I don't own Naruto. Dedicated to the awesome guy, guy who must think I'm a jerk, Marielle, and my bestfriend Alyannah.
Method to Madness
Kakashi sold his heart to the devil. To what devil? He wasn't quite certain, but he suspects it is his father for isn't the only one he had ever loved and worshipped with so much indignity was this man tagged 'White Fang', whom was honored and thought of as higher-ranking than the Sannins themselves? For justice's sake Sakumo had been a good father, he was once proud to call him that, father, as if it provided him his own essence of glory and a claim to respect. He didn't deserve to be called a devil, no he really didn't. Devils weren't cowards. A devil would have relished, laughed at his screams as he made him watch as he sliced himself with his prize kunai, bleed, let his eyes go round and white instead of crying along with him. A devil wouldn't have made him put on a mask to hide the family's shame. He would have let his son go around flaunting his sins. It was shameless business, but at present it barely enters his thoughts. Hatake, Sakumo was barely in anyone's thoughts now for he was already forgotten just as people tend to forget fallen warriors who reaps no more glory.
Kakashi sold his heart to the devil so he couldn't feel love anymore, and he was sorry about that for he knew he hurt Rin badly that way, and he didn't like getting Rin hurt. He bloody swore on Obito's deathbed he'd protect her, protect her with no exception from himself. He couldn't feel, but he wasn't blind. Beautiful Rin, with the kind brown eyes, with her rosy cheeks, pink lips, and shiny chestnut colored hair which darkened to the color of maroon when it dampens truly did love him. It showed in simple ways, her touch, her looks, the way she follows him everywhere even on a drunken night to his bedroom, and how tightly she held on to him then, trusting. He tried to do it, to fill in the place of her lover, the place Obito vacated when he had left her to him, tried to mean it when he kissed her, tried to mean it when she came to him time to time when she needed the warmth and pleasure Kakashi had introduced to her innocent self, but he couldn't help it if she didn't believe him. The way her eyes would look up to him sad, open, vulnerable, pained and quiet. He wanted to cry for her when she looked at him like that for he knew she didn't deserve this pain because in all truth he didn't deserve her in the first place. He was a broken man, lucky in a twisted way, destructive in the worst possible means for the beast inside of him took glory not only in the blood of the people he killed, but it enjoyed shunning and driving people away as well. She needed someone complete and virtuous, somebody who is able to look her in the eye and tell her she was adored. Everytime this happened, he would wrap his slender arms around her, and pull her close. He'd let her scent, which was something close to mint, prevade his senses, and he'd tell her he was sorry, so sorry, he didn't have to tell her what he was sorry for. She'd just go limp under him, and for a few moments Kakashi had Rin fooled.
Maybe Kakashi did love her who knew, even he couldn't understand the inner-workings of his bizarre mind. Maybe what he felt was greater than a simple infatuation, too profound for a profession, too profound for affection. Maybe he was just too scared to hurt her to try.
Kakashi sold his heart to the devil just as Minato sold his life and soul. His life for a good purpose, his soul for a foolish ordeal with the death god. He had done it for his people, for his family, he had done it for Kakashi. Minato had always been a good man to him. He treated him as he would have treated his son, even calling him his prodigy. Minato taught him tricks, arts, and techniques he didn't bother to share with his other students, and it was safe to say and is evident with Obito's jealous looks, that he was favored. It was a sad affair, but Kakashi, the boy he had put so much hope into was an ingrate. He had told Kakashi not to go. He wasn't needed. He'd only get himself killed. He was just a boy. "Why lecture me, Minato? I am the head of the ANBU. I am not your boy. You aren't my father." Minato was quiet. His cerulean eyes locked into a one-eyed gaze into his dark one, and he thought for a moment Minato would hit him, but he didn't, though and instead grinned at him sheepishly. "I forget, Kakashi." And he did go.
He still had the lash from when he had gone too close and the monster had hit him. Senpai had saved his life. He didn't understand this, for he was too bloodied that time. Senpai stood before him trying to ward the fox. Trying to protect him even though he was scarred himself. Tall senpai, with his yellow hair, lopsided smile, and mischievous bright eyes who always ran his hand in his spiky silver hair. He was too weak to keep his eyes open. That was the last time he ever saw his senpai, and he was a bit glad because he'd never have to let him see the man his boy had become.
Kakashi sold his heart but he never got the end of the bargain. He never did though he waited patiently enough for it to come which he was certain it would for even destiny, fate, and devils weren't as unfair as uncomprehensive humans deemed them to be. Maybe he'd get his mother back. Maybe she'd take him in and let him lie on her lap, as she explains how she just went off to buy ingredients for a good bowl of ramen. Maybe he'd get the capacity to love, and he'd able to give it to Rin, to make her happy and make her smile the way she used to when Obito and Minato were around. Maybe he'd get his honor back. Whatever it is, he knows it would be worthwhile, if it isn't though, well everything could be refunded. He'd simply get his heart back.
I haven't written in such a long time, and it kind of feels nice. Dedicated to the people mentioned. Tell me what you think. This is purely fiction. Sorry if it isn't as concrete as you thought it would be.