Life is but a Dream

It was just after sunrise when Karla woke, the pale pink sky visible through the crack in the curtains and smiled when she realized it was going to be a beautiful morning. The wooden floor was cold when her toes touched it, and she shivered as she slipped her silk robe over her arms. It was the middle of April and still very cold in England.

From the sounds of running water emanating from the bathroom, Karla assumed Saul was showering and slipped out of their bedroom door, wandering quietly across the hall into the baby's room. He was already awake, giggling happily as he kicked at his blanket and squeezed his toy bear. Karla's smiled widened and she reached into the crib and lifted him out, cradling him gently against her chest.

He was the most beautiful toddler Karla had ever seen, already blessed with soft dark curls and wide, innocent brown eyes. She pressed kisses to his fat cheeks as she dressed him in a pair of dungarees and a green jumper, and laughed when he kicked his legs as she tried to slip his socks onto his tiny feet.

Dressed, Karla carried him into the kitchen and settled him down on a thick blanket on the floor so that she could start breakfast; although she did glance at him occasionally, shaking her head as he chewed his toes and rolled around.

Saul came into the kitchen just as she was pouring scrambled eggs onto toast. He was cleanly shaved and dressed in a smart shirt and trousers for his lecture. He slid his hands around her waist and rested them on the bump that protruded from her stomach. Their second child together. It was a small bump for almost nine months, but Karla still felt huge.

"Morning," he murmured, pressing several kisses to her cheeks. "How's my girl?"

"Your girl is fat," she complained while smiling. "I can barely see my feet and my clothes don't fit." Karla pouted and Saul laughed.

"You look beautiful." He kissed her again.

"Mmm…" Karla pulled away. "Your breakfast will go cold."

Saul just grinned and scooped their baby off of the blanket, who shrieked and giggled and tried to pull on his father's hair.

"You're going to be a big brother soon," Saul told him. "So you'd better be a good boy today and let you mom rest, we clear."

Their son gurgled and Saul nodded, taking that as a yes.

"I'll take a nap when he does," Karla said quietly, sliding a plate of eggs and toast in front of her husband. She poured him a large mug of coffee and sat down, thought this took her a few moments now that her bump was at it's peak. Saul squeezed her hand.

"Don't forget, I'll be home early tonight," he said. Karla's brows met in confusion. "I said I'd cook you dinner, and I will."

"You don't have to," she insisted. Saul was a terrible cook, unless it involved eggs. But he'd always helped with the household chores and was always ready to fix anything broken and while Karla loved his eagerness, she was reluctant to give up the kitchen as it were. She liked cooking, like to be the one to place a steaming plate in front of her husband when he came home.

"I promised; you deserve a rest - you do so much for us." Saul chuckled as their son tried to reach for his coffee. "Did you want to try some, little one?"

The boy giggled and Karla smiled; she loved seeing her husband and son together. She knew she was the envy of every woman in the neighborhood for having such a loving husband and an adorable son. Her eyes flicked to the kitchen clock.

"You'll be late darling," she said, standing to take his empty plate away. Saul sighed; the closer Karla's due date became, the more reluctant he was to leave her.

"I can stay a little longer," he disagreed, standing also.

"Go!" She ordered, laughing as he placed the baby on the blanket and pulled his wife in for a long kiss. "I won't have it said that Saul Benedict failed his degree because he spent too much time kissing his wife."

Saul pressed a kiss to her forehead and another to her cheek. He ruffled their son's soft, curly hair and, with the promise of dinner later, slipped out the door, jacket on, bag in his arms.

The baby yawned widely, and Karla smiled. "Back to bed for us, I think, darling."

She sang to her son until he was sleeping, and then returned to her bedroom, tossing her robe onto the end of the bed and settling herself onto Saul's side of the bed, hugging his pillow to her. She took a deep breath and sighed as she smelt his shampoo and aftershave. Karla smiled and her eyes slowly drifted shut…

Karla woke with a jolt and then gasped as a sharp pain hit her stomach. Her eyes flew open, hand falling to her waist and sat up, trying to catch her breath. Was it the baby? Was she going into labor now?

Her eyes glanced to the clock and her eyebrows dipped in confusion. And then… she realized. It was a vision. A far too real vision. She wasn't in a bright and airy apartment, married to Saul, mother to his first child and pregnant with his second. She was in Chicago, in a musty and dirty motel room, sharing a bed with her sister. Loretta's elbow had caused the pain by hitting her abdomen.

Karla didn't move for a long time, hardly daring to breathe for fear of forgetting something. After trying to commit every second of the dream she'd just had to memory, she laid back down and fought the urge to scream with frustration. She could feel herself beginning to tremble; a terrible sensation of loss, of disappointment so intense that she started to feel nauseous.

Why did she wake up early? Why couldn't she have slept until Saul came home, so he could kiss her and hug her and she could watch him play with their son again. For a few minutes, if only in a vision, she could have loved the man she longed to be married to. Now that she was awake she could feel the dull ache of hunger in her stomach and tightness in her muscles after being cramped on a bus all day long. Shouldn't she be allowed to enjoy her visions in their entirety, or wasn't she allowed even that small consolation for the realities of her daily nightmares.

She knew from experience of previous visions that those about Saul led to more than just shaking and severe disappointment. Moving slowly, so as not to wake Loretta, Karla slipped her pillow out from under her head and rolled onto her stomach, which was now flat and empty, and pressed her face into the mattress. Then she covered her head with her pillow and gripped it tightly with both hands, desperately trying to muffle the sounds of her sobbing.