Jem had been and would always be his greatest sin, the one person Will had gotten close to, the one person he'd doomed to death only because he'd known Jem was going to die anyway. It was a cruel thing to do, and yet he'd been so lonely that he could hardly resist the company of another soul he knew to be tarnished, cursed, another soul that would wither before Will could destroy it entirely.
Jem had been an escape route in their youth, in that way.
Somehow, though, he'd become a beacon, a bright light in the darkest of times, a comforting gesture and wise words to lift his spirits when nothing else would. Jem had become his hope, his brightness, the warm part of his soul that he himself was apparently lacking, and the brother he'd always yearned for. And when Tessa had come along, years later, it had taken every ounce of willpower he'd had not to sweep her off her feet and confess his undying love, instead opting to be cold and callous as he knew he had to be, as he could only ever be to everyone else but Jem.
Then, when Jem's sickness worsened, when he realized Jem was falling for Tessa just as surely as he had, when he knew that all was lost, Will held steadfast to the knowledge that Jem was with him, always (his parabatai, his family, his friend). Jem would never leave him, despite the immense ache within his chest at the broken connection between them, despite the tears on Tessa's face as he told her of Jem's death, despite the hood of that odd Silent Brother as the light caught its pale material while it fell back to reveal Jem's familiar, runed face.
Jem was with him, would never leave him, for all the years to come.
That was how the world worked; your sins forever haunted you.
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