Korra looks up at the moon.
It wasn't the wisest idea coming out here at night without informing anyone. Despite being the Avatar, she has come to realise that she isn't invincible. But she can't sleep, the passing of Master Katara some nights ago still haunting her. She isn't sure if this is because of her own attachment to the waterbending master or if some part of it has to do with Aang. But, naturally, the passing is affecting her. She knows it would take her some time to mourn. But she decided to come here for comfort, just as she had when Amon had taken her bending away from her and left her struggling with a huge loss.
However, what haunts her more than the passing itself is what had happened on Katara's last night with them. It wasn't like her death had taken them by surprise. She had grown weak and had been in bed rest weeks before her passing. Tenzin, Bumi, and Kanna had tried everything they can to restore her health, but Katara had accepted her fate graciously. "My fourth grandchild," she had once said contently, confusing everyone in her room. Yet, it didn't stop anyone else from worrying. Even Firelord Zuko had flown in from the Fire Nation that night.
Korra had worried. Despite having better control of her emotions and gaining more patience, she was still deeply upset by the situation. Everyone had been asked to leave the room once Firelord Zuko stepped in to see the bedridden waterbender. Although they had not spoken much to Korra's knowledge, it is known that they both worked together to end the 100 year war and had become good friends. So, everyone had agreed to leave the two friends alone. Still on edge and not knowing what else to do, Korra had decided to meditate. But unable to control her despair, she had found herself unable to control her spiritual abilities.
Suddenly, the Avatar had found herself in a corner in Katara's room, unnoticed, with the old Firelord sitting next to the bedridden Katara. The two old friends had sat in silence. Zuko had been the first to break the silence.
"I'm so sorry, Katara," he began. "I-"
"Don't apologize, Zuko," the waterbender interrupted him. "I knew it was time. Aunt Wu had predicted I would pass soon after my fourth child came into this world." She spoke slowly and quietly, her voice weaker than before. However, it was surprising to hear her speak for so long without coughing. It gave Korra some false hope.
"That's not why..wait, Aunt Wu?" the firebender said. "Stop, don't explain. You're too-"
"Don't you start treating me like that, too!" Katara responded with a ferocity that surprised Korra. She hadn't heard such strength in her voice for some time.
Zuko looked down. "I just…It's not the best time to say this, but…I…" he broke off, still avoiding Katara's eyes. Korra was intrigued. The waterbender's face softened as she reached out and placed her frail right hand over his left one.
"Zuko…" she said tenderly. Upon hearing her call his name, the firebender looked up, staring into the cerulean eyes clouded with age. Korra thought she saw his eyes tear up, but she couldn't be certain from her distance. But she dared not move closer.
"I love you, Katara," he whispered. "I have. All these years."
The room was silent for a few moments.
Korra didn't know what to feel. This conversation was not meant for her ears. But, try as she might, she was unable to leave the room.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Katara said as she broke the silence. Her fingers curled around his hand instead of just resting on top of it, an act that would have taken much effort.
"I…I thought it would be better this way," he began. Zuko was never good with words unless he had rehearsed his speeches, but they seemed to have poured out easily that night. "I had a nation to rule and you had your duties. Being with you might not have been the best idea for the world. Anyway, how could you possibly love me, after all I had done back then?"
Korra didn't think it possible, but she thought Katara's face softened even more. "Oh Zuko, didn't you ever suspect I might have loved you , too?" Korra felt her stomach drop. She really shouldn't be in here. She desperately tried to leave, knowing this conversation was too intimate for her ears. However, she couldn't bring herself to interrupt them. She knew this may be the last conversation Katara might have…and she was a tiny bit curious.
"At times, I thought maybe…but I convinced myself it was impossible. Besides, you had Aang. Good, pure Aang. The Avatar …"
"I cared for him a lot, Zuko. I had some feelings, I guess. He was so kind and considerate. But even then, it was you that I loved. I just thought we could never be together..Had I known…"
"Would you have chosen to be with me?"
"I… I don't know…Toph and Suki thought you might have…I just never thought you actually did…" Katara started to ramble, an amazing feat after what Korra had witnessed all week.
"Of course not. I really don't see how you could possibly love me after all I had done to you. I was just glad you would be my friend. I could not ruin that." Korra couldn't tell if there was a trace of bitterness in Zuko's voice or not.
"I love you, Zuko. Even more because of what you've done. I've had the honour of seeing how much you've grown. Despite all that you've been through." Katara said between breathy pauses. "I have loved that man you- "
"Well..People change, you wouldn't have loved me for long…I would have messed up somehow." Korra never knew the Firelord could be so insecure. He had always seemed so powerful and self-assured. It seems even the elders have their issues.
"Yes, they grow..I was afraid of us not working out…But I see the man you are now…I loved the man you were then…and I love the man you've become. Aang has a special place in my heart. He is the father of my children. But it's you, Zuko. It has always been you, you stubborn firebender… I just wish- No, do you really want to argue right now?"
After a brief pause of contemplation, Zuko blurted out, "I haven't stopped loving you. I just got better at hiding it…Some people suspected things. But I learned to hide it. I couldn't risk more violence. And I certainly couldn't risk losing you. I thought I could at least still have you in my life as just my friend."
"Hmmm," Katara said. "Just friends."
"I guess being just friends didn't help much, did it? We've barely spoken." Zuko chuckled. "I'm sorry"
Katara smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Korra knew it wasn't from her declining health. She felt her heart break for both benders, Aang, and, for some reason, herself.
After another moment of silence, Zuko repeated himself.
"I'm sorry." I love you.
And to that, Katara responded with a "me too." I love you, too.
…followed by a "my powerful bender".
And as Katara had closed her eyes, Korra had been whisked back into her body. Her gut had tightened upon itself and she had risen with a panic. "Master Katara!" She had burst into the adjacent room with her friends and family following her.
And there sat Firelord Zuko, unaware of his surroundings, holding Master Katara's hand as she drew her last breath.
When the memory ends, Korra remains silent. She didn't tell anyone about it. Not after Katara's passing, not after the funeral, and certainly not after Zuko chose to remain in the Southern Water tribe a few days after Katara's burial. This is something she would take with her to the grave, just as Katara had done and as the Firelord will undoubtedly do. She can't help but feel an incredible sadness for the two old benders.
The conversation also has her thinking about her own life. Katara had mentioned being afraid of being with someone, afraid it wouldn't work. But she had also mentioned how people change and grow. Korra had made decisions based on a similar fear. She wasn't miserable, but she wasn't completely happy, either. Maybe her waterbending teacher had unknowingly taught her something during her last minutes in the world. If not, she had at least convinced Korra to address some difficult questions. Korra's mind is still not at rest, but she decides to turn around and head back home. The sun rose a few minutes ago and the others would be waking up soon. They would worry if they didn't find her, even if she is the Avatar. When she turns around she meets a pair of golden eyes, just as she had years ago after Aang had restored her bending. The same pair of eyes that had been haunting her in many of her recent dreams. The same pair of eyes she knows she would never stop loving.
AN: Oh my, this feels weird. Hi! I'm back. I got busy over the years and stopped doing anything creative. It was a dumb thing to do and it made me miserable. But, I decided to try my hand at writing again, not that I wrote much to begin with. So, I apologize for the babyish writing. However, I'm hoping to evolve as a writer. So, I would love some constructive feedback. Also, what better way to start with a fic for my ultimate ship.