Ray slid effortlessly across the worn red vinyl seat of the booth he and Fraser used to sit in, back when Fraser was still in Chicago. He chose to have his back against the wall so he could see the other patrons, just like every other time he and Fraser had eaten at the diner. He moved the salt shaker from the center of the table over to the window sill, pairing it with the pepper and brushed his hand across the table's smooth surface giving it a clean sweep. "This is nice. You and me having lunch again." Ray smiled and without thinking, wiped his palms clean on his jeans, his face contorting in disgust at the mess that had been left on the table as he did so. "Just like old times." Glancing up, he caught Fraser's bewildered expression and blushed.
"You still do the same thing whenever you sit down." Fraser's voice was quiet as he leaned forward and folded his arms on the table top. "Move the salt shaker, clean the table with your hands and then wipe them off on your jeans, all the while wrinkling your nose." His lips turned upwards into a crooked smile. "After sixteen years, I still don't know if I find that charming or irritating that you can't just pick a clean booth to sit at."
Ray's blush moved to his ears. "I like sitting here. Besides, it means I can see everything that's happening in the diner. One would think after sixteen years, Betty would learn to finally move the salt shaker back to where it belongs and clean the table of the last person's crumbs."
"She's still here?" Fraser was surprised, casting his gaze over his shoulder in search of the waitress he remembered from many years before. He straightened when Betty seemed to materialize out of thin air and approached their booth. Her peach apron hugged her slender waist and hid all but a quarter inch of the blue jean mini-skirt that went out of style sometime in the previous sixteen years. Fraser could have sworn she began swaying her hips in a suggestive manner the moment she laid eyes on him.
"Well, look what the cat dragged in." She dropped a menu onto the table in front of Ray and then turned to hand one directly to Fraser.
"Good to see you too, Betty," Ray replied with a touch of sarcasm filling his voice as he picked up his menu and flipped it open.
Betty ignored the detective and focused her attention on Fraser. "It's been a long time since I've seen you in here with Detective Not-So-Smarty Pants."
Fraser accepted the menu and forced a smile. "Thank you kindly." He sat straighter and leaned toward the waitress, holding the menu up to block his face from Ray's view. He lowered his voice when he spoke. "And I believe it's still Detective Kowalski."
"So, I've been told," she replied dryly. She rolled her eyes in Ray's direction as if that was supposed to be some form of apology. Ray gave her a smirk in return.
"And yes," Fraser turned to face Ray, his expression warming as he gave up a real smile. "It has been too long. So…" Betty ignored the exchange between the two men by tapping out an impatient rhythm with her pen on her notepad. Fraser demanded her attention again with a quick cough. "I think we'd both like coffee, cream and sugar for my friend here and the special."
"There's sugar on the table," Betty replied coldly. "And we're out of the special."
"Nothing's changed around here," Ray muttered under his breath.
Fraser looked to his right. "Ah, yes… so, there is. Perhaps if it weren't hiding behind the ketchup bottle, I would have seen it. Just the coffee and some creamer then." He handed the menu back to Betty without ever opening it and motioned for Ray to do the same. "Thank you kindly." She scribbled in her small notebook and made a hasty retreat towards the kitchen.
"I don't believe it," Ray leaned back against the booth and folded his arms in front of his chest. "After all these years, I finally get your lingo."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Fraser replied innocently as he swiped his brow with his knuckles and avoided eye contact. He picked at a crusted spot on the table and wrinkled his own nose.
"Yes, you do." Ray laughed at his friend's uncharacteristic behavior. He snatched a packet of sugar out from behind the ketchup bottle and ripped it open to get it ready for his coffee. "Don't give me that polite Mountie bullshit."
"Language, Ray," Fraser warned his friend, but the threat didn't travel any further than his lips.
Ray laughed again. "You're still the same, Ben. Always trying to get me to clean up my mouth."
Fraser leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Don't you think she's quite rude?" Fraser glanced over his shoulder and straightened when Betty returned with a pot of coffee and two mugs. She filled them and left as quickly as she arrived when she realized she wasn't getting the attention she seeking from Fraser. When she was out of earshot, Fraser continued. "Between you and me, I never did care for her. Her attentions always grated on my very last nerve. She had this way of looking at me that always made me uncomfortable, all the while ignoring you every time we came in. It never made any sense to me why you always chose to sit in the same booth knowing she would be waiting on us."
"Trade me spots." Ray scooted to the end of his seat and stood up.
"What?" Fraser asked confused. "Why? We've always sat in the same seats."
"Just do it and quit asking questions." Ray was already out of his seat and standing at the end of the booth. He pulled on Fraser's arm until he stood and traded him spots. Fraser slid over to where Ray had been sitting, still perplexed. "Look at the edge of the table, Ben. See that date that's scratched in the wood… all the way to the far left?" Ray switched their cups of coffee while Fraser cocked his head to the side to get a better view of the edge of the table.
"Yes, I see it. I see... all of them."
"You know what day that was, the first one?"
Fraser shook his head trying to pinpoint what was so important about that specific date that Ray had felt inclined to carve it into the side of a table. He knew it was the year that his friend Ray Vecchio had left for undercover work in Vegas, but the exact date that Ray had inscribed, wasn't ringing any bells. Maybe before the accident, he would have known without any hesitation.
"That's the first day we met," Ray said, fondness filling his voice. "At the end of that first day when I thought you were about to walk away and figure out what to do without Vecchio here, you stopped and asked me to have dinner with you. That was the first time we came here and the day my life changed. We sat in this very booth. Betty was busy batting her eyelids at you while you were busy trying to ignore her. She wouldn't take the hint you weren't interested in her. I fell a little bit in love with you that day. That's why I always sit here. Reminds me of the good days when we were partners. On that first day, I knew there was something about you. I knew that we were a duet."
"And the others?" Fraser's voice was soft as he gently rubbed his thumb pad over the engraved numbers, each one representing a memory to Ray.
Ray glanced out the window at the passing traffic. His voice quivered slightly when he began to speak, as if he were telling a secret. "Nobody could get under my skin like you could. One is the day I punched you and decided I couldn't partner with you anymore." Ray flinched when Fraser absentmindedly rubbed at his jaw, suddenly aware that not all the dates were happy ones. He pressed on regardless. "Then on that sinking ship, you breathed life back into our duet and I knew I would always be your partner, no matter where we were in life."
"Buddy breathing…" Fraser whispered.
"It was more than that, Ben." Ray poured some creamer into his coffee and a packet of sugar and gave the liquid a stir before depositing his spoon onto the folded napkin. "The others hold a special meaning as well. That's why I always sit here. Makes it feel like you're still close, and not thousands of miles away in the Northwest Areas."
"Territories," Fraser smiled warmly at his friend and corrected him for what seemed like the hundredth time. He looked at the dates again and glanced up, meeting Ray's blue eyes. "I see. Are these all memories of me?"
"Yes. Well, all but the one when Travis came to live with me."
Fraser chuckled before he took a sip of his steaming coffee. "Ah yes, little Travis. He's quite the artist. The wipes came in handy cleaning his artwork off my forehead. Thank you. I can't believe I slept through that."
Ray cringed at the memory of walking into the living room and seeing Travis concentrating fully on his project at hand. "Yeah. God, Ben, I'm really sorry about that. I can't believe you slept through it either. He was just about to start on your arms when I came out of the bathroom this morning. You must have been exhausted. Although, you always were a deep sleeper."
"That apparently has not changed over the years. Constable Turnbull used to tell me that I could sleep through an invasion and actually did once when a group of American school children visited the Consulate on a field trip. It was my day off and if memory serves me correctly, you and I had been up the entire night on a stakeout." Fraser went quiet as he turned his coffee mug around but didn't pick it up. The dark liquid danced against the edge without spilling over. "I'm sorry, Ray," he began, his voice more somber. "It's been a particularly difficult year for me. I admit to feeling rather lost, much like on the day we met. A year ago, I imagine I would have known what all of these dates meant to you… or what they meant to us. But now…" Fraser's voice trailed off as he stared at his coffee, small ripples breaking the surface as he tapped nervously at the rim of the mug with his thumbs. "Now, I don't even remember where we left off, just that I miss your presence in my life terribly."
"Last time I saw you," Ray swallowed painfully. "I left you standing alone in an airport."
Fraser nodded but remained silent. He vaguely remembered having this conversation over a year ago with Ray.
"I'm sorry, but I just didn't know how to make that leap when you asked me to stay. My decision to leave hurt you and I know that." Ray picked up his spoon and stirred his coffee again. "I figured, I would go back home, we'd talk and maybe the next time I would be ready. But then I didn't hear from you and I thought, 'Oh, shit… I've really screwed up'... you know. So, I called and I wrote letters and they just kept coming back, one right after the other. I must have written twenty. I started freaking out thinking I had made a horrible mistake. What if I had just ruined everything we had been through together over the years? And I couldn't get a phone call through to you to save my life." Ray dropped his spoon to the napkin and folded his arms across his chest. "I just didn't know what to think anymore. I was scared for you and angry at you."
"That was right before I got transferred. You came up to visit for a week."
"Nobody heard from you, Ben. For all of Canada's policies on politeness, nobody gave up jack-shit about where you were. Nobody at the Consulate, nobody up in Canada would give me any information. Vecchio didn't know shit and you know how much I enjoy talking to him. I kept thinking, 'If he would just call me, we can work this out.' Nothing for a year… and then out of the blue, you show up on my doorstep. I realize now, that it wasn't your fault, but at the time... I was so mad at you." Ray folded his hand together and twirled his thumbs nervously. "I should have probably gone up there myself, but we were swamped with work and I was out of vacation time. Ever since Welsh retired, the new guy is a stickler for following policies." Ray took his mug in between his hands and spun it around slowly.
On the other side of the table Fraser remained silent, taking in and processing all of Ray's words.
"I thought our whole partnership had been ruined because I said I couldn't stay with you. I didn't know. Did our quest mean nothing, did all of those nights buried under our sleeping bags mean nothing to you because if they did… you wouldn't have let me go that easily. I guess things work out for a reason. If I would have stayed, what would have happened to Travis? Sorry. It's just hard to let go of a year of bottled up anger."
"I understand and I don't blame you for being angry." Fraser caught Ray's gaze, blue eyes sympathetic and sincere. "I'm really sorry. I would never intentionally hurt you. I wish there was a way to go back... I would have come with you instead."
"Really?" Ray felt his chest unclench. The tension from that whole year of bottled up bitterness started to float away.
Fraser nodded, "Yes, in a heartbeat. I too at the time didn't realize how much I needed you in my life. " He turned his head slowly and stared once again at the engraved dates, broken memories slowly knitting themselves together. "You forgot the most important one on here."
"Oh yeah? Which one's that? Because I'm pretty sure I have all the important ones on there…. first time I called you 'Ben', when we set off on our adventure, first time we uh..." Ray picked his spoon up and tapped it nervously on the napkin. "You know, the first time we…"
Fraser blushed and slid his hand across the table, settling it on top of Ray's, stilling the nervous gesture. "I remember that one. No, you forgot the one where I came back."
"What are we doing here, Ben?" Ray asked as he tentatively dropped the spoon, turning his hand over and locking his own fingers with Fraser's.
"I came here on a mission to tell you how I feel, how I've always felt. I'm worried I came too late."
"It's not too late, Ben. I'm still here." Ray unraveled his fingers and stroked the inside of Fraser's wrist with his thumb. "I'm still me… and I was hoping after I kissed you last night, you'd realize too, that l have these feelings I've kept buried as well, for too long. That's never changed."
"I have many regrets over the years, Ray." Fraser admitted in a low tone. "Things I should have told you. And who knows? Maybe I did and just don't remember. Since the accident, I don't necessarily remember everything."
"How about you tell me whatever it is you need to tell me, and I'll let you know if you've ever told me before."
"I miss you," Fraser squeezed Ray's hand. "More than words can express…" Fraser's voice trailed off and he gazed out the window with a troubled frown. Outside, an elderly lady was waving her walking stick and looking distressed. Fraser stood, his train of thought completely derailed. "If you'll excuse me, I'll be back in a flash."
"What the hell, Fraser!" Ray threw his hands in the air in frustration as Fraser quickly ran towards the front of the diner. Fraser was up and out of his seat as if the last few minutes either didn't matter or suddenly scared the shit out of him to finally reveal. "Seriously, you're leaving in the middle of this conversation?" Ray remained seated, completely appalled. Just when they were finally getting somewhere, just when Fraser was finally saying something that mattered, what does he do? Runs away. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." The door swung shut behind Fraser. "Shit." Ray swiveled in his seat, watching his partner's departing back. "I knew this was too good to be true," Ray muttered under his breath. "That's it," he said, turning to snatch his cell phone and keys off the table top. "Maybe he does have feelings for me too, but dammit the first time we actually sit and talk about it, he's up and running away. What could possibly be more important than this?" He cocked his head at the young couple in the next booth, seemingly annoyed at his outburst. "Don't mind me, just getting dumped on again." Ray glanced out the window where the young couple was sitting. A young man was running on the other side of the road with a purse clenched tightly in his fist, Fraser hot on his heels. "Dammit… doesn't he ever learn?"
By the time Ray caught up with Fraser, his partner had one hand twisted in the malfeasant's shirt collar, the purse tucked securely under his arm, and the boy's arms twisted behind his back with his other hand. He was walking him back towards the elderly woman, who was still shaking her cane in the air. The kid, barely into his teens, tall and lanky was twisting unsuccessfully, trying to break loose from Fraser' solid grasp.
"Hey, you're not a cop. You can't arrest me," he screamed in Fraser's face. "You didn't read me my rights. I didn't do nothin'."
"You're completely right," Fraser said, his face a picture of calm, despite the boy's ranting. "I can't arrest you. But my friend here can." Fraser nodded at Ray's approaching figure. "And if I were a betting man, I'd say that this purse belongs to this lovely lady right here." He smiled at the woman and handed the purse back to her. She took it graciously and promptly smacked the young boy in the head with it. Fraser turned the boy away from the woman's flailing arms. "I assure you, Ma'am, the subject is completely subdued. There is no cause for… ow." He flinched when one of her shots went wide and caught him in the side of the head.
"Young kids these days have no respect and need to be taught a lesson." She whacked the kid in the shoulder this time to prove her point.
Ray stepped in before the woman could hit the kid or Fraser again. "Okay, Lady, we have this situation under control." He identified himself and flashed his badge in both the kid's and the lady's face when she raised her purse to hit him. "I'd think twice before you do that."
Ray rolled his eyes when Fraser pushed the kid in his direction. Only Fraser could ruin a perfectly good conversation by playing the hero and running off after a purse snatcher. Nothing's changed... sixteen years and Fraser could still find a way to avoid finishing important conversations.
After the situation was over, the purse snatcher under arrest and the victim comforted, Ray looked at Fraser.
"I have to pick Travis up at school in thirty minutes." He hooked his thumb over his shoulder towards the diner. "I'm going to go settle up the bill with Betty. Wouldn't want her to think I'm going to stiff her for two coffees."
Fraser placed a hand lightly on Ray's elbow, stopping him before he could walk back to the diner. "Ray, please, I'd like to finish our conversation."
"You're not gonna run out on me again?"
Fraser shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "Well, if there is a crime being committed within our vicinity, I would feel obligated to assist…"
Ray silenced his rambling partner with a single finger over his lips. "I'm just messing with you, duty first. I get it. Let's go pay Betty before she calls the cops on us. What do you say we dust off the Goat and take it for a spin before we get Travis?"
"I'd like that," Fraser replied. There was still hope for them yet.
Ray eased the GTO into a parking space at the park. It was empty for the middle of the week and Ray was grateful that he and Ben would be able to talk without having to worry about keeping track of Travis in amongst a bunch of other screaming children. The trees were full of bright oranges and yellows, all the colors and smells of autumn. Travis ran ahead to the slides, kicking up the fallen leaves as his little feet hit the earth.
"He loves it here." Ray smiled fondly as he followed Travis with his eyes to the slides. "I try and bring him a couple times a week after school and on the weekends. You know, try and keep things as normal as I can for him. We've got a ways to go, but we're getting there."
Fraser grinned wide when Travis slid down the slide, arms high in the air, feet stretched out in front of him, laughing the whole way down. "I meant what I said back at the diner, Ray. I do miss you. Crazy how it has taken so much time for me to finally realize that you are what I want."
Ray kicked at the fallen leaves crunching under his feet. He dropped his head and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. His voice was quiet and somber. "I can't leave, Ben. It would be too hard on Travis."
"I'm not asking you to leave." Fraser pulled his partner to a stop with a soft touch to the elbow. "I'm asking if I can stay."
Ray turned and faced Fraser. He slid his sunglasses to the top of his head before slipping his arms around Ben's neck and lacing his fingers together tightly. No way was he letting the Mountie go this time. Fraser wrapped his hands around Ray's waist and pulled him close.
Ray leaned forward and brushed his lips across Ben's. "I'll help you remember the rest of those dates and how well we fit together."
"Promise?"
"Promise. And we'll make some new dates too. Starting with today."
Starting today. Oh my... Fraser let his fingers tangle through Ray's hair, and tugged his head towards him. Ray's mouth opened, eagerly, and Fraser, no… Ben… leaned into the kiss, feeling like he was coming home. Like Ray was the one buddy- breathing, pouring life back into him.
When the kiss broke they took a step back and stared at each other. Ray's eyes were glittering and glad, his lips shiny, a smile spreading over him. Ben could feel the same smile spreading all over him too. Beside them they could hear Travis singing to an imaginary friend, all around them the small noises of trees, the birds, coming to life all around them.
"We need to figure out how to keep Travis in his own room at night," Ray joked aloud.
Ray, always more forthright and pragmatic than Fraser. For a guilty moment Ben considered his Grandparents' solution when he'd been that age… bolt his bedroom from the outside. But of course it didn't have the desired effect. It just focused his young self on escapology, and caused more trouble than it was designed to solve.
"We could get him a pet," Ben mused. "A little friend of his own, that he would want to share a room with."
"First stop on the way home, pet store." Ray dropped his sunglasses over his eyes. He twined his fingers together with Ben's as he took hold of his hand and walked towards the swings and a giggling Travis.