice Cullen.
She gave Rosalie a hug, clinging to her the most.
"You were right. I could never give this up. I am so sorry you had to."
Rosalie stepped back and held Bella's hands. "Don't be sad for me. I was able to find Emmett. I never wanted to simply exist; no children, no love, never moving forward. He gave me the strength to get past all my fears and anger. He is my forever, just as Jacob is yours. I always knew this life wasn't meant for you. I'm happy you chose right."
Esme and Carlisle were the easiest to bid farewell. Even though she once saw them as surrogate parents, she had a real parent at home. One who loved her just as she was; they could never take his place.
Emmett ruffled her hair, and gave her a side hug. "I'll miss you, human." Bella shared a sad smile with him. Venom pooled in his eyes, he gave her a choked laugh then walked away. Rosalie touched her arm, "He's alright. We just... we all grew quite fond of you. But we want you to be alive and happy."
Bella nodded, and Rosalie went after her husband.
Edward appeared in front of her, startling her for a second. She looked at him, and studied his features. Her affection for him was no longer romantic. He would always remain the seventeen year old boy who once captured her heart.
"Thank you Bella."
Her brows knitted together in confusion. "For what?"
"You gave me hope. Being with you showed me that I can change. Before you, I did not know if I could... or if it was even possible for me to love anyone."
She grasped his cool hand in her warm one. He brought hers up to his nose and breathed in deep. "I will miss you."
Edward would be remembered for his gentleman ways.
Just as quickly as they came into her life, they disappeared.
She did not mourn their departure; Jacob was terrified she would become catatonic again. Bella proved him wrong. The next morning she was at his house - laughing with Billy and flipping pancakes. Jacob's smile was blinding as he took in the scene before him. It was something he dreamed of for so long, he could hardly believe it was finally a reality.
White rose petals littered the walkway.
Pink and lilac ribbons danced along the sides of the pews.
The church was filled to the brim with people from La Push and Forks.
In the back row, huddled in a corner was a small, pale brunette. A cascade of tears flowed down her rosy cheeks.
In front of the minister, her best friend, her true love, was waiting for another woman. Pieces of her heart tore away with every passing second. Her insides hurt. Never before had she felt a pain like this.
It should be her next to him. It should be her...
But it wasn't.
And it was her own fault.
The first time they made love was magical.
It was the first day of summer. The hot, sticky weather frustrated everyone in the pack. Their high body temperatures clashed with the insane heat outside and made all the wolves extremely cranky. Jacob needed a day away from them. Bella still worked at Newton's Outfitters; she changed her schedule from part time to full time. Jacob knew she planned to go to his house after work.
After a quick clean up, bribing his dad to get out of the house and go visit Charlie, and tossing together a chicken salad, Jacob sat at the table to wait for his Bells.
She showed up an hour later. He could tell she was exhausted, and as always, she was still utterly breathtaking. Bella sat and ate her food; Jacob put her feet on his lap so he could rub them. The silence between them was comforting.
After dinner, he led her to his room... She was no longer sleepy...
He cemented to memory every inch of her glorious milky skin. His tongue languidly teased in between her long legs. Her hands yanked on his inky hair as he brought her pleasure to new heights. The tingles of ecstasy became intense jolts. Her voice grew hoarse from moaning and shouting his name. Her taste was addictive, he would never tire of it.
Jacob lay his body over hers, her tiny hands caressing his back as he prepared himself to take what belonged to him. Bella kissed his lips sweetly as he pushed himself inside her. It was painful for both of them for a brief moment; her tightness was momentarily blinding for him, and she dug her fingernails into his shoulders as he took her virginity.
Then he pulled himself partway out of her... then thrust back into her...
It was exhilarating, intense, emotional, pleasurable, and so much more. His soul was complete. His Bella was everything he could have ever hoped for. He loved her. She was his.
Now and until the day he died.
Jacob and Bella.
Bella's eyes lingered on her best friend. He looked devastatingly handsome in his black suit. Then again, he was sexy in a pair of cut-offs, barefoot, and shirtless. She preferred him that way.
She saw movement next to her; Leah Clearwater quietly sat down beside her. Bella did not try to mask her shocked expression. Leah was not known for her love of Charlie's daughter, especially after everything that happened.
She took Bella's hand into her own and remained silent.
Bella did not question the action. It was the opposite; she welcomed the comfort. She needed someone to be here for her today. Her torment would continue for a while longer.
Winter arrived before they knew it. Christmas decorations covered almost every part of the carpet in the Black home. Billy was at another council meeting, and Charlie was spending time with Sue Clearwater.
Bella was arguing with Jacob about where the tree should go. It wasn't their first argument by any means, but lately all she did was fight with him. Fight and fuck. Jacob felt her change. Something was wrong, and it had been eating away at her for a month. He was sick and tired, of the arguing and of her not speaking her mind. He had enough.
"What the hell is your problem Bella? You've been snapping at me for no reason ever since the last bonfire."
She shrugged at him, "Nothing."
He was livid. She just lied to him. "Don't give me that shit! What the fuck is wrong!"
She stood up and tried to leave.
"Oh no you don't little girl! Get your ass back here!" He picked her up and dumped her on the couch. "Tell me what's wrong. And if you say nothing again I swear Bells I'll tie you to a chair until you tell me. Nothing has been the same. You changed. You won't let me in. We don't even make love anymore. We fuck. That's what we do now. Just... Damn it! Just talk to me!"
Her bottom lip trembled. "You're going to leave me."
He stepped away from her, utterly confused at her words. "What do you mean?"
She wiped her eyes as the tears escaped. "Imprinting."
"Christ, Bells. I'm not going to imprint. I'm not going to leave you. I love you. Why can't you understand that? It's not happening. I cannot imprint. I only see you."
She put her face in her hands, the sobs wracked her body. Jacob didn't know what to do. He didn't expect for imprinting to be what was wrong with her. "Tell me what to do honey. Tell me how to make it better. How can I make you believe me?"
She shook her head and looked up at him. Her eyes told him what he feared the most. Her lips formed words he would remember for a long time. "I can't."
"Can't or won't?"
She stood again. He didn't stop her this time. "I can't be broken again, Jake. I won't survive you breaking me."
Leah's soft whisper brought her back to the present. "Why are you letting him do this?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Leah shook her head at her. "You're an idiot Swan... he doesn't love her you know?"
The tears began once again. "If he didn't love her then why is he doing this?"
Leah huffed in frustration. "Because you told him to. This is all because of you. God, you're a moron. You think if I could have Sam that I wouldn't jump at the chance? That I would waste it like you're wasting yours?" She rolled her eyes at Bella. "Sometimes I really want to hit you and knock some sense into that head of yours."
Bella forced back a sob, "Don't you think this is killing me? I hate this. I hate her."
"Then do something about it."
"I... it's too late."
She heard about it from Seth.
Paul introduced him to Lauren Mallory at a beach party. Jacob and Bella had been broken up for ten months, and Jacob was still in a deep depression. Lauren was the 'anti-Bella'; she was taller, blonde, loud, and talkative. In Paul's opinion she was exactly what Jacob needed to get over Bella Swan.
Bella's heart broke even further. She knew what Paul meant. He wanted Jacob to 'fuck her out of his system'. She hated Paul, she hated Lauren, she hated herself.
However, they underestimated Jacob. He didn't give in to Lauren, not at first. She pursued him. She asked him out on dates, she made herself a fixture at the beach whenever he was sure to be there. Seth gave her all the gut wrenching details; maybe he was trying to get her to pull her head out of her ass.
It didn't work. In Bella's mind, as long as Jacob was happy, she would not interfere. And to her, he seemed happy.
Emily, Seth, Jared, Kim and even Sam begged to differ. They all tried to get her to talk to him, to get back together with him.
Should she listen to them? What if they were wrong?
She wouldn't take the chance...
Leah gripped her hand hard. "They're starting Bella."
She felt like she couldn't breathe.
He was marrying someone else because she refused to believe him. He found comfort in another woman one year after Bella left him, and of all people, it was Lauren. Now here they were almost another year later, and Jacob was marrying her.
The bride took her time walking up to the groom. She glanced at the audience as she passed each row, and for a second she met Bella's eyes. She wore a smug grin. Bella wanted to slap it off her face.
She hated Lauren before, now she despised her.
Leah's grasp became painful. Bella looked at her.
"He's marrying her because he thinks there's no one else for him. She says she loves him, but we all see the truth. She loves being with him. He's not going to imprint Bella. He can't. Besides all that shit, he's twenty now, Alpha of the pack, and soon to be Chief. He wants to settle down."
Bella closed her eyes and willed herself to believe Leah was lying. "He doesn't love me anymore."
She slapped Bella. "Idiot, Swan."
She touched her stinging cheek as the words she dreaded began.
"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Jacob and Lauren in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly."
Could she do this? Could she remain quiet while he married someone else? She didn't want to. She wanted to yell, to scream, to beg him to not do this.
"Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. Lauren, repeat after me."
She wanted to will him to say 'no'. Leah gave her a look that spoke volumes; 'get your man before he's taken away'. But would he want her? After she hurt him so badly.
"I, Lauren, take you Jacob, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."
Her tears returned. The pain of this ceremony was insurmountable.
Leah got up and started to leave.
"Where are you going?"
She glanced down at Bella. "I'm not going to watch you throw him away again. You're being a martyr for nothing. I'm in his head during patrols. He loves you, and you aren't doing a damn thing about it."
With that, Leah left.
"I, Jacob, take you Lauren, to be my... my... - give me a second -" he took a few deep breaths, "my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."
He looked pained. The minister gave Jacob a confused look before continuing. Bella desperately wished she knew it was because he wasn't marrying her. She was always safe, never going on instinct. Was Leah right?
"If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace."
The words came out before she could stop them. "I do."
Every person in the attendance turned to look at her. The minister cleared his throat, interrupting the tension in the room. "Miss, may I ask why you object."
Bella stood up and walked toward Jacob. "Because I love the groom. I've loved him more and more since the day I walked away from him. My heart aches for him. He is my everything. I made a mistake. I was scared. I love him... I love you Jacob Black. More than my own life. And this is stupid and not at all the best time to be doing this, but I don't care. I want you. I love you. I need you. Please... don't do this. Don't marry someone else."
She stopped when she was a foot away from him and got down on one knee. Gasps resounded throughout the room.
"Marry me, Jake. Not today, but another day."
Jacob let go of Lauren's hand. His heart thundered in his chest. He couldn't believe what he was hearing and seeing. His Bells... but could he trust her to not break him again? He didn't want to marry Lauren. He didn't love Lauren. He liked her enough, but he could never love her. Jacob never questioned his actions after Bella left him. He lived life on autopilot. Now, he was questioning everything that has come to pass.
"Bells... I don't know. I mean... Dammit Bella! You hurt me. I've had to be without you for so long..."
To his surprise, Bella would not be deterred. She stood up and inched closer to him. A determination he had never seen before filled her. "I was stupid. An idiot, a moron, a dumbass. You name it, that's what I was. And I'm sorry. I'll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you. Don't marry her Jake. Please."
"Bella... I mean... Shit. You know I love you. I still love you so fucking much..."
Lauren glared at him. "Are you kidding me Jacob? Her? You would go back to that?"
The words angered him.
Lauren was good at pissing him off. He couldn't count how many times he stormed out of her house because his fury threatened to cause him to phase. She didn't know about the pack. She was oblivious to it all. She didn't understand him. She didn't know his moods. She didn't take the time to talk to any of the pack members. She...
She wasn't Bella.
He smiled at his Bells. His first real smile in almost two years, and walked away from Lauren...
Side Note:
Debating on whether or not I should at least add another chapter... still thinking on it... ;) Thanks for reading.