--Alright, well, seeing as I got such good responses from the first I have decided to try another. Now I don't just mindlessly read the reviews and move on, I heard what you've said; most prominently some thought the enemies were too easily killed. I won't give you my excuse (not saying I don't have one…cause I do) so in this one I will try to avoid building up on enemies and then letting you down by letting them die in one chapter, also you said the large group of bad guys "Outcasts" by name, looked like they were too easy as well. Admittedly I walked myself into a corner with that battle because I made it a million vs a few and the few had to win hence making it look easy. I will do my best to avoid such inconsistencies. I'd also like to mention in this lengthy author note that I won't be able to update as much as I had for the previous story due to school and whatnot but I will whenever possible, well, here we go, round 2.
Chapter 1
Right, Who Are You?
The group consisted of about ten people, all in grey cloaks and swords sheathed on their hips. They stood in a circle surrounding a single grey-cloaked man with a drawn sword. The man was yelling enthusiastically at the others, telling them about their cause and how righteous it was. How they were the only hope for the safety of the world, the cloaked men cheered in response, swords now drawn and raised in the air.
"We will ride onward toward the enemy!" the leader in the middle exclaimed grandly. "We will show the Shinra Company they cannot deprive us of the Planet!"
"They can take our Lifestream!" yelled a grey-cloaked member, everyone looked at him. "But they cannot take our freedom!"
Everyone looked at him silently.
"Mel Gibson, come on, you guys gotta…forget it."
"Who are you?" demanded the leader of the group.
The mystery man threw off the hood on his cloak, "A guy who's getting a little tired of extremist Cetra Factions that should just learn to stay dead."
"Who are you, stranger?" asked the leader readying his weapon, his henchmen followed suit.
The man threw off the cloak entirely now, he wore a simple black t-shirt and blue jeans that made him stand out starkly compared to the other men in the group.
"A man who needs no introduction," the strangely dressed man said.
"Right," muttered the leader, "who are you?"
The strangely dressed man looked insulted, "A man who needs no introduction…coulda swore I just said that. First Mel Gibson, now you're telling me you don't recognize the Grim Reaper?"
The leader seemed to take an even more defensive stance, "Samael."
"Yahtzee!" Sam yelled. "Someone get the man a cigar!"
"Don't have a cigar," said a female voice from behind the leader, "how about a boot in the face?"
The leader turned and saw a long dark-haired woman in black clothing.
"May I present Tifa," Sam said in a deep voice, "and your impending doom, sweetheart, try not to mess up his face too much."
"I'll see what I can do," Tifa muttered.
"Alright people, here's the ultimatum," Sam said walking calmly through the group of enemies. "You guys put down the sharp things and go back to HappyLand in the Lifestream, everyone goes home with the prize, you stay here, me and that pretty lady over there gotta kill ya, ball's in your court."
"Kill them," the leader said.
"Wrong answer."
The leader immediately went for Tifa and the group went for Sam.
Tifa ducked under a horizontal slash and popped up with an uppercut that sent the leader flying head over heels.
A jagged staff materialized in Sam's right hand from nowhere, the same staff he used to smash an approaching enemy over the head. Then Sam knocked another behind the knees knocking him down. As the enemy sat on both knees Sam tapped him once on each shoulder with the staff.
"I hereby dub thee," Sam smashed him across the face, "unconscious!"
"Sam, behind you!" Tifa yelled.
A sword jabbed straight through Sam's back and out his front, Tifa gasped.
"Now, honestly, was that really necessary," Sam muttered grabbing the blade popping through his stomach and pushing it backward toward the sword holder.
The grey-cloaked man looked on in shock as Sam pushed the blade back out of his back and turned to face him.
"Because I think you could have been a little more considerate with the sword," Sam said, he jabbed the cloaked man in the chest with the sharp end of his staff.
The cloaked man dropped on the ground, dead. Sam stepped over the dead enemy and quickly kicked another enemy in the stomach doubling him over.
"This fighting stuff doesn't get any harder, does it?" asked Sam over to Tifa who was struggling just to dodge the man's attacks. "Maybe we should try singing while fighting, make it more challenging."
"Speak for yourself!" Tifa yelled and sidestepped a narrow miss.
"Alright, I'll just sing then," Sam said, "who's that guy that just won American Idol recently?"
"What?" asked Tifa barely avoiding another attack.
"Rhetorical question, dear, just keep doing what you're doing," Sam said nonchalantly smashing another enemy across the face with his staff. "Maybe some Kid Rock, hey, you could be Sheryl Crow, do a duet!"
"Who?" asked Tifa kneeing the leader in the stomach.
"I put your picture away!" Sam sang as he ducked and knocked two enemies off their feet. "No? Maybe Theory of a Deadman, I know a lot of their…" a grey-cloak smashed Sam from behind with the hilt of his sword, "…well that was just rude! I'm talking about a…" another smash from behind, "…okay, ouch, alright, stop it! I'm serious, that's not nice!"
The grey cloak looked at him in confusion.
"Shiva, explain it to him," Sam said walking away, suddenly the sparkling blue Summon was standing in his place. "Thank you dear, much appreciated. You were always my favourite you know, but don't tell Tifa, she'll get jealous."
Shiva froze the last of his enemies. Sam continued to sing, but was cut off by the roar of a large winged creature floating in front of him, "…Bahamut, buddy…why aren't you in my staff? Tifa, why isn't Bahamut in my staff?"
"How the hell should I know?" she asked in irritation as she ducked under another relentless attack.
"What kind of woman are you? I thought you chicks knew everything," Sam muttered as the Summon reared its head, ready to attack. It was definitely aiming right at him.
Sam raised his staff, "Quick, Bahamut, stat!"
The blast would have hit him but Sam's own Bahamut intercepted the attack.
"Oh yeah, baby," Sam yelled at the enemy Summon, "how ya like them apples?"
As if in response the enemy Summon fired another shot that got past Sam's own Summon.
"Shit," Sam muttered and rolled out of the way, the explosion was near enough to send Sam flying off a few feet and when he got up his clothing was on fire. A normal person would have found this distressing, but Sam, being a bit abnormal, decided to walk back casually while being engulfed in flames.
"You know, this reminds me of a song by The Used I could sing," Sam said sounding a tad annoyed by being on fire. "Bahamut, could you please kill him now?"
Sam's Summon made short work of the enemy Summon and was recalled into the staff.
Sam sang as he danced over to Tifa and the leader, still on fire.
Tifa growled, "Would you quit dancing and help me here?"
"I was just about to do some classic rock," Sam said deciding to pat out the flames calmly. "I'd do Rush but I don't think I could get my voice that high, closer to the hearrrrrtttt. No…see, can't do it."
"Sam!" Tifa yelled.
"Alright, I'm coming, who died and made you Queen?"
Sam walked up behind the leader and stopped, "I demand you to stop attacking the hot brunette."
The leader ignored him.
"You've been warned," Sam muttered, then whistled, "Shiva, here girl, fetch the big dumb bad guy, go get 'im, sic 'em girl, sic 'em!"
The leader was a tall ice cube within seconds.
"I'd say that went well," Sam said smiling.
Tifa muttered something inaudible and shook her head.
Sam smacked the leader in the ice cube and he shattered into a million pieces.
"Well," Sam said, "that's done, let's go."
"How did we get stuck saving the world again?" asked Tifa walking with Sam away from the area where their enemies were now nothing more than small pieces of ice.
"We made this mess with the paradoxes, we have to clean it up," Sam replied. "You're the one who wanted the adventure, beautiful, I offered to take tall dark and shadowy, but that crazy ninja chick wouldn't let me."
"Cloud and Aeris couldn't come out of retirement for this?" asked Tifa.
"They're not entirely under the radar just yet, better they stay in the dark for now," Sam replied, "come on, stop pretending like you don't enjoy this stuff."
"I don't," Tifa replied.
"Don't have a cigar, how about a boot in the face? A person who's not enjoying themselves doesn't come up with a line of that cheesiness easily."
"I thought it was a good line," Tifa said indignantly.
"Yeah, for an episode of Spiderman or something, maybe the old Batman with Adam West," Sam said shaking his head slowly, "but this is an entirely new era. You need new material."
"Do I wanna ask who Adam West is?" asked Tifa.
"You wouldn't get it," Sam replied, "besides; Christian Bale did a much better job."
Tifa took a lesson from Vincent, she said nothing.
"Brighten up," Sam said slapping her playfully on the shoulder, "only one more stop. After that, if you're a really really good little girl, I'll take you to get some ice cream!"
"Shut up," Tifa said walking ahead.
"What?" asked Sam. "You don't like ice cream? Now, I know for a fact all you alive people like ice cream. Don't deny it! You got excited there for a second when Sam said ice cream!"