characters: Blaine Anderson, Sebastian Smythe
pairing: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
author's note:
Just a short little thing I wrote (unable to sleep and all doped up on flue medicine.)
English is not my native language so I apologize for all and any grammar mistakes.
Trapped
"You didn't answer my question yesterday," the unmistakable playfulness of Sebastian's voice breaks the silence inside this New York hotel room.
"What question?" Blaine asks distractedly, gaze fixed to the ceiling, slight frown marring his gorgeous face.
Sebastian doesn't say anything at first, but takes to watching him with a smile. He knows where his mind is, lost and split between the Warbler's morning performance and the evening finale that still awaits them. He shifts on the bed and turns completely on his side, leaning on his elbow. He chuckles and nudges Blaine with his leg, dragging his foot against his shin.
"What?" Blaine asks again, voice still distant but the moment his eyes lock with the green ones he is immediately pulled to the present and the oh moment of realization sets between them. He feels his cheeks heat up.
Sebastian smirks appreciatively, easy and soft. "Do you still like me?" He can't help it, he likes teasing him.
Blaine is caught, completely caught in the moment. It's in the way he is looking at him, eyes shining with delight and amusement, blending with something more heavy. It's always been like that between them, easy but thick. He closes his eyes for a moment.
"Of course I do," Blaine admits with a smile. He doesn't really know how not to be honest with him. There are layers to their friendship they don't talk about, things that always remain unsaid but there's no point, no need in hiding from this. He can admit this.
He sees Sebastian's eyes flash with surprise and his mouth turns a little, softly. A small smile that doesn't fall nor widens, a small smile that lingers. That makes his eyes gleam. The warmth, glowing and syrupy, is spreading through him, easing him back against the mattress, against his pillow, unwrapping the tension that has settled itself in the lines of his body.
It's the middle of the day, the city outside these walls vast and alive. The bustling noises penetrate through the windows: a sonorous river made of hundreds of human voices, of motorized roars and honks and screeches, all flowing, constantly moving. But Blaine can't hear it, with every second that passes the world outside of them falls away.
"You know I do," he adds with a layer of laughter and shakes his head a little. It's so silly how he can't lie to him. How he doesn't want to. It's odd, their version of friendship. The kind that falls into the more than that category, one that is both complicated and simple.
Sebastian smirks at that. Yes, he does know it. Just as he knows that Blaine sees right through him and what he is trying to push. But he won't push further and they both know that. They're stuck and there's only so much space they can maneuver in. The lines have been drawn.
He sees Blaine blush again and he chuckles as the boy next to him turns his gaze back to the ceiling.
Blaine shifts his body, moves closer to the taller boy. An action made without thinking, without noticing, but there he is, laying on his back so very close, so keenly aware of Sebastian, of his warm, long body beside him. He closes his eyes and swallows. Tries to concentrate on slowing his speeding heart rate. He thinks about how many moments they had already. Quiet ones. Moments filled with laughter, with songs, with sounds of passion. Too many to count, never to be forgotten. He tries to keep himself in the moment, he tries not to think how his lips feel against his own, tries not to think how much he misses being touched by him.
They're trapped by circumstances. Kept apart by the Atlantic Ocean. Westerville. Paris. United States. France. Something hollow and heavy starts spreading behind his chest. He shuts his eyes more tightly, refusing to cry. He feels Sebastian's eyes on him, his gaze caressing him and he whimpers.
"Hey," Sebastian calls to him. He takes a moment but opens his eyes and turns his head to face him. Sebastian is smiling but it doesn't really reach his eyes. Blaine knows him well enough to read guilt so he shakes his head. It's not his fault, it's not anyone's fault really. One more year, Blaine thinks, reminds himself. One more year and they'll have more control over their own lives, they'll be here or in some other city, together. And then they'll talk about things that they don't dare touch, things they can't afford to touch now.
Now Blaine smiles and it's an honest smile because he's looking at this boy who is, apart from everything else, his best friend. The only person that can ground him, slow the world down, make him feel like time doesn't exist. The biggest part of his life. He flew across the ocean for the weekend. Just to see him, just to cheer for him and his own former teammates. Just to be there for him. So Blaine smiles again and his smile grows when he sees Sebastian's face break open as well.
"Don't worry," Blaine offers jokingly, "It's not like I spent my days pining over you." He uses humor as a distraction and he manages to draw a chuckle from Sebastian. He expects him to fire back in the same manner because this is what they do, deflect when there's nothing else for them to do.
But Sebastian doesn't say anything. Instead he cups his face with his one hand, fingers spreading against the skin. Blaine stops breathing and then melts into the touch, closes his eyes and tries not to dissolve. He opens his eyes and his breath catches again when he meets Sebastian's. He's close, so close that he can see the blue swimming inside, he can see gold flecks, can see his own desires and longings. He trembles and then again when Sebastian's thumb brushes his lips and his eyes close. He swallows but then the warm touch of his fingers is gone and he keeps his eyes shut tight. Just for a moment, just a second or two to remind himself that this is all they can have. That anything else will hurt too much.
"Hey," Sebastian calls again.
He inhales and opens his eyes.
"You really shouldn't look at me like that," Blaine says with more humor and lightness than he feels inside.
"Why?" Sebastian asks playfully, doing his best as well to guide them back to a place that is more easy.
But something heavy lingers. Like always. They were never frivolous about each other.
"Because I'm gonna fall in love with you," Blaine smiles and then adds with a smirk, "And neither one of us wants that to happen." Another diversion, another cover up. He closes his eyes again. To hide. He is already in love with him. But he can't say it. Not now. What could that confession do to them now, other than cause hurt?
Sebastian stays on his side, arm under his head, watching him. "You should get some sleep," he says, "You have Nationals to win." He sees Blaine smile and nod. He shifts even closer and Sebastian reacts immediately by moving closer as well. Pillows overlapping, foreheads touching, breaths mingling.
He stays awake, watching Blaine sleep. His heart flutters anxiously, an uneven rhythm spelling out his biggest fear; that Blaine will never love him.
"I hope you do fall in love with me," he whispers when Blaine's breathing evens out. "Because I'm already in love with you."
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the end
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thank you for reading
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if you can, please let me know what you think