Disclaimer: I don't own SAW.
A/N: Hey al, here's another one shot starring our Amanda! This one is post SAW 1 and pre- SAW 2, so hope you like it!
She didn't know what was happening to her, she didn't know why.
John had told her because it was she was the one who had the will to survive. She had been chosen by her own will to take this path. Did she really want it though? That was the question she asked herself every time she heard those cries of agony from those two men, felt Adam struggle under as she put him out of his misery, or so she hoped.
Did she want to do this anymore? She didn't know.
Amanda walked down the hallway, back towards the room that John had practically barricaded himself in after he walked out of the bathroom. He had done what needed to be done, she supposed, so why did it feel so…wrong? Had she just murdered Adam in cold blood?
Amanda shook her head as she knocked on the door to where John was sitting, the roll of plastic wrap still in her hand. She quickly discarded it by throwing it back down the hall and raking a hand through her grubby choppy hair that she had only washed that morning, though it felt like months ago.
"Enter Amanda." It almost sounded like he was bored. She went in, only to find him almost doubled over, a handkerchief to his mouth, so the two men weren't the only ones that had lost quite a bit of blood. Amanda looked to the monitor that held the bathroom and the pool of blood that was still on the floor. Suddenly, she felt squeamish; she didn't want to know how much of that was real.
"Did you get everything that we might need later? I did have to clean up a few of your messes." John asked, and she looked back to the screen. Both Adam and Dr. Gordon's bodies were gone. In fact, she hadn't seen Dr. Gordon sense she and John put them both in there last night, and waited for them to wake up, she had been off doing the weeks food shopping, leaving John to his game. Her eyes grew wide, but John made no verbal note of it, just a clearing of his throat was enough to bring Amanda back to the present.
"Uh, yeah, I got everything. The tape recorders, the tapes; both DVD and recorder, the TV and that creepy puppet are in the back and ready to go." Her voice sounded detached, far away, was this really what she had become, from average barmaid to this…killer for mercy? John standing shakily broke her thoughts, and then she remembered he needed her to be strong, not to question why just to know that this is what mattered. Maybe, just maybe, she would grow used to this, even like it a little, and then she would know what is was like to wake up the killer inside.
Before John she had little to live for but get high. But now she had someone that depended upon her t get his point across, to save others, while he himself was dying, to try and give them one last chance. If she thought about it, their purpose was not to kill, but to prevent death, but that didn't mean she wouldn't get to like watching people die.
That was what scared her to death. What scared her more though, that John wouldn't make it through long enough to see his newest idea go through. She needed to get to the hospital and get more drugs for him.
So as she helped him into the van, she decided that yes, she would like to do this, even if it wasn't that pretty. That she would get to the point where she could do this and not even blink.
She just hoped that it wouldn't kill her in the process.
Mak: If you all want more to this story, review it and I might do more, but only if you want me to. Hit the button!