Courage
Felix squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in his pillow, hoping that the person knocking at his door would give up and leave.
No such luck.
The pounding became so insistent that Felix let out a long sigh and staggered from his bed, tripping through his horribly clean apartment and to the entrance. He pulled the screwdriver out and slid open the door to find the very same woman who turned his apartment sterile.
"Hello, Alison," he yawned.
"Afternoon," she said, her tight smile disappearing as she took in his pajamas and ruffled hair. "Did… did I wake you up? Felix, it's three in the afternoon!"
"Yeah, but I only got in five hours ago," he walked back inside, which Alison took as an invitation for entry, though Felix didn't mean it to be. He flopped onto his mattress as Alison closed the door. "Now. Why is there a living, breathing alarm clock standing in my flat?"
"Oh, I don't know," Alison replied, trying and failing to strike a casual pose against the wall. "Just in the neighbourhood, thought I'd stop by."
"You're lying," Felix accused, rolling over to face her. "I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine you coming downtown for no reason."
"I don't need to explain myself to you."
"Fine. Whatever."
Felix shut his eyes and willed his hangover and the soccer mom to leave him alone. Of course, both were far too stubborn.
"I'm bored," Alison admitted, as Felix knew she would say. "I need a distraction from... things. I thought, I don't know, you might like to, possibly do something. With me."
Felix sighed. He had a rule when it came to people, no matter what his relationship with them might be: always make it appear like you are disinterested. Unless their name happened to begin with 'Sarah' and end with 'Manning'.
"Well, you'll have to entertain yourself," he sniffed, ignoring the way Alison's eyes spread wide and filled with hurt. It was the look his sister had shot him when she wanted the last bite of cake when they were kids. A look he never could say no to.
Oh, shit.
With a sigh, he rolled off the bed and jumped to his feet. "Alright. I'm not leaving the area today, I'm far too tired. We're going to stay in Kensington Market."
"Okay," Alison replied slowly, as if waiting for a catch. "Now?"
"Yes, now, I don't want you hovering around in my flat all day, especially after what happened last time."
Half an hour later, Felix decided that he was presentable enough to be seen in public and led Alison out of the building. They crossed Spadina and entered the actual Market.
As soon as Alison stepped into the bustling avenues, she was assaulted by too many sounds and smells to name. People of all ages chattered as they walked carefree on the roads. The shops kept their doors and windows open, filling the streets with lingering scents of fresh fish, sugary treats and musky incense.
Felix grabbed Alison by her shirtsleeve and pulled her onto the road. "Come on, I'm half-starved."
There were no cars on the road, but the foot traffic made walking a slow endeavor.
"Why are the streets closed?" Alison called to Felix, jumping out of the way of two little girls on skateboards.
Felix turned and looked at her like she was daft. "It's Kensington. On a Sunday. Of course the streets are closed. God, Alison, Scarborough has totally rotted your brain."
"I'll have you know that I used to come to the Market all the time," Alison retorted, finally catching up.
"Yeah? How old were you last time you were here?"
"Um. Twelve."
"Frankly, I'm surprised you'd eat something like this."
Felix scooted forward on his plastic stool and unwrapped the silver paper from his burrito. "They aren't exactly to my taste, I admit," the heavily tattooed cool shot Felix a glare. "But Sarah loves this place, and maybe your taste buds are cloned."
Alison stared at the mess of taco salad that had been laid before her in a styrofoam bowl. It smelled vaguely edible, but looked far from pleasing. But Big Fat Burrito appeared to be a popular place to eat.
"Here goes nothing," she murmured to herself and dug her plastic fork into the meal.
"Oh my god. Felix, this is incredible!"
"What's that?" Alison pointed to a tiny building as they strolled through the Market.
"Huh? Oh," Felix kept walking. "That's Courage, My Love. I don't think you'll like it."
"No, no," Alison whispered more to herself than too her friend. "Let's go in."
Without waiting for Felix she crossed the road and jogged up the front stairs. Bells jingled merrily as she pushed open the front door. A smile tugged at her lips as she admired the store.
Courage, My Love was narrow, but much longer than it appeared. The lights were lit only dimly, the customers spoke in hushed voices, as if concerned about disturbing the store's aura.
She stepped forward and ran her bitten fingernails through a basket of beads and buttons. Some looked like the extras found on new pairs of jeans, while others looked like they had fallen off an article of clothing decades ago.
Behind Alison, Felix watched her with a curious stare as she looked at everything with obvious admiration.
Alison stepped towards a shelf where scarves hung in a colourful tangle. She reached forward and tugged on one the colour of red wine. It fluttered into her open arms and she wrapped it around her neck. She turned to the mirror and pulled her hair out of its ponytail.
The scarf made her look beautiful.
The scarf made her look like Beth.
She felt her eyes burn with unshed tears and she turned quickly in case Felix was watching. But of course he was.
The clicking of his boots warned of his approach and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly.
"This looks stupid on me," she told him, trying to keep the panic from her voice. She began to tug the fabric from her neck. "I don't know what I was thinking, it's not my style and it smells like someone else's sweat and-"
"You're crying," Felix accused, not unkindly.
"No, I'm not," Alison brushed angrily at her eyes.
"Well, I think you should buy it," Felix told her. His voice was no longer gentle, and it made Alison feel normal again. "When you wear it, you look a just a little bit less like you got lost on your way back to Suburbia."
Alison smiled and put the scarf back on.
"Thanks for accompanying me today."
"Anytime. But not actually anytime."
Alison wore her purchase home. She crept through the living room where Donnie was watching hockey.
"You look nice, honey," he told her, hardly turning from the screen.
"I don't want to look nice for you," she whispered, digging her fingernails into the flesh of her palms. "I wish I could look nice for Beth."
"What's that?"
"Nothing, Donnie. Just watch your game."
Note: One of my favourite things about Orphan Black is that it's not only set and filmed in Toronto, where I live, but Felix lives in one of my very favourite parts of the city. All the landmarks mentioned are real places. If you ever are in Toronto, I highly recommend visiting Kensington Market.