This was written for a Humor Quote challenge on another forum. The Quote: "If I'm the brains of this operation, we are in serious trouble".
Many thanks goes to Valairy Scot for the beta on this. Thanks Val for your help!
"Are you sure about this, Obi-Wan?" asked Garen. He and Siri had met him outside the training rooms after lightsaber drills where he hadexplained what he was going to do.
"Of course I am!" Obi-Wan responded lightly, "Why do you ask?"
"Because this is so strange!" Garen said as they walked together toward the lifts, "And why ask us to help you with this?"
"Master Qui-Gon told me I could get help from a couple friends if I want to."
"But this seems so crazy!" Siri said. "This doesn't seem like something a master would tell his padawan to do!"
"He told me it's a stealth exercise, a challenge because I reached Senior Padawan status," Obi-Wan explained. They stopped walking as Siri turned to him, looking at him intently.
"So this is what happens when someone reaches Senior Padawan, their master can send them on insane challenges?" she asked, her previously concerned eyes giving way to the humor already twitching at her mouth.
Garen shook his head at her. "When I made Senior Padawan status recently, my master didn't send me on a crazy mission like this," he said.
Obi-Wan stopped and looked up at his slightly taller friend for a moment, thinking about what he had said. Finally his eyebrows rose along with his shoulders as he said, "I don't know, Garen, every master is different I guess. I just know my Master asked me to do this challenge, and I'm going to do it."
His firmly set jaw and determined spark in his eyes told them there was no sense arguing with him any longer.
"Ok, Obi-Wan, but why Master Yoda?" Siri wondered as they began walking toward the lifts again. "How are we going to sneak into his quarters while he's sleeping? Nothing gets by him!"
"Master Qui-Gon said if I can do this without waking him and being caught, then I can get by anything. And he promised me a reward if I succeed!"
He looked at his friends eagerly, a rare excitement shining in his eyes. Obi-Wan was not normally one to do things for rewards, but his master seemed to think this reward was pretty special, and it had Obi-Wan anticipating what it might be.
"But his gimer stick!" Siri pressed him, still trying to understand. "Why take his gimer stick? Isn't that kind of mean?" The three padawans had reached the lifts and Obi-Wan entered the code for Yoda's floor.
"All Master Qui-Gon said was if I can bring back his gimer stick, proving that I'm successful, I will get a reward and Master Yoda's gimer stick will be immediately returned to him. It's easy!"
"It's easy, he says." Garen scoffed, running his fingers through his hair. "So Genius, do you have a plan on how we're going to get into his apartment? Did your Master tell you how to do it?"
"Now what would be the fun in that?" Obi-Wan said with a grin, "No, he told me I have to figure it out myself, and I have it all worked out."
"Oh brother! If you're the brains of this operation, we are in serious trouble!" Garen groaned.
"Thanks a lot, buddy, your confidence is really touching!" Obi-Wan lightly patted his friend's shoulder. Siri chuckled.
"Oh, you doubt me too, Siri?" Obi-Wan turned to her, his eyebrows raised as he gazed at her teasingly.
"Of course not, Obi-Wan dear," she tilted her head at him playfully, "if this challenge is possible at all, the Perfect Padawan will certainly be the one to do it." She stared intently at him, daring him to say anything.
He just stared back at her, and their gazes held each other for a moment.
"All right you two, enough flirting." Garen interrupted their silent stare down.
"Flirting!" Obi-Wan broke his gaze from Siri to turn to Garen. "Who said we were flirting? We were just..."
"Never mind, Kenobi," Siri stopped him with a touch to is shoulder. She glanced at Garen with a warning, and then looked back at Obi-Wan. "So what is your big plan?"
They were almost to Yoda's floor, which was mainly reserved for elderly Masters without padawans, and Council members. Obi-Wan laid out his plan briefly.
"Simple. I did some investigating yesterday, and found out Yoda always takes an hour nap before evening meal. It's the best time to do this because he rarely sleeps much during the night, almost always meditating. His floor is not very busy at this time as most of the Masters are either in the dining hall for dinner, observing sparring practices or meditating somewhere. Now, Master Yoda's door has a squeak, so I ruled out trying to sneak in that way."
"Then how do we get in?" Garen asked, eyeing Obi-Wan suspiciously.
"Through the air vent, of course!" Obi-Wan answered, grinning confidently at his friends.
Garen waved his hand casually, and with a mocking tone said, "Oh, of course, the air vents! Master Yoda will never hear that!"
"How do we get in there?" Siri asked him, ignoring Garen's reaction.
"Through the storage closet down the hall. Every floor has an air vent in the storage hall that connects to the vents in that floor. All we have to do is go in through that vent, follow the correct passageway to Yoda's apartment. Siri can help me get the vent off. I'll slip down, get the gimer stick, jump back up into the vent where Siri can help me quickly and carefully put the vent back on, and we're home free!"
"Oh, and what will I be doing while you two are roaming the air vents?" Garen wondered.
"You'll stand watch at the storage closet, make sure the vent is back on where we enter and be ready to remove it to let us out when we're back."
"And Siri is going with you on this little excursion?" Garen asked, eyes sparking humor. "I know what this is", he nodded knowingly, "alone time with Siri."
Obi-Wan huffed, "She's smaller than you, Garen, she'll be able to slip through the vents with me easier than you."
"Uh-huh, I understand." Garen mocked. He had known for awhile that Obi-Wan and Siri had feelings for each other, but he also knew they would never act on those feelings..they were too much Jedi, but he loved to tease them every chance he got, knowing how much it annoyed Obi-Wan. He enjoyed seeing his friend squirm.
They had reached Yoda's floor and after the lift doors opened, Obi-Wan peeked out and looked up and down the hall. He discreetly sensed his surroundings with the force then finally said, "Ok it's clear, let's go."
They quietly slipped down the hall the opposite way of Yoda's apartment. They reached the end of the hall where the storage closet was and slipped inside. Once the door was closed Obi-Wan turned on the light.
"Do you know how to get to Master Yoda's apartment this way?" Siri asked.
"Yes, I memorized the vent blue prints in the archives last night," Obi-Wan said.
"I still wonder how you are going to open a vent in Master Yoda's apartment, slip in there without making a sound, get his gimer stick and slip back into the vent without waking him! Your force signature alone will alert him!" Garen worried. "And if you're caught, will Master Qui-Gon explain it so we don't get in trouble?"
"Actually, no," Obi-Wan sheepishly responded, blushing slightly. "Sorry guys, I should have told you earlier but he told me every mission has risks, so if we're caught we will have to endure whatever punishment Yoda sees fit."
"Now you tell us!" Siri exclaimed, punching Obi-Wan in the arm. "I have a good mind to leave you here, you big gundark!"
"Shh, Siri not so loud." Obi-Wan's eyes widened in alarm as he put his finger against her mouth to shush her. "I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier but come on guys...stay with me...ok?" Obi-Wan looked at them both, his blue gray eyes earnest and almost pleading.
Siri sighed. "Oh, Obi-Wan, you know I can't say no when you look at me with those big goopy eyes of yours." Her hands reached up and pinched his cheeks teasingly. Garen snorted.
"Yeah, me too. You know I can't resist "goopy eyes." Garen rolled his eyes.
Obi-Wan shot Garen a warning look, but then grinned at them in relief, "Thanks guys, I owe you one".
"You bet you do," Siri said, turning toward the vent in question.
Obi-Wan stepped over to the vent. It was at the upper part of the wall and had a vent cover with fasteners to hold it in place. Obi-Wan quietly undid the fasteners and removed the vent cover. It made a soft scraping sound as it came down from the opening.
"That had better not happen at Master Yoda's vent," Garen whispered.
Obi-Wan looked at Garen and nodded, eyebrows raised in agreement. He removed his robe and lightsaber and gave them to Garen for safekeeping. He gestured to Siri to do the same. She did so, then he instructed Garen, "After we're inside replace the vent cover and wait. If someone comes in for anything, act like you're looking for something for your Master or something..or just hide if you can. Hopefully nobody comes."
"Yeah, you have this all worked out," Garen muttered to himself.
"Come on Garen, you're resourceful. You'll think of something if you need to. When we come back, make sure no one is coming then take the vent down again to let us out."
"Ho-kaay!" Garen said nervously. "Let's get this thing done so we can get out of here."
Obi-Wan jumped lightly into the vent opening then reached his hand out to help Siri up.
"I can do it myself!" Siri protested, jumping up to the opening. Obi-Wan pulled her in and Garen quickly put the vent cover back on.
"May the force be with you two," Garen whispered to them.
Obi-Wan nodded and they began to quietly crawl on their hands and knees through the vents. Obi-Wan turned and whispered to Siri, "We need to mute our force signatures so we won't be easily detected and I will try to get into his apartment and get the stick using as little of the force as possible. Garen was right; Yoda could pick up a force presence if we're not careful enough."
Siri nodded and they proceeded. The vent was dusty and dirty and they were soon brushing dirt and webbing out of their face and hair. Siri followed Obi-Wan silently as he made the twists and turns to get to their destination. Soon they were peering out of the vent into Yoda's apartment. They could see Yoda's little room and his kitchen with his infamous stew simmering on the cooking unit. They wrinkled their noses at the distastefull smell it emitted. Just off the room they could hear light snores. Obi-Wan glanced back at Siri with an impish grin.
He silently and carefully worked the vent off Yoda's wall. The vent was near the ceiling, but Yoda had low ceilings so it wasn't a long way to the ground. He carefully pulled the vent in and silently gave it to Siri who took it carefully, putting it behind them in the vent. Obi-Wan looked into the room, gauging the best way to jump in without noise when he felt Siri's arm on him. He turned his face towards her, a questioning look in his eyes. She gazed at him warmly and kissed him on the cheek.
His eyes lit up, pleasantly surprised. "Why did you do that?" he mouthed.
She shrugged with a smile and mouthed, "For good luck."
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes mouthing, "You know there's no such things as..."
He stopped when she impatiently shook her head. Her eyes flashed annoyance as she gave him a little push and mouthed, "Just go!"
Just before he jumped into the room, he looked back at her again and gave her a bright smile which lit up his eyes. Then he quietly jumped down.
Siri watched him silently jump into the room, and sighed. Obi-Wan could make her madder than anyone she knew, but when he looked at her with those big sparkling blue/gray eyes and that winning smile, she felt like a big ol' mushy puddle. He always did that to her and that aggravated her. She could never stay angry with him for long. She watched him as he quietly crept toward Yoda's room.
"Please don't get caught, Kenobi," she silently prayed.
Obi-Wan checked his shields to make sure they were in place then silently went into Yoda's room. He was sound asleep on his bed, his gimer stick resting on the little table next to it.
Obi-Wan suddenly felt nervous. He desperately tried to keep his force signature muted, not daring to use the force lest he alert Yoda. He had been in much tougher situations on missions without the anxiety he was fighting now, but this was Yoda, the strongest, most respected and revered Jedi alive. He was suddenly wondering why he agreed to this challenge, he found himself now agreeing with his two friends...this was indeed crazy! But he was here and couldn't back out now. He made himself push the negative thoughts away. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and was sure that gulp could be heard clear to the senate building. He slowly crept closer to where Yoda was sleeping, keeping an eye on him and on the gimer stick. Yoda's snores suddenly stopped and Obi-Wan froze, his eyes huge and his heart pounding loudly in his ears. He eyed Yoda warily, who stirred and moved in the little bed and now faced the table with the gimer stick. His clawed hand reached out and grasped the stick.
"That's it, I'm caught". Obi-Wan closed his eyes tightly and braced himself, waiting for the fatal blow but after a few moments, Yoda's snores began again. Obi-Wan opened his eyes and silently sighed in relief, feeling the thumping of his heart against his chest. He dropped to his knees but as he slowly reached for the stick, he suddenly realized Yoda had not let go of it yet.
"Drat!" he cursed to himself, "How am I going to get it now?" He briefly considered a force suggestion, but quickly abandoned that as insane.
He stood frozen in place and wondered what to do next. His thoughts were so intent on how to get the stick, he wasn't prepared when Yoda's voice suddenly rang out.
"PADAWAN KENOBI!"
As Obi-Wan peeled himself off the ceiling, he realized he was still firmly planted where he had been; inches from Yoda's stick. He felt paralyzed in that spot. Perhaps Yoda could use him for a cloak stand or a hanger for his stick, he mused to himself. He felt quite sure he would be glued to this spot for the rest of his life, or at least his Padawanship. He vaguely wondered if Qui-Gon would come visit him to feed him and give him Jedi platitudes to ponder; that might be nice...
His brain slowly regained reason as he gradually came to the realization that Yoda was indeed still sleeping and was in fact dreaming...about him!
"Oh, that's not good," he thought worriedly.
The gimer stick suddenly swished through the air, just missing Obi-Wan by inches, "What mean you, young Kenobi, putting a purple powder bomb in the men's fresher unit where Master Windu was?"
"He's dreaming about that time when I was 13 and played that prank on Master Windu," Obi-Wan realized. He remembered how angry Master Windu had been and how funny he had looked, covered in purple powder from head to toe. Obi-Wan had tried hard to stifle his giggles for he had known he was in big trouble. Obi-Wan had to thoroughly scrub the men's fresher unit, meditate for hours about it and then apologize to Master Windu. He could never be sure, but he could have sworn that under the stern glare he received from him, there was an amused twinkle in his eyes.
Yoda chuckled softly , "An amusing sight that was. But too much like your Master, you are Young Kenobi." Yoda was shaking his stick inches from Obi-Wan's face though he was leaning as far away as possible from it with eyes impossibly wide. He dared not breath and felt shaky and light headed. He was barely holding himself steady as his brain screamed at him not to faint. Sweat began to trickle down his cheeks and the side of his neck. It took everything in him to not jerk and scratch the tickle the sweat caused.
"A bad influence, he is. A bad influence," Yoda continued. Then he relaxed his arm, slowly putting the stick back on the little table as he chuckled again. He then rolled over and resumed snoring.
Obi-Wan slowly let out the breath he had been holding. His shaking hands felt balmy but he finally reached out, grabbed the gimer stick and quickly and quietly backtracked out of Yoda's room. Once he was out, he turned and sprinted to the vent where Siri was anxiously waiting. He handed her the stick and quickly jumped back into the vent, put the cover back on and fastened it, then moved silently behind Siri till they reached an inter-section several feet away from Yoda's room. Only then did Obi-Wan stop, sit still, slow his breathing down and breathe in and out, letting his pounding heart return to normal as much as possible.
"What happened in there?" Siri quietly exclaimed, gazing with concern at his damp, flushed face and near panicked eyes. She had never seen him as tense as when he came back to the vent where she was waiting, and she had seen him nervous and tense plenty of times in the past. "I heard Master Yoda yelling your name and I was sure you were caught!" She massaged his shoulders and arms, trying to help him relax a little.
"I thought so too," Obi-Wan gasped when he had more control of his breathing. "He was dreaming about something I did when I was 13."
He grinned ruefully at Siri, still panting.
Siri took his hand and squeezed gently. A gentle, sympathetic humor touched her eyes as she took his face in her hands and gently stroked his cheeks with her thumbs.
"My poor Obi-Wan, you even haunt Master Yoda's dreams."
"It would seem so." Obi-Wan softly replied as he closed his eyes and relaxed in her gentle caresses. After a few minutes he opened his eyes and looked at her gratefully. They gazed at one another for a long moment. Siri finally put her hands down into her lap and sighed softly.
"You ready?" she asked.
Obi-Wan nodded, feeling much better. "Let's get out of here. We wouldn't want Garen thinking something's going on here." He looked at her and grinned.
She laughed softly, "Oh no, we wouldn't want that!"
They made it back to the storage room where Garen quickly checked to make sure no one was coming, then took the vent cover down and let them out.
"Any problems?"
"Nope. Not a thing going on here", Garen answered, sounding slightly bored. "What about you?"
"Had a couple of intense moments, but I got it!" he said triumphantly, holding up the stick.
"Intense moments!" Siri exclaimed, "I thought he was going to pass out when we got back into the vents!"
"Well, I'm sure your gentle ministrations were all he needed," Garen quipped, leaning toward Siri teasingly.
Siri pushed him away as Obi-Wan blushed. Garen saw his face and laughed, "I knew it!"
"Garen, you're almost as irritating as Obi-Wan!" Siri protested, annoyed. "He just needed a few minutes to catch his breath."
"Okay! Sorry, Siri," Garen said with a grin, backing off. "I hope Qui-Gon's reward is worth it."
Obi-Wan nodded. "I'll be sure and share it with you two." Garen had retrieved the robes and lightsabers from their hiding spot and the other two donned them again.
They quietly slipped back out of the storage closet and were almost back to the lifts when they stopped all at once, glanced at each other, then at the lift doors. One of the doors opened to reveal Mace Windu walking out. Obi-Wan, who was still holding the stick, had been against the far wall with the other two right next to him when Master Windu approached them, a puzzled look on his face.
Obi-Wan felt a slot behind him and quickly shoved the stick into it, then stood with his hands still behind his back kicking himself that he didn't have the forethought to hide the thing in his robes when he had the chance.
"What are you three doing up here?" Master Windu asked them sternly. The three teens stood, looking as calm and stoic as they could but at a loss to know what to say.
"Um…we were...ah..." Obi-Wan stammered.
Siri spoke up. "I was sent up here to give Master Yoda a message from my Master. Obi-Wan and Garen just accompanied me."
"She couldn't have just sent him a comm message?" Master Windu asked suspiciously.
"Well, she knew he was sleeping at this time and she didn't want to risk waking him with the noisy beeps, so she just had me slip a note under his door." Siri knew it didn't really sound plausible, but she had nothing else, "And these two aren't coming up wtih anything better," she thought to herself with annoyance.
"Hm.." Master Windu looked unconvinced but said, " Well, shouldn't you be getting to the dining hall while it's still meal time?"
"Yes Master, we were just going to head that way." Obi-Wan said, standing ramrod straight with his hands held stiffly at his side.
"Hmm, well, on your way then." Master Windu turned and continued on his way to his quarters. The trio didn't see the amusement tugging at the corners of his mouth as he walked away.
The trio waited till Master Windu had turned the corner, then Garen and Siri started to head for the lifts but when they turned to urge Obi-Wan along, they stopped. Obi-Wan continued to stand stock still, but there was a look on his face they couldn't decipher.
Siri walked up to Obi-Wan with concern. "Obi-Wan, what's wrong now?"
Obi-Wan looked at her, his face pale and his eyes wide.
"When I saw Master Windu, I panicked and dropped Master Yoda's gimer stick down this slot."
He moved aside and the teens saw the trash bin with a slot opening big enough to take Yoda's small gimer stick.
"Obi-Wan, you didn't!". Siri exclaimed, exasperated. "After all this?"
"I know, I know!" Obi-Wan groaned. "I should have hidden it in my robes earlier, but I didn't. Now what do I do?"
"Let's see if we can get it" Garen suggested. He unhooked the latch to the trash bin and opened it. There was an opening that dropped down into the depths of the temple.
Obi-Wan looked inside and murmured, "Down, down. That's a long, long way down." He seemed to be unable to grasp that the stick was indeed gone. "All the way down to the bottom, huh? Come on, little stick, I need you to come back to me now!" he softly intoned.
Siri looked at Garen with concern. "I think he's losing it," she whispered.
"No..no..I'm not losing it." Obi-Wan looked at her with a strange gleam in his eyes. "I've already lost it."
He leaped head first into the trash bin as Siri and Garen grabbed his feet just in time. "Obi-Wan, what are you doing?" Siri gasped.
"I'm going to get the gimer stick!" he said matter of factly, as though he were planning a walk in the garden.
"You can't, Kenobi, it's too far down!"
"Well, just let go of my feet, let me slide down and meet me in the trash room in the lower level. I'll find the stick!" Obi-Wan said in a tinny, hollow voice. This seemed perfectly logical to him.
"That's insane!" Siri was now near panic. "You can't!"
"No!" Garen said firmly, agreeing with Siri, "It's too dangerous. You'll get yourself hurt and wind up in the healers ward again."
"Yeah, like that hasn't happened a million times," the muffled, tinny voice called back to them.
"Just let me go, I'll be fine!"
Suddenly Siri and Garen, whose heads had been half into the trash bin around Obi-Wan's leg as they had tried to reason with him, heard a "Harumph" behind them. They froze for a moment, then lifted their heads and looked at each other in surprise as they heard the soft tapping on the floor. Keeping hold of Obi-Wan's feet, they slowly turned and gasped when they saw Yoda standing there, solemnly gazing at them with wide, unblinking eyes.
"Looking for this you are, hmmm?" he asked, and waved the gimer stick at them.
End of Part 1, tbc