I decided to write this fanfic since it's been going on in my mind for weeks.
P.S: Please pardon my mistakes and please do tell me your thoughts. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Citrus or any of its characters. All credits goes to Saburo Uta.
Chapter 1: Hey, Yuzu...
"Mei-chan, how was the bonding with Yuzu?" Ume was the one who broke the silence. They were sitting in front of the dining table and currently having their dinner. She watched her two daughters with a gentle smile on her face, Mei that as usual quite and Yuzu, she noticed that Yuzu's been kind of too cheerful with her big grin plastered on her face, it's not unusual but she was just wondering how was the bonding between her two daughters went and obviously she might have had her answer already.
"Uhm, it was fun, mama! We actually went to try dresses and it was beautiful! I told Mei that we should come back next time..." Yuzu was the one to answer the question, she cheerfully faced her stepsister Mei who was quitely eating her meal, "...right, Mei?" Yuzu added, her expression softens as she waited for Mei to finish the food she was chewing.
Mei avoided Yuzu's gaze as she could feel her heart starting to beat a little fast remembering what had happened earlier, she looked at her mother's eyes and with her stoic expression, she said, "I had fun, mother. Though, I must admit it was quite tiring walking aimlessly," Mei said in her calm voice, then watched her stepsister in her peripheral vision but quickly threw her gaze down to her plate as she met Yuzu's eyes on that moment.
But that moment was enough for Yuzu's heart to beat faster, a blush creeped across her cheeks and she miserably tried to hide her reddened face from her mother who was quitely watching them.
"Yuzuko, try not to tire Mei-chan too much, okay?" Their mother quitely scolded Yuzu, earning a pout from her oldest daughter.
"I..I know that! You don't have to tell me, mama," Yuzu stumbled on her words, trying to calm down her beating heart, hiding her face from her mother while also stealing shy glances from Mei who continued eating.
After a quite awhile, Mei drank her remaining water as she placed her fork and knife on her plate and without glancing in any of the two, she said, "I'll be heading to bed now, mother. Thank you for the food, it's delicious," she stood up from her sit while holding her plate.
Yuzu looked up at her with panic in her eyes, "w-wait, Mei! I'm almost finish!" Yuzu shoved mouthful of foods in her mouth, quickly finishing her meal and stood up from her seat, with a fast pace following Mei on the counter and then placed their dirty dishes on the sink.
"Yuzuko! I told you to mind your manners. Don't bother Mei-chan, school will start tomorrow, right?" their mother scolded Yuzu again, but Yuzu looked to Mei's retreating back then to her mother and then slowly, to the sink.
"Good night, mother," Yuzu heard Mei's voice but then she couldn't do anything, she wanted to join Mei and go to sleep together, or—maybe, she could ask for a good night kiss or talk to her for a little while before the night ends. But with her eyes staring hardly on the dirty dishes, she hated that she had to do this kind of thing for once, she really wanted to be alone with Mei but...
Ume sighed, watching her daughter glare at the plates made her wonder what was wrong, "don't worry about it, Yuzu. I'll do the dishes, you should join Mei-chan to bed, you have to be early tomorrow in school," with a gentle expression, Ume looked over to her daughter and smiled.
Yuzu looked back to her mother, a smile forming on her lips, "thank you, mama! Goodnight! I'll see you in the morning!" She quickly and happily said before walking towards their room. Her heart beating faster each second passed, Yuzu could feel her face heating up and the anticipation rising inside her. The effect of the event that happened earlier was still there and she couldn't forget the feeling and wondered about if Mei's feeling the same, too.
Yuzu slowered her pace until she reached the door, she stopped in front of it and took a deep breath, she's too excited and she's afraid that the excitement she feel will only disappoint her later if her lover Mei turn her down, just in case. But Yuzu is Yuzu and she's not going to stop until she get what she want. Determined, she held the doorknob and tilted it a little before finally opening the door and her eyes darting on the black-haired girl, facing its back on her.
Yuzu smiled and let out a small sigh before carefully and quitely entered and closed the door behind her. She went straight to the bed and sat on the edge, she watched as how Mei's slender shoulder move everytime she let in and out a breath. Yuzu tried to reach out her hands and gently caress her lover's silky black hair.
"Mei..." Yuzu whispered, lovingly calling Mei's name. Yuzu knew that Mei's still awake, and she's well aware that the black-haired girl is tired but she couldn't help it. Her urge to kiss her was lingering on her chest, and if she wouldn't happen to get a kiss, she might do something. "I know you're awake, Mei..." she tried calling her name again. Now slightly shaking Mei's shoulder, and not getting any reaction in return.
Sighing slightly, Yuzu slowly hopped on the bed and covered half of her body with blanket, while laying on her side and facing Mei's back. "Mei, I didn't get a kiss. Remember? We had a deal. Is that okay?" she asked, hoping that she would get an answer for the third time, and yet, Mei's still being stone to her side.
Her emerald's eyes stared deeply at Mei's back, then slowly up to her shoulder, and noticed her neck being slightly exposed. Yuzu slightly bit her bottom lip because of another heat rising inside her, coming from out of nowhere, and at the same time fighting the urge to do something she knew would get herself in trouble.
"Mei, I won't stop until you kiss me. Stop ignoring me," Yuzu quitely complained, trying her hard to pester Mei. When she didn't get an answer for the forth time, she opened her mouth and was about to say something until Mei turned to face her and quickly placed her lips to Yuzu's mouth, shutting up the blonde.
Her emerald eyes widened by the sudden contact, her breath hitched, and her heart started to pound hard against her chest. Quickly composing herself, afraid that Mei would pull off suddenly, she returned the kiss with the same intensity, their tongues dancing, slashing, fighting for domination.
Yuzu fought back, for once, she wanted to get the upper hand but that would be impossible for her—she's being dominated. There's this feeling she always gets everytime they kiss, the butterflies in her stomach, like she was floating in the air, her mind being clouded with nothing but pure pleasure, her heart that was drumming into her ears, and the urge to just kiss her and nothing else. Her feelings are genuine, sure, she wanted more, more than what she gets, but that's normal, right?
Right.
Yuzu uttered in her mind when Mei pulled back, and she was left catching her breath, panting heavily. She opened her eyes only to see Mei already turning around, facing her back. Again. "Good night, Yuzu," Mei casually said before letting out a sigh and finally closing her eyes in peace.
Yuzu's brows furrowed, she wanted more, and she knew Mei would get mad at her if she keeps pushing these urges but she wanted more. More than what she had given. So, she sat up on their bed and stared down at Mei, her eyes darting on a specific place; her exposed neck.
"Mei... it's not enough," Yuzu whispered that made Mei open her eyes in a wide gaze, her heart's suddenly beating fast and is being completely aware of the look she's getting from the blonde. Mei's hand clutching tightly on the bed sheets when she felt Yuzu moved, shifting her weight on top of Mei, trapping her between her arms. When she spoke, her voice being unusually husky, "more. Mei...please," Yuzu begged, in a seductive way.
Mei couldn't believe what she was hearing, especially what was happening right now, her voice, her words, and her courage. Where is she getting this?
She felt Yuzu's hand gently cupping her cheeks and tilted her head to face her, Mei wanted to protest, she's getting tired from all of this, and there's still paperworks in Student Council Office waiting for her first thing in the morning that makes her just want to go to sleep. But, Yuzu...
"...stop," Mei felt her ears suddenly burning in heat while Yuzu stared down at her with deep emerald orbs, she couldn't help but get drown. Yuzu's thumb gently stroking her cheeks, her eyes that were gently looking deep into her eyes, and her lips invitingly wanted to be kissed. But Mei stopped herself, because she knew for sure that the moment she let herself give in, she wouldn't be able to stop herself. Not with this situation.
"Just one more kiss and I'll stop," Yuzu firmly said, for the first time not showing her nervousness. And she waited, while Mei only avoided her gaze away from her and she kept tilting it back in place, holding the stare like they were having a fight between each other and no one want to just let go.
After a few minutes of protests and staring contest, Mei finally gave in, earning a wide grin from Yuzu, "I love you, Mei," Yuzu whispered and gently stroke Mei's lower lip before placing her own.
Mei was stopped on her tracks, a visible deep crimson blush creeping across her cheeks, and her eyes widening from the words she heard. She heard it right and clear.
It made Yuzu get the upper hand and took advantage of Mei's current state, she quickly entered her tongue in her mouth, finding for Mei's, her lids half closed staring into Mei's purple eyes before shutting it slowly when Mei did. Right now, no one dared to fight for domination, it's just pure contentment. They could feel each other's warm breaths, their tongues that once again, slashing and dancing, beating heart in sync, butterflies in stomachs, clouded mind, feels like they were floating in the thin air, and just this moment for both Mei and Yuzu. This moment just feels right.
For the last time, Yuzu gently sucked Mei's lower lip before finally parting their lips. Both of them panting heavily and Yuzu couldn't help but smile widely, somehow, she feel embarrassed and nervous. Her face is too close at Mei's and she couldn't help but look on her mysterious, deep, and cold purple orbs. She couldn't help to think of how perfect Mei was, no, how imperfect this girl and she loved it. So much. That it keeps her heart from hammering so hard inside her chest.
Slowly, Yuzu moved her lips on Mei's head, slightly inhaling her familiar scent, and being intoxicated by the smell of the younger girl, she gently placed a kiss on the crown of her head and smiled slightly when she heard Mei's sigh of contentment, "good night, Mei," Yuzu whispered before finally going back to her side of bed. Feeling happy for what happened and closed her eyes, contented now.
Later that night, Mei was supposed to be asleep right now, and she was well aware that it was already late, but somehow for some reason, sleep just couldn't visit her. Eventhough her body's too tired, it seemed like her mind's still wandering off in some place and she couldn't help but think about everything.
Slightly sighting heavily, Mei shifted to face the other side of the bed, and seeing Yuzu already in her deep peaceful slumber and a mouth slightly hanging open, she couldn't help but stare on her face. Mei unconsciously brought up her hands to her face, gently touching her own lips, she stared down on Yuzu's chest, a familiar object showed itself and she couldn't help but also clutched the ring she's wearing around her neck using her other free hand.
And something made her realize of the feeling buried deep down inside her heart.
It hurts.
The disgust and the guilt suddenly showing theirselves, the heavy feeling she's having right now... and the pain. It's so excruciating.
She reached out for Yuzu's face, aware of her pounding heart to the point that it hurts with every beat, but she couldn't help it, this is the crucial time where her true feelings shows itself, the one she always try harder to forget and hide, the one she denies herself to have.
It's love.
But right now, Mei let herself to do what her heart wants, she caressed Yuzu's cheek, stroking it gently with the back of her fingers, lovingly and longingly watching the girl in her sleep, that in fact, Mei always do. And what's wrong with her? Why would she always restrain and limit herself the thing she always want to do?
Why would Mei deny herself the love she deserved to have?
Maybe, because this is the first time she felt this way? Or—maybe, because she thinks that this love, this love would be so great and yet, agonizing. And she knew it in herself, that this kind of love would torment her, drown her with anguish, like a curse to her life and she hated it, and yet...and yet she wanted this.
Because this love is hers and hers alone. And this girl that she love gives her the hope and happiness that was taken away from her, freed her from the chain of responsibilities and made her forget who she ought to be. But no, that's not her, this is her. A girl who loves someone, and that someone is Yuzu.
But, why?
Why must the circumstances be like this? Why must suffer and choose between love and life? Happiness and dream? Promises and responsibilities? This girl and the academy?
When she thought love was just a tool to deceive people, to betray them, to hurt them, to control them and to hold power over them, why did Yuzu show up? And not only that, but why must it be Yuzu in all people of this world?
Yuzu made her feel loved, and give her the comfort, secure, warmth and especially, happiness that her father and grandfather failed to give her. And now, the guilt and pain was just getting heavier everytime she thinks of Yuzu and her love. Because Yuzu, Mei's know to herself that Yuzu deserved the love, the happiness, the comfort, and the honesty. Yuzu deserved the best, and their situations speaks otherwise.
If only they met in different circumstances—where she could freely love Yuzu, but no, this is the circumstances where they met. The circumstances she regrets to be in.
She's bound to hurt her, and this love, her love would greatly cause pain to Yuzu. Shatter her into pieces, torn her heart apart, and suffer the pain of loss.
Mei can't never choose to stay. Even if she want to, this is her fate, she's bound to abide the rules, and eventually, whatever cost her dream, this is going to be only a sacrifice.
Mei chuckled bitterly to herself as a stray tear fell, it hurts it hurts it hurts, she wanted to scream it, she wanted to show it to the world, but she just can't. Nothing will change, she already made up her mind, she already decided and this is the cost, the sacrifice, and the consequences of her actions.
Mei sat up on their bed and looked outside the balcony from her position, she could clearly see the moonlight trying to escape pass the curtains, and Mei thought it was simply beautiful. The luminous light, it's shining in this darkness, it's the source of light in this darkness, just like Yuzu in her life. She turned her gaze down on Yuzu, the blonde is still in her deep slumber and from the look of it, she won't be woken up easily.
Mei sighed silently and wiped away the tears that fell earlier and carefully got out from the bed, afraid that she would wake Yuzu up and see her in her current state. She walked over to her desk and quitely opened the drawer, retrieving a notebook she hid inside it, and gripped it tightly while her eyes spread across and read the written words.
The strategy book!! To be happy and lovey-dovey with Mei!
Mei bit her lower lip as she bite back a sob, tears started to fall from her eyes like a river, and her feelings just surges suddenly without her notice, she couldn't stop the pain flowing inside her, so she cried there silently, a hand clutching on the object on her chest. She tightly shut her eyes and it pains her greatly, there's a lump slowly forming on her throat and even with her eyes closed, tears only just escaping and falling.
But Mei couldn't stop her voice, she's crying a little louder now, but she's still stopping herself from giving in. She can't! Yuzu would see her, then she would ask, and then Mei would hesitate and just tell her the truth, she would hurt Yuzu. Imagining the scenario in her mind, it made Mei break down into a painful cry, she can't see Yuzu begging and crying in front of her because of her. It would make Mei's resolve crumble and just choose Yuzu, but she knows that she can't, she made a decision and she intended to do it.
Mei could feel her knees getting weak as she looked back to their bed and seeing Yuzu's face made hertremble in fear. She's now breathing heavily, with her chest rapidly rising up and down and it made Mei felt like inside this room, she was being choked by some force, taking her breath away. Her heart clenching inside her chest, and her stomach in knot, she just wanted to puke.
Mei breathlessly took a sit in front of her study table and turned on the lamp, with her slightly trembling hands, she opened the notebook and flipped through pages until she reached an empty space, then took a pencil and placed in on the clean page. For a moment, Mei didn't know what to write, or how she's supposed to say things from her on out, or how she should start this goddamn letter.
For the second time, she wiped dry her damp cheeks before looking back to Yuzu and then to the notebook, then she took a very deep breath and tried to calm her nerves before she started to write the words she couldn't tell Yuzu personally.
Mei tried to stop her shaking hands before swallowing the huge lump on her throat and move her hand, and the letter just started with:
Hey, Yuzu...
Do you still remember, the first night that we spent together as step sisters? Not only did I refuse to accept you as my step sister...I even ended up kissing you.—
Mei stopped. She felt disgusted with herself.
Why did she kissed Yuzu in the first place?
Hah, Mei's mind went black. Even herself couldn't answer her own question anymore. But, if only she hadn't done that, she wouldn't be in this situation, where she wouldn't have to risk hurting Yuzu for her own dream, for her own selfishness and twistedness,forher own comfort.
And right now, thinking back of everything from the start, Mei discovered what her heart truly desires. And these feelings and thoughts agreeing for once, Mei have to convey them, or else—or else what? Would it break her? No. You cannot break an already broken person. Instead, it would only make the pain more unbearable and heavier and before you know it, you've already gotten used to the suffering.
And in her mind, the scenario of her father leaving her six years ago came up, her dreams crumbled easily in front of her very eyes while she cried and begged for him not to leave her. And the five years alone, waiting for him to come back, only added the fuel to the fire.
—While waiting for my father to return, I believed that I had to protect the academy for the sake of the Aihara family. But more than anything else, it was for my own sake. My only purpose in life.—
And then...then what? What happened after those five years? Mei looked back to Yuzu, she felt her own body stiffened when Yuzu stirred up on her sleep. She held her breath, and her heart was already pounding in her ears, but mostly, it greatly scared Mei because she couldn't afford Yuzu to wake up. Not in her vulnerable state.
Mei sighed deeply after making sure that Yuzu is still asleep. Her guilt and pain are both almost unbearable, and after she finish this letter, she would finally be able to let go those feelings, and this things that torment her would make her numb. Right. It's supposed to be.
—But you lived freely and always talked about love. I thought we could never understand each other, so I refused to get along with you.—
Mei stopped again. And again. She asked herself what was the sole reason of everything. She's sure it wasn't just about that, or that the fact that they both lived in both different worlds, or not that she hated Yuzu, but what was it?
—Now that I think about it, I was probably envious of you. You probably couldn't stand looking at an immature person like me, who didn't even realise her own feelings.—
Mei's heart throbbed in ache, before, all she did was ignore these feelings and bury it deep inside her, and she thought that she had forgotten them until Yuzu showed up in her life, and became her step sister that very night.
—So you decided to confront my heart, with those genuine eyes of yours. Thanks to you, I was able to convey my hidden feelings towards my father, and realize the importance of figuring out my own dreams.—
A tear fell. That was the first time Mei felt that she could finally choose things on her own, but right now? The consequences of realizing and opening up came out, hunting her 'til now, the knife only deepened the wound into her heart, twisting it until she bleed to death, making her feel numb.
—Inheriting the academy became something I wanted to do of my own will. But, at the same time...I felt something. A new feeling that was your warmth. This feeling that coloured my heart.—
Mei let out a shaky sigh. Her body starting to tremble again, not in fear, not because she's scared, but because the pain starting to get into her nerves, afflicting her more. More than she could proabably handle.
—It made me afraid to face my goal. Once again, I tried to hide my feelings for you that grew. But since I've learnt to appreciate my own feelings, I did not become the me from before we met.—
"Mei...?" Her heart pondered widly in her chest, like it wanted to get out from her ribcage, but Mei only held her ring and tightly shut her eyes and prayed to God that... please, don't... Mei couldn't help but cry helplessly. Yuzu is her destruction.
Then Yuzu mumbled something in her sleep, and now she was hugging her pillow, and the blanket covering her body was now out of sight, exposing her skin to the cold night. Mei swallowed her saliva before she carefully rised up from her chair and went to Yuzu's side, walking with each nervous step, afraid that Yuzu would surprise her but only to see that she's still peacefully sleeping. She let go of her own breath, and that she didn't notice she stopped breathing not until awhile ago.
Mei bent down to the floor to pick up the blanket that Yuzu kicked off of her body, with gentle eyes, Mei watched Yuzu closely, she observed and memorized her features, how hear eyes gently closed, her long lashes that Mei often times stare at, her nose, down to her pinkish lips... Mei thought of the things why she love Yuzu. And then, her eyes wander off to her gold locks of hair, she sat down on the edge of the bed next to Yuzu that was facing the other side. Mei couldn't contain her emotion to hold the blonde, she caressed her head—down to her soft cheeks, Mei felt her heart skipped a beat and a small smile form on her lips.
Yuzu mumbled again, giggling a little by the sudden sensation, it's tickling her but it won't be enough to wake her up—not yet. "Hey, Yuzu... do you still remember, the first night that we spent together as step sisters?" Mei's voice was broken, it seemed like saying those things out loud only shatter her more, but what could she possibly do? This is the only way to let it out.
Hah, the first night... why does it hurts so bad? Why does she keeps thinking of that first night? Why?
Was it because of guilt? No. Was it because of fear? What fear? Then, was it because of pain? What causes the pain? How about because of just... everything?
It's because, that first night, that was the moment all of this started. And how foolish she was for continuing what she did, look what happened, it's only both hurting them. Tearing them apart. How was Mei supposed to face this? The pain was already greater than what she had anticipated.
Yuzu suddenly quivered that made Mei slightly shook her head, snapping her back out of her deep thoughts. She hugged the pillow more tightly, and yet, she's holding it securely, like she was protecting it from something or someone, like it was someone. Mei realized and recognized that gesture and that only made her stare at Yuzu's position for a little longer before covering her body with blanket. Mei chewed on her lips when Yuzu mumbled yet again in her sleep, "...Mei. I love you." Another wave of pain washed over her.
How could you love me?
Mei wanted to shout, but that would be insanity, how could she ask Yuzu that when in fact, the question supposed to be Yuzu's. How could Mei love Yuzu? She knew from the start it was selfishness, how could she let herself open her heart and make Yuzu think she would stay forever by her side? When real soon, she would have to say goodbye as how she said hello that first night meeting the blonde.
Mei vulnerably looked at Yuzu, tears threatening to fall again, but she doesn't care anymore, she knew it, she would really hurt this girl. "Not only did I refuse to accept you as my step sister..." She slowly bent down to Yuzu and leaned her forehead to her golden locks, and silently cried on her hair, Mei felt so weak and she wanted to get strength from Yuzu, and Yuzu alone.
Then after a few minutes for being still, she placed a gentle kiss on Yuzu's temple before she said the next words with a crack on her voice, "...I-I even ended up kissing you," And now, she did it. Again.
But the difference is, she did it before to shut her up, while now... this might be one of the last thing she could give her before finally saying goodbye for good. She did this with feelings, with emotions, with sincerity, that only greatly breaks her apart and in a few hours, she would be finally putting a period in everything.
She would finally let go of Yuzu.
Mei quickly stood up from the bed and went to her closet, her eyes looking for the bag with her clothes all ready to be in pack, she hesitated for a moment before she pushed aside her remaining emotions and started packing up her stuffs, shoving them into her bag. Mei often times glancing back to Yuzu and making sure she's not waking up her lover. After feels like eternity for Mei, she already finished fixing everything, and the only thing remained left to do was finish that goddamn letter.
Mei went to retrieve the notebook and the pencil, before she walked toward the bed again and sat to Yuzu's side. Mei amusingly looked over to Yuzu, how could she sleep all through these things? How could she still dream of her? It should be and supposed to be a nightmare for Yuzu, and soon, she would look at it that way. And just forget about Mei, and hate her for leaving her, for hurting her, for every little thing that would remind her of Mei.
—Unkowingly, I ended up running away from you because of my wavering feelings. But even then, with a genuine confession you still chased after me. Whenever I think about that kiss...I felt as though I was allowed to honestly love you. Even now, I can feel this feeling of happiness—
But despite of everything, Mei's still feeling the happiness of meeting Yuzu... it was just the thought and her decision hurting her so bad. Their shared kisses reminded her of how she came to love Yuzu, how Yuzu bravely chased after her and confessed her love, and that bright personality that lit her life up.
—...And since then, everyday we spent together I thought of how I could best respond to your feelings.—
Mei went to a halt. She reached out her hand when Yuzu shifted on the bed and face her, Mei couldn't stop the temptation of caressing her lover's face with the back of her fingers.
"Hehe, Mei... Nhmm."
-Like trying new things together with you and learning all sorts of things to better understand you. In order to find out what you wanted, I even picked up your notebook.—
"...Mei, please stop crying..." Mei gasped for air when Yuzu mumbled for the nth time. Her brows slightly furrowed in concern, that Mei had to stroke her cheek in a comforting manner.
Mei whispered, sounded so cold with despair, "...I'll be fine, Yuzu," which is a lie. Then her eyes accidentally landing on her hand, and it reminded her of the ring around her neck. Mei took out the ring from her inside shirt and she held it tightly inside her palm, loneliness and sadness slowly clamping down her heart.
-The ring you gave me as a present is my irresplaceable treasure. Every minute and every second of time I spent with you... Everything felt so fun and refreshing that I have fallen so hard for you to a point of no return.—
And the scary part of admitting her emotions is coming, and she can see it, when she reach it, she's just gonna cry again in silence, while counting the time left for her to be able to stay with Yuzu.
Then, she remembered when she realized that she love Yuzu, she was so scared, feeling so weak and at the same time, she was so happy. And each day she spent with Yuzu, she became happier, and made her forget the cruel and harsh reality of this world.
—However, this was when my heart began to ache. I realized that your love to me would eventually break your heart.—
Mei reached out for Yuzu's hand and intertwined their fingers, she held it tightly like she was so scared to let go, because when the time comes for it, she wouldn't be able to do anything but to watch how she slowly, painfully, let go of those hand that held her with so much care and love.
—My guilt becomes heavier and more unbearable the more I receive your love and the more I think about you.—
Mei threw her eyes away from Yuzu and looked outside of their balcony, she could see a slight brightness starting to light their dark and cold room. And it reminded her when they watched the sunset yesterday.
"...And you were watching the sunset like it was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, and I was watching you thinking the exact same thing. Our hands that firmly holding each other made my heart ached in pain, because I wasn't sure until when I could still hold it," she whispered... with a broken smile plastered on her face. Mei faced the notebook and the real reason why she was doing all of these things hit her like a train running over her.
—Because in the near future I will marry my fiancee and inherit the Aihara academy. I've told mom about the marriage preparations, and asked her not to tell you about it.—
As just Mei wrote those words down, she heard a soft knock on the door, following by their mother's voice saying, "Mei-chan, are you awake now?" Ume asked and then a few seconds later opened their bedroom door. She already had the gentle and sweet smile on her face when she saw Mei sitting beside her older daughter but only to turn into a sad smile when her eyes went down to their joined hands then to Mei's painful expression.
"...Could you give me a little longer, mother?" It was a mere whisper but was clear to Ume, it sounded so hard, and full of sorrow to her ears. But, she couldn't stop it from happening, even if she wanted to, she couldn't do anything. What exactly she could possibly do right now?
Shō's still not here with them to stop this ridiculous marriage.
"Are you sure about this, Mei-chan?" Ume worriedly asked. Her eyes slowly stopping on the notebook on Mei's lap, and figured that it was the letter Mei mentioned a few days ago when she told her mother she couldn't possibly explain this situation directly to Yuzu.
Mei swallowing thickly before she said, "yes, mother. This is my responsibility as Aihara's heiress, I am bound to follow my grandfather's footsteps, and to take care of Aihara's household. I am the only remaining person he could trust his legacy with..." Mei averted her gaze away from her mother and looked down on the notebook, and the words just mixed like potions and chemicals in her eyes, making her feel dizzy with every word written on the page.
Ume don't know what to say, she understand everything, and with this situation her step daughter is currently in, she wished that she could do anything to help her from this prison she's in caged with. But, this specific matter, she don't have any say about this. She might be an Aihara, but elite blood don't run through her veins, only Shō can stop this.
But her father wasn't here, and Mei had to repeatedly tell herself that her father would never come back to the academy anymore, that that would never happen. Because six years ago, he already left and ran away from his responsibilities and those responsibilities was placed upon his daughter, Mei.
"...I understand. How about Yuzu? Won't you change your mind to tell her the truth or just say goodbye?" Ume asked that had Mei fell silent. She tightly gripped Yuzu's hand before she looked back to her mother.
"...I couldn't possibly be able to do that. Yuzu would question me and I don't think I could face her and tell the truth in her face..." Mei sighed.
"Yuzu would be happy for you, Mei-chan, because you're following your dream in your own volition," Ume gently smiled. Mei's expression became unreadable but she remained silent. She gritted her teeth, her jaws' clenching.
Following my dream in my own will and sacrifice the love that was given to me.
"I'll be waiting on the living room, Mei-chan," Ume smiled once again, not noticing the sudden change on Mei's expression, before she closed the door gently and left.
Mei darted her eyes on the notebook, her body started shaking again as she swallowed the heavy burden she was feeling and with her trembling hand, she forced herself to finish what she started.
—This is my final answer that I have chosen, for your sake.—
Mei stopped, her hands shaking now uncontrollably, and the voices inside her head just kept messing around.
For her sake? How come?
Painful as it be, she let go of Yuzu's hand and clutched her chest tightly as if she was physically hurt, her heart beating only, stinging pain accompanied her each breath. Hot tears falling, streaming down her face, showing that every tear represents the damaged soul she has. But this is her choice, this is what she decided for herself, this is her responsibility she could never possibly run away from.
Because she promised this to herself.
Mei choked back a sob and hugged herself awfully, her arms tightening around her body, trying to protect herself from the invisible pain, but who is she kidding? Only herself. Then she glared at the notebook, with her hand written on it, it made her feel nauseated. It disgusts her thinking of everything she wrote on that damn page. How could she still say she love Yuzu when in about an hour or so, she would be leaving this girl who truly loves her, she would hurt her and then what? Only to be left with a damn note with her feelings written on it?
Hah, very funny. It makes her sick. This is twisted.
Yuzu stirred up in her sleep that horrified Mei. She don't have much time left but to finish it, so she could leave already, because once those emerald eyes look at her, she knew, she wouldn't be able to leave her. So, Mei, forced herself again to write the words and poured out her emotions along with the wounded and broken heart.
—From now on, I will walk the path I have decided for myself. I will also try my best not to associate with you in school and as a family.—
Mei tried not to make any sound as she looked down on Yuzu and it melted her heart when she saw the small smile on her lips, she must be having a lovely dream.
Too bad, her reality would be her nightmare.
—I will not be able to meet you in person anymore as my resolve will crumble upon seeing you.
That's why I have written everything on this note, including all the feelings that I have to convey to you.
Please forgive your weak and selfish sister.—
"Please forgive me, Y-Yuzu..." her voice cracking as she speak her lover's name. She touched her face again, feeling thousands of electricity ran through her whole body when their skin came in contact.
—This will be the last.
But even if our hearts stay apart, I am still extremely grateful of the fact that we have our bond as sisters.
I will always pray for your happiness, as well as of those who you love.—
Mei, weeping painfully, and if someone saw her right now, they would also feel what she feels through her current state. She's a mess, and for the first time, her look shows how wrecked she is inside, but Mei doesn't care anymore, she stopped caring when she wrote down those words.
Mei leaned down and wrapped her arms around Yuzu, agonizing in so much pain and sadness, she buried her face on Yuzu's neck and just let her tears flow until she eventually stopped and just stayed in that position, glad that the blonde still hasn't woken up from her deep slumber.
She swallowed thickly, her throat's felt so dry and sore, her eyes heating up again for another tears threatening but Mei managed to prevent it from falling as she forced herself to crack a broken smile, and cupped Yuzu's face between her palms with her cold and trembling hands.
She looked—stared and watched Yuzu, before she carefully leaned down and placed a soft and tender kiss on her forehead, gaining a sigh of contentement from the blonde. Mei's thick voice whispered, "—Thank you Yuzu.—"
Once again, she memorized her features, and like a map, imprinted it on her mind so she would never forget of this face—of Yuzu's face.
With all of the strength she could muster, Mei lastly bent down, and placed another kiss on Yuzu, this time on the lips before she frailly pulled away and smiled... with a tear falling from her eye, she finally said, "—Goodbye."