I Thought You Were Mine Chapter 1
I do not own Hamilton: An American Musical or any of its characters
Elizabeth "Eliza" Hamilton née Schuyler was considered to the best of women, the best of mothers and the best of wives. She was the person everyone envied and wanted to be. She seemed to have it all. She was born to a wealthy family, her parents adored her, her sisters protected her, she lived in a nice home, she married a successful and intelligent man and she had five wonderful children. What more could the woman ask for?
She had everything. Eliza could safely say that she was satisfied with her life.
Eliza had proved to be popular amongst the public. She was well known for her generous acts for charities and orphanages. In fact, she helped established the first private orphanage of New York City. She donated thousands of dollars to such causes, and everyone called her a saint because of it. But Eliza was too humble to allow such acts to go to her head. When she gave, she gave out of the kindness of her heart.
Eliza Schuyler lived her life with a bright smile on her face, it only accented her natural beauty. Long dark brown hair with warm brown eyes and pale skin, she was a woman people found themselves wanting to look like much less be like. Her kindness and gentle nature only seemed to add to that beauty.
Currently she was caring for her youngest children while the oldest were doing their homework. As stated before, she had been fortunate enough to bear five healthy children. There was Philip (Pip), the eldest. Angelica (Angie), the second eldest. Alexander Jr (AJ), the middle child. James (Jay), the second youngest. And John (Jacky), the youngest. She certainly had her hands full with them but she wouldn't trade them for the world. Her children were her life, especially when they were the fruits of love her husband and her had conceived.
And who was the lucky man who had married this wonderful woman? His name was Alexander Hamilton. The man she considered to be her soulmate, her other half. Some say that she completed him just as much as he completed her. She balanced him and kept him grounded. That made her happy, because she liked to think that maybe she had some hold over him as he did with her.
Unlike Eliza, he hadn't been born to wealthy society and he lacked many appropriate qualities for a woman of her status. In fact, many argued that he was the exact opposite of her. Everything Eliza was, he wasn't. But Eliza loved him nonetheless. Ever since she first laid eyes on him, she knew that he was hers and that she was his. He made her feel so helpless, a feeling that she had never felt before until then. And even now he still had that power over her. Her heart swelled with unconditional love for him.
He made her happy, that's what her family wanted. They didn't care about his status or position, none of it mattered if Eliza felt that she had found her soulmate. And that's why they approved of his marriage to her. They were married not too long after their courtship. It didn't take a genius to see that the two had clearly fallen for each other.
When she was younger, she believed in fairy tales and romantic love stories. One day she hoped to meet her prince and have him sweep her off her feet. Some called her naïve for thinking that would happen, but it seemed to. After all, she met Alexander and he accomplished all of those things within a single second.
They soon began their life, they conceived their first child not too long after their marriage. And it continued after Alexander had retired from the military. He had been the right hand man of a prominent commander by the name of George Washington. He had served alongside many popular and famous soldiers such as Gilbert du Motier (the Marquis de Lafayette), Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens and Aaron Burr. Most of him he still communicated with until this day.
In fact, Lafayette had become a part of the Schuyler family by marrying Eliza's oldest sister, Angelica. Mulligan was easy to come by as he ran a tailor shop not too far from where the Hamiltons lived. And Laurens, well the gentlemen proved that he was never too far away from them. That was especially true for her husband.
Eliza knew that she shouldn't speculate too much about the matter, but she couldn't deny what she saw. She had seen the look in John Laurens's eyes every time he looked at her husband, and her husband was the same way as well. They had started off as friends, and even to this day that bond remained. But sometimes Eliza wondered if they wanted to be closer than that. After all, Alexander had met Laurens long before he met her. She could only imagine the pain he went through when Alexander asked him to be his best man at their wedding. But he still agreed, and he looked happy for the couple. And that's why Eliza never protested with him being so close to their family. She felt like she never had to worry about her husband and his friend doing anything inappropriate together. John Laurens was too much of a gentlemen to do so, and she admired him for that.
And that wasn't all, Eliza also had also had the Washington family. There was Martha Washington, George Washington's wife. She was the ideal lady in Eliza's eyes. Truthfully, Eliza had been acquainted with the Washington family long before she met Alexander. As a child she would normally spend the day with Marth and her children. During this time the woman had taught her many things about femininity and life. She was an excellent source of wisdom, and she was often the one Eliza spoke to whenever she needed advice.
All in all Eliza felt fortunate to have such a close and tight knit family.
At least she thought that was the case.
Truth be told, there was somewhat of a disturbance in her family. Lately, she had been awfully suspicious of her husband. Another thing everybody gave Eliza credit for was that she was far too patient with Alexander and his shortcoming. For all the good things he had done, he was also known for his rash and reckless demeanor. He was always eager to do all that he could, some say that he was nonstop because of it. It was a trait that Eliza had learned to tolerate, even if she didn't always agree with it. And some argued that one day that would get her into trouble.
She wondered if that was now, because this all started about a year ago. Her husband had always been a working man, there were times were he wouldn't even come home when given the chance. And then there were times where he wouldn't always join his family on outings and vacations. Her sister and her argued that he needed to take a break, but he never listened.
He never did.
And it seemed like there was more to the story than Alexander was letting on. Eliza didn't know what it was but she felt like she wasn't going to like it in the long run. He had always been her loving and gentle Alexander, the one who made her feel so helpless. The very same one who continued to look at her with love in his eyes, and treat her as if she was the best of wives. With time that hadn't changed. Even with this sudden disturbance, he still remained the same. He would play with the children when he got the chance, he would ask her to write for him whenever his hand tired out, he would eat with them as a family and he would give her pleasure whenever they had the chance to share a moment together.
But there was something odd about it all.
She just didn't have any proof of it. Maybe there was more to her Alexander than she originally thought.
Little did she know that her world was about to come crashing down… and once again she would feel helpless. Only this time it wouldn't be for the right reasons.
Maria Reynolds née Lewis was considered to be one of the nobodies of the world. She didn't have anything in particular that made her stand out from the crowd. She was born in a life of poverty and had little to no opportunities to succeed. Her parents passed away just as she was growing into adulthood, she had no siblings to rely on and her home was nothing to be proud of. At an early age she worked hard to support herself, but her efforts bore little to no fruit. She had nothing compared to others, and she wasn't satisfied with how her life turned out.
She had never felt so alone during this time. She had no one, just her herself and her shadow.
But that changed when she met James Reynolds. She thought that her luck at changed for the better when she met her future husband. But that too turned out to be a loss cause. At first she fell for his charms, she allowed herself to get swept up in the idea of finally having someone there for her. He was kind and gentle in the beginning, he also was able to provide for her. But as time went on his demeanor and rage got worse. It honestly started after they were married. There seemed to be no love there after all.
She was young, rash and didn't know any better. And she realized now that she was paying the price because of those things.
Not a single week went by that she didn't have some sort of bruise or mark left by him. Some of her work acquaintances started to notice this but she always lied and covered for James. She tried to convince herself that it was out of love that she protected him. But deep down, she knew that wasn't the reason. In fact, Maria was sure that either of them knew what love was.
She knew it was because she would have no one if he left. Everything and everyone else in her life had done so already. She couldn't bear the thought of it happening again. Besides, where would she go? She moved in with James not too long before they were married and had sold whatever she could to start for their new life together.
And what did she have to show for it? There wasn't even a ring on her finger, and yet she somehow belonged to him. Although she could safely say that he didn't belong to her either. At one point she thought that he was hers and that she was his. But that too was wrong. She had seen the way he acted around other women, how he abused the bottle and how he looked at her. There was no love or affection in his eyes, and yet she still couldn't find the courage to leave.
Loneliness scared her more than her husband did.
She was pathetic, and she hated herself every day for her weakness. She felt like she didn't deserve happiness if she was stupid enough to stay with a man like him. She yearned for real love and she yearned for a family. She yearned for a warm embrace.
But fate was cruel, because her torment didn't end there. James used her as much as he could, and it mostly concerned money. He finally figured out a way to gain a lot of it without having to lift a finger. Of course, it required her help. She was the key pawn in his twisted game of chess.
It all started when she walked into the life of a man by the name of Alexander Hamilton. James and her knew who he was but she never thought that she would meet him like this. She went to his house with the story of her husband doing her wrong, he believed it and soon she led him back to her house. And that's when everything fell apart. She had been told by James to seduce him… and that's just what he did. At first it looked like he was ready to go, but he soon melted into her embrace. They stayed the night together that day. And the day after that and the day after that, and so on and so forth. It continued until James's plan came to fruition. He blackmailed Alexander with the affair and he profited from it easily.
It was a simple compromise really. Alexander got to see her for the right price, while keeping it a secret from the world.
Truth be told Maria's feelings for Alexander didn't start off as romantic. Instead, she saw it like a business relationship. But as he continued to visit her, those feelings morphed into something entirely new. She saw him as a person who could keep her bed and heart warm, he made her loneliness disappear. He actually listened to her whenever they weren't physically involved. Despite his many shortcomings, she could see that he was actually a very loving man. Perhaps too loving.
She knew he was married, as did James. And that made the blackmail all the more profitable. Not a single day went by that she didn't feel some sort of guilt for her actions. To many she would be seen as a slut, a whore and a home wrecker for even thinking about touching someone like Alexander. But she had little to no choice in the matter, especially when it seemed like the two men were the only key players in this game.
Eliza Hamilton, she had come to know her indirectly through Alexander. He often spoke of her whenever they just talked. His words were sincere and she could see the guilt in his eyes whenever she brought her up. She knew he felt remorse for allowing it to get this far. But it was too late to turn back now.
She had seen the way he looked at his wife, just like how she saw how he looked at his children. There was love in his eyes whenever he did so. A love that she had never felt before, and it made her heart flutter. She envied Eliza, and in many ways she was the person she had hoped to become when she was younger. But she didn't want to hurt the woman in anyway. She could see how strong and loving the woman was. She was popular among the people, they looked at her like she was saint. And if that's the case, then her crime against Eliza was truly uncalled for.
Ironically, and hypocritically, Maria didn't want to see their love disappear. Instead, she wanted it to continue to blossom. Whenever Alexander wasn't with her, she would sometimes watch them from afar. She liked watching them interact with each other, maybe it was because it was something she had never done with James. Their love was true and strong. It was nothing like she had ever seen before.
After a year of their nights together, they had decided to end it permanently. It was for the best, both of them said that. And deep down Maria was happy to know that he was going to go back to his wife and children. He would continue to pay her husband, but at least he was where he needed to be.
But she was stupid to think that was the end of things. She had learned nothing from the tragedies of her past, because life dealt her another cruel hand.
Maria was currently in the bathroom of her home. She had gone to the store earlier, but she only bought one thing before rushing back to the sanctity of her small hovel. She sat on the toilet for several seconds before finishing her business. She then sat on the side of the bathtub. Lately she had been feeling nauseous and had a habit of getting up in the middle of the night to vomit or use the toilet. Maria didn't know what the cause of it was until a horrible idea came to her head.
And that's why she was here now. She gazed at the small stick and patiently, yet anxiously, waited for the results. The minutes went by before she finally got an answer. In that moment, her world came to a sudden halt. Her eyes widen, her heart stopped beating and she broke out in a cold sweat.
Positive.
She was pregnant. And she knew for a fact that it wasn't her husband's child, for he hadn't touched her in a long while. She was pregnant with her lover, Alexander Hamilton's, child. And now she not only feared for herself and her child but for Alexander and his family… especially Eliza.
She was going to ruin their happiness and love… and she didn't think she could ever forgive herself for that. She cried until her eyes could cry no more.
John Laurens knew all too well that money and position didn't guarantee happiness. That was something he learned the hard way. For he was a socialite, and that automatically meant that he was born into money and position. It wasn't something he wished for though. But his fate was sealed the moment he was born to Henry and Eleanor Laurens, key players in the world of agriculture. They gave him his money and position.
Believe it or not, but he never wanted to be born to socialites, just like how he never wanted to follow in their footsteps. But as the first born child and son, that was set in stone. At least, that's how his father saw it. Out of all his children, he held high hopes and expectations for him. He expected him to carry on the Laurens name and family business, despite the fact that he had no interest in doing so. However, he couldn't say that he hated his younger siblings because of this. In fact, they were very supportive of their eldest brother and sibling. They could always put a smile on his face, even without trying.
Ever since he was a child, his father instilled all the qualities of a good businessman into him. He was given nothing but the finest tutors for his education and he attended business meetings with his father at times. It wasn't exactly an exciting childhood for him. And every time he stepped out of line in some way, his father made sure to reprimand him. He would give him lectures about the family business and how the Laurens family wouldn't tolerate such insubordination.
The lectures only increased when Henry Laurens discovered his hidden passion. When he started his high school education, he found peace in the most unlikely of places. He went to his family's library and accidentally came across an art book. This surprised him because he was sure that nothing like that would be in his father's possession. He guessed wrong and he enjoyed the contents of said book once he opened it. The paintings and sketches of famous artists made him feel like all was right with the world.
It wasn't too long after that finding, that he actually tried making art. Whenever he was finished with his studies, he would sneak back to his room and draw on his extra pieces of notebook paper. However, it was near impossible to keep a secret in the Laurens Estate. His father found out and was not happy at all. But he ignored his father's protests and continued to enhance his art skills. Thankfully, his mother and siblings were on his side. Eleanor persuaded her husband to let the hobby slide since he always worked hard in his studies. And that's how he managed to keep the hobby even today.
It only got more difficult as he got older though, especially with the passing of his mother. Out of both parents, he could say that he had a better relationship with his mother than his father. While she encouraged him to go into the family business and listen to his father, she did show her love for him and his brothers and sisters. She didn't mock him when he told her about his dreams and hidden passions.
In fact, his mother was the one who encouraged him to join the army. She thought that maybe it would be a good opportunity for him to escape his troubles while finding solstice in other pastime other than studying and drawing. He agreed, especially if it meant getting away from his father for a while. And so, he enlisted and was accepted. His brilliant mind and determined demeanor earned him a spot in General George Washington's army.
And that's where he met him. Alexander Hamilton, the first and only man to ever steal his heart.
Truthfully, Laurens had been hiding something else from his family. Something he was sure they knew, but never wanted to say aloud. For as long as he could remember, he never felt any sort attraction towards any woman. Not to say that he didn't admire a woman's beauty, he just never felt like embracing it the way other men did. It wasn't until he was a little older that he realized what it was.
He was attracted to men.
The press would have a field day if they knew, and his father would have a fit if he ever confessed to such a secret. But his heart knew what he wanted, and he wanted Alexander Hamilton. He couldn't help but be captivated by the young solider, the general's right hand man. Pretty soon, he saw that he wasn't the only one captivated by the man's charms. Women adored him and men envied him… but he loved him. He became helpless as he was lost and became entangled in the hurricane known as Alexander Hamilton.
They spent their army days together. Every waking moment was something new for the two close friends. Laurens discovered that Alexander shared some of his passions, and he indulged in listening to Laurens speak his mind about society and its treatment of people. They laughed, they joked, they smiled… and their touches were simply platonic. But just a shoulder pat was enough to send him an endless stir of affection and lust. He lusted for a man that was out of his reach, but it felt good to indulge in such a feeling. However, there affection never went pass anything other than platonic. Laurens couldn't deny that he longed to feel the embrace of Alexander Hamilton. He wanted to be loved by him the way he loved him.
He heard rumors about their relationship. Some of them did range from being secret lovers to just being close friends. After all, it wasn't uncommon for military friends to be so close, his friendship with the Gilbert du Motier and Hercules Mulligan proved that. When one is a solider, there was always a possibility of death occurring. That's why you had to make friends and hold those bonds close to your heart. And that's just what Laurens did. Plus, he couldn't help but feel a little proud over how those rumors spread. It meant that others recognized how close they were. He thought that he was the only person in Alexander's life that held a special place in his heart.
But he was soon proven wrong when he learned that Alexander found himself a woman. And not just any woman, a Schuyler woman. Elizabeth Schuyler, the middle daughter of Philip and Catherine Schuyler, and a socialite like him. He noticed how love struck Alexander became once he met her. He never stopped talking about her, and he never stopped writing to her either. She plagued his mind and his every waking moment. It was so unbearable to him at times, but he endured it. Because as much as he wished it was him, he loved seeing Alexander happy.
Eliza made him happy, and therefore he was happy. Even if his heart was telling him otherwise.
He loved him first. But she was able to express her love, therefore she was technically first. The two were soon wed and he had the honor of being the best man. He hated it, but he could never bring himself to hate them. How could he? They were perfect together. Alexander needed her, and she needed him.
Alexander returned to serving in the army alongside him. They both decided to retire at the same time, there no longer any need for them on the battlefield. Their general became leader of their nation and they decided to pursue other interests. Alexander went to law school, and he decided to take some classes on human rights and social integration.
His father was somewhat upset over his return because of this. Ideally, he wanted him to come to work for his company after his time in the army. But he had other plans, and it took a long time before Henry Laurens was okay with the idea. He had his siblings to thank for that, they argued that it was a great opportunity for him to learn about social interactions. They said it would make him a better businessman, and that's how he got his father's approval on the matter as well. As much as it sickened him to think that he was accepting his father's grooming, he was helpless to stop it. At least he had some freedom, and at least he was able to do the things that he loved.
During his college days, he decided to become a civil and human rights advocate. He also took extra classes in business and art. That why his father wouldn't be annoying him too much about the matter. He excelled in his studies once again, and it wasn't long before he was finally reached his last semester. It was then that he had an epiphany.
In other to prove that his classes were paying off, Laurens started volunteering at social centers, ones that benefited the lower classes. And it was there that he encountered Elizabeth Schuyler, or Hamilton, again. He had kept in contact with Alexander during their higher education years, but he never conversed with Eliza as often.
This is when he saw a whole new side of the woman. She was not just a socialite, she was an empress among women. He was more than shocked to discover that she had similar passions to him. She fought for equal rights and she was involved in many charities. Eliza made it her mission to help every person she could find, she was regarded as a saint by the public for such an image. Laurens started to admire the woman more and more with each passing day. She wasn't the typical housewife or mother, and she didn't rely on her family's influence for anything. She relied on her own wit, strength and kindness, and those three traits got her through some tough times. Most of those times concerned Alexander and her family.
For as much of a saint Eliza was, she was still human. He had come to recognize that during the time he known her.
Laurens and Eliza had become close over the years, to the point where he considered her to be one of his closest friends. They were open to each other about most matters. And it was during these times that Eliza expressed her worries about Alexander and his reckless demeanor. She didn't like how he would become so engrossed in his work, to the point where he would unintentionally neglect his family.
Alexander love her and he adored their children, and it was up to Laurens to remind her of that. Needless to say that she was more than happy to hear those words. She had always been worried about people saying otherwise behind her back. But Laurens knew Alexander like the back of his hand. He saw how his eyes lit up whenever he was around his wife. Eliza was truly a special woman, and Alexander was a lucky man to have found her.
But out of the two of them, Laurens considered Eliza to be the luckiest person in the world. She was able to be with Alexander Hamilton, the man he had yearned for during their youth. But more than anything, he wanted to preserve their happiness. The two deserved each other, even if it meant he had to suffer in the background.
He went to work for his father's company after graduating, all the while he continued his work in charities and other social groups. However, recently his father had been pressuring him about another milestone he was supposed to reach.
Marriage.
Apparently, his father wanted his heir to have an heir. He wanted to have a grandchild to carry on the Laurens name. Despite him saying that, Laurens could hear what he was implying. He didn't want just any grandchild, he wanted a grandson. A grandson was the only way for the Laurens name to continue. And how fitting it was, the eldest son of Henry Laurens, siring a son of his own.
But he had no interest in marriage. If given the choice between getting married and living his life as a friend to Alexander, he would choose the second option. Alexander was the only person who would ever have his heart. Besides, he didn't want to put any woman through the shame of having a husband incapable of giving his entire heart to her. Not to mention that he didn't want to sire a child just so his father could be satisfied. And that's why he was currently single and living the simple life of a forever bachelor.
Always the groom's man, and never the groom. That's how he saw himself, and he had no problem with it either.
He found solstice in the Hamilton family though. He was a frequent visitor to the their household, the Grange. He played with the children, he was even the godfather to some as well. He joined them for dinner whenever he was free. He talked to Eliza and Alexander about his father's company and his volunteer efforts, while they shared stories of their own work.
They were great friends, the closest.
To Laurens, Eliza was the most ideal person and partner. And Alexander was someone who could do no wrong in his eyes.
What he didn't realize was how untrue that last statement would become.
Alexander Hamilton was no stranger to heartbreak and tragedy. In fact, his conception was based around those two words. He was born as the son of a whore and Scotsman, he had been labeled illegitimate since birth because of their forbidden affair. For you see his mother had been married and was still married to her first husband when she met his father. She was unable to marry him as a result and was disgraced by society for it.
And so he went through his childhood with the title of being a bastard. That meant that he had little to no opportunities to prosper. He was shunned by his home town of Nevis, but they weren't the only ones to do so. His father, James Hamilton, had been his greatest enemy. The man his mother had fallen in love with turned out to be nothing but a useless deadbeat. The man would take every opportunity to abuse him and his mother, she suffered the brunt of it though. He tried to protect her whenever he could, really he did. But he would end up bruises and scars as well.
He couldn't protect her then, and he probably couldn't protect her now if she was alive. His father soon abandoned them, he had grown tired of having the burden of a family. And soon his mother was left to pick up the pieces. As much as he was happy that his father had left, deep down another part of him missed the man as well. The key male figure in his life had taught him all the wrong things, and never made up for it. When he walked away, it wasn't from just his life or his mother… but him as well. And that pain alone felt like someone had stabbed him through the heart.
Life continued on as it always did… but soon life dealt Alexander another crushing blow. His mother and him had been struck with yellow fever. They were huddled together in their home, his mother's arms were wrapped around him in a loving yet sickly embrace. She feared that it was the end of her and him. Once again Alexander found himself debating between the two sides of himself. A part of him wanted to die, he wanted the pain and suffering to end. There was no life for him in this world, especially when it tried everything in its power to keep him down. And yet the other part of him wanted to fight through this, he wanted to keep going and create a legacy he could be proud of. He wanted to live and yet he wanted to die as well.
In the end, he lived but his mother died. She passed away in her sleep as she continued to hold him. He cried and mourned for her, and that was the first time in his life that he felt so lonely and helpless. Soon he was passed from relative to relative, as time passed Alexander learned how to fend for himself as he retrieved every piece of knowledge he could get his hands on. And that is until the natural disaster that shaped his life forever.
A hurricane. It destroyed his town along what little hope for a future he had. But like a phoenix, he rose from the ashes and put a pencil to his temple. It connected with his brain and he wanted his first frame, the testament to his pain. He wrote everything down as far as he could see, and he would later say that he wrote his way out of it. His words touched the people of Nevis and soon they funded his trip to New York City, where he could begin a life there. And hopefully a legacy as well.
Through a series of events he found himself excelling in everything he did. He achieved the positon of a right hand man while in the military, he made friends with great men, he was one of New York's most powerful lawyers and he became the Secretary of Treasury under George Washington.
And when he wasn't excelling in politics, he was with his family. A family he had hoped to create to make up for the loss of his own during his childhood. He had met a wonderful woman whose beauty and kindness succeeded anyone else's. He married said woman and had five children with her, children he couldn't picture his life without. Overall, he was living the American dream and he was happy.
But despite that happiness and those successes, why did he continue to look for trouble? He wasn't sure he had the answer, maybe that was all he was good for. A lot of his enemies seem to think so, they said that he could never be satisfied with what he had and that's why he was always looking for ways to keep going. At first, Alexander never listened to such comments and he brushed them off.
But maybe there was some truth to it all… and unfortunately that realization came too late.
It all started when Maria Reynolds walked into his life. He had rejected taking a break with his family, instead he stayed shut in his home called the Grange. He had said it was for work, he had to get his plan through congress. And then she showed up at his door one day, he would never forget the look on her face. She looked so pathetic, so alone… so helpless.
At that moment, he saw his mother. For Rachel Faucette had been like that during her life. She had always been so frail and weak, and that's why he took it upon himself to help whenever and however he could. This woman was no different, and so he asked for her grievances and helped her.
And that's when it all came crashing down. She talked him into bed, and he allowed himself to embrace her in the same manner he embraced his wife. It was pleasurable, but Alexander would never forget the pit of guilt he felt rising in his stomach after it was all over. He knew he should have left and forgot about it, but something kept calling him back to her… into Maria Reynolds arms.
Everything was fine at first until James Reynolds unraveled his twisted plans. Now he found himself in a dangerous game of chess… or maybe it was more like Russian roulette. Either way, it was something he couldn't escape from. He found himself paying off James Reynolds while continuing to see his wife. And he did all of this behind his wife and children's backs.
Never in his life had Alexander felt so guilty for something, and he hated himself every day for putting his family through such pain. Even if they didn't realize it, sometimes that both relieved and worried him. He didn't want them to find out, especially not Eliza. This was the last thing he had wanted to do to his beloved wife. She was the best of wives, she didn't deserve this kind of pain and she didn't deserve a terrible husband such as him. Over the years he had put her through a lot, but this was the ultimate betrayal.
But as strange as it sounded, he found himself drawn to Maria as their visits continued. After a while, their relationship became more than just a physical one. There were times where they just talked and listened to one another's grievances. And it was during this time that Alexander discovered that he and this women weren't so different after all. The only difference was that Maria was miserable compared to him. And it was in that moment that Alexander felt so stupid for taking his family for granted, compared to her he had it easy. And that's why he continued to stay by her side, he gave her hope and the love she deserved.
However, it couldn't last forever. He knew that and she knew that as well. It was only after a year of their meetings, that Alexander finally had the strength to call it off. Maria had understood, she said that he belonged to his wife and that despite their affair, she knew that Eliza was the one he loved. That was true, Alexander's feelings towards his loving wife hadn't changed from the moment he laid eyes of her. As he left, he felt guilty for leaving Maria to deal with the stresses of being a wife to someone like James Reynolds, but they had both said it was for the best.
And so for a while their lives went on as if nothing had ever happened. That is until he received a message from Maria herself, she said it was urgent and he quickly left to meet her once again. At first he feared that maybe Reynolds had done something horrible to her. But he was soon proven wrong as she revealed to him the terrible secret they had created together.
A baby. An illegitimate child. A bastard… just like him.
Whatever was left of his world came crashing down in that instant. His sin had come back to haunt him in the most extreme of ways. It was all his fault, he had no choice but to admit that his enemies were finally right about him. Because in that moment Alexander Hamilton himself knew that he had screwed up. He had hurt his children and he had hurt Eliza. There was no taking back something like this.
Both he and Maria were scared, both for different reasons and for a while they didn't speak to each other. During this time Alexander contemplated what a fool he had been. He was not only ruining his wife and children's lives, but he also ruining the lives of his unborn child and their mother.
Something he had fought so hard to be rid of was now falling on a child of his, the status of a bastard. They would have to go through life with that stigma, the very same one he did. Only this time it would be much worse than what he went through. He couldn't believe he had been so selfish enough to place that kind of burden on his own child. Why was it that he could only bring pain to those he loved and cared about? Maybe it was the curse of his birth or the curse of his reckless demeanor. This was his punishment for being alive and for thinking he was nonstop.
He had to take responsible for this, he had taken care of Maria to the best of his ability. He provided her with enough funds to finally leave James Reynolds and move into a small apartment. He had visited her as often as he could as well, he had to make sure both mother and child were in good health. Despite how it was conceived Alexander held nothing but love for his unborn child, just as he did with the rest of his children. However, there was the matter of Eliza. He knew this baby would hurt his wife and that's why he was so hesitant on saying anything to her directly. He was a coward and for that he hated himself.
He hated himself so much.
But it wouldn't last because it wasn't long before his enemies were the first to discover his suspicious spending. He had been forced to reveal his affair under the deal of them keeping silent about it. But he knew that it wouldn't stay just rumors for long, he had to do something. He had to take control of his own life and his legacy. And so Alexander Hamilton did the only thing he knew how to do, write.
He would write his way out once again, he would write everything down as far as he could see. History had its eyes on him, he would overwhelm them with honesty.
This was the eye of the hurricane… this was the only way he could protect his legacy.
The Reynolds Pamphlet.
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