"Bella!" Alice yelled through the house.
"Yes?"
"It's time to go shopping!"
"Since when?"
"Since I said so, duh!"
"Nah, I don't feel like it."
"What? No, no, no, you don't seem to understand. We're going shopping, whether you like it or not."
"Alice. . . I'm not going." Bella sighed, rubbing her temple, starting to develop a headache from all of the damn pixie's shouting.
Alice appeared from around the corner and came to stand in front of the couch that Bella was sitting on. She took Bella's print copy of My Immortal from her hands, and placed it on the coffee table.
"Bella. We're going shopping. Besides, you need to get a new dress for the dance tonight."
"I'm not going to the dance tonight." Bella quirked an eyebrow at her pseudo-sister.
"Uh, yes you are, Bella Barbie."
"For the last time, I'm not your fucking doll. Now leave me alone, if you're just going to bug me about shopping."
"What has gotten into you?! You're being so difficult!"
"Not really."
"Yeah huh," Alice said, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout.
"No. . . I just don't want to go shopping or dancing. You are the one who is refusing to leave me alone about it."
"Fuck you!"
Bella did not reply, merely reaching around Alice's legs to grab her not-really-a-book-book. She opened it to her page and resumed reading. Or, rather, she tried to, as Alice began letting out a high pitched screech.
Alice screeched.
And screeched.
And screeched.
And screeched.
And screeched.
And continued screeching, until the narrator got tired of typing the word screeched. But it wasn't Alice who willingly stopped screeching. Oh, no. Someone made her stop.
Paul burst through the wall, in his wolf form, and tore Alice's head off. Which, of course, promptly made the sound stop. He had heard the sound all the way from the reservation, and it was made his imprint, Carolina, develop a headache, so he decided to search out the source of the noise and end it.
Bella, immersed in My Immortal, did not look up.
However, every other member of the Cullen clan rushed to the scene and tore apart Paul, who, unlike Alice, could not heal from dismemberment.
This caused THE GREAT WERE-PIRE WAR OF 1533, and everyone in the wolf pack, as well as all the vampires of our beloved Forks, died from dehydration. (What happened to the imprints, you ask? The imprints died when a minecraft creeper blew them up.)
All throughout this, Bella (who had remained a human throughout this ordeal) sat perfectly still, reading about da goffick adventures of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (or maybe it was Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way).
Don't ask me how she turned the pages to the not-really-a-book-book while sitting perfectly still. I don't know.