What Have I Done

PenName: Whitewolflegend

Rating: M

Word Count:

Pairing: Sam/Emily

Summary: Ever wonder of the story behind Emily's scars? Or how Sam felt when it all happened? Or why Sam imprinted on Emily? Emily a Shy, Strong Minded Girl and Sam an Angry, Closed off guy. How will She help him in the end?

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, by all rights it is owned by Stephanie Meyer.

Sam's POV

My life is like a horror story or a nightmare, the type of nightmare where you know you are awake yet you cannot wake up. My life changed from the simple life to this. I didn't even know what this is. Three months ago I was a simple man with a simple life; I had a fiancé; Leah we were planning to be wed in fall and a scholarship to Washington State. Then one night everything changed. Leah and I were arguing again over wedding details, apparently I was not helping her enough and she demanded I spend more time with her to help. I had been having a tough week with hot flushes, growing pains and my anger was on a very short leash, I couldn't remember what was said but the fact we were yelling and then I was shaking.

I ran as fast as I could to the forest, to home when I fell to my knees in agony. It felt like a fire was slowly making its way through my body burning my bones and my muscle taking the skin with it. I screamed in agony gripping my hair with both hands before the shakes got worse causing me to fall on all fours. I screamed again as I heard a crack but my scream turned into a howl and then silence.

When I looked down I was shocked to see paws, two gigantic black wolf paws. It took me two months to figure out how to change back into human. Two months of hunting in wolf form and eating raw deer, two months of solitude, two whole painstakingly long months to come across Billy Black who told me how to change back. It took me an hour, an hour to change back into the human I once was and remember how to walk and talk.

After that Billy, Harry and Old Quil explained to me what I was, what my duty was to this tribe. The worst of it all was that I was told I couldn't be with Leah anymore due to imprinting. The word still bitter in my mind, it was the word and the very thing besides the leeches that fucked up my entire existence. I was not to leave the reservation as the wolf gene has been activated, it was thoroughly messed up, I was tied to this place and my dreams are now only that, dreams. It was the next day I learnt that Leah had spent every day looking for me and her cousin Emily had come down and help support her and plan the wedding.

When I finally made my way over to the Clearwater's a week later my world, my life was changed. Leah had found out I was found and that I was coming over, I could hear her pacing on the porch as I walked down the path to her place. When my eyes met hers I took a deep breath and exhaled in a huff, my shoulders sagging with grief as I realised she was not my imprint, she was not meant for me and Harry's warning filled my mind again. You cannot draw this out Sam; to help protect her to make her heal faster you must leave her. I remember her running down the stairs in complete happiness; her eyes were glowing with joy, love and relief before she threw herself around me and kissed me. I remember me pulling back and speaking, my heart clenching with agony as I watched her face crumple in pain and heartbreak before transforming into rage. I remember her screaming as she kicked and punched me before the door opened and the most beautiful creature ran out.

It was as if a thousand million strong fibres were grounding me to her, all was silent for a moment and all my worries disappeared. Nothing mattered more to me than her, not Leah, not the Reservation, not anything. She was now my anchor, my light and my guardian angel. The days following that night was tough, Leah refused to speak to me, to hear my apologies and Emily after finding out what I was and what I did refused to speak to me as well, trying to completely ignore the imprint.

Thus, leading me to now, to here, to the cliffs. I was not thinking about suicide, I was thinking in general to clear my thoughts and to help ease the agony and self-loathing in my heart. My skin was vibrating with the want to phase and run but I was holding back, I didn't want to be a monstrosity, to be a creature that all kids fear, a thing that goes bump in the night. No I wanted to be Sam Uley, the human, the fiancé to Leah Clearwater and have my life be the way it was. But no Taha Aki had a cruel fate for me and gave me this curse and chose the wrong girl, I grip my chest in agony as I thought ill of my Emily.

"Sam?" my head whipped around at the soft voice of my Emily who was standing at the forest edge where the path ended.

"What do you want Emily" I spat out angrily, it was not on purpose of course and I think she knew that as she came and sat next to me. My wolf calmed slightly as I looked at her, her face was smooth and illuminated by the moon, her eyes were closed and a small smile played on her face as the ocean wind blew her hair around. She truly was beautiful and I couldn't curse Taha Aki for cursing me with the woman who would forever be mine.

"I came to see if you were alright, it's been two days since anyone has seen you" she whispers softly as she turned her deep wise brown eyes to me.

"It's not like anyone cares about me" I tell her bitterly turning my head so I didn't have to stare into her eyes.

"That's not true" she cries out causing me to growl.

"It is Emily, YOU didn't want me. I hurt Leah, I DESTROYED her heart, I BETRAYED her!" I roar my tremors getting worse, I knew she needed to move away or I would accidently hurt her.

"I'm sorry Sam, I realised that it was foolish of me to try and deny this. I've come to realise that I'd like to give this a go, I want to be with you, and I want to love you" she whispers and I roar, my body trembling more to the point that it looked like I was having a seizure.

"WHAT! SO FIRST YOU TELL ME YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, FOR LEAH's SAKE AND NOW YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME?" I roar my wolf enraged; I stood up and got ready to leave but was stopped by the small hand of Emily on my arm.

"Please Sam, I'm willing to try. Leah will be okay, I need you." She whispers softly, tears springing in her eyes threatening to spill.

I don't need you Sam; I can't do this to Leah… I don't need you… I don't need you… her words the other day was swarming around in my mind causing me to snap, my body shook with violent tremors and waves of heat. I could faintly hear Emily crying begging for me to calm down and understand but it was too late to calm down. I scream to the sky my arms thrown back and to the side before I hunch over in pain as my bones snap and realign.

I was confused I couldn't think straight as I jumped forward landing on my paws, a bloodcurdling scream filled the air so full of pain and anguish, the man in me knew what it was, the wolf did not. That was until his eyes turned to see his mate his spirit wife curled up on the ground screaming holding her face. Small rivers of crimson flowed through her hand and down her arm, dripping onto the earth, the sacred earth where so many had died before.

The wolf knew he had hurt her and he howled in agony at the pain of his spirit wife, his sorrowful howls alerted the elders that something happened; they were at Sam's already waiting for his return.

I took control quickly and transformed back not giving a fuck if I was naked or not, Emily was in pain and… NO! my mind screamed as my eyes saw and my ears heard that she was not moving or crying. Agony clenched my heart as my arms wrapped around her small frame, only breathing a sigh of relief as he heard her breath and the slow beat of her heart.

How could I do this to her? I should have ran away quickly ignoring her pleas and now she is hurt seriously. I let my eyes scan her face and the image would forever be etched into my mind. Her once perfect smooth face was now slashed from the temple down to her lip and along her arm. Tears sprung and fell as I ran home with her cradled tightly in my arms, her blood painted across my chest and arms.

I could see the elders in my living room through the side window and Sue was leaving just as I ran down the lane.

"SUE!" I screamed, my voice cracking with pain. Her grey eyes found me in an instant at her name and widening with panic and horror as she saw her broken niece in my arms. She hurriedly made her way over to me and gasped at the site as the light of the porch hit Emily's face.

"What happened? SAM WHAT HAPPENED!" sue yelled frantically as she opened the door for me, Harry rushed over at the panic in his wife's voice and gasped as well.

"She was too close, we were fighting and she was too close" I sobbed as soon as I laid her gently on the couch. I fell to my knees burrowing my face into my hands and did the thing I swore I would never do I sobbed, I sobbed in front of everyone.

"Yes, yes she was attacked by a bear. No, we won't be going to Forks General Hospital. Okay thank you" I Heard Billy say into the phone before his chair rolled over towards me.

"They will be here in 10 minutes, I told them that she was attacked by a bear and you had saved her and carried her here" he whispered softly while resting his frail yet strong hand on my shoulder. I nod letting him know that I had acknowledged him before crawling over to take Emily's small hand in mine.

After that it was a blur of memory, i saw the ambulance arrive and cart Emily off, I remember sitting in the back holding her hand as the male worked over her to keep her wounds sealed for now, I remember waiting in the hospital numb for hours before I was finally along with everyone else to go to her room. Her parents were coming down in a few days; they had to tie things up there so they could come look after Em for a while.

"The surgery went well, we managed to clean up the cuts and sow them shut but there will always be scars" the doctor said remorsefully and I cringed, I couldn't help it as I strode over to the small plastic chair near the window. I ungracefully plonked down in the chair and softly took hold of Emily's hand; I don't know how she will ever forgive me for this? How could someone ever so sweet and loving could ever forgive and love a monster like me?

When I first ever spent the day with Emily, the day she told me that she couldn't do this I saw my life with her; I could feel he changes she brought out in me. She was so shy at first that I didn't know what to do; she would blush whenever I told her that she was beautiful and then scorns me for making her blush. It was a first time in a long time that I laughed so carefree with her, whereas with Leah and everyone else I was always reserved after my mother died.

Though, now my life looked so lonely filled with pain and self-hate. I hated myself for what I did, the agony and anguish in me squeezed my heart painfully and the tears threatened to spill once again, I would spend my forever making this up to her.

A week went by and Emily was still asleep, I only ever left to get food and bathe. This of course was when I was forced out by Harry or Sue, I had hardly slept a wink in the week and when I managed to sleep I woke up gasping for breath from the nightmare that seems to playing over and over again.

"Sam?" my head shot up at my name to see Emily looking at me sadly and confused.

"Emily, oh Emily I'm so sorry" I sobbed into the bed; I felt her bandaged hand run through my hair softly.

"It's okay Sam; it's not your fault. I should have not provoked you and kept you when I saw you walk to the forest." She whispered lifting my chin so my eyes met hers, they were so full of love and forgiveness that I choked and started to cry again.

"How could you ever forgive me, you'll be scarred for life Em. I hurt you, but I promise I'll spend every day to make this up to you" I told her between sobs, she cooed to me telling me it was okay.

"I forgive you because I love you Sam, not matter what you do. I'll live with the Scars they won't matter to me it's what's in here" she whispers as she laid my hand on her chest above her heart.

"Kwop kilawtley" I whisper as I placed my head gently into the crook of her neck.

"I will" she whispers back just as soft as I had spoken and I knew, I knew from now on no matter the struggle that I'll always have Emily to stand by me. She's the missing part of my life and of my soul; she's my opposite but my whole.

A/N: so what do you all think?