A/N: *THROWS SHITTY DIRKJAKE AT YOU AND HIDES IN CORNER*
Here is where I roll off excuses for my absence but really honestly I am planning a chaptered fic at the moment, Janey-centric because she's the fucking bomb. I've also written loads of completely awful johndave that doesn't even deserve to see the light of day, so yeah don't hate me please.
ALSO: I have an account on AO3 now! So, expect most of my updates to come from there - it's where I'll be posting the chaptered fic, whenever I feel its ready to be released into this world.
Disclaimer: Hussie owns, but you knew that.
Features my personal favourite dirkjake headcanon that Jake likes Dirk way more than he lets on.
Your name is Jane Crocker, and being in love hurts.
Okay, well you wouldn't go as far as to say you are in love with Jake English, only that you think he is really rather handsome and dashing and dreamy and reminds you of one of those handsome heroes that grab their love interest at the last minute of the movie at the height of suspense when the building is about to collapse, and use the most improbable tools possible to swing themselves out and to safety.
You won't lie, you like to imagine yourself as the swooning heroine.
But, while you may not be in love, you would go as far as to say Jake was, even if he didn't quite realize it. As much as you wish you were the object of his affections like he is yours, but if you were right (and let's face it, you usually are) Jake English is in love with Dirk Strider.
Really, it's quite obvious, and if Dirk wasn't such a dumb genius then he might turn AR off once in a while and actually have a conversation with the guy. (It's all you've been hearing from Jake for the past week. You fail to mention that you've encountered AR all of twice, not wanting to upset him even more.)
(You still have yet to tell Dirk to talk to him though, even though you promised Jake you would mention it to him the next time you spoke. Funny, that.)
Now, you aren't one of those selfless girls with no backbone and caves under the slightest pressure, taking your horse out of the race (no matter how far behind it may be) so your best friend can have the guy, and a strange part of you wishes that you were. You love Dirk, maybe not in the same way you love Jake, but you want whats best for him and you really just want him to be happy, and you know Jake will do that.
Your pride has always your downfall, and you think it always will be.
You sigh and lift your head from the crooks of your elbows at the chime your computer makes, letting you know you are being pestered.
Jakes chumhandle flashes up on the screen.
- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 14:17 -
GT: Jane!
GT: Jane we have a problem!
As much as you love being the one Jake talks to about his little problems, you find you really aren't in the mood for a long winded moan and groan and desperate whine for attention from him right now.
You internally scold yourself for being so rude and type out a reply.
GG: Are you quite alright, Jake?
It takes a while for him to answer.
GT: Crocker, it seems we have a diddlydarn problem.
GG: We?
GT: Well,
GT: me.
GG: Care to share?
GG: I can hardly help if I don't know the situation! :B
GT: Alright.
GT: Im only telling you because i trust you jane.
GT: Do you promise not to laugh at what i am about to say?
GG: Jake!
GG: I am offended.
GG: I am not the sort of girl who laughs at other's problems!
GT: I know you arent.
GT: Sorry.
GT: Its just
GT: this is a little strange, is all!
GG: Jake, in the nicest way possible,
GG: You have told me some pretty strange things over these years!
GT: I know!
GT: And you are a top notch friend for listening to me!
GT: Which is why you are the first person i feel i should come to with a problem like this.
He is silent for a while, and you are just about to type in something along the lines of 'Oh, just spit it out you stupidly handsome boy, I know you're in love with Dirk because really, who out of our group isn't?' when a new line of green text appears.
GT: I think i might like dirk.
GT: Like
GT: a bit more than friendship.
GT: A bit more like love, actually.
GT: Is that weird?
The proud, selfish part of you wants to tell him that yes, it is wrong and it's awful and that he should just give up because there is no way Dirk feels the same because he's far too cool to fall in love, and that he should just fall for you instead because you two would be so happy together, with a white picket fence around your four bedroom house complete with front and back garden, two kids, a little boy and girl with unavoidable buckteeth and absolutely atrocious eyesight, maybe with one on the way, gender still unknown, featuring you as the PTA mom that made the best cookies and cakes for the school bake sale and him as the fabulous fatherly figure who managed his son's football team and drove his daughter to her ballet class every Thursday, and it hurts more than you would care to admit that the guy you have pined after for most of your adolescent life would rather be with a guy than you and that you'll never have this little life you've planned out in all of five seconds.
Then you breathe and realise even if you do tell him that it's weird and that Dirk doesn't and never will feel the same, there is no way to make him fall for you. And then you realise that instead of making three kids unhappy, you could take the selfless route and make two idiotic boys ecstatic, and leave you to nurse a broken heart, because you like to be honest with yourself and that is as honest as it gets.
It wasn't really a choice, in the end.
GG: No, Jake.
GG: It's not strange at all.
GG: As long as you are sure you feel this way about him?
GT: Jane i have been over it in my head a million trillion times!
You don't doubt he has.
GT: I am pretty sure these fucking things are here to stay.
GG: Well, if you're sure,
GG: I don't see why you shouldn't tell him so.
GT: But jane!
GT: He wont feel the same, will he?
GT: I don't want to mess up our friendship!
GT: Hes my best friend!
Actually, he's mine, you think.
GG: Jake, trust me when I say that I know our mutual friend Strider better than you think.
GG: Go for it.
GT: You think?
GG: I know.
GG: Go get 'em, tiger.
- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 15:09 -
Your name is Jane Crocker, and being in love hurts.
A/N: I'M SORRY DON'T LOOK AT ME.