[Incoming Transmission]
Just a little piece that I wrote to basically sum up my frustrations with the Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon game. I mean, I've been playing for a couple hours and it's STILL feeding me the clunkiest story I've ever come across in a game, I STILL am not in a rescue team with my partner, and to top it all off, my partner is a hardened criminal! At least you get framed in the first two games before the police crack down on you! But enough about me.
Fair warning, though, it's moderately cracky and I suppose it can be viewed as spoilers for Ripples... but you didn't hear that here.
Without further ado, I give you...
Pokémon Mystery Dungeon and the Completely Unnecessary Sequel
"I'm sorry, you want me to do what?"
"Ye go' ta go ta schoo'! Yer jus' a li'l ki'."
I frowned. "And why should I? I know how to use attacks, navigate a mystery dungeon, and eat food - things that I knew how to do before you explained them to me unnecessarily, I might add. With those skills alone I could probably survive something like… pfft, I don't know… all of time suddenly failing to work properly and freeze up, needing to obtain a bunch of heavily-guarded magical artifacts in order to fix time, and getting abducted to the future by evil future-henchmen who don't want me to fix time because if I did then the future they live in would cease to exist as would they along with it."
The weird nuzleaf smiled at me in a patronising manner. "Now how'd ya come up wi' tha' ideer?"
I looked the nuzleaf that was clearly trying too hard to sound like an American hillbilly square in the eye and said, "I 'come up wi' tha' ideer' because I've done that already. I live a fulfilling life as a badass lucario with my beautiful partner Ninetales and our son Manaphy and save the world a couple times and what do I get? Reincarnated as a fucking frog, of all things, and told that I have to go to school to learn all the stuff I already know."
I was in a proper ranting fit now, my voice rising as I continued. "This is bullshit! This is the reason that nobody likes unnecessary sequels! That's why everybody who'd seen the originals hated Episodes I-III! And this!"
I gestured angrily at a nearby sentient pile of garbage, which slunk away to avoid my almost palpable rage.
"This is the reason that GameFreak should just stop! That Spike Chunsoft should just stop! There are no ideas left for this franchise! I mean, look at me. I'm a frog that evolves into a ninja. Well you're a discount Deku Scrub that evolves into a ninja! Your design isn't original, mine is less so, and now I have to go to school for an indeterminate amount of time because the developers couldn't think of something better to do for the opening! I bet that the story is going to be so full of 'unexpected' plot twists that you could make a highly successful pretzel store that only sold the flavour 'plot!' Do! Something! Original!"
I was panting heavily, glaring at the imbecilic dark/grass type.
"...So… ye don' wan' ta go ta schoo'?"
Needless to say, the fire- and fighting-type moves that I had learned in my previous life were extremely useful.
[Transmission Terminated]